fibs

i have a fake son.
his name is Tim and he is working on his M.S. in astrophysics at Berkeley.
he is devestatingly handsome and enjoys rock climbing and volunteers as a counselor at the local YMCA there in Berkeley, California.
i am so proud of my fake son. i have raised him up in my own head to be such an outstanding member of society.
“Tim” is only brought up when asked about by one particular woman at work that i only see on occasion. i don’t make a habit or game of lying to people, but with her, it kinda came about as follows:
Faye is one of those people who has been there/done that and will hang herself on the cross while she tells you how much worse the experience was for her. i’ve seen this woman Kanye West an 8-month pregnant girl at said girl’s own baby shower to glorify the gift she gave her as well as go into how horrible her labor was with her own children. Faye also is a braggart. her car/purse/house/ring/shoes/etc. all cost more than whatever yours did and her children are all angels.
i was forced to work with Faye for 2 days about 5 years ago. she called me Emily a few times before i finally told her my name is Amy, not Emily. she gave me a sideways glance and said, “I like Emily better”, and since then, she has always called me Emily. i let this go because to get angry with her and tell her off is to see her become dramatic and begin crying and insist she did not mean anything by it while not issuing anything close to an apology. Faye is always right, too, you know.
anyway, when she shut up long enough about herself and her fabulous offspring on the second day, she asked, “Do you have any children, Emily?”
i replied that i do not. she then launched into her daughter taking fertility drugs so that she could give her mother grandchildren someday.
that was the only question she asked me until i saw her about a year later.
“Oh, HI, Emily! How are you?!”
“Hi, Faye…how are you?”
“Wonderful, wonderful. Stephen just graduated from UT. He’s going to be the best doctor ever! How is your son, uh, Tim?”
it took me a second. Tim? son? what the hell is she talking about?!
it dawned on me what a complete narcissist she truly is. she hadn’t heard me the day she asked if i had children, because she didn’t care. she didn’t care enough to call me by my real name, so it wasn’t much of a surprise.
i couldn’t stop myself. i briefly thought about correcting her, but i decided to just go with it.
“Tim is doing so well. He was just accepted to Berkeley after his amazing thesis on planetary nebuli. We are so proud of him.”
her eyes grew big. “Oh, how nice! But, Berkeley? That’s so far from home. UT is an excellent school; surely he could’ve been accepted there?…”
i gave a small chuckle. “Oh, well, they wanted him for sure, Faye. I mean, all the letters he received, practically BEGGING him to study there. But, well, they just don’t have a sufficient astronomy department. UT is a fine school, but not for the subject that Tim is going into. Astrophysics is not something you can study just anywhere, you know.”
her eyes narrowed. “Medicine is what these young people should be going into. Astrophysics? What is that, anyway? How will it contribute to the world?”
“Gosh, I don’t really know how to explain astrophysics, Faye. It’s so mind blowing for simple minds like mine and yours. But searching for things in space that could potentially help our planet is a pretty big deal, I think.”
Faye promptly excused herself. i knew i had gotten her.
i’ve bumped into her on and off throughout the past 5 years and she always told me how her angels were saving the world, especially Stephen, and then she’d ask about Tim. and i made sure my Tim was one step above her Stephen. her face would turn crimson and she would have to abruptly leave.
i saw her as i was leaving work yesterday and she stopped me to wish me a happy Easter.
“Stephen is coming home this holiday. He’s bringing his fiance. She’s a doctor too, you know. How is Tim? Don’t tell me he’s still not graduated?…”
“Oh, Faye, don’t be silly! Astrophysics takes YEARS to graduate from. It’s not as simple as medicine. But, yes, he is close to graduating.”
“Is he coming home for Easter? I can’t imagine spending holidays without my children; how dreadful! Oh, but he’s all the way in California…it costs so much to fly here, I assume.”
I grinned. “Yes, it does. But he’s such a sweetheart, he’s flying me out there this year! Taking a break from his studies and humanitarian efforts to have his dear ol’ Mom around for Easter. I’m so lucky!”
“…yes, well, have a nice time, Emily. Happy Easter!”
“You too, Kay! Oh, I mean Faye!”
you know, like i said before, i don’t like to lie. it does seem very silly to have let this go on for so long. Tim has been a fabrication in the making for over 5 years now, he almost feels real to me.
when i see Faye, i have images of my fake son, looking so handsome in his lab coat as he’s peering into a microscope looking at dust particles from a comet. i see him jogging with his dog on the beach. i see him hiking and biking and climbing. i see him helping an elderly woman with her groceries.
it’s a true testament that if you lie, or let a lie go on for a while, it becomes a solid thing that you have to keep up with.
oddly enough, i don’t lose sleep on this lie. i don’t see her often enough to fib about this on a daily or consistent level. Faye never cared anything about me or my life until she had something to try to one-up me on. SHE is the one losing sleep on account of her Stephen not succeeding quite like my Tim. it’s amazing how this lie has eaten her alive and made me feel proud of something that doesn’t even exist…
eh well.
i’ll be boarding the fake plane to Berkeley this afternoon, to celebrate Easter with my fake son.
Mama’s soooo proud of you, Timmy!

3

very lazy portraits of some of my favorite companions so far

how the signs start a conversation

check mercury

aries: boldly ~ aries will come out of nowhere with something to talk about, the conversation will usually be short and quick but full of enthusiasm or new ideas.

taurus: slowly ~ taurus take their time starting conversations mainly because they like to think things over. their practical nature tends to make people listen to them more as a result.

gemini: sporadically ~ much like aries, geminis like to start a conversation randomly and quickly, they often interrupt others because their thoughts are so scattered.

cancer: easily ~ cancers tend to ease into conversations, often beginning with formalities and polite small talk before getting to the main point. they usually are very thoughtful.

leo: loudly ~ regardless of the volume of their voice, a leo’s authority makes it easy for them to be heard. they use creativity and warmth to win the attention of others while also standing out.

virgo: orderly ~ virgos tend to avoid being flashy but still appreciate their intellect being acknowledged. they control conversations by focusing on little details or planning what they have to say.

libra: smoothly ~ libras are diplomatic when it comes to talking and try to please everyone with fair intellect. their charm gets them a large audience but they can seem like a perfectionist with the rants and tangents they go on.

scorpio: urgently ~ scorpios aren’t the most talkative sign but when they want to talk, they try their hardest to get straight to the point. they enjoy observing and discussing more deeper matters.

sagittarius: optimistically ~ they enjoy looking at the big picture and don’t care too much about little details or organization. they tend to have flaws in their arguments due to their scattered thinking, but their enthusiasm can convince many.

capricorn: methodically ~ capricorns tend to start talking slowly, mainly because they need to organize and structure their thoughts. they tend to be skeptical and authoritative.

aquarius: quietly ~ although they enjoy breaking the rules, aquarius tend to quietly slip into conversations without being flashy. they enjoy arguing and often win due to their intellect. this can cause them to push their ideas on others, giving them a subtle authoritative demeanor.

pisces: softly ~ pisces aren’t too concerned with details but will be good listeners. this results in them seamlessly entering conversations with indirect statements or the occasional rambling when they get the chance. they have a tendency to fib in order to avoid offending others.

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Here it is! This is my first oneshot and longest piece yet – please be kind. As always, feedback is welcomed and appreciated. Happy reading! xxh

Request? Yes! 

getting in a fight with harry and you almost break up and you have emotional sex where you’re both crying and stealing kisses and it’s raw and you’re both just so in love and i don’t know meaningful sex is so much better than just getting in each other’s pants when you feel like it – anon

Word count: 4.5k 

Genre: Angst/smut

Pairing: y/n & Harry

It was quite odd how you could feel so alone in a room so full of people.

Music jumping off of the walls, a steady bass thumping in your chest; laughter cutting through the air, cheers every so often as another round was poured out. The energy was addictive, yet you felt as if you were secluded in your own little bubble, away from everyone else and invisible to the party guests.

Harry stood beside you, happily buzzing with a glass of whiskey in hand. His laughs bellowed out from his chest and were much louder than normal – amplified by the alcohol pulsing through his body. He wasn’t drunk, but the extra confidence given to him by the glass he held was very obvious.

He’d turn to you, mouth parted and about to ask a question, but was swiftly pulled away by an eager acquaintance to congratulate him on ‘his big debut in Hollywood!’ or ‘his incredible new music!’. Harry was too kind to just brush off the compliment with a simple “thank you,” and was quickly taken up in another conversation, leaving you alone.

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Sex Worker's Guide to protecting your Identity

Recently, a fellow sugar baby contacted me for help because one of her SD’s ended up being a jealous stalker; obtaining all of her personal info as blackmail. This spurred me to write out this condensed guide to prevent situations like that one or similar ones from happening again.

1) ALWAYS use a fake name, one that’s not similar to your actual name.

2) DON’T carry any forms of ID’s/cards/anything with your name on it when you see a client, ever. Buy a fake license ID with another name so you can still have an ID to show if you get carded to drink when you’re with a sugar daddy. It is illegal to carry certain states fake ID’s, so be careful of which you buy and don’t bring it for an escorting client.

3) NEVER park your car where they can see it or in an area where you need their remote or key access to leave the garage.

4) USE DIFFERENT PICTURES than the ones you use on your personal social media. It takes one search on Google reverse image search to blow open your entire front.

5) Have a fake birthday for your SW persona and remember the astrology sign it comes with.

6) Turn off ALL location services and apps, 10 minutes prior to meeting. I’ve been reading some girls have been outted due to certain social media apps now sharing “who’s around you” features.

7) Don’t give out what school or company you work for. Always lie, and tweak it. The point is to throw off their scent so they have a bunch of small lies they can’t piece together.

8) If possible, use a nickname or an ambiguous name on your own personal social media.

9) DO NOT SEND/SELL ANY PHOTOS OR VIDEOS WITH YOUR FACE IN IT. The only facial ones they should be able to access are the ones online that you can easily claim were stolen.

10) USE A WORK NUMBER. Your personal number is attached to a million and one things.

11) Cash is your best friend.

List of information about yourself to fib:
Birthdate
School
Company you work for
Hometown
Schools you have attended in the past
Name
Year of graduation
Any information pertaining family members

IMPORTANT: Stalkers have an affinity for remembering what seems like trivial (but important) details to piece together your identity later.

Don’t Take Up Spaces that Aren’t Meant for You

I go to use the elevator in a high rise building only to find a sign that says “Please ask security for access to this elevator”. A week ago, that sign wasn’t there. When I ask the security guard why the sudden change in policy, they said that people from other floors in the building had been abusing their access to the elevator and that they needed to lock it down. 

Let me make this perfectly clear: I could no longer independently access the only elevator available to take me to this part of the building because other people decided to use / abuse a space that was not meant for them instead of taking the stairs right next to the fucking elevator.

Here’s another example: In order to have access to an accessible room on a cruise ship, I have to submit a form stating that I do in fact  have a physical disability that prevents me from using a normal state room on the ship. I have to do this because able-bodied people have, in the past, been dishonest about the level of accessibility they require in order to have access to a larger stateroom without having to pay a premium.

How about this one: I go into the restroom of a massive convention center. Every single stall  in this restroom is empty except for the one handicapped stall in the back, which is being occupied by someone who does not need to use a handicapped stall. I now have to wait for that one person to exit the stall before I can use the restroom. Remember: This bathroom has 7+ other stalls that are built specifically to work for them, but they chose  to use the one space that is available to people like me.

Dear able-bodied people: Handicapped bathroom stalls, seating areas, staterooms, and elevators are not meant for you and you should not use them.

I do not care how big of a hurry you were in and how that elevator got you to where you needed to go faster. Because of you, I have to go find someone every time I need to use this elevator and if I can’t find them I GET NOTHING. 

To you, that cruise ship can house 2000+ people and you have an opportunity to get a massive stateroom at no extra cost if you’re wiling to fib a little. To me, that cruise ship has a capacity of around 12 (the number of accessible rooms on the ship) and if they’re all full, I GET NOTHING.

To you, that movie theater has four really great seats right in the middle that just happen to have a handicapped accessible sign on them. To me, that theater has four seats and if they’re all full, I GET NOTHING.

And let me address the bathroom thing in particular. I don’t give a flying fuck if the handicapped stall was the only one available. You should pretend like it doesn’t fucking exist and wait in line like everyone else. *

Don’t take up spaces that were not meant for you. Because everything but those few precious spaces were not meant for us. 


* Unless it’s literally the only stall in the bathroom or you’re about to absolutely shit yourself. Then it’s fine. 

Imagine Stiles gets a job at the FBI but he doesn’t tell them about Derek. One day, Derek comes into the office to give Stiles his phone after he left it at home.

Concerned (and slightly shocked that Stiles is dating a man that looks like a god), they do a background search on Derek, digging up the police reports on the Hale fire, the arrest made on the suspicion of killing Laura, and many other files. They sit Stiles down and practically interrogate him, telling him that Derek is a bad man and suggesting that Derek used his inherited fortune to buy his way out of cases and that he’s actually married (because Derek wears a wedding ring). Stiles snaps and replies, telling them about Kate and how he never once bought his way out of a police investigation. He’s a good man who volunteers at animal showers and leases his old houses out to the homeless and to people who need a home after being evicted on short notice. And he knows Derek’s married because Derek is married to him (he just doesn’t wear a ring because being in his line of profession, if someone sees a ring then they know he’s married and that puts a target on Derek’s back and he doesn’t want that).

Stiles storms off and heads straight home and practically collapses on Derek. Derek tells him it’s okay and when Stiles goes to work the next day with his ring on Derek takes it off and tells him he can have it back when he comes home later because he doesn’t have to change anything for anyone.

the gangsey as scottish tweets
  • gansey: im at the age where people r askin "so what u doin with ur life" n im like mate am genuinely jus here for a laff x
  • blue sargent: issue wi males that think it's acceptable to comment on how a girl looks when she's buzzin am not oot tae be stunnin am oot tae cut mad shapes
  • ronan lynch: i deh trust the dentist when they start talking in code about your teeth to their wee pal, you got suhin to say say it to ma face prick
  • adam parrish: maw n da tryin to shout it ye when ye crack yer phone sayin ye dont look after it aye right fs this hing means more tae me than use do fs
  • noah czerny: had a sick weekend but ad be telling big fibs if a said a didnt feel like a common toe nail
  • henry cheng: imagine the week before yer wedding ye came home fae work early to surprise yer bf and walked in on him wearin bootcut jeans
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Request ➸ Can you make a fluff with Jungkook when you go to bed after a long day at school and you’re really tired but he tries to wake you up and you’re really pouty and ask why and he says that you need to take your makeup off cause it’s bad from your skin but you’re too lazy to so he does it for you EXTRA FLUFFY PLEASE 

Word count ➸ 2k

Originally posted by jkguks


You woke up to the sound of your loud alarm clock, you never being gladder to hear the ringing for the first time. In the midst of your nightmare, Jimin successfully captured your boyfriend, Jungkook, heart with a simple air kiss. As much as you loved hanging out with him and the rest of his friends but at times, Jimin seemed more like a rival than a close friend.

You shivered, getting out of bed and quickly getting into the shower. The hot water tingled against your skin, washing away grogginess along with the odd feeling of jealousy that lingered due to your dream. You hoped that you wouldn’t accidentally snap at Jimin the next time you saw him. 

Dressing into a bomber jacket, one of Jungkook’s old white shirts and high-waist jeans, you lazily tied your hair back because the spark that caused you to dress up died as soon as you saw your hair.  It momentarily returned as you did your makeup, although going for a more natural look since you were short on time. You gave yourself a once-over in the mirror that hung on your door before going into the kitchen. You settled for a pear, the juicy green fruit deserved more love than the typical apple. Tossing the core into the trash, you grabbed your bag from the floor where you left it yesterday and noticed one of Jungkook’s socks behind it.

You sighed, the lone sock triggering the memory of when Jungkook asked you to live with him. It was probably three months after you two started dating and after a handful of times when his friends had walked in on the two of you. He was so abrupt about it, you jokingly agreeing to it at first until he showed up to your old apartment with a bunch of classified ads and a red marker. Of course, having a place to yourselves meant no interruptions but getting to know each other in the same house had its cons. Especially since Jungkook liked to eat your leftovers when you specifically tell him not to, or the fact whenever he offered to help you with the grocery, he loved to place your favourite snacks on the top shelf of your cupboard like the evil giant he is. Not to mention his habit of losing socks that turn up after weeks of being missing.

You dryly laughed to yourself, remembering that your boyfriend was currently on a trip for the next few days for his portfolio. That boy loved his camera as much as he loved you, although he couldn’t answer whether he would save his camera or you in a fire without hesitation.

This wasn’t the time to think about Jungkook, you told yourself and picked up your bag. You placed the sock on the coffee table and left the apartment. You caught the bus, rushing up the back of the bus before the driver sped down the streets. You watched the passing cars and bikes, the fall leaves adding colour to the grey asphalt of the road. The familiar scenery of your campus came into view and you got off the bus, walking down the path. People on their bikes pass you, stopping at the bike racks up ahead and you reached the corner where your best friend, Sol-ji usually popped up.

“Boo!” Just as you predicted, she came from behind you to cover your eyes and you smiled at her failed attempt to scare you.

“Halloween ended two weeks ago.”

“I meant that as an endearment.”

“Explain covering my eyes.”

“A magician never reveals all her tricks.”

“Sol-ji, you literally walked up behind me. The only magic here is how you managed to trick yourself into blatant fibbing.” You two walked up the steps into the hall, seeing people sitting in lounge chairs and others rushing up the stairs to whatever class they’re about to be late for.  

“You’re so mean, Y/N~ Did Jimin say he was going to steal Jungkook away again?”

“Only in my nightmare, yes. Sorry for my outburst, I feel strange today.”

“Oh, you miss him that much.”

“I miss not having to climb the counter to grab the peanut butter and my snacks or not waiting for the bathroom in the morning? I think not.”

“The amount of denial you’re having is astounding.” You rolled your eyes, focusing on walking up the stairs as Sol-ji continued to talk to you. She was bashing her roommate, as usual, talking about how she had come home to the floor covered with pictures of cats. Somehow, her roommate hadn’t noticed that her camera was connected to the printer and she had unknowingly printed 50 Polaroid photos of her cashmere cat.

“I’m honestly questioning why I said I was okay with pets on that survey.”

“You were just being an honest person.”

“How did the system think that I and she were 85 percent compatible when she is, 100 percent accuracy, the worst roommate I ever had.”

“Just ask for a change.”

“But she makes the best cookies,” you rolled your eyes, was she seriously going to let her sweet tooth be a deal breaker, “and I might be over-exaggerating.”

“I noticed.” She elbowed your side as you laughed while you two entered the classroom. A few people were early as well and you two sat in the middle rows. You two readied yourselves for class anyways, Sol-ji pouting as she did so.

“Meanie.” You were about to reply but a soft tap on your shoulder made you turn your head to the owner of the finger.

“Hey, Y/N.”

“Oh, Himchan.” Himchan was the secretary of the student union which you were the vice president

“I’m just reminding you about today’s emergency meeting at 2.”

“What happened?” You took out your water bottle, taking a sip as Himchan nervously scratched his head.

“Mi-woo’s sick.” You choked on a sip, you quickly coughing to recover. Minwoo, the president, hasn’t missed a meeting since she became a member and usually filled you in on what happened because you were typically late to meetings because of a certain someone.

“Are you alright?”

“It’s fine, how did she get sick?
“The annual cook-off, someone had the flu and everyone there got sick. I’m glad I hate cold cucumber soup.”

“Alright.”

“You can’t be late to the meeting this time, alright?”

“Okay.” You slumped in your seat as Himchan left the classroom, your professor entering at that moment.

“Look on the bright side, at least the meetings are just an hour long.” It was as if the universe heard Sol-ji’s words at that very moment and decided that today was the day it should mess with you.

You were on time because one of the other members spotted you and walked with you to the meeting room. It was going smoothly; the group was listening to you and you could see yourself wrapping up the meeting early until Himchan started discussing the holiday event for December and all hell broke loose. It was a shouting match and members shoving ideas at you as they angrily argued which idea was best for the student body. Mi-woo, you lucky wrench, you managed to avoid this. You ended the meeting about 30 minutes late, but your day wasn’t over yet.

One of the fine arts students that knew you through Jungkook needed a replacement model for her art piece and she had the largest puppy eyes (after Jungkook, of course. That boy gives you that look intentionally and unintentionally). You forced a smile as you agreed, and she happily dragged you into an art studio where she spent three hours to paint you, which didn’t look much like you but you didn’t have the heart to tell the girl. It was about 6 when you went out to the bus stop, waiting almost an hour for the bus and you missed your bed more as the bus ride went on.

You took the elevator up, going straight into your apartment and walking straight into the bedroom. You heard water running, your tired mind playing tricks on you as your head hit the pillow and you cuddled up to the sheets.

“Babe?” You were questioning your sanity when you thought you heard Jungkook’s voice and only made you want to sleep sooner.

“Babe, wake up.”

“Why does the universe hate me so much-” You sat up to see Jungkook sitting next to you and your faces were close enough that your nose brushed against his.

“Surprise?”

“Have I lost my mind?” He laughed, you blinked in response. Jungkook is here, alive and well while you were ready to pass out. Typical.

“Did you miss me that much?”

“It really is you, the same annoying Jungkook.”

“I thought you would be happier to see me.”

“And I thought I would be able to get some sleep.”

“I guess I could remove the towel to make things easier-”

“That’s not what I meant, horndog.”

“Okay, you’re cranky.”

“I had a long ass day and I just was some R&R.”

“You could at least change and take off your makeup.”

“I don’t really care, Jungkook.” You let your head fall back onto your pillow, Jungkook poking the back of your neck.

“That’s not good for your skin, baby.”

“I’m tired, Jungkook.” You heard him tsk at you, taking the sound as a sign of victory as he got up and walked somewhere else. You were barely entering the sleep cycle when you felt him yank the sheets off you and you snapped your eyes open and looked up at him.

“Rise and shine, sweetheart.”

“One day, I’m going to find out your weakness and kill you.”

“Did you eat a lot of sugar because it’s starting to melt into your personality.”

“You’re probably the meanest girlfriend on Earth.”

“I would be a lot nicer to you if you weren’t robbing me of my precious sleep time.”

“Can you at least sit up for me?” You sat up, cross-legged, for him regardless of your sharp tone with him and he pulled the makeup wipes off the nightstand. He sat in front of you

“Shut your eyes for me.” You did so, feeling the cold wipe run across your eyelids one by one and gently over your eyelashes. He ran a clean side of the wipe across your cheeks and lips before stopping.

“Jungkook.”

“You’re so beautiful.”

“So cheesy.”

“The prettiest girl that ever lived.”

“Quit it.”

“Why~ Your cheeks are burning, aren’t they?”

“Shut up!” He placed his hands on either side of your cheeks, verifying the heat in your cheeks as you tried to push him away.

“Your cheeks are going to leave a burn on my hands. You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed.”

“Meanie.”

“So that makes the two of us, two peas in a pod.”

“To think I missed you even in the slightest.”

“So you did miss me, huh?”

“Shut-” He cut you off, swallowing the syllables with his lips as he kissed you. Your hands grabbed handfuls of his shirt as one of his hands slipped to your side. He pulled away, you look away and Jungkook poked your cheek repeatedly.

“Should’ve known since you’re wearing my shirt anyways.” He pulled you into his lap, your arms resting on his shoulders and your hands playing with the ends of his obsidian hair.

“Why can’t you be cute and silent?”

“Because my sexy voice shouldn’t go to waste.”

“I can’t believe you just said that.”

“It’s true.” You sighed, how did you manage to find a guy like him? You placed your hand on his cheek, slowly caressing it with your thumb running across the smooth skin.

“I missed you so much, Y/N.” He pressed his lips again yours once again, his movements much more languid and gentle as his body molded into yours. He kissed away the tiredness of a long day, his touch awakened you and his presence made you feel whole.

“Welcome home.”

4

Oh, that’s probably the biggest fib I told. The world was not made with us in mind.

Not This Time Pt. 2

Summary: After a blowout fight, Billy has to find a way to make things right with his girl.

Authors Note: This is long. Very long… Like… five pages long. I was listening to The Last Time by Taylor Swift when I wrote this… Now that I’m reading it back, I don’t really see how much the song actually influenced the way I wrote it, but it’s a good song period. So listen to it. Even if you don’t like Taylor Swift, you’ll like this song. 

I have decided that I’m going to take requests! I really have a hard time writing them, though! Maybe I’ll reblog some prompts and you can send them in. 

Thanks for the love on the first part of this! I love you guys! All feedback is appreciated (even if you hated it)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

(Part 1 HERE)

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