My dad is awesome.
This one is kinda short but I remember feeling amazing despite my age.
So when I was like nine or ten we had just taken a trip to Arizona. At one point we decided to take a drive over the border to Mexico for an evening with an old family friend that had a home there.
All went well, the dinner was lovely. But, the drive back into the US is hell. The line is like fifty miles long of pissed off drivers and flower salesman. Being nine, I somehow didn’t blow my brains out from being so bored we were in line for maybe six hours, and all was going swimmingly. Then this asshole driving in the far right lane (which was reserved for border patrol or something, I assume) suddenly tries to cut in front of us. Everyone is honking but he’s just flipping people off and smirking as he inches his car into the gap inbetween our car the one in front of us.
We had a rental so we could just up and ram his car much as I’d assume we wanted to, so my dad calmly gets out of the car and stands in front of this jerks car. The jerk starts honking his own car. My dad, brilliant as all hell, simply does that guardians of the galaxy middle finger windup to him, then proceeds to do about six or seven other variations on flipping this dude the bird. By now the people in the cars around us are all laughing and pointing at this guy and some of them are even flipping him off too.
All the loud honking had drawn the attention of a border patrol car somewhere up the line, and we heard a honk as it suddenly pulled up next to this guy. The agent got out, saw what was happening, and calmly told the man to go to the back of the line. Which was like a whole six hour wait behind us. Mister asshole decides to start defending himself, and the border patrol agent shuts him up and says “if you were in the wrong here, so many people wouldn’t be laughing at you right now.”
He drove away towards the rear of the line and we comfortably waited five more hours to get back into the US.