female wizard

Dong of love

Context: i play a male dwarf barbarian in a party with a female gnome wizard, male elf ranger, female half orc fighter, and a male human cleric. My dwarf has no facial hair because of story reasons and long braided hair. The cleric grew up in a human-only town and had never seen a dwarf before. So he was convinced that no beard meant he was female, and has continued to hit on my dwarf every chance he got. My dwarf, after a whole in game year of this constant flirting (he barely began to take notice) decides he’s had enough.

The following takes place as we are shopping in a busy marketplace.

Cleric: Oh look love,*holds up a jewel necklace* i got a gift for you!

Dwarf: Dont want it.

Cleric: Whats wrong love? You usually like it when i buy you things.

Me(ooc): We’re in the middle of a marketplace right?

DM: Yup, middle of the day, tons of people around you.

Me(ooc): Cool.

Dwarf: IM NOT YOUR GODDAMN-UH *pulls down pants* I have a dong so there!

Party(ooc): Starts to loose their shit.

Dm: Make an intimidation check.

*nat 1*

Party: *Hysteria intensifies*

DM: (cleric) you find youself blushing at the sight of his dong. (Dwarf) Role for seduction.

Me: Oh shit, here we go.

*rolls a 18*

Cleric(ooc): Im a cleric having some very unholy thoughts!

Cleric: I dont care. *grabs my dwarf’s hands* My feelings for you will never change. *kisses dwarf*

Me(ooc): Im…I..I have nothing. I literally cant think of anything to do.

DM: As this beautiful display is happening, surrounded by dozens of civillians with various expressions, the light bouncing off of (dwarf)’s dwarven butt cheeks catches the eyes of a guard.

Guard: Hey pull up those pants your under arrest.

Half orc: Back off this has been months in the making!

*rolls a nat 20 intimidation*

Guard: S-sorry!

Wizard: I cast an illusion of (dwarf)’s dong ‘reacting’.

Me(ooc): Too late.

Long story short they are still together and my dwarf is ring hunting. 

The Three Waves of Discworld

So I’ve been thinking for a while about the Discworld books, and how they can be divided up into three rough thematic phases; not based around the focal characters, but rather what the story is about.

The first wave, which begins with The Colour of Magic and I would say ends with Guards, Guards! or Faust Eric. These books are parodies of existing fantasy, and thematically spend a lot of time exploring the conventions of these stories, both mocking them and codifying them as fact for the Disc. We get a lot of witches and Rincewind books here.

Having set up the status quo, the stage is then set for the second wave to enter, starting with Moving Pictures. This is when Pratchett starts to branch out in terms out his parodies, and moves from fantasy parodies to other areas of society and culture, from the movies in Moving Pictures to shopping centres in that weird Reaper Man subplot, to guns in Men at Arms. Notably, all of these are based around external forces disrupting the status quo, and having to be set right. My favourite example of this is probably Jingo, where the external force disappears by itself when the island sinks back into the sea. Hogfather, Carpe Jugulum and Thief of Time all fit into this wave, which has kind of a fuzzy boundary with the third wave. 

Fantasy has always, as an overall genre, had a problem with the idea of growth and change. The idea of “Setting right what went wrong” and protecting the existing status quo has always been a major element in a lot of fantasy stories. “Restoring the true king” is a popular one which is lampooned by the character of Captain Carrot, but Discworld itself has, up to around 1996, had a problem with this itself (notably, the point of the Carrot subplot in Men at Arms is that he is the true king but delibrately chooses not to reveal himself in order to defend the status quo) Its plots, while often having some changes for individual characters, rarely allowed the setting itself to change, and the change that occurs is put right by the end.

The first book to sort of challenge this is probably the fantastic Feet of Clay, one of my favourites, where the role of the Golems is examined and by the end, the concept of a Golem owning itself is introduced. This is a major change for golems in the setting, but it isn’t really played with much here. The two books that really kick off the third wave come, fittingly, at the turn of the Millenium; 1999′s The Fifth Elephant, which examines dwarf politics, and the 25th Discworld novel, 2000′s The Truth, which is the first time we really see a persistant technological change in the setting. The newspaper set up by de Worde is a major factor in all the later books, and notably it is the protagonist of The Truth that is trying to disrupt the status quo with the creation of the newspaper. It isn’t films or rock music, which are eldritch abominations that must be stopped, but an organic and important change in the setting. This is the main theme of the third wave: the Disc is changed and shaped in lasting ways by the actions of the main characters, particularly on the wider social level. Cherry Littlebottom helps to change dwarf gender norms, goblins and orcs are introduced to society at large (admittedly in rather easy ways), and the biggest change of all is the introduction of everyone’s favourite conman, Moist Von Lipwig, who progressively creates or helps create the postal system, paper currency, and the first train network. In the Tiffany Aching books, we see both changes in the social structure that were made far earlier and then ignored (the female wizard Eskarina Smith in I shall Wear Midnight), and a double whammy in the death of Granny Weatherwax and appointment of Gregory as the new witch for her old area in The Shepard’s Crown. In the three waves, we go from stasis, to active defence of the status quo, to challenging and changing it.

Obviously this isn’t a perfect model. While I think the switch between waves one and two is fairly clear, as I noted above waves two and three are far more fuzzy in their boundary. Most notably, while I said that The Truth was the first major wave three book, between it and Monstrous Regiment and Going Postal, we have the second wave’s last hurrah; Nightwatch

Nightwatch is entirely build around the idea that nothing changes. Carcer’s actions threaten to change history, and Vimes has to put it back, while on the other side of the thematic coin, the revolution that the past characters, including young Vimes, are fighting for explicitly just results in more of the same, putting Mad Lord Snapchase in charge.

Except that…even here, we know that this is not true. Vetinari is in charge of Ankh Morpork in the modern day. Vimes has risen through the ranks to become the commander of the watch and a lord himself, a far cry from his humble, improvished beginnings.

The world will change, and sometimes those changes must be fought, but often we need to fight for those changes ourselves.


First pass at some concept art for a few characters from Lock’s universe! All of these are likely to change 1000 times before they become ‘official’ (if they even survive long enough to end up in the story) and don’t even get me started on colour schemes…

🔒 Lock tag 🔒 Social media links masterlist (pls click to support me!)  🔒

Dating Hermione Granger would include

-Being a part of the golden trio

-She helps you study for classes you struggle with

-Standing up to people who made fun of her (even Harry and Ron in first year)

-Always being there to comfort her

-Being so proud when she becomes a badass

-Using memories of each other when you conjure a patronus

-She teaches you piano outside of school

-Spending breaks together at her house

-She teaches you all about muggle things

-During these brakes you go out to movies and dinner

-Which is refreshing compared to the usual Hogsmade dates

-Sharing sweet kisses

-Going to the Yule Ball together and being awestruck at how beautiful she is

-Joking with Ron because you know he has a crush on her

-Being super worried whenever someone tries to hurt her and vice versa

-Scheming with the team

-Going to every quidditch game together

-If your from another house and they are playing against each other you start a playful feud

-Cuddling into each other

-No matter how you fall asleep you are constantly touching somehow

-Always complimenting each other

-You can always get her to laugh and be happy

Originally posted by edwardrbs

anonymous asked:

I have a theory about Rincewind. We all know that Esk is the female Wizard but narritive convention would dictate that she have a counterpart. What if the reason Rincewind isn't good at wizard magic is because he's more suited to witchcraft then wizardry? Has anyone talked about this before? I want fanfiction of this...

“I can’t be having with this,” Granny said, each word sharpened to points and enunciated with the accuracy of a champion knife-thrower outlining an unlucky target. Her glare was focused like a laser. It looked as though it could shatter rocks and burn cities to the ground. It was only slightly undercut by the enormous array of novelty candles that adorned Nanny Ogg’s mantelpiece.
Rincewind, the unfortunate soul in her cross-hairs, shrank a little deeper into his armchair. He rather felt he couldn’t be having with this either, and tried to say so, but the old woman’s look seemed to have fused his tongue to the roof of his mouth.

Keep reading

Arithmancy • Hermione Granger

I felt like I could die. For the past hour I’ve been cramming Arithmancy. I detested the class really… I should have taken a Care of Magical Creatures. The real reason I took the class was because Hermione was taking it and I am hopelessly in love with her. And now of course I am doing horrible in the class because I am so ridiculously distracted by the beautiful girl that sits next to me.

I am sitting in the common room staring at the text book as people walk in and out until I hear her laugh. My head shoots up and I see her smiling down at me and she says, “I saw you here before dinner, are you really still studying Arithmancy?”

“Yeah, this class has just gotten so much harder, I dont even feel like I was in class for the explanation of this chapter, it makes no sense!” I say smiling and stressfully brushing my hair out of face.

“I could help you if you want,” She says, sitting down next to me. I nod and blush at her close proximity, maybe if the person I’m so distracted by explains it to me I’ll actually pay attention.

Ron and Harry are over her shoulder wiggling their eyebrows and giving me a thumbs up. I can’t say my crush isn’t obvious and I dont know how she hasn’t noticed but they swear that she likes me too. I know they dont have any reason to lie but I find it hard to believe that she likes me, she’s so perfect.

She goes through and explanes each section of the chapter and stopping every now and again to make sure I understand, I actually think that I’m starting to understand. As she finishes up the last part of the chapter she stops suddenly and says, “I didn’t realize how late its gotten.”

I looked around and noticed that besides us the common room was completely empty, which means that its very late. “Yeah, thank you so much for you’re help and sorry it took so long,” I say feeling bad that I had kept her up.

“No worries, anything for you (y/n),” She responds. I am caught off guard by how beautiful she looks right now in the low lights of the fireplace, smiling at me and saying my name, she really did drive me crazy. All I could think about is how her friends tell me she likes me and how every night in the dorm rooms I wish she’d be in my bed with me sleeping together and how I wish I could kiss her when I see her in the halls. And then I give her a peck on the lips.

I see the look in her eyes and realize what I’ve just done, “I am so sorry, I was out of place I-”

“Hey, (y/n), its okay, I like you too I was just… surprised is all,“ She says. We are both blushing like mad and she gives me another kiss on the lips, its slower and sweeter and everything I could have imagined. She slowly separated from me then stood up, “We should probably get to bed.”

I nod my head and she takes my hand pulling me up. We walk hand in hand up the to dorms. “Thanks again,” I say outside the dorms then give her another short kiss before we walked into the room and got into our beds.

All I could think of that night was how happy I was that Hermione and I were finally together. And blushing like mad at the thought of what Ron and Harry were going to say when they find out.

Originally posted by winifred-burkle

One thing that I haven’t seen being talked about is how cool it is that in 1926, the American Wizarding government had a black female president. The American Wizarding world in 1926 is more progressive than the real America in 2016.