feelings: what a bunch of bastards

Do I seriously have to defend this fucker? Yeah, I do. Shit. (Lady's Thoughts)

Don’t read if you get easily offended, butthurt, or unable to comprehend another human being’s opinions.

Apparently, nobody is allowed to make offensive jokes because it’s “normalizing” and “just as bad” as actually doing the offensive thing!

Okay then. Let’s play this game.

No more murder jokes.
No more suicide jokes.
No more man jokes.
No more Trump jokes.
No more patriarchy jokes.
No more conservative jokes.
No more Christian jokes.
No more jokes that reference your mental illnesses.
No more Republican jokes.
No more penis jokes.
No more any offensive jokes–ever.

Why? Because it might hurt someone’s feelings and it will normalize hatred against white men or people who’s family has been murdered.

Only puns and good old fashioned humour, like Leave It to Beaver.

Oh, and while we’re at it:
No more plane jokes.
No more sex jokes.
No more America jokes.
No more jokes with coarse language, like shit, tits, cock, cunt, cum, fuck, etc.
No more jokes that could offend anyone at any given time ever.

That means no more jokes about any tragedy or bad things. Even if those things are personal, because it could trigger son or make them feel bad.

How about no humour at all? Even chickens crossing roads could offend someone whose pet chicken died when it got loose onto the highway.

Tumblr wouldn’t last a week.

Now, do I dislike certain jokes? Do I think some are garbage and tasteless? Of course I do. I hated that “All Jews must die” joke. But did you know what I did? I rolled my eyes and moved right along. That’s what adults do. They go on about their lives when they see something or hear something that they do not like. A joke won’t kill a Jewish person. A bullet does. And guess what? All of this attention on Felix for a bad joke is turning your backs on REAL crimes against Jews RIGHT. NOW. I bet your ass right now some little Jewish girl just got shot in the fucking face over Bast knows where while y'all are harping on ONE ignorant fuckface for making a 4chan joke. (Let’s also not forget that the man is known for making offensive jokes.)

Do you have any idea how many fat jokes I hear? How many gay jokes and witch jokes? Do you see me shitting myself and saying that their preferred brand of humour is encouraging witch hunts? Fuck. No.

It’s like saying South Park or Family Guy promotes domestic violence because of their abuse jokes.

This is a Swedish dumbass who’s job is to sit his ass in front of a telly all day, not fucking Hitler or a Grand Wizard of the goddamn KKK.

Should he be condemned? Yes. To this extent? Take your meds if you think so.

Bad humour and bad things will always exist, and no matter how much you want those things to disappear, they won’t. It has been proven to us time and time again that the more that you suppress an ideology and try to censor it, the worse it becomes. Look at how Trump got to office. (Also, because of all of this hubbub, a shit storm of actual antisemites have come out of the woodwork. If you would have left him alone, this shit wouldn’t have happened. Woopsies, right? Fuck you.)

No wonder people hate fucking liberals. Bunch of whiny ass pussies that need to have their coffee taken away from them and actually show them what REAL antisemitism is. They’d think that Pewds is the funniest bastard in the world after they’re done witnessing the horror of what other countries think of Jews and what they do to them.

I’m taking a shower. Fuck this. If you disagree with me, I’m not sorry. If you feel the need to unfollow me, then you aren’t a very strong person. At all.

It’s Dark Out And We’re Wearing Sunglasses - Part 6

FF.NET

AO3

Warnings: OOOOH UH…masturbation, Negan’s filthy mouth, dirty talk, verbal humiliation I CANT BELIEVE I WROTE THIS SHIT YA’LL LMFAO

Also, go check out @lovingzombiechaos she’s amazing and also writes Negan. 

@flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash @hannibalssweaters @strangersangel9 @superprincesspea @lucifers-trash-stash @ladylorelitany @redisunamused @mwesterfeld1985 @ali-pennell @mypapawinchester @crzcorgi @wickednerdery @mamapeterson @may85 @vendekk @melodicdolls @texasgal2222 @cherieann-2001 @negans-network @simons-thirst-squad @neganandstevensdoll @grab-my-boner @otp-oh-the-pain-666 @riisten @rapsity @negans-dirty-girl @negansqween @pan-and-proud-writes @oceansgrxywaves @heartfulloffandoms @strangersangel9 @kijilinn @my-achilles–heel @warriorqueen1991 @kellyn1604 @backseat-negan

Originally posted by grungedaddykinks

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I Thought You Were Different: Book 4 (Part 17/?) (Steve Rogers x reader)

Part 16

“Do you know where Steve Rogers is?”

“No, we haven’t heard from Steve in the past eight weeks,” Nick answered as calmly as possible in front of the sea of faces eagerly looking to him for explanations that he didn’t want to give.  “As you know, because you’re all a bunch of nosy bastards, his family has been through a recent personal tragedy, and I’m not exactly inclined to push the guy into getting back to work until he’s ready, and I don’t care how long that takes him.”

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2

I would hope it’s obvious that the Red Hot Chili Peppers aren’t going to write lyrics that aren’t explicit, because then we’d be a bunch of vague bastards. Our point is to get explicit within our lyrics, within our music, within our stage performances. The fact is, we’ll never change what we feel and what we say to suit anybody’s criteria.  – Anthony Kiedis, 1991

It’s Dark Out And We’re Wearing Sunglasses - Part 8

FF.NET

AO3

Warnings: HOLY SHIT THIS CHAPTER IS BASICALLY JUST DICKS EVERYWHERE. Ahem spanking, anal sex, oral sex, fingering, Negan’s potty mouth.

If you wanna be tagged or untagged lemme know! (It’s been a while since last chapter so I hope i managed to tag everyone. If not don’t be afraid to drop me a reminder!)

@flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash @hannibalssweaters @strangersangel9 @superprincesspea @lucifers-trash-stash @ladylorelitany @redisunamused @mwesterfeld1985 @ali-pennell @mypapawinchester @negans-dirty-girl @wickednerdery @heartfulloffandoms @negans-network @simons-thirst-squad @otp-oh-the-pain-666 @grab-my-boner @texasgal2222 @vendekk @may85 @mamapeterson @riisten @rapsity @melodicdolls @oceansgrxywaves @kijilinn @kellyn1604 @backseat-negan @negan-is-god @my-achilles–heel @warriorqueen1991 @tolieboy @adayinmymeadow @laymetorest77 @purplemuse89 @cherieann-2001 @lovingzombiechaos @megan-monroe @negansqween @smuttwd @clinicalkayla

Originally posted by jdmfanfiction

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2
Words: 3,848
Sam x Reader
Warnings: mentions of blood and disturbing imagery, language
A/N:

Deliberate cliffhanger this time people! MUAHAHA! This is part of a series! Catch up on the other parts here:
Part 1 - The Wolf On Your Doorstep
Part 2 - The Person in the Pitch
Part 3 - The Blood in the Bathtub


Your name: submit What is this?

The light Sam flicked on revealed a hotel room that looked like a piña colada had thrown up all over it… Everything was pineapple yellow or lime green and the wallpaper was adorned with a pattern that was unmistakably miniature pineapples. Jest mewed and squirmed in your arms as you stepped inside behind Sam, who was carrying your bag for you. Dean slammed the door shut behind the three of you and locked it immediately. The deadbolt clicking into place still sounded ominous despite the absurd décor you were standing in the middle of. You said nothing as you moved farther in and Jest sprang down from your arms, eager to explore.

”We got you the adjoining room,” Sam said, pulling open a door in the middle of the wall. “That way you can have some privacy but we’ll always be close.” He ran his free hand through his long hair, feeling a little awkward, and you managed to give him a small nod. You still felt like you were walking around in a trance after what you had seen at your house… in the bathtub. The deep crimson against the porcelain and the unmistakable shape of slender fingers breaching the surface, creating ripples in the violent red as they floated–You briefly shut your eyes against another flashback and a wave of nausea. It seemed like you hardly had to think of it at all before the horrifying images rushed forward. Just like your nightmares, they were waiting on the periphery.

”…Y/N? Are you alright?” Sam’s voice called you out of the flashback.

You cleared your throat but your voice still came out raspy and a little wilted sounding. “I’m—I’m okay.”

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'The IT Crowd' Starter Sentence Meme
  • Have you tried turning it off and on again?
  • I'm sorry, are you from the past?
  • Really? You do the whole "lonely hearts" thing?
  • I feel delicate... and annoyed, and... I think I'm ugly!
  • People; what a bunch of bastards.
  • Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
  • I like being weird. Weird is all I've got. That and my sweet style.
  • It's like being tased in the balls. Like being tased in the balls, except painful.
  • I'm not aroused, it's only cars!
  • Goddamn these electric sex pants!
  • It was like breaking up with the Joker!
  • Balloons explode, ____. They explode suddenly, and unexpectedly. They are filled with the capacity to give me a little fright, and I find that unbearable.
  • When I was eleven I broke the patio window and my mother sued me...
  • Book recommendation? I can't read!
  • Come on you crazy bitch.
  • I always get confused between "golf" and "fire".
  • Why are you giving me the secret signal to shut up?
  • Look, the nature of the thing that is happening has changed slightly, rendering it yet more interesting!
  • Would I blow everyone's mind if I ate dessert first?
  • If you were a murderer, what would your nickname be?
  • You're not going to Adam and believe this!
  • I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk.
  • Did you have sex with that lady?
  • Oh shut up, Dumpo! The elephant that got dumped!
Kiss It Better

 Pairing: Jikook (Jimin x Jungkook)

Genre: (/^▽^)/**

Rating: G

Words: 2.2 k

“Jimin was asked who takes care of Jungkook the most and he said all of them but of course it’s him…”

Jungkook is down with the flu, and Jimin is doing his best to take care of him. But Jungkook thinks he knows the best way for him to recover…and it involves Jimin…

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anonymous asked:

So I had this idea falling asleep last night :) What if Sirius stumbles upon the mirror of erised – somehow – and in it he sees a boy kissing him (and let's be real, it was remus) and that's how he finds out he's gay. Cue distress and fluff :P....Discuss.

Sirius Black had never backed down from a challenge in his life. So when he was dared to break into Dumbledore’s office and steal something, he obviously was going to do it. It took him a few tries to guess the right kind of candy, but when he did, the stairs began to move and he went up under the invisibility cloak, knowing the rest of the Marauders were tracking his movements on the map. 

He made sure to stay underneath it since a lot of those portraits were nosy as hell (not to mention some of them were his awful relatives who liked the gossip with some of the portraits at his house.) He looked around for the right thing to take, something small that would go unnoticed, when something caught his eye. A glimmer in a mirror caused from the cloak moving around the room.

Maybe because of his vanity or because of his natural curiousness, Sirius found himself making his way to the mirror. He carefully slipped off the cloak and gasped. In the mirror he saw himself with all his friends. They were grown up and happy, with little families of their own running around. There was a little boy who looked just like James and had Lily’s eyes. A little dumpling of a kid who resembled Peter. They were all laughing and having a good time but Sirius was transfixed on a little boy with curly hair who looked just like Remus, standing in between Remus and Sirius, holding both their hands. 

Sirius glanced away from the boy and looked at himself, ten years from now, happily surrounded by the people he loved. Then, his reflection winked at him and turned its head, capturing Remus’ lips in a kiss. 

Sirius was so caught off guard that he stumbled back and nearly tripped over the cloak. He snatched it up quickly just as one of the portraits called out asking who was there. He pulled the cloak on and fled, wanting to get as far away from that mirror as possible.

When he got back to the common room, he made up some lie about not finding anything good to steal and then made excuses to go to bed. 

———–

Sirius sat down at the Gryffindor table for breakfast and was careful not to look Remus in the eye. In general he kept his eyes trained on his plate of food, chewing everything slowly so that he couldn’t have to talk.

On their way to DADA, James pulled him aside in the corridor. “You feeling all right, Padfoot?”

Sirius shook his head and swallowed around the lump that had been in this throat since he’d seen that stupid mirror. “Jamie, would you disown me if I liked boys?”

“What?” James asked, his eyes widening. “You takin’ the piss, mate? You flirt with girls more than I do.”

“I know that,” Sirius said, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. “But what if I like boys too? You know I’ve always thought the beater off the Irish team was fit as hell. What if I’m into blokes?”

“Where is this coming from, Pads?” James asked, his brow furrowing in concern.

“Last night there was this really weird mirror in Dumbledore’s office,” Sirius explained, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “I saw things in it. A lot of it was nice, you know, like the four of us being older with families and stuff. But then my future self kissed Remus and seemed to really enjoy it! Like a lot.”

“So what?” Jame shrugged. “It was probably just one of Dumbledore’s weird tricks. Probably something to scare the shit out of anyone that breaks into his office. This school is full of stuff like that. You’re lucky you didn’t get something worse.”

Sirius shook his head. “It didn’t feel like that,” he said, wrapping his arms around himself. “You don’t think it was showing me the future or something, do you?” 

“Of course not,” James said adamantly. “We all know wizards can’t tell the future. Divination is a bunch of bollocks.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Sirius said, letting out a sigh of relief. “Besides, you were with Evans in the mirror, so it couldn’t have been telling the future.” Sirius shifted his bag on his shoulder and began walking towards their classroom.

“Wait, what?” James called after him. “What about me and Evans?” 

“We’re going to be late!” Sirius called out tauntingly.

“You bastard!” 

————-

Sirius sat in the library across from Remus, watching Remus suck on the end of his quill. Inexplicably, it was causing something in him. He felt his trousers growing tight as he shifted uncomfortably. Maybe his mirror self did have a point. 

Remus glanced up and saw Sirius staring. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” Sirius said quickly, averting his gaze. 

“You’ve been acting really weird towards me lately,” Remus said, bookmarking his page and then closing his book. “Was it something I did?”

“No Moons, it’s nothin’ you did,” Sirius assured him, trying to give him a reassuring smile.

Remus smiled back and then nodded, taking Sirius at his word. 

—————

Sirius couldn’t get the image of himself kissing Remus out of his head or that small child that so clearly was theirs. How would that even be possible? They were both blokes and neither of them could have babies. It was absurd and would never happen in a million years. 

Unable to sleep ,Sirius kicked the covers off and crawled into the bed next to his, Remus’. As he got in, he accidentally kneed Remus in the stomach. “Ow, Padfoot, what the hell?” Remus whispered harshly. 

“I have to ask you a question,” Sirius told him, curling up next to Remus.

“And it can’t wait until morning?” Remus asked in annoyance.

Sirius shook his head and wrapped his arms around Remus. Remus visibly softened next to him and put his arms around Sirius in return. 

“What’s bothering you?” he asked, kissing the top of Sirius’ head. 

“Do you ever think of kissing blokes?” Sirius asked, tracing lazy patterns on Remus’ chest with his fingertip. 

Remus did a sharp intake of breath. “Why do you ask, Pads?”

Sirius huffed. “Just answer the question.”

“Yeah, sure,” Remus murmured softly. “I’ve thought of kissing blokes before. What about you?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said quietly, blushing with embarrassment. “Have you ever thought about kissing me?” 

“Sirius…”

“What?” he asked, holding Remus tighter. “I need to know.”

“Why?”

“Because maybe the bloke I want to kiss is you.” Sirius gave it a moment to sink in and then looked up at Remus nervously.

“Is it?” Remus asked, gently carding his fingers through Sirius’ hair.

“Yeah,” Sirius whispered, ducking his head and hiding it in the crook of Remus’ neck. “I think I want to kiss you real bad.”

Remus placed his finger under Sirius’ chin and tilted his face up. “Then why don’t you?” 

Sirius searched Remus’ eyes for some hint that he was joking. When he found none, he leaned in and kissed Remus tenderly on the lips. After a moment he pulled back to make sure it was still okay. 

Remus grinned. “Is that the best you can do?” 

Sirius Black had never backed down from a challenge in his life. 

Triplet

***Hey could you do a teenwolf image where (y/n) is Ethan’s and Aiden’s triplet, she doesn’t go out much until she is forced but the twins made her go to school with them. They pack kidnaps her to blackmail the twins but Derek stops them and takes her back to the twins because if the twins came and all three of the triplets became a wolf together they could kill everyone. Please could you do this?!😊 Ps love all of your fics!😘***

You walk into school with a scowl on your face, much like every other student, but you’re not every other student. When Ethan puts his hand on your shoulder, you break it.

“Ow!” He whispers sharply. He shakes it as it starts to heal. “What was that for?”

“Because the first place I get to go when I get let out of the house is school.” You snap.

Aiden’s hands grip the strap of his bag. “Okay, well if you had stopped sassing Deucalion we wouldn’t have to bring you in the first place.”

You really hated Deucalion. The only reason you were still in his pack was because Ethan and Aiden wouldn’t leave and you couldn’t exactly leave without them. You make an unintentional growl at the name and the boys push you against the locker.

“Cool it. You can’t just go around growling every time someone does something you don’t like.” Aiden’s voice comes out as a growl. Hypocrite. “Now, take your stupid timetable and get to class.”

Muttering, you snatch the timetable out his hands and go to English.

It takes approximately twelve and a half minutes into lunch for you to get kidnapped. You were mumbling angrily as you try and cut through what they are trying and pass off as food, when you were grabbed from behind. You fight back of course, but you were caught off guard and you don’t exactly have backup. You feel a sharp pain in your neck and the world is swallowed in black.

When you come to, your mind feels like it’s trying to move through mud. Your thoughts are jumbled and unclear. The longer you keep your eyes open, the clearer it becomes, until you’re coherent enough to tell that you’ve been chained up. 

“She’s awake.” Stiles almost falls out of the chair. Next thing you know, there are a bunch of teenagers standing around you. 

Your head is lulled to the side in a very uncomfortable manner. You’ve been drugged. Bastards. “What do you want from me?” It comes out jumbled and slurred but they catch your drift.

“You’re our leverage.” Stiles smiles proudly and Lydia slaps him in the arm. You hope it hurt.

“Leverage?” You ask.

“Well, you can’t exactly blackmail without leverage, can you sweetie?” This time it’s Lydia who responds.

“Besides, this way you can tell us your plans.” That was Scott, you think he’s on your right but you can see him properly from your position.

The door swings open and Derek struts in, not yet noticing the scene in front of him. The teenagers stand still, they probably think if they don’t move, he won’t notice them. He looks up and then continues with his walk but then he stops and does a double take.

“Why is there an alpha in my living room?” He asks, crossing his arms over his chest, his stance saying that the answer better be good. Even Scott, who is on his way to becoming a True Alpha, looks uncomfortable.

“Well, we were just hanging out…” Scott scratches behind his ear.

“Kidnapped.” You manage, your tongue still feels thick. 

“You take her back right now! Before Ethan and Aiden find out.” Derek snaps.

“But she’s our leverage?” Stiles is obviously confused, exasperating Derek entirely. He rubs the bridge of his nose.

“Did you every think of what would happen if they found her here and the wolf-out?” He asks.

They all kind of just look around, avoiding Derek’s eyes.

“They won’t take any survivors.” He answers his own question. “Take. Her. Back.”

Stiles grumbles and starts to take the chains off. 

“I think I’m going to eat you first, Stilinski.” You mumble.

Just encase you can’t see what it says:

What if you’re in never land you were send out to look for wood for a fire, you accidentally stumble across the lost boy camp where you find Henry, but before you can talk to him Pan finds you and locks you up and somehow Henry Finds out and saves you.

Sounds good my dear anon, hope this was something you were looking for! 
P.s, i made this a little older than he was in the show, he’s about 14-15 in this one. I also got carried away with the relationship building in this one. 

Once you heard that the two destroyers of magic took Henry it imminently became your business, you didn’t care what the other adults thought about it. You didn’t care how much they’d rant at you, all you knew is that they needed a spare set of eyes, hands and ears to help on this and you suddenly became it. You weren’t related to Henry, but you were his friend. Yes, who cares! This was a family mission, but you loved Henry just as much as anyone else so you had the right to be here. 

“Oh, great just what we need! To baby sit on a mission to save my son”
“He’s my son too Regina, however I agree with the baby sitting part-” Emma turned to you and sighed, a mixture of emotion on the blondes face “What are you doing here?” she asked. Just as you were about to open your mouth, the dark one decided to answer for you. Giving the completely wrong message that you wanted to be heard. 

“She’s here to mess it up, that’s what she’s doing” he spoke, his eyes watching you carefully. He knew you, oh yes. He knew you had a temper of a lioness, despite you age and size but it didn’t stop him from egging you on slightly. He knew about the small bit of magic you possessed which sparked mostly when you were angry.

“I’m here the same reason you guys are, I love Henry and you guys are hardly going to get the job done” Snow was about to cut in but you rose your palm to her, telling her to shut up. She did because she saw how your hand began to glow a mixture of red and black

“- Princess flowers, prince charming, an evil queen who doesn’t know when to chill out, the dark one, Emma – the Savior who doesn’t even know how to use her magic yet.. and a pirate. If you asked me, it sounds like the start to a really bad joke. So lets add a teenager who has lost her best friend to the mix, ‘kay?” You had no idea where that burst of passion came from, usually you were the shy type. However the adults began to bicker among them selves, yet again. And they finally agreed to let you stay, not that you had much of a choice anymore. I mean, you were already in Neverland and there was no turning back until they found a magic bean. 

——— 

You have no idea how long you’ve been in Neverland for, all you know is that you miss your bed, the internet and you realized you’re going to have a lot of shows to catch up on. Bags were beginning to grow under your eyes as the worry for your friend began to deepen. A lot has happened, having run ins with the lost boys, Peter pan himself, which you have to say – ashamedly he was quite, okay extremely handsome which was totally unfair! You also may, or may not have slipped out to Snow who looked at you like a complete freak and moved faster a head of you; Only furthering your opinions on the women as a over-sensitive, cringy, unwanted person. 

Yeah, the queen you once loved in the enchanted forest was making you cry inside due to how goddamn annoying she was. 

While the emotions in the group began to form with one another, the one you mostly got along with was… you guessed it! Regina. Yes, she could be unreasonable at times however she was also a downed to earth person. You looked up to her like the mother you never had, you wouldn’t tell her in your wildest dreams of cause but hey, what she doesn’t know can’t hurt her… Or, rather in this case; you. 

Everyone collapsed onto the woods floor as groans echoed from everyone’s mouths, you wanted to cry. You were hungry, tired, emotional… and.. wait, this is you even in storybrooke so times that by x1000 and you’ve got yourself a nightmare. 

“(name).. go get wood” Emma muttered as she began to lazily put up a tent.

“How about you do it, Savior. She’s exhausted" 

"no, no its okay Regina” you pushed, pushing yourself off the floor as you stumbled slightly. “As you know, i live to serve thee Charmings” Regina let out a laugh as the rest of the group gave you daggers, you began to wander into the woods to try and find a good stack of.. well, wood to find to burn. That was until you saw Henry, “oh my god” you whispered to yourself, 

“REGINA, I FOUND HENR-” before you could react to the person behind you, or call Henry over that is, you felt a blunt object come in contact with your head causing you to pass out imminently. 

—–

When you woke up, your head hurt and you were still tired and hungry. Your mind was racing and so was your gut, as you went to stretch - you thought that maybe, just maybe this was all just a big dream and you smacked your head on your bed frame and you ate something at granny’s.

Nope, you were in a cage in Neverland. 

Okay so – 

WAIT

YOU WERE IN A CAGE IN NEVERLAND?

“What the hell?!” You shouted, your voice coming out horsed and it felt like you were yelling with a hang over. 

“Sleeping beauty is awake then, hmm?” A sinister voice purred, you blinked a bunch of times trying to look at the owner but it only caused you to see sliver glitter in your sight. 

“ 'ont feel 'ike sleepin’ beauty” you muttered tiredly, your head coming into lean on the bars. 

“You don’t look it–" 

"You little bastard” You said instantly, you still had no idea who you were talking to. But once you said that the cage rocked and you felt a sharp object come into contact with your face, that is when you woke up and realized where you were, who you were talking to and just exactly was deeper mess you put yourself in.

“Don’t. Talk to me with such disrespect, little girl”

“Disrespect is keeping me in a goddamn cage” you growled, you really were a motor mouth. 

“I don’t think you’re in the position to be–” he drawled the e’s on his last word and stared at your hands in shock, clearly he didn’t know all that much about you. Smoke began to arise from the bars and you almost, almost burned your way through until the flying pigeon waved his hands and magic proofed them. Your eyes glared at your hands for not working quick enough then back at the other man in front of you.

“Well this changes things” he mused, your hands began to work their magic (hehe) again however failed at their attempt. 

“I hate you, you’re gonna loose Pan, and when you do.. I’m going to laugh, and laugh and i’m going to dance on your grave” you continued, voice darkening by each and every word. 

“Pan? I want t-” Your eyes snapped towards the owner of the voice, your heart started pounding in your chest as your eyes connected. Your heart melted at the young man and you sighed lovingly to see him unharmed.

“You’re late” You grinned hiding the giddiness, despite the look in his eyes you couldn’t help but notice a hint of anger. 

“Henry, Felix should be keeping watch” pan said hastily, “This is a shape shifter, one of the many things of Neverland’s darkest monsters–” that word, he called you that word that you hate. Your eyes shifted towards the liar and your eyes looked at Henry, pleading for him to see that you were who you are. “This is why we need magic Henry, for protection” He said softly. You’re nosed turned up as your heart began to pound in your chest. 

“Oh, okay” he shrugged off, but you knew. You both knew. 

—–

You don’t know how long you were in there for, but when you did wake up from your half asleep/half awake coma, Henry was running over to you and so was peter, your mind was spinning and your vision was blurred. Probably from the lack of food. “Open it and I’ll go with you, we made a deal peter” it was Henry! What was he doing? You couldn’t speak either, everything was cut off. When you felt the cage open you fell out with a loud thump causing you to cry out in pain, your legs were dead and you couldn’t move them. You felt someone whisper in your ear

“I’m sorry, But you now whose coming” there was a kiss on the temple and you felt like you were on your own. 

Pins and needles. LOTS OF GODDAMN PINS AND NEEDLES. You saw Regina run over to you and you sighed in relief 

“(Name), we were so worried what happened!?” she fussed, pulling you into a hug. 

“Pan, cage, pins and needles, LOTS OF PINS AND NEEDLES!” Your voice horsed, On Que your stomach rumbled so much even the lost boys looked over at you in shock “Hungry too” you added weakly, with that bread was shoved in your face and you accepted it without so much as a second thought. 

“We know where Henry is, he’s at the cave” Rumple informed, Regina looked at you worriedly and keeled down beside you as you finally felt the feeling in your legs return.

“I’m gonna have to go, are you gonna be okay on your own?” she questioned, you smiled and pulled her into a hug.

“I’ll be fine with the Charmings for a little while longer, i need some gross positivity  right now. Go kick Pan’s butt for me” you smiled, with that she parted ways. 

You also gladly ate all the lost boy’s food. 

The IT Crowd Sentence Starters
  • “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”
  • “I’m not aroused, it’s only cars!”
  • “Now you hold on a minute, sugar tits.”
  • “Would I blow everyone’s minds if I ate dessert first?”
  • “Balloons explode, _____. They explode suddenly, and unexpectedly. They are filled with the capacity to give me a little fright, and I find that unbearable.”
  • “I like being weird. Weird is all I’ve got. That and my sweet style.”
  • “It’s like being tased in the balls… like being tased in the balls, except painful.”
  • “I’m wearing women’s slacks.”
  • “Oh look, _____’s still alive.”
  • “I’m sorry, are you from the past?”
  • “No no no _____, it’s infected. If this was a human being, I’d shoot it in the face.”
  • “They’re fairly regular, the beatings, yes. I’d say we’re on a bi-weekly beating.” 
  • “I always get confused between ‘golf’ and ‘fire’.”
  • “I hope it doesn’t sound arrogant when I say that I am the greatest man in the world!”
  • “You wouldn’t steal a car. You wouldn’t steal a handbag. You wouldn’t steal a baby. You wouldn’t shoot a policeman. And then steal his helmet.”
  • “People; what a bunch of bastards.”
  • “I feel delicate… and annoyed, and… I think I’m ugly!”
  • “You’re not going to Adam and believe this!”
  • “Book recommendation? I can’t read!”
  • “Small people are not a race. This isn’t Game of Thrones!”
  • “And I would never abuse a small person. Certainly not enough to make a van with tits hit him. … Although, I suppose I sort of did.”
  • “What’s your beef with the homeless?”
  • “Ah, so it’s women you hate! Well, that I can understand.”
  • “When I was eleven I broke the patio window and my mother sued me…”
  • “There was a fire…at a Sea Parks?”
  • “Look at that shit! Look at it! I can’t - how am I supposed to drink - it looks like he milked a cow over it!”
  • “It’s frustrating that we did both of our things.”
Good Lock-Picking Skills Make Good Neighbors : Steter AU

Derek Sebastian Hale, if you do not unlock this door right now I am going to redefine your adolescent definition of pain.” Peter stands outside of his apartment door, struggling not to let his claws spear the doorknob.  

He’s been in charge of his sister’s children for less than a full day, and he is so incredibly close to losing his mind all over his oldest nephew it’s not even funny. In moderation, he loves them like crazy. In his apartment, he’s struck with the impression of a particularly effective ad for birth control.

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Mending Fences

For Day 5 of Kaidan Appreciation Week (Friendship!) I decided to look at the friendship of Kaidan and James. More specifically, them mending fences after a fight. This is set after my fic Burn, where they have a falling out. (Kaidan, James and Shep do end up becoming a poly couple in this world.)

As always I am very nervous to share anything from this ship!


James groaned as Kaidan let him fall face first onto his makeshift bed in the shuttle bay. He bounced heavily and managed to roll over with a groan, dragging a hand down his face and cracking one eyelid open a sliver. Kaidan ignored the drunken marine and somehow managed to stop himself from flinging his cards and poker set onto the bed after him. Instead, he deliberately and carefully set them on the work bench amongst the gun mods.

He turned to leave, not wanting to spend any more time in the Lieutenant’s presence than he had to, when a hand snagged his leg.

“I’m sorry,” James slurred abruptly, his voice thick with drink.

Kaidan paused, a surge of adrenaline tightening his chest as he turned around slowly, oh so slowly, and looked down at the man who, until recently, had been one of his best friends.

“What did you say?” he asked slowly, not sure he’d heard correctly.

The lieutenant squinted up at him. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, annunciating each word carefully. “I fucked up, and I’m sorry.”

Sorry.

The word seemed to echo around the empty shuttle bay, and Kaidan drew in a deep breath as it bounced off the walls. For a moment he just stared at him, then he pulled up an overturned crate and sat down on it so he could look James in the eye. The younger man’s hand loosened and fell away from his leg; he looked relieved that Kaidan hadn’t thrown his words in his face and stormed out.

“There’s a lot of things you should be sorry for, Vega,” he said into the silence.

It was true; the simple fact was that James had fucked up. He’d fucked up badly and both he and Shepard were still paying the price for his pig-headedness.

James nodded. “I know,” he groaned. “And I’m sorry for all of it. I’m an idiot.”

Kaidan considered him, absently wondering if this drunken apology had been pre-planned. “Yeah, you are an idiot.”

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Midsummer’s Light on the Longest Night of the Year

Taking a long walk late on Midsummer’s Night (St John’s Day for you out-of-towners) in Sweden. Even though we are not very far North, the sun never seems to really set. A magical light encapsulates you; time becomes fluid; the landscape swallows you. It is not difficult to imagine olden times when people, after having stayed up much later than usual on Midsummer’s, eaten much more fatty food than usual, and been drinking like a bunch of bastards, would dream up all sorts of mythical creatures lurking in the woods and on their very doorsteps. There should not be such long shadows that late at night, one might think to oneself walking through what feels like pure, albeit lithe, sunlight which, despite its persistence, does not offer much warmth anymore.

(Photo: d.)