feels much worse

That post about that porn gif of pins and needles being shoved into a woman’s vagina etc. and other torture in porn reminded me of my first encounter with porn on here.

A few years ago a woman I followed reblogged a porn gif of a woman tied up, and some man in all black with a ski mask on shoved his penis in her mouth and she was literally sobbing, and shaking. I called her out saying I don’t care if she watches porn (I was trying to not seem prudish or ‘shaming’ which is a red flag for how liberal feminism is trash btw) but that it looked like rape and it was disturbing. Of course she ignored me. This is back when I didn’t even know the facts about the horrors of the porn industry and sex trafficking. I just saw it and knew it was torture I didn’t mistake her reactions as anything but terror.

That shit is real, these women are really being tortured in so many atrocious ways for the sadistic fantasies of males, and women supporting this shit is so fucked up.

Liberal feminism has failed, women being raped and tortured on screen isn’t empowerment it isn’t edgy its torture.  Stop defending and supporting that shit.

i. when you miss him:
does it ache? does it sink its teeth in and then choke on the blood?

ii. i see him and i think fire, i think guilt, i think silence at three a.m. when we hide our love from everyone, including ourselves. i think drinking too much and bright smiles i can’t kiss and the feeling that i am a broken record: i am stuck on his name and his name alone.

iii. at night i watch the stars twinkle and wish he was mine to hold again. but loving doesn’t work like we want it to and all i get back is the quiet.

iv. i am learning to open my fists and let go of what i hurt and what hurts me, but it is so hard, especially when the claws are in deep and his eyes are wide and afraid to leave me because that would leave him with nothing to hold

v. the blood is running into my palms and the wet warmth feels like him. the pain feels like him too.

- abby

Witch Tip

Feel sick to your stomach? Have the WORST stomach bug on the planet? Dump a bowl of fresh mint and a few slices of ginger in the bath and then jump on in.

Seriously, it works wonders.

2

these are the only two amethyst character sheets i could find, and even here you can see how big the differences are.

whether or not you prefer the shows older or newer art, its pretty blatant that theyve had a style change- and it wasnt a small one.

4

“Small world.”
“It is, isn’t it.”

part 1 of a series of drawings based on a fic by @amillion-smiles ||
pt 2 / pt 3 / pt 4 / special

The Aftermath: Bucky (ALiL Deleted Scene)

Summary: (College!AU): In which Bucky reacts to finding out how you feel about him.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 3,740

A/N: I couldn’t write the next part of this series without giving you at least one scene from Bucky’s perspective. I’ve been excited to write this since I posted the original “The Aftermath”. 

“A Lesson in Love” Masterlist + Soundtrack

@avengerstories - thank you for editing this on your phone, you’re the real hero today

Originally posted by kingsebastian

Forty Minutes Later

Bucky clutches his chest, trying to remove a dagger that isn’t really there. It feels like it is though. The look on your face before he left your apartment put it there.

It had to be done.

It had to be done.

No matter how many times he has repeated those words, his makeshift mantra, they don’t make him feel any better. How could they when he just did the one thing he never wanted to do? He broke your heart.

Keep reading

princebishi  asked:

I dunno, it's 2:30am here and maybe this is a bad idea but I can't sleep so hell I'll send a message. Hi Wil Wheaton, what's a depressed guy to do when he needs to apply to jobs but is scared that he can't handle the rejections that will happen, or the inevitable chipping away of his self esteem, that is only made worse by being trans and not passing very well. (I know you can't help with that last part, but again, it's 2:30am, and my brain is not working very well.)

I can’t help you with that last part, but I want you to know that I see you and I love you for who you are. My friend, Robyn, is the co-founder of mytranshealth, and maybe that’s a good starting point to connect with a support network? I’m so sorry if it’s massively inappropriate for me to suggest that. 

But the first part? Maybe I can help a little bit? Being rejected sucks, and it hurts. In my life and work (I’ve tried and not always succeeded to separate the two) I’ve worked very hard to remind myself that it’s never personal when I don’t get a job. It sure feels like it, though, and getting up to try again after I’ve been rejected is always hard.

In The Nerdist Way, Hardwick tells us that our brains try to protect us, and they try to stop us from taking chances because if we don’t take the chance, we can’t be disappointed or hurt. Our brains are trying to do us a kindness, but they actually aren’t helping, so we have to make the deliberate choice to tell our brains to back off and take care of other stuff.

That is so much easier said than done, but the only way we can get used to it is by practicing it.

Also, 2:30 in the morning is one of those parts of the day when everything feels much worse or much better than it actually is. I’ve reblogged a thing here a few times that reminds us to go for a walk, to get into a change of clothes, to eat a good meal, to do things that we maybe aren’t doing, because doing those things breaks the cycle of depression. You can’t do that at 2:30 in the morning, really, but if you feel like you’re not going to go to sleep anyway, maybe take a nice hot shower? Make a cup of tea and sit down with a book you like, or an episode of a show that you like? I’ve been listening to audiobooks on Spotify when I need my brain to fuck off and let me sleep. I’ve heard the first chapter of The Metamorphosis for like five days in a row, and that guy’s voice is great at soothing me to sleep. The recordings come from LibreVox, so maybe you can find something there?

I feel like I’m not being as helpful as I’d like to be. I want to reveal a great secret that makes it all so much easier, but the truth is that everything worth doing is hard, and You from the Future will be so grateful to You From Now because You From Now faced the fear and accepted the challenge of risking the rejection so you could find employment for Future You.

I really hope some of this helps. Maybe someone else on Tumblr has better words of comfort or wisdom to share? I’d love it if you’d check in with me, and let me know how you’re doing, whenever you’re ready.

a***NOTE: VENT *** (excuse my poor english)

I hate when I am having Social Anxiety and Depression. It’s feels like. Killing me inside. When I was alone, this feeling.. the feeling that you are drowning into the deep ocean and unable to escape from the wild wave. Making me unable to continue what I was doing, just sit and lean there and stare all over the surrounding. I never been checkup with a psychologist, but I could tell that I have these kind of disorders I’ve mentioned from above. How do I know that I’m suffering these disorder?

Well, tbh, i’ve been having Insomnia from what i’ve remembered when I was 12 I guess. Which mean, it has been 5 years straight. I easily lose my appetite, and my weight decrease to Severely underweight. I can’t even do any physical activities because I am easily get kidney pain from the left. Other than that, i can’t even concentrate in class and easy to forget every words of what teachers have said to me. And last but not least, I was acting harming myself (throughout school week), knocking my head to the wall, hitting myself , etc, etc.

Yes, I can feel how depression feels like when I’m studying in boarding school. I don’t have friends that i could trust, all I can see was they are being hypocrite towards me, Including my close friend in school, i know they were judging about my social interaction with others, for being shy, quiet, cannot start a simple conversation, bla bla. something like that. It’s unfair when they forced me to communicate with them, even I DID try,  they didn’t even respond what I was about to say. So, what I do is stay solitude.

I remembered when they being so nice to me, during lunch, they invited me to their table to eat together. Everyday. But, it’s different when who’s come to the table first, they invited me to their table because they came to the cafeteria earlier than me.  But when I was the one who came earlier, and sat the table that can fit 5 people in it, waving my hands, inviting them to sit where I was at. But what they did, they ignored me, and went to the other tables. And I’m here like, “oh, okay. Your welcome then” and eats alone. After that day, I started to avoid them calling me to eat lunch together. I don’t like it, because. backstabbers.

I thought holidays is my FREE times to feel freedom. Actually, I was wrong. I know have so many good friends on the internet, I know they are good pals. I know they are busy with schools/finals/works/assignment/etc. I understand about their inactive, i respect what they were doing. But sometimes, the more they are inactive, I kinda feeling left out. Alone in the silent group chat where we used to be together, makes jokes, sharing ideas, and all wonderful time we experience.

To those friends i’ve been close for so long ( i don’t want to mention their name) I just wanted to say, I am very sorry for not cheering around in our group chat when I was having school holidays. I should tell you earlier about my days to come, but I failed. My ego have taking me over, leave it the group with no ‘cheerful welcome back conversation’. Leaving you guys questioned to yourself, ‘is Golzy left our family group?’ . I really didn’t mean to leave the group. and I never wanted to leave the group because you are like a family to me since 2014. 3 years have passed you guys are all growing up, some of you guys are taking jobs, some of you went to college, schools, family, business, et cetera!

I’m feeling unmotivated day by day, although I have some new friends in a crazy group. It doesn’t makes me very happy. I feel myself i’m betraying my old friends and left them just like that , and I develop hallucination of your voices, to arouse my thought, making me FEAR of you guys.

I’m so sorry, The school have ruined me the way I communicate with people, and I’m feeling much worse lately. Even you can see me being happy, behind this virtual screen, i’m mostly a faker. I’m sorry.

Thank you for reading this.

-Golzy

Self Care Checklist

When I’m at my lowest point with no energy left to spare, I always ensure I actively motivate myself to complete these 8 tasks to keep me feeling stable. When you’re stuck in a rut, even maintaining basic hygiene is a daunting and exhausting task. But if you can at least encourage yourself to tackle this checklist for the day, your general mood and sense of mental stability should improve. This is gonna sound like pretty common knowledge, but when you’re feeling your worst, it’s nice to have some reminders to take care of yourself.

1. Brush your hair - Smooth out the bed head and yank out those knots, and if you have longer hair pin or tie it away from your face so you don’t feel like you have a bird nest forming on your head.

2. Brush your teeth - I feel like this is a frequently ignored measure of hygiene that makes you feel a whole heck of a lot cleaner. I swear having bad breath or dirty teeth makes me feel so much worse when I’m already feeling really crappy.

3. Wash your face - Even if this just means a quick splash of water or a baby/makeup wipe, this is a simple way to help feel a little bit cleaner when you don’t have the energy to fully shower.

4. Change your clothes - I know those sweat pants you’ve been wearing for three days are comfy as hell but you’re wallowing in your own filth and I promise you you’re gonna feel a lot better with pants that don’t have stains on them from last nights dinner.

5. Drink a glass of water - You’d be surprised how important hydration is to both your physical and mental state of wellbeing. If you’re feeling up to it, add a slice of lemon or strawberries in there for something a little more sweet and satisfying.

6. Stretch a little - Listen you don’t even have to get out of bed for this, but if you’re lying around in one spot for awhile you’re body is going to start feeling weak and stiff. Briefly stretch out your arms, back, legs, neck, and ankles.

7. Let in some sun - Pull back the curtain and let in some sunshine, trust me you need it. Even if it’s a cloudy rainy day, sitting in the complete darkness is not going to make you feel any better. If the weather and your health permits, open up some windows to let a little fresh air in.

8. Eat something - This is easy to forget, especially when your mental health is causing issues with lack of appetite. But if all you can manage to choke down is a piece of toast, make sure you get something in you. Make something that doesn’t require a lot of time or energy to cook when you’re hungry. And if you’re not hungry at all, try to get something bland in you and make sure you focus heavily on water consumption.

#when will the Original Iwatobi Relay Team come back from the war

I was feeling nostalgic earlier and i skimmed through the high speed manga and i remembered again how much i love my tiny rarepairs, like makorin who are adorable and smiling up there because they were friends and also had fondness for each other.

and also i saw this tiny panel

it’s smol and like… at the back of a Very Important Haruka panel but this made me smile so much because this was the scene before Nagisa went to say “I’m really nervous!” all smiley at Haruka??? this implies that he was more nervous and worried but rin talked to him so he’s kinda more smiley after?? that’s such a cute small detail!!! also rin and nagisa are so touchy, i appreciate my cuddle buddies being on #brand.

i love nagirin so much ok

One of the thing that deeply irritates me the most about star wars is how all these huge planets with ridiculously large populations all have a single monolithic culture with very little by the way or variation or even the kind of divisions you see inside a country on earth. And I guess that to some extent this is the product of being part of a galaxy where space and time are easily collapsible, so nationalism naturally expands it’s borders to include an entire planet in its purview.

But at the same time it doesn’t explain the lack of cultural variance in things like art or clothing or ritual or even relations to the Force and religion. I think it comes from this retrograde anthropological idea that every culture is easily classifiable and describable when cultures are these weird organic and complex entities which partially emerge in response to things and partially emerge because humans like to make meaning out of nothingness and partially because humans just like to do weird shit. I think the same would hold true for all sentients in the GFFA.

The thing about this retrograde view of culture is that it emerges from a particular political and social milieu (colonial and imperial) but it’s reproduced here in space without questioning at all. And then it just keeps getting even more irritating because you then have space fascists like thrawn who on some level are meant to have an appreciation of art, but on another level have this deeply functionalist understanding of art as an expression of an inherent cultural tendency or serving a particular psychological purpose/representation in a society. This is again this colonial understanding of material culture which posits that an object cannot exist in and of itself for itself or for anything like pleasure or individual expression, but that it directly expresses a cultural and universal expression that represents some inherent truth about a whole people (a psychological function, a function describing social relations and sociality). In thrawn’s case this is then put to use to conquer them. And this could be commentary on the colonial mindset of functionalist anthropology and understandings of culture, except that all of thrawn’s assumptions are proved correct over and over again - and his assumptions about monolithic cultures are reified over and over again in other books in the EU and in the movies and in canon shows like rebels.

So rather than having culture as this weird and manyheaded entity that no one ever perfectly maps to or understands - it is possible, for example, to feel like a stranger in your own “culture” because you have been subjected to so many global influences, and I’m guessing this same pattern would easily replicate itself here - you have a single culture which is also, incidentally, traditional and historical culture. This weird and exotic thing that you can write about in your colonial era anthropology books because it is strange and intricate and deeply rooted in the past - a distant and unnameable past - and rarely ever in the present. Culture, in other words, as primitive, as the Other to modernity which is apparently cultureless. And this too is a political idea which manifested in a cold war era milieu where modernity was a state of being that all other “developing” cultures were meant to aspire to - not just in ritual or dedication to science or dress or sexual freedom but also in modes of consumption but also wrt these more intangible ideas such as the american dream and it’s constituent personality traits like individualism. Star wars just kind of keeps reproducing it and sometimes there’s slippage that allows for you as a fanfic writer to write back against this (which… fandom… doesn’t… which is a rant for another day) but mostly it’s just an uncomfortable tension where you have these deeply colonialist assumptions and understandings of culture constantly being reproduced uncritically and as though this is natural and objective, quantifiable truth.

The thing no one tells you about being abused is that the nightmare doesn’t end when you speak up. In fact It feels so much worse. It feels like the blood that’s pumping through your body is toxic. Every corner is one where danger lurks. Every time someone even slightly touches you , your whole body will tense up. The words “ it’s all your fault” will slam into the sides of your skull. You’ll wake up every morning to be instantly reminded that it’s possible to not own your body and that someone has invaded a part of you that can never be pure again.

5

i’m beginning to realize how subconsciously uncomfortable i am in my own body and also super envious of all the girls that’ve found self love being exactly the shape they are, because i’m still sitting here stressing over not being a perfect model body, and still trying to love myself despite that