fifa wold cup 2014

World Cup tips for non-football fans

Hi there non-football fans! In a few days, as you probably know, the World Cup will start! Us football fans are super happy to share this experience with you! Here are a few tips to better understand this event and how to cope when watching a match with one of your crazy football-fan friends!

  • To you, the World Cup may be a fun social event. To football fans, the World Cup is war. It’s like the hunger games, basically. All that’s missing is a cannon to go off each time a team is eliminated.
  • Don’t be surprised if a football fan doesn’t support the country corresponding to their nationality or where they live. They’re not just doing it to be “hipster” or whatever. They might just follow the team with the most players from their favorite club team or league. 
    Football fan: Go Spain!
    Friend: Um, but you’re Amercian? Shouldn’t you support USA?
    Football fan: Yes but I’m a Barcelone fan, and Spain is practically like, half of Barca.
  • Don’t be surprised if your football friends are very posessive over players belonging to their favorite club during the World Cup.
    Belgian watcher: Wow, that Januzaj kid that plays for Belgium is awesome!
    Man United fan: fuck off, he’s ours.
  • Teams like Spain and Brazil are not the only teams that exist. Watch “little” teams like Greece or USA or whatever for some extra drama. Because you know, in football, you have to expect the unexpected. Drama everywhere.
  • Don’t be surprised about displays of affection from players. Some of these players are great friends and can only play on the same national team every 2-4 years. So they may be overly happy to play together.
    Casual watcher: Um, wtf? Why are those two Germans hugging each other like there’s no tomorrow?
    Football fan: OMG GOTZEUS!!!!! <3
  • Don’t be surprised if your football fan friend nearly has an emotional breakdown during overtime or a penalty shootout. It’s completely normal and they most probably do not need medical attention.
  • Beware the Germans. They are too adorable and will trap you with their cuteness. You’ll watch one game and next you’ll be scrolling through Marco Reus/Erik Durm/Mario Gotze/Mats Hummels/Andre Schurrle tumblr edits for hours on end.

There are my tips! Feel free to add your own tips!

Enjoy the Brazil 2014 FIFA Wold Cup, everyone!