field experience of life

Taken for Granted (pt 5)

As the days pass by, you seriously thought back to what Jin had told you. Was there a future in music for you? You did your fair share of research online, but you realized that nothing would beat real life experience in the music field. Simply looking up career details online wasn’t going to cut it. And to be honest, you didn’t have time to waste trying to find new careers. You wanted to find something that you were passionate about and quick.

But all of that would have to be put on hold though because you’re three months as a manager wasn’t up quite yet. You learned the love all the GOT7 boys, so you were thankful for the experience to get to know them through these three months. But each night, you hand was itching to play some instrument or write a bit of a new song so you couldn’t enjoy your job as a manager one bit.

However, you realized that the bts boys were making their comeback today and you couldn’t help but smile. You hadn’t seen them in person since you started the job and though you kept in touch through texting, you were excited to see the boys after what seemed like years.

As you sat there in the waiting room watching the boys get ready, you realized you still had to keep your job a priority. So as much as you wanted to go see the other boys in their waiting room, you stayed planted on the small couch in this waiting room.

Pretty soon, the boys were called out for their stage and before you knew it, their stage was over as well. When looking at the schedule, you saw the BTS was performing last and you sighed, realizing you could only see them once the music show was over.

Knowing there wasn’t much work needed to be done till the show was over, you stood on the side of the stage when bangtan was finally called to perform. Your eyes lit up when your eyes landed on the seven of them. Man had you missed them.

Namjoon and the rest of the boys were ushered to the stage as they were the last performance before the winner for the week was to be announced. He found out through one of the other boys that you were also on the set today, and his heart sped up knowing that you were in the same building as him after weeks and weeks.

Unfortunately, though, you hadn’t come to visit the boys yet and he was getting anxious to see you. It’s not like he could just text you and ask when you were coming. Hell, he hadn’t talked to you since that night you left him wondering.

As the boys got in formation on stage, Namjoon coincidentally turned and saw you standing on the side of the stage. You were standing where there was barely any light, but Namjoon had no doubt that it was you. He could make out from just your silhouette and he found himself smiling and losing himself in his thoughts. So lost, that he didn’t hear the music starting. While the boys moved around him, he stood still, just looking in your direction.

Thankfully for him, it was not a live stage. Some of the fans watching started to laugh, and it took a few seconds for Namjoon to realize what he had been doing. He immediately bowed towards the camera, apologizing. When he turned back to your direction, he realized you had left. Were you even there in the first place, or was he just hoping you were there?

The boys finished their stage and eventually, all the groups stood on stage, waiting for the MC’s to announce the winner. You sat in the waiting room, looking at the TV. Without a doubt, BTS had won first place, even though it was their first stage for their comeback. You weren’t even surprised. Sure, you were a little sad that your group hadn’t won but who were you kidding, you were excited for your friends.

Bangtan returned to their waiting room with the trophy in their hands and smiles plastered on their faces. “Wow, on our first stage,” Jimin said happily, staring at the trophy.

The boys all settled down on chairs across the room. Luckily, they had a few hours before their next schedule and took their time getting changed. Namjoon couldn’t help but frown when he realized the show was now over and you still hadn’t come by. He was at least hoping to run into you in the halls, but you were out of sight, nowhere to be found. He almost wanted to visit Jackson in an excuse to see you, but he followed the boys back to their room instead.

“I’m going to go and find Y/N” Jin said suddenly. Namjoon stared after Jin as he got up from his chair and walked towards the door. However, before  Jin made it very far, someone knocked on the door. Jin hurried to open the door. “Y/N! I was just about to go and find you!” Jin said rather loudly. With his big frame, Jin blocked you from Namjoon’s view completely. Namjoon tried to move every which direction in his chair to try and see you but he could only see the top of your head or your shoulders at best.

Pretty soon all the other boys were rushing to the door to greet their friend and what little Namjoon could see of you was completely blocked now. I should just go and say hi he thought to himself.

“Y/N how have you been?!” Tae exclaims, pulling you into a bear hug.

“Can’t….breathe….gonna….die….” you joke. Jin pulls Taehyung off immediately with a frown. “

“Yah, watch what you’re doing.  You’re going to squish her to death” he says, almost blocking the boys from touching you.

“You’re just jealous that you didn’t hug her yourself,” Taehyung says back, sticking his tongue out and trying to reach for you again.

You were so happy seeing the boys again. You had missed them dearly and to see them joking around with you as if no time as passed truly made your heart warm.

“Oppa, I think I can fend for myself,” you tell Jin, wrapping your arms around his own. It seemed like a natural thing to do, but  Jin turned around to you, flustered.

Namjoon watches silently from the distance, wondering how to approach you. You seemed to be having fun and had that wonderful smile on your face, but he was scared that if he came near you, that smile would disappear.

As you began catching up with the boys, you realized that Namjoon wasn’t there. Instead, you saw him sitting in front of his mirror, typing away on his phone. He really hates me, doesn’t he? You think to yourself. Over the last couple weeks, your learned to forgive Namjoon. Sure, he never apologized to you or had he even realized what he had done wrong. But you decided to let his mistakes go, along with your feelings for him. If he wanted to be friends, then you would gladly accept it, but you were no longer going to try and be apart of his life if he didn’t want you in it.

After chatting with the boys for another few minutes, you realized you had to get back to work. Though the time was short, you were so happy that you were able to see the boys. You realized that your schedules actually coincided quite a bit with the music shows, so you promised to see them more in the following weeks. Namjoon knew that you were going to leave soon and he wanted to so badly just say a few words to you, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

As you got up to leave, the boys bid you farewell. But you didn’t want to leave things the way they were. You just couldn’t. So before you walked to the door to leave, you walked to Namjoon.

“Hey.. It’s been a while” you say slowly. Namjoon whips his head in your direction, surprised that you were talking to him.

“Y-yeah”, he says, not being able to piece together more than a word. “H-how have you been”, he asks. It seems so foreign to him, to be talking to you, let alone asking you anything.

“I’ve been alright. I really liked the album oppa, it was great. I’ll see you around I guess? Bye,” you say, not knowing what else to talk about. So before giving a chance for him to reply, you turn and began your walk to the exit of the room. You bid the boys goodbye again and walk back to your own room, proud of yourself of being strong enough to talk to Namjoon. You did try to get over your feelings for him, but you weren’t sure how you would react if you would talk to him again. Would those feelings just come rushing back? But much to your delight, you didn’t have the same feelings as you did months ago. You were finally over Kim Namjoon.

But meanwhile, Namjoon couldn’t help but feel sad. You used to have this…this…light in your eyes when you talked to him. Sure, he thought he never paid attention to you before, but it was obvious as day now that the light was no longer there. You looked at him like you did at everyone else, and it tore away at Namjoon slowly. Why then, did he not appreciate you before? Was it because he thought you would always be there? Clearly, you wouldn’t always be there for him like he wanted now. Namjoon couldn’t shake whatever it was that he was feeling, but he knew he had to try to change things.


A/N: This part is kinda short because I kept deleting what I wrote because I didn’t like it. Let me know if you want a part 6~ And also tell me how you think this series should continue. I love that you guys enjoy this series and share it, so keep doing so~ I love hearing back from you guys. I’ll also be writing part 2 of the arrangement this week so look forward to that too!

Previous Parts: Part 1  Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

On living with a family that doesn’t value academia

When I got home for the holidays my grandma asked me how my keystone was coming along, and it’s hard to explain so I said I’d just show her (something I do for very few people). This post gives a very brief overview of what I’ve done so far. It’s quite abstract and sometimes difficult to justify to myself why doing this is productive (despite my academic mentor being excited about it). She looked a bit skeptical throughout my explanation and at the end she asked how, specifically, it’s useful. And I tried to explain that the product isn’t really the valuable part of this project, but rather the skills and experience gained by directing my own “research,” for lack of a better word. After all, not many people are going to produce new and valuable academic work in their undergrad.

And she said “no, what actual, tangible skills are you getting that will help you get a job.” Since apparently nothing I do matters unless it helps me make money. It was a little disappointing to disregard everything specific to the work I had done and say that, if nothing else, learning about how to communicate with technology through code is incredibly useful and widely applicable. Her own lack of understanding of how technology works means that she still wasn’t satisfied, and that I was left basically telling her to trust me that it’s not useless.

A couple days after that my dad made a comment about living with four women (my mom, my two sisters, and myself, so far as I can be considered an “woman”), which he frequently does as if it was somehow a burden on him. Ignoring the fact that neither of us are very feminine (not that it’s relevant to my argument anyways), I tried to explain how relying on socially constructed gender stereotypes when he says stuff like that completely undermines his argument. I brushed over the fact that I feel nothing like a woman whatsoever. My sexist, hypermasculine brother refuted the fact that gender is largely socially constructed by saying, “girls are fucking crazy!” as if men, by contrast, are somehow not.

This led to a whole big discussion about gender, to which I brought my academic perspective, having talked a lot about gender in various courses, and to which my mom brought her experience of raising kids and seeing her friends raise their kids. She argued that there definitely are specific (biological) gender differences. I tried to explain that unconscious bias is quite powerful and might have influenced her observations and interpretations, and so they are not in fact 100% objective.

The crux of this debate was the fact that my ideas were purely academic and my mom’s were purely experiential. While both types of knowledge are important, neither one can get you to the place of the other. It is often the case that someone goes their whole life, maybe even being successful, knowing very little of the world around them simply because they haven’t been educated. Of course, life experience can expose you to quite advanced academic ideas, but any student will tell you that many things you learn at school (maybe even a majority depending on your field) cannot be learned through life experience. Academic education informs life experience, in every possible case.

My biggest issue here is that my family is not academic and doesn’t value academia. Every one of us has been successful in school, and are arguably quite bright, but I haven’t even completed my undergrad and I am officially the most educated person in the family (like even my extended family). Not only am I the most formally educated, but I have spent my life being curious, so I know a little about a lot of things, and a lot about a few things. So when my sister, to no one in particular, asks why lactose intolerance is so common, and I explain that actually the majority of the world can’t digest lactose because of agricultural evolution (a simple google-able fact), my family laughs in my face and says that probably isn’t true. They undermine everything in my knowledge base that they don’t already agree with, or think they know.

I’m not an expert, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to justify my existence to anyone.

BAD HOUSE

The astrological houses are fields of experience and departments of life. A BAD HOUSE warps the positive qualities of each house, and they are as follows:

1st House: The I Am, I Exist House; defining the personal identity is highest priority, and consumes energy, which makes them unaware of anything but themselves; selfishly approaches life ‘me’ first; singular vantage point distorts objectivity and awareness.

2nd House: The to Have and to Hold House; the importance of material value and property accumulation is overemphasized resulting in gripping greed; the objects own and control you; difficulty in letting go of personal possessions and private grudges.

3rd House: The Shallow House; overstated need for mental activity without want for application or use; ceaseless import and export of communication; nearsighted view of tomorrow lacking direction; concerned with the new and the now.

4th House: The House of Nostalgia; thin-skinned about home and domestic life, as well as the family heritage and cherished traditions; need for privacy produces painstaking introversion, shyness and shame; outsized appetite for sentimental creature comforts.  

5th house: The Liberal Leisure House; high desire to keep retain a lighthearted level of amusement and to be at the center of attention; focused on recreations, and with being and staying entertained; trouble taking things seriously.

6th house: The Type A House; skepticism and separateness provoke substantial self-criticism resulting in anxiety and sickness; inhibited expressions produce imbalances in life; hyper-concerned with the body, prone to self-abuse by overthinking, undervaluing, and mistreating.

7th House: The People Pleasing House; prone to pathological niceness and conflict avoidance; overly concerned with being the good guy or gal; interdependence causes reliance on one-to-one pairings and partnerships; a lack of identity and independence.

8th House: The House of Justice; power struggles result in insecurity about strength of will; efforts spent storing secrets and using them to control self and others; unhealthy emphasis on sexuality and dominating through psychological manipulation.

9th House: The Far-Out House; farsightedness makes it difficult relating to others intimately; stresses the importance of personal opinions and ideas; disproportionately frivolous attitude and reckless behavior results in chronic irresponsibility; constant movement and mayhem.

10th House: The Tactical House; overly concerned with the reputation and of being recognized; business and self-centered perspective that results in sterilized and carefully controlled associations; troubled by anything less than the perfect professional persona.  

11th House: The Disconnected House; consumed with personal visions and dreams; overemphasizes the need to be different which forces distance between self and society; impartial and impersonal connections; irregularity, rigidity, and unreasonableness in relating.

12th House: The House of Ruin; inherited habits are enacted to escape the ego and reality, squashing self-confidence; strength of planets is powerfully diluted, leading to confusion and repression; subliminal obstacles restrict personal growth and self-expression.  

Why you’ll never find a perfect house system:


Houses operate as different fields of experience within our lives, and just like in real life these compartmentalized pieces blend and mingle no matter how hard we try to keep them separate. The houses are tied together in many different ways, by aspect, by element, sequentially, numerologically, relationally, the list goes on and on. They are interpreted through our own perspective as well as the perspective of others, so the lines between houses are not as clear cut and defined as they may seem in the natal chart. The individuation and identity created in the 1st House is necessary to cultivate the self-worth of the 2nd House, the creativity of the 5th House must come from the self-knowing of the 4th, and the intimacy of the 8th House cannot be achieved without beginning at the interpersonal level of the 7th. For this reason you’ll find that various house systems work for you at different points in your life, and for differing purposes. No house system can accurately account for the bleed over that occurs, and that’s why it’s necessary to experiment and play around with them. This is also the reason that sliding placements are okay, in one chart the Moon may be in the 2nd House, whilst in the next it inhabits the 3rd. What does that mean for the native, both personally and objectively?
5

@des-zimbits I saw you liked horses so this is Sweetie aka Sweet Magnolia. She’s not mine but I leased her one summer and we went to a horse show and did our best.

I left for college for a long time and Sweetie took a super long time to bond with so I figured she wouldn’t really care, but when I came home again I called her in the field and she came running to me!! Top 10 experiences of my life she’s a good lady.

+4 books?

I had some trouble with these. Basically they were all going to be roughly the same, just with different cover designs. They were supposed to have the same coloured headbands and end pages and leather colour. HAHAHA, that didn’t happen. I get distracted waaaaaaay too easily. The changes started happening before I even got to this point. Enough with the woes!

First thing’s first! Cut out my incredibly awesome designs!! I’m still fairly new with the Cricut so I had to experiment a little with depths and pressures. I did not have a deep-cut blade at the time….

…which required me to finish what the machine had almost completed with a scalpel and a utility? knife. Don’t get me wrong - these designs would have been near impossible to get right without the pre-cutting on the Cricut. It just couldn’t cut all the way through because I didn’t have deep-cut blade at the time.

Success! Covers all cut out and glued onto cardboard sheets.

And then I glued the covers to my book guts. I decided to forego gluing paper to the underside of the cloth hinge this time. That was a bit of a mistake. The paper glued to the underside of the cloth hinge acts as a great stabiliser. The covers are harder to keep aligned without it. Ah well, lesson learned.

PRETTY HEADBANDS!

You know what time it is? Time for another mistake! I thought that since these books were pretty small I could get away with using flimsy paper for the hollows. I WAS WRONG! YOU DO NOT KNOW THE HORRORS THIS HAS WROUGHT!

Ahem, moving on. I needed these books to have a little more courage. They needed to stop being so spineless! (the cardboard was too thin, so I cut out 8 spines and glued them together to create SUPER SPINES!

After those were glued on, I trimmed the corners to accommodate the leather. Then I promptly held it up to the light and took a photo, because, you know… stupidity.

LEATHER TIME! The celtic heart was the first to get dressed. The leather I used was something new for me. It was really really thin but also quite stiff. I dunno what it was. It took a bit of working to get it all moulded around the relief.

F@*K! WHY have I not learned patience yet?!?!?! I was far too eager to go from gluing on the spine to covering with leather to turning in the edges. The glue was still wet enough to tear the woefully weak paper I’d used for the hollow clear off the back of the book. I had to pump glue down into the hole to stick the spine back on before going and sulking until it dried. This one is now for personal use.

The next one was a sleepy book. This one was covered in some gorgeously soft leather that must have come from some magical and now extinct creature. This was the last of this kind of leather that I had which is a shame because it moulded so amazingly well. 

It was about this time that I went to visit a retired bookbinder with real life experience in the field. I went to him for general advice, to gauge my skills and for any tips and tricks he wanted to import.
One of the things I asked for advice on was the use of paste. I’d never used it before - only ever used PVA, so I didn’t know what to expect in regards to adhesion, drying time, etc.
Anyway, one thing he told me was that wheat paste can be cut with PVA in any ratio (since they’re both water based). I’ve started using a 3 parts wheat paste to 1 part PVA and things have improved a lot. I’m liking the extra drying time.

Next was the “I’m done with this conversation” books. This time I used black pig leather and white pig suede.

Below are the finished products.  I don’t have them all together because I gave away the sleepy book pretty much as soon as it was done and the Celtic heart is… somewhere?


There isn’t much I regret about doing these, But I sincerely wish I hadn’t glued the music themed end pages upside down on 3 of the 4 books. When I took the sleepy book to the bookbinder, the first thing he said when he saw it was “You’re not a musical person are you?”. Surprised I said he was right and asked why he said that and he told me that I’d put the music upside down. F@*k. I didn’t even realise.

I don’t think we give much thought to how miserably lonely Steve is 

If you think about it, his prime force for getting Bucky back safe in his life comes to down to him being detached, depressed and so, so, so alone in this world.

Like, Tony has Rhodey, Happy, Pepper and maybe Bruce. Natasha has Clint. Thor has Sif and the Warriors Three and an entire realm to call home. But Steve had no one for so long, no one but Bucky to truly get what it’s like being from another century and not even experience it go by. 

Steve barely even had Peggy because she had Alzheimer’s and had lived a full and varied life by the time he found her again, and then he lost her. AGAIN.

Steve latched onto Sam primarily because he was a fellow veteran, and specialized soldier, who missed the thrill of the war zone and couldn’t adjust to life without it or the best friend he lost in the field. In terms of making Shared Life Experience a bingo sheet Sam crossed out a lot of them, but he’s still a modern man, he’s not a stranded time-traveler in a scary and foreign time, no matter how understanding he or Natasha are they won’t get this aspect of Steve’s PTSD, depression and loneliness because literally no one can.

So, when Steve found out Bucky, his best friend, his only family, priority and life-partner for so long who is back from the dead, also a super-soldier and was frozen as the decades passed, Steve lost his mind. He wanted to have this part of himself and his life back because he’s so lost, you guys, and he wanted to save Bucky from the dehumanizing and horrible fate he was in, but the people with the power didn’t care enough or didn’t believe him enough to help. That’s why Steve went ‘Fuck it, I’m saving Bucky’ because at this point Bucky isn’t just Friend, Family and Home, he’s Steve’s other half, he’s the road-not-taken, he’s what Steve would have become if he fell into the wrong hands. 

No one can balance him but Bucky and no one can balance and help Bucky but Steve. And Steve knows that, and for once in his life he is allowed to be selfish, he is allowed to not be so miserable, because nothing hurts more than being alone and watching everyone around you belong to the world, belong to a group or belong to another. 

He’s so lost, you guys

The Houses of Astrology- Stepping stones of significance.

The houses in astrology represent your life-path and field of experience, influenced by the presence of the planets in each, specific house. This is more external than planets in signs (E.g Moon in Aquarius) as this is what happens to you, an outside influence, rather than your own, personal exuberance and personality that you put into the world. 

Empty houses (Houses where no planet lives) are considered less significant areas in your life, though may be peered into using the sign on the house cusp. (E.g Gemini on the second house cusp.) 

Stelliums (three or more planets in a house) are considered an area of great significance in your life, whereby much energy and experience will be provoked by this house in particular. 

Each person has areas of great joy and prosperity (Venus and Jupiter) and areas of hardship and hurt (Saturn and Pluto), yet the stepping stones to the cosmos will not leave you floundering about unknown. If you reach out your hand, there will be an energy ready to clasp it to guide you. 

4

Witches Of Moonlight Falls [Season 6]; Part 200}
          — Low Profile

Monte Vista, Italy.
The infamous Black Widows; Natalia and Yelena have been through a lot, their confidence and beauty radiating them as tourists undercover. The ex-Russian spies have escaped to Italy to keep a low profile. Under new aliases in a Pizzeria the blood red head and the glowing blonde feel free. Free from the witches, free from Doreen and free from the KGB. For once in their life the defected Natalia feels normal and having Yelena return under such strange circumstances she decided enough is enough. No more magic, no more espionage… So she thinks.

Natalia: “ [sips beverage] This is It, comrade. Freedom. There are no strings on us now. Our alliances lie with each other. ” 
Yelena: “ Our mentor, Dottie would proud. The training we endured as children to become Black Widows is what will keep us alive. We have brushed off the Russians and the Americans especially the witches [sips beverage]. ”
Natalia: “ I fear my past will come back to haunt me. The KGB still want my head on the tip of a soviet rifle. Not that my hair can get any redder [flips hair]. They’ll never find us. ”
Yelena: “ [pouts] We’ve not betrayed the motherland at heart. Even If I did come back to life and skipped most of my field experiences as a spy. I truly forgive you for killing me because now I get to spend the rest of my life with you. We are the only Black Widow’s left in the entire world. We are sisters. ”

Espionage is something Russia’s greatest intelligence operative won’t be able to exile from easily. The bounty on Natalia’s head is too high to avoid detection. Black Widow must become anonymous and fast.
Sniper [comms]: “ This is agent Oksana, over. I have eyes on target… I repeat I have eye’s on target. Should I take the shot? Over. ” The sniper inhales her breath to steady a shot. A clean kill.
Red Guardian [comms]: “ We’re awaiting orders from KGB handlers. WHY? URGH! I’m the superior, I should be making the decisions!! Hold your position, agent. On my mark, get set…. ”
( - *All speech translated from Russian* - ) 

The Basics

The Personal Planets- Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars. - These make up a person’s psyche, collective personality. (Ascendant Also)

Sun- Your ego, your broad stroke characteristics. 

Moon- Your subconscious, Your emotional nature. 

Mercury- How your mind works.

Venus- What you love. What you find beauty in. 

Mars- How you assert yourself. Your sexual nature. 

Ascendant/Rising Sign- Your outer personality for first impressions. 

Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto are generational planets and less important in making up the individuals psyche but rather generational movements. 

Planets in the Houses of astrology make up a sort of life path, your field of experience. Signs of on the House Cusps are your attitudes towards the issues in that house. 

psychaliens-deactivated20141002  asked:

Hi Cherry! It's always confused me when people say, for example, "Moon in the 3rd house." Is that just a different way of saying Cancer in the 3rd house? If not, please explain! It would be much appreciated (:

hey well they really represent different things… except maybe a sun in the first house will magnify the sign in question, the planets are the archetypes, the signs the energy and the houses the life themes, the fields of experience through which we express these two in fusion , so they dont exist without one another

a sun sagittarius in the 4th house will study at home
a sun sagittarius in the 9th house will study abroad

as a play the Houses are the lighting and stage… the planets are the main actors in the production, and the signs represent the character profiles of the actors
-C.

          Being social was not something that was really taught when she was training to become a field agent in secret service. Her brief experience in meeting people in real life did not help at her mission at all. Sofia was happy to observe the son of the president from afar but the job demands more so she was required to be acquainted with him. Days of observing him, Sofia knew that it was around the time of the when he goes out of the dorm room to eat. with her door open, she leaned at the doorway and waited for him to go out so she could “accidentally” bumped into him. @petervanderbilt

{ hackxtivist continued from ( X ) }

Hunter had been in a different location, where the fighting hadn’t been so intense, so he’d made it back with only a few cuts and bruises and a really nice black eye that was gonna make him look ridiculous (or dangerous, depending on your perspective) for the next few days.

With all the agents and rescued hostages coming back with various levels of injury, Medical was swamped, everybody running around like chickens with their heads cut off. So nobody seemed to notice except him when Skye staggered in the door, looking an awful lot worse than he felt.

He glanced around quickly for any unoccupied medical staff, but there weren’t any. They were all half-driven to distraction anyway, and he had enough experience with emergency field medicine to stabilize most non-life-threatening injuries, so maybe it was just as well.

Hunter leapt to his feet, coming over to wrap an arm around Skye for support. That was when he noticed the blood seeping through her tac gear. “Come on,” he said shortly, maneuvering her through the chaos to a quieter corner that could be curtained off to give her a little privacy.

“So, sprained ankle, moderate bleeding from some kind of wound on your back; anything else I should know about?” His manner was brisk, as he grabbed a pair of gloves from the box on the countertop and tucked them into his pocket. He nodded to the buckles on her outfit. “You’re gonna have to lose a few layers if I’m gonna have a look at that bleeding. Strictly professional.”

anonymous asked:

Can you meta the confession scene and 10x16? Read another meta review that basically invalidated a lot of the hope I had afterwards and I wanted to know your perspective because you always make me feel better. I know it's been metad to death by a lot of awesome folks, but I'd still love to hear from you on this. :)

Hi. Sorry that it took so much to reply.

So, I’ve though about this for a couple days, but I couldn’tcome up with anything really new. I agree with what other people have already written about the scene, like - in case you haven’t read those ones yet: this (about the confession having a part about romance even if you wanted to exclude bi!Dean/Destiel), or this (and the father does say “than” with Gina, btw), or this one (which takes a bit of a different approach and focuses on the “people” part of the confession), or this (which is simply awesome), or this here, or this, or this

In short, I cannot think of a scenario where Dean isn’t referring to general changes and discoveries but also to romance specifically. I can’t think of a way to interpret the scene that makes sense to me and isn’t romantic, especially when it comes to the confession’s most quoted lines: “There’s things - there’s people, feelings, that I want to experience differently than I have before”, which makes me think Dean is thinking about precise people and feelings, and “Or maybe even for the first time”, which, hello bi!Dean.

The reasons I think the implication that it’s about romance is blatant are all contained in the links, and to sum it up they mostly have to do with A, the fact that we are socialized to associate “feelings” to “romantic feelings” when not otherwise specified or when deliberately vague in a movie/TV show (this would be the most implicit level of reading); and B, with the specific framing of Dean’s confession as described in the metas I linked, that goes from Dean pretending to regularly cheat on fictional ‘Gina’, and claiming he’s sick of all the sleeping around, to Dean opening up honestly about his desires.

The most I can do is forcefully no-destiel and no-bi the scene: I could make an effort to assume that “people” is not about, or doesn not include, Castiel, and that “[romantic] feelings” isn’t about romantic feelings for Castiel; similarly, I could make an effort to imagine that ‘having first experiences’ in the implied field of Dean’s love life simply means, for example, to truly love and be loved by another without giving up his hunter’s life, something that didn’t happen with previous partners like Cassie or Lisa, without his bisexuality being involved.

It doesn’t add up completely to me, because (and again this is something you’ll find perfectly explained in some of the links) Dean seems to refer to people he already knows, but my real problem here is that once I decide the ‘love life’ part of the confession was just about Dean wanting a generic long-lasting romantic companion… I still see Castiel Angel Of The Lord Adopted Winchester as the most obivous option.

Let’s imagine they follow through with giving Dean a stable love interest for his endgame, as the narrative seems to be pointing to. Then consider this: on the one hand, they could introduce a new (female, lbr) character who might or might not work, pay the actress for the screentime necessary to create the kind of relationship with Dean that Dean wants, i.e. deep and meaningful and special, all of this in what, about one season? Or, they could introduce her in the last few eps, and she’d look like a generic love interest and therefore would not feel like she’s someone special and with a deep bond with Dean. On the other hand, they have: seven years of ‘profound bond’, plus subtext that’s recently become structural subtext within a love narrative in Carver’s era, plus untold feelings, plus a character who is being set up to understand his emotions (via Hannah and Claire) and make peace with past mistakes (via Claire especially) so as to choose freely what he wants to do with his life, that canonically makes Dean his priority whenever he can and loves Dean and is devoted to him.

So, basically to me saying ‘it had to do with romance, and Cas, and Dean’s sexuality’, which is what I believe and makes the most sense to me, means ‘it’s pointing towards Dean/Cas’. And ‘it only had to do with romance, **in general**!’ still means ‘it’s pointing towards Dean/Cas’.