les amis in the kitchen

enjolras pretty much lives on ramen, mac and cheese, and cake mix brownies. he once tried making beef stew and it turned out surprisingly delicious, but he decided it wasn’t worth the effort and returned to eating pre-made food. often steals the others’ lunch.

jehan would probably be an excellent cook if he bothered to pair food from the same cuisines together. unfortunately, he is fully capable of eating butter chicken with mac and cheese, and while both are usually delicious, he isn’t allowed to hold dinner parties. his dessert pizzas, on the other hand, are to die for and everybody suspects that bahorel secretly has an altar to them.

grantaire is rather artistic when it comes to cooking. while his tastes aren’t necessarily refined (he once lived on mashed potatoes for a week), he always serves food as if he were a professional chef and could probably win an award for his compositions of food. his dishes are always instagrammed by courf and have gained quite a few followers.

feuilly is the most reliable cook among les amis. he doesn’t do gourmet, all his meals are good, traditional dishes he’s learned from his grandma and he’s probably never fucked anything up, except for the boiled fruitcake he bakes every christmas that is always super-awful but that the others always eat so they don’t hurt his feelings.

éponine can make all sorts of bread. she has been advised by many of les amis to open a bakery, but in the meantime, she contents herself with getting free lunches from the others in exchange for her special breads, of which the challah is considered the best. few know, but her souffles have a success rate of 97%.

joly is susceptible to all the newest fads and if squash is in, then the household is having squash all winter. a regular customer of the farmers’ market and the greatest hater of the walmart food section, he always struggles to cook what he considers healthy. he once went vegan for two weeks, but returned to his vegetarian lifestyle when goat cheese was on sale.

musichetta is just as eager about fads as joly. except for kale. she detests kale. while she’s had a few mishaps with baking, her latte art is amazing and even feuilly is willing to bear the taste of coffee just for the pretty leaves and flowers.

bossuet once microwaved an egg so nowadays he may only assist in the buying of the ingredients. he will eat anything you put before him, including jehan’s leftovers.

at first everybody assumes that bahorel is useless in the kitchen but that is only partially true: though he couldn’t use an oven if his life depended on it, he’s the king of barbecues and makes steak so awesome that combeferre once ate five of them in one go. 

courfeyrac’s cooking is amusing, to say at least, and not just because of all the quirky dishes he makes. he knows all the showy tricks. flipping pancakes, flambéing, slicing stuff mid-air - all this accompanied by a great variety of dance moves. proudest moment: making spaghetti while doing the macarena.

combeferre is really ashamed of himself because he can’t cook. at all. encouraged by enjolras’ success at beef stew, he once tried making pancakes by himself and ended up having to call the fire department because somehow a curtain caught fire and in short, he’s been banned him from the kitchen ever since.

cosette is the queen of baking. pies, cakes, bars, cookies - she has everything up her sleeve. regularly surprises the others with homemade delicacies and musichetta is crazy about the cookie butter she knows she’ll always receive from her at christmas.

marius mainly sticks to tasting food and helping cosette carry the groceries, probably because he is almost as hopeless as combeferre. he is often the subject of mockery thanks to his love for vegetables, broccoli in particular.

So aromantic asexual feuilly who has perfected his robot voice, so anytime someone says “so what are you like some kind of robot” he can stand up slowly and say

“my identity has been compromised”

“weapons engaged”

“extermination initiated”

and then slowly advance on the person until they get weirded out and walk away


He’s been arresting the Amis so many times for so long that he’s developed a subconscious affinity for them like he’ll ask Combeferre how his research paper on moths is going for his Elective Class cause he overheard Ferre Lamenting about during his one phone call or during an overnight detainment Feuilly explained how to properly design a fan and Javert listened with complete focus and asked questions at the right time or once he noticed Courfeyrac had a black eye and he was like

“What happened to your eye?”


“Did somebody hit you? Do you remember what they looked like could you relay it to a profile artist?”

“What? No I fell down during rehearsal and hit my face on a set piece-”

“You don’t have to protect them I could arrest them for assault and battery-”

“Javert you’re in the middle of arresting me.”

“…Oh yeah.”

And he has no idea he’s doing it and would probably violently deny it if someone brought it up but he’s just very conscious of the stupid boys and YEAH

A bit in advance, but please enjoy those last days of 2014 with people you love ! Or dogs, dogs are good too. 

Les Mis AU: Does everyone remember the greentext where the guy kicks the ball into the goalie’s face and tries to say “ARE YOU OKAY” and “I’M FUCKING SORRY” at the same time and ends up yelling “ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!” as the goalie is choking back tears?

Bahorel/Feuilly AU

Feuilly is holding a hand up to his inevitable black eye and screams back “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?”