felucian

I’ve been bogged down by Reprise recently so I decided to write a short, lighthearted little SW oneshot.


Obi-Wan Kenobi, senior Jedi padawan and acting senatorial escort, picked his way through the meandering partygoers to stand at Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn’s elbow.

“Master?”

“Hmm?”

“We have a problem.”

Qui-Gon betrayed no reaction, but tilted his head slightly toward his apprentice in attendance. “What kind of problem?” He glanced over his shoulder briefly and frowned. “What have you done with the senator?”

Obi-Wan winced. “That’s just it. I’m afraid someone is trying to assassinate her.”

“And you left her alone?”

In an uncharacteristic show of frustration, Obi-Wan sighed heavily. “It’s not like that – someone offered her a drink. Tea. She doesn’t like tea, or so she said. She gave it to me. I drank it.”

Qui-Gon was frowning, half at the explanation and half and his apprentice’s unusual behavior and clipped tone. “And from this you learned that someone wants her dead?”

“It’s been laced with toxins. I can tell.” As if on cue, Obi-Wan wavered on his feet. His master frowned.

“What kind of toxins? Obi-Wan, stop staring at the Prime Minister.”

“I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan blinked and struggled to point his eyes in a Qui-Gon-ish direction. “That’s another problem. I’ve completely lost my vision.”

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I had a conversation with @belldreams that literally started out with, “I have to wonder- COULD pregnant Anakin be more whiny than his usual self? Or does he just reach an emo plateau not even pregnancy can breach? :D?” + “Absolutely he can get more whiny.” and THIS IS WHAT YOU GET.

  • Right now he kind of holds back a little, he’ll at least go get his own weird midnight food.
  • But pregnant!Anakin would kick Obi-Wan awake in the shins and be like FIZZY ICE CREAM, I NEED IT and shamelessly abuse that Obi-Wan would get anything for him while he’s knocked up.
  • Also, at least 25% more I’M NOT CRYING I’LL RIP YOUR FACE OFF IF YOU ASK IF I’M CRYING while he’s crying on Obi-Wan’s tunic.
  • Horny pregnant!Anakin is amazing.  And so, so selfish.  He’s at the point where he doesn’t care if Obi-Wan gets off or not, JUST SHUT UP AND LET ME RIDE YOU UNTIL I’M FINISHED, that’s all he cares about.
  • And Obi-Wan endures more of this anyone humanely should.   He gets him not just fizzy ice cream, but gets a ~feeling~ he has to get tiger ice cream too. And it’s the right thing to do, because the fizzy ice cream makes Anakin throw up.
  • They both know that Anakin is abusing this total lack of Obi-Wan’s ability to say “no” to anything, but neither of them can really mind it. Anakin briefly entertains thoughts of feeling guilty but then is right back to, “Yes, but I WANT him to pay attention to me all the time.” and so the guilt disappears.  (It’s Obi-Wan’s fault, anyway, so.)
  • It doesn’t matter that they both know Anakin is only going to take one bit of his Felucian Spike Plant Stew before declaring it disgusting, the point is that it’s driving him crazy that he WANTS IT SO BADLY.
  • And Obi-Wan can even keep up with Anakin’s riding needs, until one bad twist and Anakin throws out his back for a few days. Which makes for a miserable while until they find other ways to keep him sated.   It involves a lot of pillows, lube, and fingers.
  • Obi-Wan WARNED HIM, but Anakin was like, no, shut up, I’m fine as he kept going, Obi-Wan doing his best to help support Anakin, but eventually he just goes a little too long and puts his back out.
  • (Anakin worriedly feeling with the Force to make sure nothing happened to the baby, while Obi-Wan hovers over him and helps send out feelers through the Force.)
  • (The baby’s fine, it kicks lightly in irritation, then settles right back down. Obi-Wan is still wary like, look, he SAID this was going to– OBI-WAN MY BACK HURTS I CAN’T REALLY GET BACK UP ON YOUR DICK AGAIN BUT I WASN’T FINISHED, I’M GONNA LAY DOWN, FINISH FUCKING ME RIGHT NOW.)
  • (And Obi-Wan’s protests are only met with louder and louder YOU GOT ME INTO THIS, FINISH IT.)
  • Anakin can’t even stand up at first, but he’s got an entire throne of pillows set up on the bed and makes demands from on high. OBI-WAN, I’M HUNGRY AND HORNY.  DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
  • “Anakin, you can choose to eat or to get fucked, but not both. And only because we BOTH know you’ll throw up on me if you try both.”
  • (So, so many times Obi-Wan’s tunics are going to get used as an emergency barf bag.)
  • (Obi-Wan starts carrying around actual throw up sacks, he’s tired of this, but he’s about 99% sure Anakin purposely doesn’t warn him, even when he KNOWS he’s about to thrown up.  And then just vomits right onto his lap. Because Anakin finds it funny.)
    ( Anakin’s motto: I’m miserable, so you’re going to be miserable with me. >:|)
  • ( But also the look on Obi-Wan’s face as he tries to hold back the disgusted look is really, really funny.)
  • (It’s fine. He throws out all his robes all the time, anyway!, Anakin says.)
  • Also, too bad for Anakin, after a certain point NO MORE FLYING because flying is a no-go when you’re that pregnant.  He can abuse Obi-Wan in a lot of ways, but when it comes to actual health concerns, oh, shit, Obi-Wan has boundaries all of a sudden, fuck.
  • (Anakin is hardcore sneaking out onto air bikes early on-ish.  Thankfully, Obi-Wan never finds out about the sneaking out for speeder races, he’d have had an absolute fit. It’s probably more to due with Obi-Wan being dead tired from looking after Anakin’s demands than Anakin actually gaining a level in stealth mode.)
  • Just. Seven months pregnant Anakin slouching over the side of the speeder in absolute AGONY.
  • OBI-WAN, THE SPEEDER CAN ACTUALLY GO MORE THAN .5 KLICKS AN HOUR. YOU DRIVE LIKE AN OLD MAN, THIS IS TORTURRRRRRE. PLEASE LET ME DRIVE.
  • It’s so awful being driven around by Obi-Wan. Because Obi-Wan is a great pilot! He COULD go faster, it would be perfectly safe! But no. HE DRIVES LIKE MASTER NU, Anakin knows, he went on a field trip with her once and he could have WALKED faster than she drives.
  • (He’s pretty sure Master Nu was doing it on purpose because, okay, he WAS being kind of a little shit at her, but the point still stands. YOU DRIVE LIKE AN OLD PERSON, OBI-WAN, PLEASE HIT THE ACCELERATOR.)
  • But then Anakin pukes over the side of the speeder and Obi-Wan just looks at him.
  • THAT’S JUST MORNING SICKNESS, NOT MOTION SICKNESS, OBI-WAN.
  • And there’s nothing sexy about Obi-Wan when he pilots like an old person. :(  He keeps both hands on the steering sticks and looks ahead into traffic/checks his mirrors. Won’t even put an elbow out on the window ledge! HES SO SQUARE.
  • The unfair thing is: It is the least sexy Obi-Wan has EVER been and Anakin still can’t stop thinking about sliding over onto his lap and riding him right there anyway.
  • And does Obi-Wan go even slower after that?  Worse: He pulls over and waits for Anakin’s nausea to pass. THEY’RE NEVER GOING TO GET ANYWHERE AT THIS RATE.
  • DOUBLE UNFAIR: Obi-Wan won’t let him touch him while he’s piloting, not even his thigh, much less condone in-air fucking (one of Anakin’s more recurring fantasies)(The dirty, dirty thoughts Anakin has had about swoop bikes are never going to come true now. ): ).   THE BABY WILL BE BORN BEFORE THEY GET TO THE TEMPLE.
  • Also, there’s at least two solid weeks that Anakin practically LIVES in the bathtub, because everything aches and he’s cold all the time.  Obi-Wan tried for about three days to get him out of there to at least eat meals, but eventually he caved and started bringing a tray in. (Plus with bucket. Doesn’t matter Anakin is right next to the toilet, it’s TOO FAR to puke in.)
  • He wasn’t going to tell Obi-Wan about the time he fell asleep and almost maybe kind of accidentally drowned himself a little, but Obi-Wan was mother henning him and felt it and then Anakin had to leave the ONLY WARM PLACE IN THE ENTIRE TEMPLE, YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE, OBI-WAN, HOW DARE YOU TREAT THE BEARER OF YOUR CHILD THIS WAY–
  • Obi-Wan just piles more blankets on him when gently shoving him into bed and silently goes to get an extra heating pad.
  • Anakin’s yelling slowly turns into mutterings and then sleepy yawns and, finally, he’s about to fall back asleep, so Obi-Wan tries to sneak off. But Anakin’s hand darts out and, please stay with me?
  • Obi-Wan is h e l p l e s s against this, despite that it’s AN INFERNO IN THERE, but he will suffer in silence, because, okay, it’s kind of nice the way Anakin is nestled into the middle of all this and safe and happy and warm and content.
  • EVENTUALLY THERE ARE NESTING INSTINCTS, TOO. The bed is literally about twenty blankets wound up into an actual nest.  It’s the starship parts that are EVERYWHERE that Obi-Wan can’t stand. Under the pillows! Between the blankets! Shoved into piles next to the bed! On the sofa! Between the sofa cushions! In the cupboards!  Obi-Wan valiantly tries to draw the line at the blowtorch Anakin has sneaked under the covers, but he’s no match for Anakin always finding it again and sneaking it back in.
  • They are both in so much trouble when that baby gets out. Force sensitive toddler with double inherited Extra? WATCH OUT.  Their baby would be The Most Extra Ever.   Even the Jedi would be like NO THANK YOU.
  • Anakin: You wouldn’t dare just let my baby run around without training! WHAT IF THEY BECOME A SITH LORD?? THAT COULD–
    The Jedi: *quiet terror in their eyes as they slowly back away at that thought*
    Obi-Wan: YOU’RE NOT HELPING, ANAKIN.

tockae  asked:

Did you say prompts!? Bc if you've got the time and feel like it I'd really like to read words about deaf!obi-wan and how that changed some things while others stayed the same

This one took some doing, because I wanted to do it right.  I had to decide if Obi-Wan was going to be Deaf, or deaf (yes, there is a difference- culturally Deaf and just physically deaf/hoh), and also how the Jedi would deal with such a thing.  Would he be deaf from birth, or would it be because of an accident or illness?  Plus, I had to make sure to get someone who has some experience with deaf (and Deaf) people looked over it.  Since my Mom is a ASL interpreter, she was able to help with it. It’s not perfect, but I hope I at least got more right than wrong.

~~~~~~~~~

Obi-Wan Kenobi was the only Initiate that didn’t look up when another of the younglings squealed that a Master was visiting.  The Master was overwhelmed, but eventually, he noticed the lone Initiate still reading by himself in the corner.  The rest of the younglings didn’t seem to notice the Master’s distraction.

Qui-Gon Jinn frowned to himself.  The boy seemed to be alone, and that seemed to be a normal state of things, if the way he didn’t look up was any indication.  Was he normally shy, or did the other children dislike him for some reason?

Qui-Gon decided that he’d ask the Crèche Master about it. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twelve-year-old Obi-Wan felt it when someone sat next to him, but didn’t look up.  His book was interesting, and it was probably just Bruck Chun, who loved to say things to him while hiding his mouth and then tell the Masters that Obi-Wan was ignoring him.

A large hand was placed on top of his bookpad. Startled, Obi-Wan looked up.  A human Jedi Obi-Wan had never seen before was staring at him.  “I’m sorry, Master,” Obi-Wan said.  “I didn’t realize it wasn’t…”

The Master smiled at him.  “Can you read lips?” he asked, making sure to enunciate. *Do you need me to sign?* he asked, using Standard Sign.

“Yes, Master.  I can read lips.  I also know Standard Sign, Corellian, Twi’lek, Gran, and Alderaanian sign,” Obi-Wan both said and signed.

“Which do you prefer?” The Master asked, using both StanSign and voice.

Obi-Wan knew the answer to that trick question. “Whichever you want, Master,” he chirped.

*No, young one.  Which is best for you, not me.  I’m fluent in half a dozen Sign Languages.  Pick the one you know best.  Unless you’d prefer to lipread.*

Obi-Wan stared at him.  The only other Jedi who cared what he wanted was Master Yoda, and the old master could only manage Gran sign.

The Master sighed.  *Do so few ask?* he asked.

*They ask, Master,* he signed.  *But they don’t really care.  They want to be told that they can use whatever they want.  They want to know that I can just lipread.*

The Master scowled down at the table for a moment. *In the future, young Obi-Wan Kenobi…*

Obi-Wan jumped.  The Master had used the sign that Master Tarrirel had made for him when he was three.

The Master smirked.  *In the future, tell me when you want me to use sign, and when you’d prefer to lipread.*

Obi-Wan blinked at him.  *Yes, Master,* he finally signed.

*Good,* the Master said.  *My name is Qui-Gon Jinn.* he fingerspelled out his name. *Most of those who know my sign use this one.*  His hands flashed through the Q-sign tapped to his chest twice, and forehead once. *I have a friend in town who is Deaf, and he gave me the sign after my master said that I thought more with my heart than my head.*

Obi-Wan smiled.  “Qui-Gon Jinn,” he said out loud.

*Very close, just a little more emphasis on the “Gon”*

*Yes, Master Qui-Gon.*

Qui-Gon smiled at the boy.  *I realize that this is unusual, Initiate Kenobi.  But, if you are willing, I would like to take you as my Padawan.*

Obi-Wan’s eye widened as the Master stunned him once again.  He’d never expected to be chosen.  No Master wanted to deal with a Padawan who couldn’t hear.  “Are you sure?” he asked out loud.

Qui-Gon smiled.  *I know you cannot hear, young one.  I can teach you to use the Force to compensate for that.  And I will never have trouble communicating with you.  I know StanSign, Twi’lek sign, Wookiee Sign, the Felucian Dialect, Mando’a hand signals, and Corellian sign.  I would teach you those you don’t know.  Would you like to be my Padawan?*

Obi-Wan threw himself at the man.  *”YES!”* he exclaimed in all the ways he knew.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anakin Skywalker stared up at the man that had run up with him to see Master Qui-Gon.  “Master?” the man asked in a soft, oddly inflected voice.

Master Qui-Gon looked up at the man.  “Ah, Obi-Wan.  Good timing, I wasn’t sure I could have lasted too much longer,” he said. He pulled himself together and stopped supporting himself with his hands.  He continued in Twi’lek sign, which he’d asked if Anakin knew. *Obi-Wan, I want you to meet Anakin Skywalker.  Anakin, this is Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi.  I was his teacher, before he was Knighted last year, and he agreed to help me on this mission.*  He added an unfamiliar sign then continued *Anakin helped us get the parts we needed to fix the ship.*

Anakin smiled at Obi-Wan.  “Nice to meet you,” he said, making sure to look straight at him. He knew some slaves who couldn’t hear. *Do you need me to sign?* he asked.

Obi-Wan smiled down at him.  *You don’t have to, young one, so long as I can see your lips.  Do you have a sign-name?  And do you only know Twi’lek sign?*

Anakin nodded and gestured.  An A-sign moving as if it were a wrench, which his mom and their deaf neighbor had given him.  *I know Huttese and Toydarian sign too.* he said.  “And I can speak basic, Huttese, Twi’lek, and Bocce.”

The man looked amused.  *I think Twi’lek sign or spoken basic would be best.*

“Yes, sir,” Anakin said, still staring at him. He liked this man.

Qui-Gon dropped into a sign language that Anakin didn’t know, though he did recognize his own name-sign. 

“Oh,” Obi-Wan.  He turned back to Anakin.  “Well then, Anikin…”

“Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon said, gently placing his hand in Obi-Wan’s field of view. 

“Anakin?” Obi-Wan asked. 

Anakin nodded.

“Let that be a lesson, Anakin.  Don’t hesitate to correct me if I pronounce your name wrong.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anakin didn’t like what he was seeing.  Too many Jedi were ignoring Obi-Wan.  The boy hurried to catch up to his second-favorite Jedi.  He tugged on the Knight’s sleeve to get his attention.  Obi-Wan looked down and smiled.  *Why do they treat you worse than a slave?* he asked.

Obi-Wan frowned.  “They don’t, Anakin,” he said out loud.

*Yes they do,* Anakin said.  *At least back home, the Masters talked to slaves, even if it was just orders.  I just saw that old Gand ignore you.  He asked me a question, but didn’t even try to get your attention.*

Obi-Wan shook his head.  *He is a Jedi Knight, Anakin, and he has the right to ask questions.*

*But it wasn’t just him.  The five humans we just passed, they bowed to other Jedi, even those as young as me, but they ignored you.*

Obi-Wan sighed.  *It is the way it’s always been, since I lost my hearing when I was two. Most Jedi don’t understand why Master Qui-Gon chose me.  But that doesn’t matter.  I am a Jedi.*

*That’s stupid.  You’re a great Jedi, better than any of them.*

Obi-Wan laughed softly.  *It is the way it is, not just in the Temple.  Those of us who cannot hear have to fight to be recognized. There are, of course, those who don’t think that.  I have friends, and Master Qui-Gon, and others.*

Anakin scowled.  *I don’t like it.*

Obi-Wan clapped a hand on his shoulder.  *Just ignore it, young one.  I do.  Now, we need to head to the Council Chambers.  Master Qui-Gon wants you to meet them.*

*Are they stupid about you too?*

Obi-Wan laughed again.  *Not all of them.*  He ruffled Anakin’s hair, then smiled at the boy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Padawan Anakin Skywalker knew he had the best Master in the Jedi Order.  Master Obi-Wan was teaching him how to sign in Standard, and then Obi-Wan wanted to learn Huttese sign.  Obi-Wan could use the Force to know when someone was talking, and he could pick up a general idea of what they said, too, even if he couldn’t hear it.  He knew almost a dozen sign languages, and four spoken languages.  He was amazing with his lightsaber- he’d killed the Sith on Naboo, and saved Master Qui-Gon’s life.  He was almost as good a pilot as Anakin, and he hadn’t even scolded Anakin for flying that Nubian fighter.  He understood when Anakin had told him that he’d stayed in the cockpit just like Qui-Gon told him to do.

Anakin didn’t care what anyone else thought, Obi-Wan was awesome.  And he liked Anakin too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To make the story flow easier, I used standard English grammar for the sign languages, but that’s generally not the case for modern Sign Languages.  ASL, for example, is grammatically more like French than English.  And I imagine that there must be hundreds, if not thousands of Sign Languages in GFFA, and Obi-Wan is more like a polyglot than anything.

In this universe, Obi-Wan works harder to prove he can be a Jedi, and his therefore Knighted a year or so before Naboo. Qui-Gon asks him for help, and episode one happens mostly as in canon.  There’s no hard feelings for Qui-Gon trying to take Anakin as a Padawan, and Obi-Wan isn’t worried about Anakin taking his place, so he’s more relaxed. And, of course, because Obi-Wan has studied more and tried to prove to the Jedi who didn’t believe in him, he manages to keep up with Qui-Gon and Maul and saves Qui-Gon’s life.

This Obi-Wan is much happier than the canon Obi-Wan.

4

Three Dorks and Dooku, for Clone Appreciation Day! Needless to say, it doesn’t look like Dooku is appreciating the clones very much. This is based off a fanfic I’m working on, the first leg of which centers on Fives, Kix, Jesse, and Dooku having to meek their way through the Felucian jungles together. Although this particular scenario doesn’t occur, it pretty much illustrates their relationship (✿◠‿◠)

________Felucia- 1 month before order 66________

Padawan Commander Ahsoka Tano stared out from the gunship as it grazed past the exotic landscape of Felucia. It was a beautiful, but very dangerous planet. And the Republic needed to claim it as theirs once again. Anakin Skywalker, her master of now nearly three years stood off to her left, intently discussing the upcoming battle with his clone captain. Rex’s helmeted head bobbed up and down slightly as he talked with Anakin, and he swayed almost gracefully with the movements of the gunship as he held onto the grip above his head.

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Embo’s hat means so much to me because I just….imagine if you will:

  • Embo sledding down a hill in his hat
  • Embo tossing a salad in his hat
  • Embo cooking noodles in his hat
  • Embo using his hat as a footrest
  • Embo decorating his hat so it looks like a Christmas wreath
  • Embo giving baby Marrok a bath in his hat
  • Embo playing “go fetch” with Marrok using his hat
  • Embo giving Felucian younglings merry-go-round rides in his hat
  • Embo holding up his hat to hide from socializing
  • Embo covering his face with his hat in the morning so the sun stops hitting his eyes
  • Embo doing practical things with his hat (◕‿◕✿)

Bonus:

  • Embo hanging his hat on a hook and accidentally breaking the hook off the wall