fifty shades of sheds

So I found this book in Asda today

Have some extracts:

She stood before me, trembling and naked in my shed. “I’m yours for the night,” she gasped, “You can do whatever you want with me.” So I took her to Nando’s.

We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a wall… but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.

“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. ‘I need to be punished.’ So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

“Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos. “I think so,” I gulped. “Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me the receipt.

“Hurt me!” she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench. “Very well,” I replied. “You’ve got fat ankles and no dress sense.”

“Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!” “Very well,” I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

My body writhed and quivered from the pain. I had learned my next lesson. Never again would I leave an upturned plug on the shed floor.


rockafansky  asked:

TELL ME ABOUT THE BOOK???

OKAY I WILL TELL YOU ABOUT THE BOOK THE BOOK IS AMAZING OKAY OKAY

SO THIS IS THE BOOK:

IT DOES HAVE A STORY LINE ABOUT THE MAIN PROTAG AND HIS ADVENTURES WITH LADY CHRISTINA MELLORS AND HER GARDEN SHED

BUT ITS MOSTLY 

JUST

FANTASTIC

SHED RELATED

INNUENDOS

ITS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL I HIGHLY RECOMMEND GETTING IT

IF YOU WANT IT, YOU CAN GET IT HERE

also, while we’re at it, if you want another FANTASITC AMAZING parody thats 50 000 SHADES BETTER THAN THE ACTUAL BOOK get this one:

I bought this one on impulse while I was waiting for my boyfriend to finish work one day and I was literally sitting outside a huge shopping mall crying and choking on my own spit because this is absolute perfection

GET 50 SHAMES OF EARL GREY HERE

HAVE FUN! ITS SO WORTH IT!

2

SO I FOUND THAT BOOK ON AMAZON
AND THE LIST OF STUFF THAT CUSTOMERS ALSO MOST FREQUENTLY BOUGHT

“FIFTY SHADES OF CHICKEN
“FIFTY SHADES OF BACON
“THE HUNGER PAINS
“FIFTY SHEDS OF GREY”
NIGHTLIGHT”
BORED OF THE RINGS”
“FIFTY SHADES SHADIER
“FIFTY SHADES OF LOUSIA MAY
“FIFTY SHADES OF BLACK AND BLUE
HETALIA: PAINT IT WHITE

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE

“ALICE IN TUMBLR-LAND”