It’s such a colossal effort not to be haunted by what’s lost, but to be enchanted by what was // Jandy Nelson.

This is how you repay me?

Requested by: @fangirlwithasweettooth                                    TW: none just angst                                                                                   Prompts :“You said you loved me.” “I do.”                                                           “I saved everything you wrote me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~       I stared at the pamphlet with shaky hands. I feel tears starting to sting my eyes as I feel my legs give out from underneath me. I let out a small sob as I completely give in.

   My husband…my very idiotic husband, publicly admitted to an affair and now the whole city of new york knows. This not only shames our name…but it ruins everything me and Alexander shared. 

   I’m glad the children are my mothers, so they can’t see me like this. Shaking, sobbing on the floor, looking pathetic. “(Y/N)…” his voice rings through our room, and I quit immediately. 

   I shakily stood up and faced him. He looked ashamed, embarrassed. Why would he be embarrassed? He did this to himself. “You said you loved me.” I said, cringing as my voice cracked. But Alex’s eyes widen and he took a step closer to  wipe my tears, only to have me take a step away from him.

   He looked a me hurt and that’s when I lost it. “You said you loved me-” He cuts in, “I do!” and I glare at him, though it was more of a saddened look. “but you went and had an affair?! I begged you to take a break, you refused to! You refused to spend time with me! You refused to spend time with the children! Do you know how hard it is?! Explaining that your father chose his work over you? How am i going to explain this to them Alexander? You never seem to keep anyone else in  mind but your own” I break down once again, and this time, alexander doesn’t move.

    He didn’t think any of this through. “Please…” he said, his own voice betraying him. I went over and took out the box underneath our bed. “Do you know what these are?” I akks, shakily, continuing without giving him time to answer. “Letters, from you Alexander. I saved everything you wrote me.” I wiped my face and turned away, not able to look at  his face.

    “I gave you my  heart, my love, a family. I’ve been loyal to you all these years..” I cried out. Alexander just stood there, saying nothing. “Get out.” I commanded, though it was more of a beg. I didn’t hear any reply, only several footsteps and a then the sound of our door closing.


    I hope you like this one. And thank you for requesting!


“Sorry, I‘m the kind of girl that says fuck when I catch feelings,” she said, chuckling at his obvious surprise, realizing he hadn’t been prepared for her sudden outburst. “I’ve just always been able to play it cool, always until you. You have tumbled all my norms.”

He grinned then, original distress turning into a shock of a different kind. “Is this like, some kind of confession?” Laughter leaked through his lips, spilling from his teeth until the tips of my fingers tingled with the sound.

“Don’t tease me!”

“I’m not! Or maybe I am, but it’s just funny to watch you drop the half-assed scam of the emotionless.”

And for a moment the silence hung as if all the words had been rung from them, as if this was just another day in a history they had created if not one that actually existed.

“And maybe,” he said, “I’m just a little amazed that I’m the one who can break through all the barriers; that I can somehow charm you into believing that sometimes people really can care, and aren’t just a danger against your past-harmed heart.”


Help me, I’m losing
To the ghosts in my head I am fighting
Waiting on answers
I can’t win this on my own

Oh, but I bleed
For someone to believe me
And see what I see

If only, if only my head would let me free
Then would you take a chance on me
If only your story was who I wanna be
If only you would roll it all on me