This piece was inspired by Ferrett Steinmetz’s debut novel Flex. I loved it, and I am sure you will too. And yes one of the main characters is a chubby chick. When I read the description of Valentine Digriz I thought of devilishlysweet and so I used Liz as a model for the character.
This was an involved piece. It has my first bit of pixel art which is why it took so long to finish. I will be doing a write up on the process for this in the nearish future.
I look at compersion as a nice-to-have, a goal you should strive towards if you can do it. But “compersion” is often used as a club to smack people down for having feelings, and too many people have feelings of jealousy or fear or concern or even outrage to just dismiss them wholesale.
If all you ever feel when your lover’s off smooching someone else is happiness? That’s awesome! I envy you! I, however, often feel happiness mixed with fear that I’ll be replaced, and jealousy that New Guy can do things for her that I can’t (or else why would she be dating a carbon copy of me?), and it’s difficult enough to get past those feelings without the extra layer of “Oh, I must be bad at this if I have doubts.”
I love this. Like, you know what’s REALLY not helpful? “COMPERSION IS REALLY GOOD YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BE HAPPY WHEN YOUR PARTNERS ARE FUCKING SOMEONE ELSE AND IF YOU’RE NOT HAPPY THEN YOU’RE NOT BEING A GOOD PARTNER TO THEM AND IT’S PROBABLY JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE INSECURITY PROBLEMS” well actually yes I do, thanks for noticing. Now what? Not date anyone until I’ve had a 5-year course of therapy?
These are pretty close to cleaned up. I’ll just clean up the rest as I color it because I am not going to catch every bit of dirt anyway so might as well get to coloring this ! But I have been up since 5 am and I am tired and hungry so…
Truth is, some asshole hurt you. You may never know the reasons. You may never see them punished for it. You may never hear them admit why. I’m sorry, because that random pain is deeply, deeply unsatisfying.
Look. There is jealousy out there, in the sense of “They are taking you away from me and I deserve you.” And that is bad.
But there’s also, “I used to get this thing that made me excited about being in this relationship with you, and I no longer get that.” And in that case, bringing it up isn’t “jealousy” so much as it is saying “I’m with you because you provide certain experiences, and if those experiences are no longer going to be a part of what happens between us, I deserve to know what’s going on so I can make sane decisions as to whether to stay involved with you.”
And sometimes, those experiences are no longer provided to you because this person has decided to give them to another person. Sometimes that can be rectified by saying, “Hey, you know, I miss that.” Sometimes it can’t.
It seems selfish, but… be brutal. Show them what they’re in for. Polyamory’s not for everyone, and going out of your way to give people the impression that “polyamory” means “occasionally you flirt but really, nothing happens” can demolish ’em once the first dating happens. And if you drop that hammer after they’ve come to rely on your love and support, you’ll be one of those poly folks going, “How could they not know I was poly? I told them! Why are they shocked now?”
They’re shocked because you told them that what you were doing was what they could expect, and it wasn’t.
So keep dating. Give them as much love as you can. Hug them and let them know that your love for them is a unique thing that’s not touched by other people.