feelings: what a bunch of bastards

Do I seriously have to defend this fucker? Yeah, I do. Shit. (Lady's Thoughts)

Don’t read if you get easily offended, butthurt, or unable to comprehend another human being’s opinions.

Apparently, nobody is allowed to make offensive jokes because it’s “normalizing” and “just as bad” as actually doing the offensive thing!

Okay then. Let’s play this game.

No more murder jokes.
No more suicide jokes.
No more man jokes.
No more Trump jokes.
No more patriarchy jokes.
No more conservative jokes.
No more Christian jokes.
No more jokes that reference your mental illnesses.
No more Republican jokes.
No more penis jokes.
No more any offensive jokes–ever.

Why? Because it might hurt someone’s feelings and it will normalize hatred against white men or people who’s family has been murdered.

Only puns and good old fashioned humour, like Leave It to Beaver.

Oh, and while we’re at it:
No more plane jokes.
No more sex jokes.
No more America jokes.
No more jokes with coarse language, like shit, tits, cock, cunt, cum, fuck, etc.
No more jokes that could offend anyone at any given time ever.

That means no more jokes about any tragedy or bad things. Even if those things are personal, because it could trigger son or make them feel bad.

How about no humour at all? Even chickens crossing roads could offend someone whose pet chicken died when it got loose onto the highway.

Tumblr wouldn’t last a week.

Now, do I dislike certain jokes? Do I think some are garbage and tasteless? Of course I do. I hated that “All Jews must die” joke. But did you know what I did? I rolled my eyes and moved right along. That’s what adults do. They go on about their lives when they see something or hear something that they do not like. A joke won’t kill a Jewish person. A bullet does. And guess what? All of this attention on Felix for a bad joke is turning your backs on REAL crimes against Jews RIGHT. NOW. I bet your ass right now some little Jewish girl just got shot in the fucking face over Bast knows where while y'all are harping on ONE ignorant fuckface for making a 4chan joke. (Let’s also not forget that the man is known for making offensive jokes.)

Do you have any idea how many fat jokes I hear? How many gay jokes and witch jokes? Do you see me shitting myself and saying that their preferred brand of humour is encouraging witch hunts? Fuck. No.

It’s like saying South Park or Family Guy promotes domestic violence because of their abuse jokes.

This is a Swedish dumbass who’s job is to sit his ass in front of a telly all day, not fucking Hitler or a Grand Wizard of the goddamn KKK.

Should he be condemned? Yes. To this extent? Take your meds if you think so.

Bad humour and bad things will always exist, and no matter how much you want those things to disappear, they won’t. It has been proven to us time and time again that the more that you suppress an ideology and try to censor it, the worse it becomes. Look at how Trump got to office. (Also, because of all of this hubbub, a shit storm of actual antisemites have come out of the woodwork. If you would have left him alone, this shit wouldn’t have happened. Woopsies, right? Fuck you.)

No wonder people hate fucking liberals. Bunch of whiny ass pussies that need to have their coffee taken away from them and actually show them what REAL antisemitism is. They’d think that Pewds is the funniest bastard in the world after they’re done witnessing the horror of what other countries think of Jews and what they do to them.

I’m taking a shower. Fuck this. If you disagree with me, I’m not sorry. If you feel the need to unfollow me, then you aren’t a very strong person. At all.

Rock climbing buddies (part 3)

“What are you waiting for? Go.”

Cocky bastard. I’ll get him back for this. But I couldn’t deny I was supremely turned on by the turn of events. I stood naked in the light, a sticky sheen of sweat and dirt accumulated over the day on my body, my slightly damp singlet in my hand. My 6-inches of hard-on just wouldn’t quit, curving slightly upwards. I could actually feel the heat emanating off my own body, as blood rushed across my skin.

I glanced over at Bryan again, the poor boy was nervously looking around for any passers-by. Holding his bunched up, sweaty clothes in his left hand, his elbow slightly bent, loosely covering his manhood, his nude body was quite the sight to behold. He looked like he walked right out of a risque Instagram picture, the faint night light creating all the right shadows on his sinewy arms, chiselled abs and chest rising and falling with each panicked breath. 

On the other hand, Jason made an almost odd addition to our trio – similarly carrying the sweat and strain of the day’s activities, but fully clothed. Never thought someone could look so.. overdressed.. in a tank top and shorts. Well-tented shorts. Someone was clearly as turned on as I was.

Mentally readying myself for the actual event, I turned over and took another look at Bryan, and, unable to help myself quickly reached out and touched his hard dick a little, just with my fingertips. I brushed his cockhead a little and came off with a bit of his precum, trailing between his pink cockhead and my fingers for a bit before breaking off. No more reason to be shy now – I stuck my index finger in my mouth for a taste. MAN, he tasted good, and I could see that little action encouraged him a little.

“Let’s do this.”

I made an effort to look more confident than I felt, and you know what, it felt good. Cool air on my skin, light breeze on my balls. I actually should do this more often. I slung my singlet over my shoulder, and set off, knowing it would be too much to ask for Bryan to lead the way.

Stepping into the light was somewhat liberating. I looked back now and then to make sure they were following – Bryan clutching his clothes nervously, hard dick and balls bouncing as he walked, Jason behind, smirking and smug, holding on to my shorts.

The walk was a lot less eventful than it could be, thankfully. Pretty soon, we reached the toilet, brightly lit but empty. I walked straight to the end and turned around, a big grin on my face. Bryan followed, finally a more relaxed look on his face.

Suddenly, Jason grabbed him from behind, one hand on Bryan’s chest and the other on his crotch. Bryan dropped his clothes immediately, and reached back to push him off, I guess he thought we were gonna do this in a cubicle Hell was he wrong. Jason grabbed both his arms and held him in a lock. Bryan struggled, but with little success. Jason looked at me from behind, and gave me a signal to join in.

I didn’t need telling twice. 

I moved over swiftly. “Just enjoy it,” I whispered in his ear before I planted my lips on his. There was a bit of resistance at first, there really was, but he soon gave in to his body’s desires. I wrapped my left hand around his still hard cock, my right hand reaching behind and feeling its way up Jason’s ripped torso. Somehow he’d already lost his shirt, and was grinding his tented shorts against Bryan’s perky, smooth bubble butt. My own dick was unbearably hard and rubbing up against Bryan’s crotch, sliding up and down against the rough stubble of his shaved pubes – it’d clearly only been a few days since he last groomed himself. I was so horny, that alone was almost enough to put me over the edge.

Bryan started to moan – he didn’t need to be held down anymore, and Jason was running his hands over Bryan’s body, pinching his brown nipples, now almost as hard as all three of our cocks. 

Amidst the action, I took a sideways peek at the mirror. The scene was so hot, three lean, taut bodies writhing, sweating, moaning in pleasure, hands all over one another. I knelt down and started blowing Bryan right there and then. His hot knob was already dripping precum by the time I got there, and it tasted so good in my mouth. I could feel it throbbing and him jerking in ecstasy as I swirled my tongue around his sensitive cockhead. I gave his frenulum a good licking, and heard him exclaim in pleasure.

As I got engrossed sucking Bryan’s dick, I felt a hand on my head, pushing me in another direction. Didn’t need to look up, guess Jason needed some attention too. At this point there was no pretending I didn’t want it either, I turned around and ripped off the last piece of clothing on Jason, then proceeded to work on his cock too, making sure it was good and wet from the base to the tip. They continued to make out up above me, with muffled moaning occasionally escaping their tongueing.

My own hand had subconsciously drifted down to jerk myself I realised. Yeah, I needed to get in on the fun. I removed Jason’s cock from my mouth slowly, savouring every inch (7, to be exact) as I pulled back. When I stood up, Jason immediately herded us all to the bench in the middle of the showers, 3 hard dicks swaying in the cold air, all of us still panting. He pushed me down onto the bench, the lacquered wooden planks stuck to my damp skin. I almost thought he wanted to fuck me. Instead, he got on all fours in front of me and returned a blowjob. Fuck, he was so good at this, it definitely wasn’t his first time. I started moaning and thrusting into his warm, wet and waiting mouth. Bryan took his chance and started tapping on my open mouth with his leaking cock, not that I needed persuading.

This gauntlet went on for a while, a hot sweaty mess of bodies, six hands caressing, exploring, tongues on everything, tasting the salt from sweat on bodies in heat, not being able to distinguish saliva from sweat and precum. I don’t know how long it took, probably not too long considering how hot the whole situation was, I soon felt the familiar feeling in my balls, boiling over to the base of my cock.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck I’m gonna cuu-ahh AHH,” I could barely finish my sentence before the inevitable happened. Jason pulled up just in time to give me one last tug before I bucked my hips and released a rope of cum. The first three or four shots went everywhere, splattering everyone with a healthy coating of hot, sticky semen. It seemed to trigger Bryan, who suddenly groaned out loud and lunged forward without warning, sending his cock even deeper down my throat. His first shot went straight down, and as he pulled out, he couldn’t stop. The second shot filled my gaping mouth, still gasping for air as Jason milked my cock, now spewing more subdued shots across my abs. Bryan pulled out of my mouth, and the rest of it shot across my face and body, some of it stuck in my hair, the rest coating my heaving body, dripping down onto the bench and floor below. 

Before I could even catch my breath, it was Jason’s turn to shoot. He got up and leaned back, and I could see his abs flexing in the light as he convulsed involuntarily while moaning, his hand flying across his dick, using the copious amounts of cum I produced as lube. With whatever little concentration I had left, I appreciated how his taut muscles tensed as he reached climax, accentuating an already hot body. He sent yet another dose of cum splashing across both of us. It was really everywhere now, and I’d never been so drenched in cum before, not even in my wildest dreams.

As his orgasm subsided, we all collapsed onto one another, a panting mass of sweaty, naked, cum-coated bodies. The smell was overwhelming, and I just wanted to bask in the moment forever, I was so spent.

That was the best day of training ever.

Thoughts on BnHA 143

Another action packed chapter wOOT

So it really seems like in Kirishima’s past, he may have failed to save someone or possibly blamed for it and his thoughts of being unable to save Fatgum and repeating that mistake is making him feel devastated. 

Through his inner monologue, I feel that Kirishima’s self-esteem is on the line here, seeing how he’s saying ‘It’ll be your fault!!!, Is there nothing you can do, you useless bastard!!, Is there seriously nothing you can do..?!’. It really seems that something must’ve happened previously where Kirishima couldn’t use his quirk. I’m smelling a flashback sometime soon..

Never underestimate a pro-hero - Lesson learnt through this chapter because of Fatgum. Wow the recent chapters sure have a bunch of lessons (previously, on how to be a man)

I DIDN’T SEE THIS COMING

KIRISHIMA MY BOY WHAT ARE YOU-

kirISHIMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Originally posted by bugbuttrainbow

I-I DONT KNOW WHAT TO FEEL ABOUT THIS. HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF FOR IT AND GOT INJURED SO BADLY I CAN’T LOOK AT HIS STATE GAAAH

BUT he mustered up all his courage to jump in and give it all he’s got to aid Fatgum. NOW THAT IS SERIOUSLY HEROIC AND ADMIRABLE!! /salute/

H-He’ll be alright. He’ll definitely be alright. RIGHT HORIKOSHI-SENSEI??????

AND BOY FAT GUM?????? DAT YOU??? I feel attracted to him now

Game of Thrones Preferences/Imagines: How You Meet

Originally posted by thebestofgameofthrones

Tyrion Lannister:

You met Tyrion when he accidentally stumbled into you, in a drunken stupor. He had spilled his chalice of wine down your dress and threw up on your shoes. He quickly wiped the filth from his mouth and looked up into your (e/c) eyes. “My lady, where do I begin to apologize?” He asked.

You didn’t answer right away. You just stared down at the little lord in amazement. How could such a handsome man be such a drunken little lecher? “You could start by buying me a new dress and uhm, new shoes.” You replied.

He smiled widely. “A Lannister always pays his debts.”

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anonymous asked:

Hello-! I was wondering if you could write some Bakugou comforting his s/o who didn't pass some screening processes for her job? She already had low self-esteem to begin with but this just took a huge toll on her. Sorry- I just needed some floofs to cheer me up because my day hasn't gone so well ;;A;;

I’m sorry about your bad day, sweetheart. I surely know how those feel, but I hope this helps any way that it can. This is a long one. Enjoy~


You are incredibly proud of yourself. Really. You are. You haven’t shed a single tear. 

You didn’t cry when you are told that you didn’t pass the screening process. You could feel your throat constrict and the saltiness of tears sting in your eyes. But not one drop rolled down your lashes. Even though it pained you to swallow and one more kind eye or consoling word would’ve broken you, you walked out of the building with your purse in hand and dignity clutched even tighter. You did not cry.

In your car, you didn’t cry either. No tears spilled over as you took shuddering breathes to calm yourself down. You peeled out of the parking lot in silence, drumming your forefinger on the steering wheel as you chewed at your bottom lip. The drive home felt incredibly short. You doubt you would’ve had time to properly cry and regain your composure before you had to face him. Strange. The drive there felt like ages. You seemed to have had plenty of time to overthink and hyperventilate as you approached the building, but now you are already home, sitting in the parking lot to your apartment complex. Here. And you haven’t cried. 

You get out of your car and walk through the lobby, smiling genially at your landlady. Stairs or elevator. Stairs or elevator. Stairs. At least the burning in your legs will distract you from the stinging in your eyes as tears threaten to cloud your vision once more. If you cry now, you won’t have anything to be proud of. You’ll let go of what little pride you had left. You stop and furiously wipe at your eyes. And you realize you are face to face with your door. He’s inside. You won’t cry. You won’t. You can’t. You open the door and are immediately hit with the scent of your favorite meal. He’s cooking. For you. For the girl who was supposed to come home with a smile and a better job. 

You want to cry.

Bakugou looks up from his skillet on the stove for a moment before returning his gaze to his dish, “Hey, babe, how was your thing?”

“M-My thing?”

“Yeah, your fucking thing. That shit for your job?”

“Oh, yeah. I mean I didn’t get the job, but …”

Your throat constricts and your voice cracks. You didn’t get the job. It hurts saying it out loud. It hurts even more admitting it to him. Bakugou raises an eyebrow at you. You cough, trying to laugh it off as you wave of his concern. He shuts off the burner and turns to face you. He steps forward. You back away from him.

“Do I have to murder someone?”

“N-No,” you’re stuttering, “I just I wasn’t g-good enough as usual, but at least I d-didn’t cry, Katsuki. I didn’t cry s-so please d-don’t make me cry.”

You try to fold your arms to hide your trembling hands. You feel ten inches tall under his gaze, and as every second passes, you feel the damn behind your eyes cracking under pressure. Your vision is completely clouded by you tears. You look up, trying to blink back the tears in your eyes. Don’t cry. You have to be strong. Don’t cry. You can’t break down in front of him. Don’t cry. If you cry you’ll have nothing. If you cry, you’ll be more of a disappointment than you already are. So don’t cry, (Name). Please don't—

Your tears spill over, but they are caught by the fabric of his shirt as he pulls you into a chest. Bakugou doesn’t say anything. He over brings up a large hand to pat your head. He ruffles your hair as your shoulders tremble slightly. Bakugou can feel your warm tears seeping through his shirt, but he says nothing about them. If he did, then he wouldn’t be acknowledging your strength and courage. So he says something else, sucking his teeth to get your attention.  

“Tch, what a bunch of fucking idiots,” he says, “If they don’t want you then they’re company is complete shit anyway. Bet those fuckers can’t tell their assholes from a fucking computer. Those bastards don’t deserve someone like you.”

You sniffle, rubbing your face against his chest and clutching his shirt. Bakugou stand silently with one hand gently stroking your hair and the other shoved in the pocket of his sweatpants. You pull back from him, placing your hand over the tear stains on his shirt. Bakugou cups your face and brings your lips to his in as gentle of a kiss as he can muster.

“Hey, look at me. You’re tough as shit and I’m so damn proud you, (Name). Don’t you fucking forget it. Now get your ass in the bathroom and wash up, got it? Dinner’s gonna get cold.”

You sniffle a bit, nodding, “Got it … And thanks, Katsuki. I love you.”

Bakugou flinches and looks off to the side, “Yeah, yeah. Just get in the damn bathroom, alright?”

You smile at him, pecking him on the lips again before turning to head to the bathroom, “Alright.”

3

Midsummer’s Light on the Longest Night of the Year

Taking a long walk late on Midsummer’s Night (St John’s Day for you out-of-towners) in Sweden. Even though we are not very far North, the sun never seems to really set. A magical light encapsulates you; time becomes fluid; the landscape swallows you. It is not difficult to imagine olden times when people, after having stayed up much later than usual on Midsummer’s, eaten much more fatty food than usual, and been drinking like a bunch of bastards, would dream up all sorts of mythical creatures lurking in the woods and on their very doorsteps. There should not be such long shadows that late at night, one might think to oneself walking through what feels like pure, albeit lithe, sunlight which, despite its persistence, does not offer much warmth anymore.

(Photo: d.)

2

I would hope it’s obvious that the Red Hot Chili Peppers aren’t going to write lyrics that aren’t explicit, because then we’d be a bunch of vague bastards. Our point is to get explicit within our lyrics, within our music, within our stage performances. The fact is, we’ll never change what we feel and what we say to suit anybody’s criteria.  – Anthony Kiedis, 1991

MIGHT BE A SINNER, MIGHT BE A SAINT

Pairing/Characters: Peter Quill x Reader

Summary: Peter reminisces about your love. What he discovers, leaves him breathless. 

Warnings: A bunch of love and shit. 

Word Count: 1,570.

A/N: My first ever fic with Peter or any of the guardians for that matter. HELP. Finally got around to finish this bastard. I hope you’ll like it, or so help me god - I’ll go jump of a cliff.  

Originally posted by multifandomimagines-17

It’s a funny thing; love. In some dictionaries, it is defined as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. They don’t – and words fall utterly short when trying – define the feeling you get inside when you meet a new person, or suddenly look at your best friend in a whole new light. They don’t explain or make sense of what’s happening inside you. What happens with your heart in that moment when you fall in love.

Love is a word with many a purpose. You can love a painting. You can love shoes, you can love the way the stars shine bright in the night sky and you can love it when the sun warms your skin on a cold winter day. But, it’s a different kind of love when it’s not about material items. When it’s for someone else, another person, another life and another soul – that in a strange way – completes your own.

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anonymous asked:

i swear i wake up at least 3 times a week thinking about a scenario where lyanna is alive and jon has the mom he deserves

You know part of what I love about Jon Snow?? He thinks about his mother, and he wants to know her. We don’t see that same desire from other bastards, like Gendry who feels nothing but resentment towards his father or Mya who did not care to reconnect with a father that didn’t stick around. They view their absent parent as someone who abandoned them, and Jon does too to an extent, but Jon still wants to know her.

Anyways, here’s a bunch of quotes about Jon and his thoughts of his mama:

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The IT Crowd  {Sentence Starters} 

  • “Did someone else die?“
  • “Come on, it’s pretty bad.“
  • “Yeah, I don’t like people.“
  • “I don’t think that’s true….”
  • “Shut up, do what I tell you.”
  • “Wow, does that happen often?“
  • “Okay, tell me how you’re feeling.“
  • “Hello? I’ve had a bit of a tumble.“
  • “How do you know about this site?“
  • “Just say you’re sorry and move on.“
  • “No, no, leave it. I have it how I like it.“
  • “You just defused that entire situation!“
  • “Have you tried turning it off and on, again?“
  • “I’ll put this over here, with the rest of the fire.“
  • “I feel delicate, and annoyed, and I think I’m ugly!”
  • “Revenge… that would be uppermost on my mind.”
  • “Well, they do have some compelling arguments…”
  • “You’re still concussed. You need to see the doctor.“
  • “I’m an idiot and I don’t care about anyone but myself.”
  • “I don’t want you to talk like nerds. I want you to be normal.“
  • “Oh, really? Then why don’t you come down and make me?”
  • “I’ve met enough of them. People; What a bunch of bastards.“
  • “Huh, what? You think I’m afraid of you? I’m not afraid of you.“
  • “You can come down here any time and I’ll be waiting for you!”
  • “I like being weird. Weird is all I’ve got. That, and my sweet style.”
  • “I mean, they have no respect for us up there! No respect whatsoever!”
  • “I don’t like to be negative about it, but everything you invent is worthless!“
  • “If anyone was ever rude to me, I used to carry their food around in my trousers.“
  • “Yeah, that was weird. It’s almost as if she doesn’t know anything about computers.“
  • “They are filled with the capacity to give me a little fright, and I find that unbearable.“
  • “I hope it doesn’t sound arrogant when I say that I am the greatest man in the world!”
Demon To The Rescue

Characters: Dean x Demon!Reader, Sam, Crowley (mentioned)

Word Count: 1,916

Warnings: sassy remarks from the reader but nothing about this is angsty. Just some Dean fluff at the end, implied smut

Request: what about a dean x sassy/sarcastic demon!reader where she saves his ass killing like a dozen of other demons and dean totally falling for her, but he doesn’t want to admit it because he know that he shouldn’t like a demon but after a couple of days thinking about her he decide to evocate her to tell the truth? (not in a too romantic way tho) and if you could add some implied smut i would love you forever! i love the way you write it! sorry if it’s very specific

Author’s Note: If you want to be tagged, leave an ask or message and I’ll add you! Same goes for my Series Rewrite! If you want to request a fic, please send them in! I love writing what you guys want!

Feedback is always appreciated

Tags at the bottom

Originally posted by inacatastrophicmind

You’ve been around a long time. You’ve seen things no other species has seen. You’ve killed more people than Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin put together. And you were there for both people in rising.

Killing isn’t what bothered you. It was the fact that innocent people have died either because of you or because of something you were involved in. Yes, you were a demon but you were probably the softest demon who has ever walked the earth.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Can you do something where 2d meets reader at a riot or a protest? Like something in the 80s when punks would flood the streets and cause total mayhem. Ily punk sister!

Honey, you are speaking my fucking LANGUAGE. This is based in 1999, btw, so Gorillaz has literally just gotten together and 2D is only 20


2D sprints down the street, gasping for breath, his calves aching with the speed and length of time he’s been running. Behind him, he can hear the heavy footsteps of 3 policemen, and even further away, he can hear the roars of some riot going on not 4 streets away.

He turns and bolts down a relatively quiet road, dodging between the light of the lampposts, trying to put the policemen off. He doesn’t know why he’s being chased. He just wants to get home. He only needed a bottle of vodka from an off-license, but he’d been targeted when he’d walked out, and one of the policemen now on his tail had roared “CATCH THE LOOTER” before haring after him.

The street has clearly already been marched through. He leaps and slips over piles of rubble, and he passes a car with all of its windows smashed in, thinking nothing of it, continuing to run. He can’t even bring himself to look over his shoulder to see if he’s still being pursued; all he knows is that he can’t keep this pace up much longer.

A hand suddenly bursts out from behind burnt out car and seizes him by the collar of his jacket, and with a loud yelp, he’s yanked down behind the husk of the car. After a few moments, his eyes adjust to the darkness. A hand clamps over his mouth, and he looks to the side, just about able to make out the shapes of three people, the closest of whom has their hand clamped over his mouth. The figure turns their head and reveals their profile to be a man with a spiked red mohawk and multiple piercings. A bolt of fear lances through 2D’s gut, strengthened only as the figure on the end stands up and launches a brick across the street with a soft grunt, and then drops back down.

2D hears the clatter as the brick lands, and the yells of the policemen as they turn towards it, away from the car further down the street.

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I Thought You Were Different: Book 4 (Part 17/?) (Steve Rogers x reader)

Part 16

“Do you know where Steve Rogers is?”

“No, we haven’t heard from Steve in the past eight weeks,” Nick answered as calmly as possible in front of the sea of faces eagerly looking to him for explanations that he didn’t want to give.  “As you know, because you’re all a bunch of nosy bastards, his family has been through a recent personal tragedy, and I’m not exactly inclined to push the guy into getting back to work until he’s ready, and I don’t care how long that takes him.”

Keep reading

'The IT Crowd' Starter Sentence Meme
  • Have you tried turning it off and on again?
  • I'm sorry, are you from the past?
  • Really? You do the whole "lonely hearts" thing?
  • I feel delicate... and annoyed, and... I think I'm ugly!
  • People; what a bunch of bastards.
  • Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
  • I like being weird. Weird is all I've got. That and my sweet style.
  • It's like being tased in the balls. Like being tased in the balls, except painful.
  • I'm not aroused, it's only cars!
  • Goddamn these electric sex pants!
  • It was like breaking up with the Joker!
  • Balloons explode, ____. They explode suddenly, and unexpectedly. They are filled with the capacity to give me a little fright, and I find that unbearable.
  • When I was eleven I broke the patio window and my mother sued me...
  • Book recommendation? I can't read!
  • Come on you crazy bitch.
  • I always get confused between "golf" and "fire".
  • Why are you giving me the secret signal to shut up?
  • Look, the nature of the thing that is happening has changed slightly, rendering it yet more interesting!
  • Would I blow everyone's mind if I ate dessert first?
  • If you were a murderer, what would your nickname be?
  • You're not going to Adam and believe this!
  • I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk.
  • Did you have sex with that lady?
  • Oh shut up, Dumpo! The elephant that got dumped!
2
Words: 3,848
Sam x Reader
Warnings: mentions of blood and disturbing imagery, language
A/N:

Deliberate cliffhanger this time people! MUAHAHA! This is part of a series! Catch up on the other parts here:
Part 1 - The Wolf On Your Doorstep
Part 2 - The Person in the Pitch
Part 3 - The Blood in the Bathtub


Your name: submit What is this?

The light Sam flicked on revealed a hotel room that looked like a piña colada had thrown up all over it… Everything was pineapple yellow or lime green and the wallpaper was adorned with a pattern that was unmistakably miniature pineapples. Jest mewed and squirmed in your arms as you stepped inside behind Sam, who was carrying your bag for you. Dean slammed the door shut behind the three of you and locked it immediately. The deadbolt clicking into place still sounded ominous despite the absurd décor you were standing in the middle of. You said nothing as you moved farther in and Jest sprang down from your arms, eager to explore.

”We got you the adjoining room,” Sam said, pulling open a door in the middle of the wall. “That way you can have some privacy but we’ll always be close.” He ran his free hand through his long hair, feeling a little awkward, and you managed to give him a small nod. You still felt like you were walking around in a trance after what you had seen at your house… in the bathtub. The deep crimson against the porcelain and the unmistakable shape of slender fingers breaching the surface, creating ripples in the violent red as they floated–You briefly shut your eyes against another flashback and a wave of nausea. It seemed like you hardly had to think of it at all before the horrifying images rushed forward. Just like your nightmares, they were waiting on the periphery.

”…Y/N? Are you alright?” Sam’s voice called you out of the flashback.

You cleared your throat but your voice still came out raspy and a little wilted sounding. “I’m—I’m okay.”

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Fusion Circles Chapter 1

I was 88% sure that this was unfair; I hadn’t even gotten my drink yet.

I swiveled around on my barstool, surreptitiously swiping a finger across my phone’s screen. There, now JARVIS was listening. He would be able to pick up on Loki’s voice and contact the others in a hot second. So there Rogers, nonweaponized tech was useful in a combat situation. “Hey there, Reindeer Games. How’s your night going?”

Loki’s lips curved upward into a maniac grin. “Much better, now that I am with you.”

I held up my hands and waggled them, smirking. “Sorry, darling, taken man here. But I’m sure you could find someone equally suitable online. They do say that there’s someone for everyone.”

The demigod let out a low, sultry chuckle. Honestly, if I hadn’t been in a committed relationship and he hadn’t been, y’know, a supervillain, I might’ve sidled up to him and seen how things went. “I am not here for such petty pleasures, mortal.”

“Sex is not at all petty.” I informed him. “It’s fucking fantastic, pun fully intended. Especially when I’m involved. Have you ever even read a tabloid?”

Loki’s grin softened into something almost affectionate. It was still crazy enough to make the stalkers I had when I was twelve look friendly and safe to approach. “I tend to prefer more sophisticated reading material, myself. But I am not here about that.” He paused, letting the drama thicken in the air. “I am here on a mission of respect.”

That sounded… ominous. Shit. I might be impulsive and occasionally suicidal, but I wasn’t stupid. Fights with Loki tended to result in plenty of collateral damage. There were patrons and staff still in the bar, too terrified to flee. And I was fairly sure Pepper would bury me in paperwork if I ruined two designer suits in two months. I had to stall until one of the other Avengers could get here.

“Really?” I cocked my head to the side. “Respect for what?”

“The fact that you are one of the few superheroes with a brain.” He sighed, leaning forward on his current magic stick. “You see, my next plan involves quite a bit of collateral damage, and I would really prefer if you were not one of the casualties. So I am here to get you out of the way for a time.”

I threw my head back and laughed, until I was hunched over and gasping for breath. “You’re here to kidnap me?” I wheezed. “Oh damn, that’s hilarious. That never works, and yet you keep trying. The definition of insanity, really? I thought that you tried to be more original than that in your madness.”

Loki’s smile suddenly went crooked. “Of course not. Somebody else that you could escape from would steal you away in weeks. Give me a little credit, mortal. I will simply use this.” He withdrew a device from his long coat.

It looked like the bastard child of a tv remote, a standing mixer, and a paintball gun. Loki turned it on, and it began to emit a hum low enough that I couldn’t hear it, but loud enough that I could feel it in my bones. “Yeah, you slapped a bunch of scraps together, so what? I could do that if…” I let my mouth run on its own. My mind was racing for and eliminating possibilities. My best option at this point was to get the thingamajig* away from him.

I kept rambling about the clearly substandard materials of the device as I slid off the barstool and ambled over to one of the tables. My back was to him on purpose. One of the nice parts about fighting an honorable enemy was that you could dely them almost indefinitely by monologuing and/or making it dishonorable to attack. As long as you fought them in the same way, of course. 

I bent over a little, knowing Loki’s eyes would be on my ass for at least the next 7 seconds, barring interruptions.

Then I flipped the table over my head and onto Loki’s.

His startled shriek was apparently the signal the others needed to clear out, adding to the confusion by screaming as they ran out. But Loki didn’t drop the whatchamacallit**, instead swinging it towards me, a look of pure indignation on his face. “You dare to drop an object on me while I offer you mercy!” He roared. “Just for that, you will not be going into a pocket dimension! I will throw you into the deepest pit and keep you there until I wish to decorate with your entrails!”

Faintly, I could hear JARVIS frantically telling me that the team was only two minutes away by Quinjet, if I could just hold Loki off until then-

Then my body was white fire, gone in an instant.

*It’s a very technical term.

** An even more technical term. Hey, who’s the one who went to MIT here?

Tagging- @thevoidwatches @theonysill 

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Feedback and questions are more than welcome! By the way, for non-DF fans, this will be written from Tony’s first person viewpoint, in a nod for how the Dresden Files are written in Harry’s first person viewpoint. And everyone is free to ask to be tagged.

Harry and Tony will meet next chapter.

Yes, there will be a lotta cliffhangers. There’s a theory that the Dresden Files were Harry recording the important things that he did for future wizards. So this fanfic, in meta, is Tony’s recording of events that he writes to tell SHIELD and the Avengers what happened. And of course Tony is full of sass and trolling, so there will be plenty of cliffhangers and sassy footnotes.

Loki’s attitude was strongly influenced by @tonystarktogo‘s work, go read her stuff about Loki and Tony. Or just Tony and his villains in general.

e-oxitosis  asked:

hi again! thx for helping out last time ☺️ was wondering if u knew a fic where Harrys dumped by Oliver(?) and he’s at a bar looking pathetic. Then Oliver(?) comes in with his new bf and a whole bunch of paparazzis and since draco feels bad he pretends to give harry a blowjob in the toilets (so he doesn’t look pathetic) and lectures him on wallowing in pity so the next time draco sees harry, he’s all cleaned up and draco ends up experiencing what harry went through and harry helps?????

Yup, that’s great and it’s:

What You Do With Your Life, A.H.K.B.C.B. (After the Hero Kills the Batshit Crazy Bastard) by oldenuf2nobetter - NC-17, 40k - Draco Malfoy had waited years in hope of seeing Harry Potter utterly humiliated….

(On mobile but: http://oldenuf2nb.livejournal.com/116801.html)

losing to you ( Taekook)

Read chapter 1 here

Mpreg/ angst. 

Chapter 2

“Is this all?” Jung Kook said casually, loading the last two boxes of plain brown cardboard into his Cadillac, while Taehyung bent low and fumbled with the three small doggie bowls next to the now empty kennel. Soon Shim was in Hobi hyung’s place now, and Taehyung had bought new bowls for his dog with some of the leftover money from his severance pay. He stared at the bowls, trying to decide what to do with them.

“You want to toss those in?” Jung Kook prompted and Taehyung jumped a little , nodding hesitantly.

“If you don’t mind.”

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anonymous asked:

"I do have thoughts on the potential baby and how it could play into the story along with what it would mean to Jon/Sansa as characters." I'd love it if you'd expand on this.

Anonymous said:Do you think Sansa will end up raising Jon and Dany’s child?

Anonymous said:I know you said you’ll do a write up and it’ll take a few days but can you please just answer this question: Will Sansa raise Jon’s and Dany’s kid?  

The original plan was to do a longer write up after the season was over but I’m going to do this summary instead. It’s still ridiculously long. It seems like there are a number of frustrations, to put it mildly, with this season. I’m going to dispense with this whole Jon bending the knee nonsense, because it isn’t happening in the books. Then, we can go into the potential baby.

First, and this is a big surprise to me, is how much impact dropping f!Aegon from the storyline is causing. Honestly, I thought it was a good idea when first learning of it and am still pretty sympathetic to the decision. However, D&D are still trying to create, with varying degrees of success, the dance of dragons we are going to see in the books. It’s this change in the source material that is leading to the stand off between Jon and Dany. To put it bluntly, Jon kneeling to Dany is going to be a complete non-issue.

I think it is extremely unlikely Jon will be crowned the KitN, that’s a show-only invention, given to him for a variety of reasons. Right now, I’m playing with the theory of Jon as a King of Winter since it better matches with his story. Jon isn’t going to be king, he is not going to be in a position to negotiate or offer up the north.

Now, let’s talk about the wight hunt which led to Jon’’s offer to bend the knee. Sure, the specifics of how it happened are stupid, but the entire damn concept makes no sense at all. The WW are an intelligent race, they communicate, they have weapons, they have a purpose, even if we don’t know everything yet. But, wights can not go south of the wall. It’s enchanted, it’s got spells. Remember the rotting hand with Aliser Thorne? Realistically, if this happened, the only thing Jon would have to show for his efforts is a rotting corpse. He could dig up a random grave and get the same results, with a lot less danger.

So, about the big meeting at the dragon pit. Again, that won’t happen either. In the books, it isn’t going to be some gathering of nobles in KL (it will be all blown up by then) that alerts the Seven Kingdoms to the danger in the north. It’s going to be Sam at the Citadel. He’s perfectly positioned to know when the wall goes down and happens to be where the single largest collection of ravens is located in all of Westeros. Honestly, this is one of the scenes I am looking forward to the most, I expect to be crying over it.

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Kung Fu Yoga

After promising I’d never watch it, I saw that it had made its way to Netflix so I thought “Fuck it”. I’ve just this second finished it.

I don’t even know what to make of the film. It’s not that I hate it. It’s that it doesn’t feel like a movie. It feels like a bunch of random scenes strung together in an attempt to cater to, what, younger audiences? There’s a LOT of fucking CGI involved, some admittedly better than others. CGI lions, hyenas, snakes (oh my) and even CGI Lamborghinis. It’s bonkers.

And Jackie looks so goddamn old! They make him wear grandpa sweaters and everyone calls him “uncle”. Poor bastard. With that said, thenfights are…Jackie lite?

There are moments of classic Jackie but too much of it is just played like a dance. His hand-to-hand stuff is still solid but his famous “use the environment” dodges just aren’t there in this one. It’s sad. They leave all that stuff to some youngblood and, sure, he’s not terrrible.

The plot is shit. The acting is shit. The characters are shit. But I didn’t hate it. It just…was. It just…happened. And that’s a fucking shame for me to say about a Jackie film. Weirdly, I actually enjoyed the nutty as fuck dance number at the end. It’s the only time Jackie looked like he was having fun.

This really is an end of an era, isn’t it? Sure, “The Foreigner” looks solid but we’ve genuinely seen the end of the real Jackie Chan haven’t we? We’re just not going to get another classic out of him. It genuinely feels like he’s doing it for the cash now.

I’ll say it again. Some of the fights are actually fun and there was more action than I thought there would be. But the film just felt empty. It lacks life. Time to pour out some of that 40 ounce for Jackie Chan, my friends. The man really has gotten old and simply cannot do what he once did.