PLEASE NOTE: I’m a human bean. My imagination might be vast but it’s not that vast. I’ll try to answer requests in the order presented but if I have an idea for a request, chances are I’ll write that first. If I have a request from a friend whom I chat to a lot, chances are I’ll write that first.
I ask for your understanding that I have a life to live outside of this blog. I appreciate your support and love even if most days I feel I do not deserve it.
Thank you. x
(Requests are under the read more because, so people know where they are, I’ve put pics of the exact request.)
[REQUESTS ARE CURRENTLY CLOSED.]
(…I really hope you’ll all understand why when you see the list.)
”I’m sorry for submitting but you don’t have anon on for asks and I got scared. I’m sorry if it’s too long or if you don’t want to answer.
I’m 18 and I’ve identified as a trans boy for the last seven years or so (since I learned what trans was) and I can finally medically transition if I want to. It feels right for me, but I know it must have felt right for you, too. I’ve read through your entire blog (as well as many other detransitioned people’s blogs) because looking at the experiences of people who have transitioned and then realised that it wasn’t right for them just seemed like a part of the necessary research I should do before irreversibly changing my body.
Do you have any advice, or even just links to other blogs/sites/etc. on the topic that you think are especially good/well articulated? Is there anything that you believe would have helped you make a better informed decision about how to deal with your dysphoria?
One last question– do you think you’ll ever not be dysphoric?
I’m sorry if any of this is too personal or if you don’t like to interact with people like me. I know it’s not your job to talk me through this; this isn’t a therapy session. I’m trying not to be too invasive or treat you like some kind of exhibit or question-answering-machine, but I’m so scared that I’ll do what feels so right and necessary and then discover that I’m unhappy with the path I have taken. I write this message with all possible respect for you and your experiences and I’m sorry if it doesn’t carry well.
Also, thank you for blogging about this openly. I think it’s important for people to have access to a range of experiences and options when dealing with their dysphoria.”
there, thank you for writing. I am sorry I didn’t have anon on–I didn’t
realize. Anon is now on, if anyone wanted to know, haha.
apologize in advance because I know I can really only give wishy-washy answers
to these questions. It is good that you’re doing the kind of research you seem
to be doing because most people just don’t and God knows that the medical
institution isn’t going to do it for you. I applaud you for having the
groundedness and self-assuredness that seems required to learn about how transition-related therapies can ‘go wrong’ (maybe not the right phrase, exactly). I think that learning about detransitioned people’s experiences and
perspectives really freaks the fuck out of a lot of trans people
(understandably) so good for you for seeking out the information anyway. My
experience and the experiences of other detransitioned AFABs is just
information and doesn’t necessarily have any bearing on your or any other
terms of things to read on the topic I would say you are doing exactly the
right thing. If you found my blog I’m sure you’ve found a whole bunch of other
reidentified women’s writings as well and I’d read as much from those women as
you can–they write some of the smartest stuff I’ve ever read. I’d recommend you read stuff from people who have transitioned as well
as people who have detransitioned. I wish I had done this–I wish I’d known
that non-transitioning dysphoric people had existed at all, and I think it really
would have helped me with my decision to pursue medical interventions for my
dysphoria. I also think that actually going to therapy–like, real therapy, not
therapy–would have helped a lot too. Just someone to help uncover and
process some of the baggage that lead to my mastectomy, basically.
I think knowing/seeing other butch women and really viscerally understanding
that butch womanhood was a viable way of existing would have done me WONDERS.
While I was in my late teens and early twenties I always knew way more
transmen/nonbinary/transmasculine anything-but-women female people than
gender-nonconforming women and that had obvious negative effects. Someone like
me simply could not be a woman. This is probably all stuff you’ve heard many
times before but I don’t think that most gender-nonconforming female people
fully realize the extent to which we are told that our lives are impossible,
false, farcical, etc. and the very real impression that this has on our
psyches. It sometimes seems easier to conform and become a man insofar as that
is possible than to be obliterated day in and day out by everyone around you in the ‘queer’ world as well as the straight world.
know you probably don’t want to hear this but you asked me, so I’m gonna say it–If I
was in your shoes, if I was 18 again I’d tell myself slooowwww down. I’d tell myself that I was still very young. I’d tell myself I have all the time in the world to really think about this and all the time in the world to become any type of person I want to. 18 doesn’t feel young
when you’ve essentially waited years but in all reality 18 is extremely young. You probably
feel like you have been thinking about transition and contemplating whether or
not it is right for you for far too long but its honestly absurd how much I have changed
emotionally and how much my perspective on everything has changed since I was
18. I am now in my mid-20s and the way I feel about my body, about sex, about gender and adulthood and self, all of which had a lot to do with my seeking out transition-related therapies, have all changed drastically in numerous ways, and I think this is a common experience of people in their twenties. If there had been a waiting period of even a year before getting my mastectomy, I highly doubt I would have chosen it.
I don’t really believe I will ever be completely free from dysphoria. Most trans people will tell you this too. Neither path is a path to being 100% comfortable with yourself all the time, and anyone who claims that is bullshitting you. But I can tell you that I am now much less dysphoric than I was at 18. This is not because I have had a mastectomy, which causes me a lot of social dysfunction and really ends up being a lot more trouble than its worth in my opinion. And it’s not because I called myself something other than a woman at some point, and it’s not because I magically woke up and just felt cis one morning. I feel less dysphoric, for the most part, because of years of experienced and growth as a person since my teens. I have grown more accustomed to and accepting of my body in my adulthood, I have seen what it is capable of physically, I have been lucky enough to have had positive sexual experiences with a genuinely loving partner, and other things that just come with time and life experience. At 18, I had none of this–I hadn’t been an adult for very long, I hadn’t worked and loved working in a very manual labor-oriented job, and at that point I had next to no sexual experience. I am happy with all of these aspects of my body now, and it would be silly to pretend that they didn’t play major roles in my dysphoria. Further, I don’t think any ‘procedure’ in particular could have mimicked the experiences that helped with dysphoria. You just have to have them and put yourself in situations where you will be allowed to have experiences.
This may very well make no sense at all but I hope this helps a bit. Basically as a gender-nonconforming person considering transition or alternatives, you are choosing a way of understanding yourself, not a way of life per se. Your lived, material experience may not differ greatly based on which understanding of yourself you choose. I truly believe that oftentimes there is no right or wrong way to go about life as a dysphoric person, and that multiple paths would achieve happiness for the same person, though I do personally believe that we should try to minimize the number of irreversible and unresearched medical procedures done on our bodies.
What strikes me most about this submission is how apologetic you are, especially “I’m sorry if any of this is too personal or if you don’t like to interact with people like me”. I think you will find that the people in this community are more that happy to talk to people who aren’t ‘like’ them–who don’t necessarily share the same ideology. I’m invested in helping people deal with dysphoria as healthily as possible, I don’t care what ‘kind’ of person you are. Take care and I hope I have answered your questions at least a little.
okay this is really rough, and it will disappoint a lot of people, but it’s necessary for my own well being.
i will no longer be writing smut on my blog, or encouraging anything sexual that has to do with the 1975. i will continue to write cute things, but i can’t bring myself to write smut anymore. i recently have felt so convicted by the Holy Spirit, and for good reason. i’ve struggled with every kind of sexual temptation for a long long time, and it’s been like chains to me. but recently i finally surrendered that part of my life, and i felt such an urge to make a change, and i couldn’t get this blog out of my head. every time i thought about my struggles and unhappiness, i thought of this blog. i’m not at all saying this blog made me unhappy, in fact, it did quite the opposite. but in the back of my head, i knew that all i was doing for myself by running this blog was fueling the fire within me that quite honestly needed to be put out long ago. i was just allowing myself to continue to lust and simply put out a bad image of myself and my Savior.
i don’t use curse words in real life, i don’t take the Lord’s name in vain in real life, i do not believe in sex before marriage in real life, so why was i allowing myself to portray that image, and continue filling my head with those kinds of thoughts? i know that’s not what my Jesus wants for me, i’ve been called away from a life like that and to something better. this may sound like a completely different person to you, and i’m sorry for that. i have allowed myself to live two different lives and that brings me nothing but destruction.
as i said before, i will keep this blog running, but i won’t be writing smut or just being thirsty in general. that part of me is dead now, and i intend to keep it that way. it’s a daily battle that i’m willing to fight. i considered deleting or deactivating, but i still want to stay in the 1975 tumblr network since i do love them for more than their sex appeal. besides, you guys have been so supportive of me in general, and i don’t want to just abandon all of that. please know that i am always down to talk about the boys, but not in the way i used to. this isn’t a hard choice for me, even though i enjoyed writing smut. but as soon as i heard Him tell me what to do, i knew it would be worth it.
thank you for understanding, i’m sorry if i’ve disappointed many of you. i love you
Few weeks ago, I felt uninspired, unmotivated and uncreative. I wanted so much to write but couldn’t, words, thoughts and phrases kept filtering through my mind, dangling right above my grapse.
I was so distraught that I cried when explaining how I felt to my partner. After listening, for what seemed like forever, he said ‘Congratulations, you are an artiste, babe.'
Really? If this is it, I don’t want to be an artist!
Last month, he got me this blog for Christmas, he’s helped me design it. Helped me adjust, edit and modify as necessary. Most of all, he’s kept encouraging me to just write.
Today, I felt uninspired and didn’t want to write.
I had had to deal with some disappointment from a staff. This left me anxious, and even more uninspired.
Sweet man that he is, He said, 'why don’t you write about being uninspired to write?’ Ha! I did.
Deciding to update this blog daily seemed to many like a tall order. Now, am thinking it isn’t. I mean, I could simply blog about not being inspired enough to blog, right?
Anyways, this is my way of saying thank you to him and to you. For being here. For your support and feedback.
And also encourage you’ll to get up, dress up and show up, no matter how uninspired you may feel. Let the record show you did your part.
Also, there is one thing I want to point out coherently:
Metatron referred to “the angel formerly known as Hannah,” which means said angel no longer calls themself Hannah. Presumably, this is because they were briefly in a male vessel and seem to manifest as this vessel when it is necessary to manifest in Heaven, which we see at the end of 10.17 where they and the other angels enter Bobby’s room. We can assume that they have either gone back to using their original angelic name (which fandom generally treats as ‘Hanael,’ to my knowledge) or are using a more masculine version of it. Hans? Hansel? We don’t know, but this is the cool thing:
Hanael no longer refers to themself using a feminine name, and doesn’t seem to view themself as a woman. Hanael is canonically non-binary.
As many of you know, askmlcblobs closed a few weeks back and I felt it necessary to commemorate it in some manner. Some of you may recall I have done this kind of thing before, and I thought it was time to do so again. There isn’t much I can say about askmlcblobs that hasn’t already been echoed by many others throughout the fandom. I like many others was inspired by Rai’s work on the blog, and it was one of the blogs that motivated me to begin my own. There are many other blogs that inspired me of course, but mlcblobs was really the ask blog that became the catalyst for me. I still remember when the chubby rainbowdash meme was going around tumblr, which was the post that first got me started on the fancy blog. Although I, in league with many others, are saddened by its closing, all great things eventually come to an end. Thank you Rai for your continued inspiration and I wish you all the best in all your future artistic endeavors! - Fancy Mod