feels like something is wrong with me

anonymous asked:

is just me or am i the only one who leave several tabs open on my pc/phone bc i think that i might use them again but i actually never do?? (im from brazil so im sorry if i wrote something wrong)

Um, definitely not just you.

I use the Chrome extention “OneTab” now and I can clean up my tabs by sending them all there. Then I feel like I can get to them easily if I do need them.

I need to clean it up though, I’ve been saving things in there since April 2015.

-J

4

Luka: “ Do you have to stop and stare every time you pass by this house?”
Misha: ”I can’t help it, it’s such a beauty…there’s so many interesting details and I want to memorize them all. Too bad that it’s abandoned like this”
Nathanael: “I don’t know…this place gives me chills … something just feels wrong”
Luka: “I wonder who lived here, what story is behind this empty house..I bet it’s something super cool…murder of some sort, old blood still on the bathroom walls…”
Misha: ” Ewww…Luka, stop it!”


PREVIOUS / BEGINNING / NEXT

It’s been a while and I miss Nessian badly so here comes another parallel (someone pass the Kleenex please).

Because his annoyance vanished—no, it shifted. Into something else, something … Rage.

That’s what stilled Cassian’s face.

Pure, burning rage.

It robbed her of breath, of any sort of sense that she might indeed have the upper hand as he ground out, “Who.”


“Something is wrong,” Nesta insisted.

“I’m not doubting you feel that way but … If none of the others are picking it up—”

“I am not like the others.” Her throat bobbed. “We need to leave.”

“I can send you back to Velaris, but we have things to discuss here— “

“I don’t care about me, I—”

The door opened and Cassian stalked in, face grave. The sight of the wings, the Illyrian armour in this opulent, pink-filled room planted itself in my mind, the painting already taking form, as he said, “What’s wrong.”

The last chapter

Summary: After the curse on Hyperion Heights is broken, Henry decides to bring his new family, wife and daughter, to meet the rest of his family in Storybrooke.

A/N: I wrote this little one shot, trying to give an ending to Emma and Captain Swan’s stories, for me, this should happen at the end of this season, at least I hope A&E manage to bring JMO one more time to make something like this, and because I feel like we deserved this.

Big big thank you this amazing persons @the-reason-to-sail-home @swaansong and @shealivedarnit they help to write this in the best way  pd. this part isn’t beta so I’m sorry if I wrote something wrong.

Read: ff.net/AO3

The curse broke at 8:34 PM on Friday after Lucy risked her life trying to jump from the ledge of the balcony in her step-grandmother’s office in a last desperate attempt to make Henry believe again.

She didn’t jump, but slipped trying to step down and fell to the balcony below, knocking her unconscious. The loss of blood dropped her blood pressure to the floor, putting her in critical state. The accident sent her to the hospital’s PICU for three days until her mother and father -after talking with the doctors about the health state their girl- both kissed her head wishing for the best but expecting the worst.

Then, the magic came like a rush of energy.

A week after that episode, Henry brought his whole family: wife and daughter, along with his mother and his friend Officer Rogers, to Storybrooke so that they could see where he was from. Regina - or Roni - could visit her own place and see what problems Zelena had made in their big white house and most important: look to see what Storybrooke had done without a mayor like her.

Keep reading

Me Too

I had to live with my abuser for 3 years. He was my mother’s boyfriend. He was always put before me and my siblings. And then one night something happened. I don’t like to talk about the details, but I was sexually assaulted by him. In my home, in my room. While everyone in the house was sleeping, including myself for part of it. My mother denied all abuse and defended him. I begged her for my sake to leave him, to kick him out of the house. I didn’t feel safe. She told me I had it all wrong. And he stayed for 3 years. In that 3 years I was forced to eat dinner with him, be alone with him, be nice to him, accept his gifts, and more; all while locking my door at night and sleeping at friends houses when I could-fearing when it would happen again. But never sharing my story. Though the events of that night never happened again, he would always look at me, put his hands on me. (Later, when he cheated on her and she found out, she broke up with him. That was her final straw. But she told me she broke up with him for me, and that she should have done it sooner. So many lies. So much emotional abuse from her.)

For twelve years I didn’t believe it was abuse. I thought I would be dramatic if I said it was and that people had much worse experiences. “I wasn’t raped was I?” I’d tell myself, “And it only happened once. It was nothing.” I can’t tell you how many times I said that to myself. But if anyone told me a similar story I would yell sexual abuse. If it happened to one of my nieces, I would scream it and kill the man. It was sexual abuse. A sexual act on a minor. I was sexually assaulted at 12 years old. And I was silenced. But not anymore, and no one else should be forced to either. 

anonymous asked:

People hating on you? But why? You are sweet and if it's about ships people should just learn to get over it, I personally despise some ships but I would NEVER wish death on an actual human being for something that petty. I love your writing and have been following you for a long while now, don't pay attention to those people you should just ignore em and keep getting better at what you love. Hope you stay well, dear.

awww ;; thank you for saying that, i think i’m strongly opinionated often and have a quick temper OTL but i’m glad to hear that! i feel you, like i don’t even wish tragedies on ppl who have wronged me greatly, it’s a terrible thing to say so lightly, let alone at all

but!! i’ve opened the very oldest page of the blog to do some writing o7 i’m also downloading fe4 so i can hopefully write and play to get into the fe spirit! i just did a convention and i was the fire emblem table again hehe~

thank you so much for your sweet message wahh o7 getting everyone’s support has me kicking my butt to become a content producing blog once more!!

anonymous asked:

how do you get along with society, like.. job-related? the whole VERY INTP-ish habit of "I didn't feel like it, so I didn't do" and the terrible awareness of everything that is externally around me. I have no apparent solution to it. D:

Well, the problem is that we have been told to follow our hearts, which is really wretched advice. Now, when we don’t feel like doing something, we don’t do it, which is a horrible way to live life.

You see, the solution is quite simple. You must learn to do things you don’t like doing. That’s a big part of life–ignoring your heart because your heart is wrong. Yes, we INTPs are just as prone to following our hearts as anyone else.

Consider this: you’re being paid to do work. If you don’t do something, you’re cheating your employer out of his money and time. Plus, if you do work, there is a certian satisfaction in a job well done.

Also remember that, no matter how aware you are, there is always plenty more that you don’t know about. Best to mind your own business and do the best job you can. Not only are you being fair to your employer, but you’re also improving yourself.

Anyhow, what I’m trying to say is that you must, at some point, ignore your feelings and just do the work.

I hope this helps, and thanks for stopping by.

anonymous asked:

Is it strange that I find it reassuring when someone tells me that I'm really, obviously autistic? I'm self-diagnosed, so hearing other people validate that actually makes me feel better about calling myself autistic, especially since sometimes I worry I'm not 'autistic enough'.

I feel the exact same way! And I have a friend who feels the same as well. ‘Validating’ is exactly the word, and I’ve experienced that with my other illnesses too. Having people tell you that this thing you have is REAL is honestly life-changing! 

And with autism, it’s like - the difference between there being something wrong with you and “oh, I’m just autistic, it’s okay that I’m like this”. If I’m autistic, the “something wrong” makes sense, because my brain is different, and that’s that’s the reason I’ve always felt different from everybody else. I’m not a failure or a fuckup, my brain is just wired differently, and that’s okay.

Having that reaffirmed for you by others is super validating, and that’s a great feeling. I’ll do my part and tell you that you are absolutely autistic enough.

2

Since forever I’ve struggled with the thought, “Why can’t I just have a normal relationship?!”

I’ve never been in a relationship where other girls weren’t involved, and looking back I think I’ve figured it out.

It’s who I am, it’s in my bones – it’s more than just my sexuality.

The sexual part, the best way I can explain, is like this – You like something out of the ordinary (fatties, jerking off to weird stuff, animals, anything taboo) you’re going to do it of course – but then because of outside judgement you feel shame, and embarrassment so you keep it inside, wondering why you like those things, and what’s wrong with you – until you do it again, and again, and again…

Same thing with me, and my sexuality. While I was younger I felt out of place, and different. I didn’t bring it up much because I didn’t want to get thrown in the group of girls that pretends to be bi to be cool – that isn’t who I am.

Found a boyfriend, we added in girls – and every single time I enjoy the sex. But the in between…the, “Why do I like this?” the, “Not doing this again, it hurts my feelings” the, “Why can’t I just stop…?” Until the urge to see my man fuck another girl in front of me gets so strong I do it again, and again, and again…

I can’t ignore my sexuality – and being a born pleaser and giver I don’t even WANT to ignore my sexuality – so I’ve accepted I’m a cuckquean, through and through.

After making a solid choice in that, I made this sheet a couple of months ago. I sat down and just thought for hours. Thought about me, why I do this, what I need to live this lifestyle, the balance, what I get, what you get…everything. 

msridcully  asked:

13. Any NoTPs? hhehe

Oooh calling me out like this?? I’m trying to make friends here! People will see and I will be shunned! 

Yes yes ok I don’t care for BradNate. It’s not a NoTP in that I think there is anything wrong with it. I love both Brad and Nate, think they’re both attractive guys, and the respect and admiration they have for each other is wonderful - all the markings of a good ship! But I just feel nothing when I look at them/read them. I’m not an idiot, I get why people like the ship, I really do, but it does not inspire me the way other ships (one, in particular, *cough*NateRay*cough*) do to coo and wax poetic and pick apart every single moment. 

I am an intense person when I really love something, and if I don’t love something I tend to be very ‘eh’ about it, which is normally fine and doesn’t cause any issues. But when I'm ‘eh’ about a popular ship or character or whatever that’s when friction can occur. Because I get a lot of ‘oh read this fic, I know you don’t like the ship but it’s really good’ and then I start to get resentful. I really try not to be, especially for a ship as non-problematic as BradNate, with two characters I adore. 

So, really as long as it’s not pushed on me I can live harmoniously with this particular NoTP. I mean, I’m an adult, so like…I can deal, but why waste time on things you don’t care about, right??

Oh god, 98% of the Gen Kill fandom, please still be my friend, I can talk about literally any other aspect of this show, I make fun edits, and I’m generally friendly! Please don’t discount me for this one flaw!!

anonymous asked:

(Not a suggestion) My dad used to be abuse animals and ever since I can remember I thought it was okay, and when I was younger I did.. I still play very rough with my dogs and i feel so disgusting when I have urges to hit them when they growl or bite me, especially with my cat.. Whenever my mother did something outrageous (she took my phone and read my texts to everyone) I shut down and planned to hurt her.. my dad has abused her before. But I know it's wrong.. why do I think like this?

I think it’s because that’s what you saw growing up. The fact that you know it’s wrong is a good thing because you still have empathy. You could punch pillows or remove yourself from the situation when you start feeling that way. I think just training yourself into getting away from that urge (which will take time) would be the best thing to do.

Please reblog this post if you think it’s okay to be biromantic and homosexual

Sometimes I feel like I’m wrong or something for being biromantic/homosexual and it’s been eating at me for too long now.

I just need to know there’s support for this because I’ve never mentioned this irl to anyone I know, everyone just thinks I’m homosexual. I want to tell them I’m also biromantic but I don’t want to sound like I’m just a confused idiot. Ive had some people tell me that I cant be both bi and gay and while I know they’re probably wrong it still plagues my mind. Sorry if I’m being a note hog or just annoying right now but…. idk. I’m sorry.

anonymous asked:

Hi! I'd like to apologize if you've answered a similar question, but I've been working my way through Tom King's Vision series and I'm furrowing my brow at his characterization of Wanda. Based on what I know of her and Vision's (former) relationship, I feel like she wouldn't ever have told him "he's not real/he's just a toaster"... would she?

No, she wouldn’t have, just like Vision wouldn’t have screamed that their kids “weren’t real” when making the kids was his idea in the first place. King admitted as much when asked about this, but played it off as “people saying things they didn’t mean in an argument.”

In reality, it’s 30 years of hindsight infesting the way characters are handled in a flashback. This is a big part of why I hate flashbacks in superhero comics. It always feels like a writer is trying to convince me that something I read was wrong somehow. Or, more likely, assuming I didn’t read it and only know about what happened via osmosis. I’d rather writers just move forward rather than trying to convince me everything I know is a lie. (Looking @ you, Chelsea Cain.)

I sympathize with how frustrating it must be to work within the constraints of decades of continuity and the many contradictions therein, but if you don’t have some understanding of the core of a character, you’re just gonna mess things up. That Wanda is the person who doesn’t question Vision’s humanity isn’t some minor detail. It’s central to her character. Which isn’t to say that King & Walta’s Vision is bad or that it isn’t full of interesting ideas, just that, as often happens, the handling of Wanda is one of the low points.

I hate how easily people lose interest in me

Like I’ll meet someone new who seems cool and we talk and hit it off and form some sort of friendship and then after a few weeks the texts/messages get further and further apart from one another. And I’ll message them and try to initiate a conversation and they barely reply and I get that people have lives or might be depressed so it’s hard to reply but it always makes me feel like :| bc I feel like I did something wrong or that I surely must not be interesting so why bother talking to anyone.

Anyways that’s just my insecurity of the day.

I’d provide examples but they might see this and know I’m taking about them which is awkward all around

do u ever like forget u have anxiety and ur like “why do i feel like this something must actually be wrong must fix” and then ur like oh…. that’s right my brain just hates me

I am so fucking glad Funko is putting actual effort into the Cuphead figures instead of their usual generic style

The Devil one also looms over Cuphead and Mugman, being two inches taller than them, so I feel like the three would look great displayed together.

EDIT: Okay yes, I am aware now that Funko Pops are the generic-looking ones and these are not Pops and Funko actually makes on-model figures sometimes, thank you for telling me 5000 times

I’m pretty sure Mei’s cinematic short made alot of us bawl our eyes out.


And then there’s this lil detail that I saw that I particularly liked but am not too sure on the accuracy of, and that is tea serving.

 In SG, we usually serve either rice wine or tea as a sign of respect to our ancestors during Qing Ming/ Grave sweeping Day to remember our ancestors and loved ones ( by placing three small lil cups of tea/ rice wine at the gravestone). 
At the same time, tea serving or 敬茶  is also a tradition that’s practiced during weddings where the newly weds serve tea to their relatives to acknowledge their new in-laws and new “brothers” and “sisters” and to pay respect to their current blood relatives.
Now I’m half drunk out of my mind and it’s late at night and @pentacass​ is half egging me on and I cannot brain properly right now, and inferring off the photo of Mei and her co-workers; they obviously seem like a close knit group of friends to her. 


I’m secretly half hoping/ imagining that those cups of tea she’s left for them is cause she’s acknowledged them as her brothers and sisters and served the tea to complete the tradition properly. 

Or to put it simply, She considers them as family.

*Update*

On second thought, now that I’m slightly more sober.
Can you imagine the line interactions between Mei and Angela ingame?
How Angela asks Mei about how she stays looking so young?

Mercy: Mei, you haven’t aged a day. What’s your secret?
Mei: Cryostasis. But I’m not sure if I’d recommend it.


Can you imagine, how Mei must be hurting sooooo much inside, when Angela asks that question? Like she just nyooooms back in her head sifting and recalling memories of when she just came out of the chamber to prep tea and all that shit for her colleagues as if its just another regular day at work? I wonder now, does Angela know what really happened? 

i mean it’s not like i spend every hour consciously saying “i hate myself.” it’s just that when things go wrong my first response is “of course” “i deserve this” “this is because i suck.” if someone asked me “do you like who you are” i’d be stuck. i don’t feel like i’m 13 and emo anymore, but i kept the sidebangs. i feel weird saying things like “i’m a burden and waste of space” but i feel like that. just maybe not in those words. it’s just like i swell too big for the area. like i splash over the sides, a party foul, the spilled drink. i mean how extra would it be to say something like “i don’t like myself enough to keep living”. doesn’t that just cause other people pain. doesn’t that just make people worry. but on the other hand i’m stuck because i feel numb, vague, blurry. like i should evaporate. like i do nothing but cause people distress when i should be helping. like okay. i don’t hate hate myself. but if the car was coming i wouldn’t get out of the way in a hurry.

2

“If efforts never lied, the one who practices the most would win time after time. But, as of course, no matter how hard a person works, if they can’t win, they can’t win. And conversely, much younger athletes may overtake them forcefully. Therefore, efforts do lie. But that doesn’t mean efforts are in vain. It is precisely because efforts lie that we are prompted to think about how to work hard in a different way, and find the correct direction in which to expend our efforts.” – Yuzuru Hanyu

salvainterra  asked:

i love mob so much please for the love of god tell me about ur feelings on 100% ecstasy

OH BOY WILL I !!! ABSOLUTELY 100% (pun unintended but warmly embraced) 

out of all the 100% events, ecstasy is my favorite. the drama… the tragedy… will fiction EVER peak like this again? i don’t think so. but BEFORE I DELVE INTO ALL OF THAT, there’s something i want to talk about first: mob’s psychic powers as an expression of his emotions. 

we all know that mob suppresses his emotions to avoid outbursts of psychic power. but THAT implies that mob’s psychic power is a form of self expression, in the same way that body language is expression. 

he can direct his psychic powers – the same way we can direct our bodies’ actions – but there are other components that are difficult to stop, similar to how people’s shoulders tend to hunch when they’re angry or upset, how they subconsciously cross their arms and direct their feet away when something is making them uncomfortable, etc. 

unless you know about these bits of body language, and make a deliberate attempt to suppress them, it’s difficult to stop your body from revealing something about your emotions. similarly, one function of mob’s psychic power is as an extension of the way he expresses himself. these things happen subconsciously and mostly without mob’s control. 

for example, one of the trademarks of mob’s 100% events is that mob starts releasing waves of psychic power that push his hair back. other side effects include cracking the ground under him, often to dramatic effect.

mob doesn’t push his hair up on purpose, it’s just something that happens – as a result of him releasing his pent-up emotions in the form of psychic power. these little bits of expression aren’t something he can control.

mob also says something REALLY INTERESTING in his first 100% event:

during 100% rage mob uses his psychic powers to fight dimple, yes, but these lines suggest that his outburst of power happened because he finally had to express his anger. and that implies that, in order to show his emotions, and express himself, mob has to use his psychic powers. 

which is something he almost never allows himself to do. 

never forget the disdain / loathing mob had for himself at the beginning of the manga, and how convinced he was that he couldn’t allow himself to express himself OTHERWISE SOMETHING LIKE THIS WOULD HAPPEN. 

further material to consider: the lines that he said right before his 100% animosity / hostility event 

hostility… 

at this point, mob hasn’t taken any action against koyama yet. his outburst of psychic power, radiating outward and blanketing the area, is not doing anything but expressing his hostility – to the extent that mob expects koyama to be able to feel it. 

in addition to that, during mob’s fight with toichirou, he cycles rapidly through a LOT of emotions, and this is what he says about it:

canon suggests that it’s not just a buildup of of emotions that cause his powers to run amok; allowing his powers to run amok also allows himself to feel the full intensity of his emotions. his psychic powers are key to expressing himself.

I COULD GO ON… but i’ll just leave things here for now. to summarize: mob subconsciously uses his psychic powers to express his emotions, which is why suppressing his emotions also suppresses his psychic powers. 

figure 1: a helpful venn diagram of things 

which brings us to the REALLY SAD, BITTERSWEET, MOURNFUL TRAGEDY THAT IS 100% ECSTASY. 

the fight against toichirou is possibly the first time mob has been able to fully utilize his psychic powers. the first time he’s had to, even. all the unconscious limits he’s put on himself – not allowing his psychic power to go free, stifling his emotions and powers – all come undone. 

mob is allowing himself to be himself, wholly and fully. he’s removed his inhibitions. he’s running wild and free. he’s no longer expending energy trying to regulate his psychic powers – he’s allowing himself to feel. this intensity of emotion and action is something mob has never given himself before, and the freedom of it… feels good. incredibly so. he feels free, he feels alive, and toichirou – the only individual to ever stand on a level close to mob’s – understands perfectly. 

this is a level of joy mob has never felt before. 

the release of his psychic power even comes hand in hand with mob’s body language becoming much freer and more expressive than it is in daily life. look at him go!! mob, for the first time in years… letting himself feel the intensity of his emotions, just as they really are.  

but of course his happiness isn’t going to last 

because mob wants to be a part of society, and he thinks he has to keep his psychic powers sequestered away in order to do that. his greatest fear is accidentally hurting the people he loves with his own psychic power, and when he remembers that possibility… 

the tragedy of 100% ecstasy is that – for just a brief moment, mob released himself from his self-imposed limits. for a moment, he let himself really feel, he let himself be, and in that moment he experienced a richness, an intensity, a moment of being so utterly present and alive that it brought himself to heights he’d never reached before. 

 and mob will never willingly allow himself to do that ever again.