fibs

Literature was not born the day when a boy crying wolf, wolf came running out of the Neanderthal valley with a big gray wolf at his heels: literature was born on the day when a boy came crying wolf, wolf and there was no wolf behind him.
—  Vladimir Nabokov, Lectures on Literature

highheelshockeyskates asked:

Do you have any tips on how to have your lipstick not rub off on the food you're eating or the person you're kissing or anything else that may come in contact with your mouth?

oh man, this is a very tricky question. i have a few solutions, but none of them are perfect (unfortunately). 

1) try a long-stay lipstick. some of them are pretty tough and can outlast even, like, ice cream, but ymmv.

2) primers! NYX has pretty good lip primers, as does urban decay, and i think they are both cruelty-free. double check that, though.

3) lip liner! lip liner is especially good if you, like me, have the problem of lipstick bleeding outside the lines of your lips (this happens to me a lot with my purples, for some reason). lip liner helps keep it where it belongs. (i use lip liner the color of my lips, or the color of the lipstick, but you can also choose different colors if u wanna get crazy.)

4) make sure make sure make sure to blot your lips after you apply. i think about it like this: you know when you put nailpolish on too thick and like 4 minutes into your day it starts peeling? same principle. you want just enough to get the full effect of the color, but not too much that it rubs right off. after i blot, sometimes i sort of dab lipstick back on in places where it looks uneven.

sorry i don’t have anything more concrete for you! anyone who has better advice please feel free to reblog & add.

On lying:

Oh man. This one’s a doozy. I’ll admit, I was a chronic liar. You remember Sam from Garden State? Yeah, that was me. Heart of gold but a little messed up in the head. My lies were stupid. They were like…white lies to preserve someone’s feelings or get out of an unwanted invite. My lies were more…excuses I suppose. “Hey Brittney do you want to go to the zoo?” If I didn’t want to go I’d make up some story. Sometimes, it was short and sweet. Sometimes, I’d say outrageous things and then wonder where the heck it came from. *shrugs* As I got older I stopped the lying and started saying what I thought if asked a serious question. Sarcasm..is different. Sometimes, I need sarcasm to make it through the day. I hope people know when I’m being sarcastic. If I find that someone can’t roll with the punches I seriously downplay it. I get quieter. Still though…lying has always been a funny quirk of mine. Did you like the food? Yeahhh it was nice. In my head I’m thinking…what the heck was that? I think that’s why I’m good at spotting fakes and liars. Takes one to know one. LOL

We Don't Believe Your Lies

We’ve all seen your lies… and we don’t believe them:

  • Retiring to spend more time with the family … means … Someone blackmailed you into resignation.
  • “I did NOT have sexual relations with ‘that’ woman” … means … “I DID have sexual relations with 'that’ woman”.
  • “I am NOT a crook” … means … “I am most definitely a crook”.
  • I’ll call you … means … Don’t call me.
  • Leave it with me … means … Go away so I can forget about it.
  • We’ll sort something out … means … Hopefully, we’ll never speak again.
  • I acted only within the law … means … I knew it was morally wrong, but it was technically legal, so screw you.
  • I thought building my second home was a legitimate expense … means … It was at the time, but the media shows me now that it isn’t.
  • The cheque is in the mail … means … We’re trying to get the money together, but you’re pretty low on the list.
  • Our community-enrichment programme is setting new standards of corporate responsibility … means … twice a year we force all our underlings to pay some of their wages to charity / maintain an allotment / volunteer in an 'urban’ area.
  • Our green operations policy puts us ahead of all our competition … means … We pollute just as much as our competitors, but we lease some rainforest in paraguay to 'offset’ our emissions.
  • I regret the situation and will institute appropriate processes to ensure such issues don’t occur in future … means … I’m sorry I got caught, and will make sure I am not caught again.
  • We believe in a healthy work-life balance … means … “90% Work + 10% Sleep” and we’re working on the sleep part now.
  • We need to tweak our unsustainable business model … means … Our overlords demand we squeeze our supply line for more money so they can buy more $10,000,000 New York apartments.

Next time you begin to lie… remember that people have heard ALL the lies before. Give it up and tell the truth, and you’ll be appreciated all the more for it.