feelings over these two

On Internalized Classism

CW: class privilege and shame and stuff, vague generic related badbrains, rich people complaining about their problems, beating around the bush regarding the concept of deserving

I’ve read a lot of humor around upper-middle-class Asian American experiences that I have found highly relatable over the years. One Indian comedian jokes about having an expensive wood table with disposable takeout napkins on top. An article talks about spending more on gifts they bring to family abroad then they ever spend on Christmas or birthdays. I remember having to argue with my parents every time I wanted a new toy, but being given a laptop in middle school. Having money was more about quality than abundance.

Because of this, I never realized how weird my mindset around money is. Buying fast food feels bad, but jeans that cost over $30 feel expensive. Nevermind the fact that a two person meal may cost as much, but not last as long. The first time I bought ice cream from an ice cream truck, I felt shame, not because I had given in, but because I knew we had much better ice cream at home.

I knew this because that’s what my parents told me every time I asked if I could.

In high school, I had a class project with a friend who lived on the other side of town. When I went to visit her, I noticed the lawn was dry and unkempt, the house was messy, and they wore shoes inside. It didn’t look like something out of a catalog, it looked lived in. Home. 

I never felt that in the house I grew up in. 

There is a weird kind of signalling going on here, where we don’t spend money on creature comforts. My clothes and sheets were cheap and my collection of stuffed animals entirely consisted of gifts from people unsure of what else to buy for a girl who didn’t like pink. But we had a Mercedes in the garage, marble counter tops, and land in India. I remember being told we didn’t have enough money for a toy I wanted because it was over $50, and pointing out in return that we had a Timeshare. 

Somewhere, buried deep in my brain, is the idea that I shouldn’t spend money on things I enjoy because it is wrong. There is also the idea that I shouldn’t buy things of “low quality”. I can’t take my family friends to my favorite taqueria. When planning my wedding, having friends help out was like saying you didn’t have enough money to get a “real” person to do it. And even though I shouldn’t buy expensive clothing, god forbid I get anything secondhand.

I don’t actually endorse these thoughts. Over the years I have gotten much better at not judging others for these things (I’d like to say I don’t do that at all, but that might be naive of me; I almost certainly have blind spots here). It’s harder to deal with this when it comes to myself. I have to budget, not so I don’t spend too much, but so that I know it’s okay to spend money on myself. I still ask my husband for permission when I want to make a large purchase (not because I am supposed to, but because getting explicit permission quiets these thoughts). But I also ask him for forgiveness when I eat fast food. I also ask if it’s okay to give things away instead of sell them, or throw away something broken instead of holding on to it in the hopes that I can fix it someday. 

I don’t know what this all adds up to. Both my parents grew up lower class than I, so maybe that’s part it. But we don’t often talk about class when it comes to badbrains, and I imagine that as much as class affects the way we view others, it also heavily affects the ways we think of ourselves.

so about a year and a half ago, i set out to draw every clara outfit ever
74 outfits later, i’m finally done

prints/mugs/totes and all that jazz are up on society6 and redbubble now!

  • rupaul: sasuke, on this weeks challenge you may have hypnotized us with your illusions, but tonight on the runway your chidori did not leave us... electrified.
  • rupaul: neji, while your gentle fist performance was a.... satisfactory experience, some of us were left begging for it rougher. and, on the runway, your byakugan made us want to byaku-run.
  • rupaul: ladies, this is your last chance to impress me and save yourself from elimination.
  • rupaul: the time has come for you to lip-sync for. your. LIFE.
  • sasuke [voice over]: do i feel good being in the bottow two? no. but one of us is gonna go home tonight... and its not gonna be me.
  • [womanizer by britney spears starts playing]
things i hate about bpd

- your mood is not the only thing that will change in one sec, your decisions will too.

- the pain you feel in your chest whenever you are thinking or feeling something too much.

- the ability to show physical symptoms to every thing you feel too intensely.

- you hate to be alone, but at the same time you’re isolating from all of your friends.

- suddenly you just get tired of someone you love a lot.

- but now you’re not tired of them anymore and you need them to live and how can you stay away from them for just one second? impossible.

- you just don’t understand how there’s so much anger in you.

- headaches.

- stomach ache.

- the world is not real sometimes.

- feeling like you will lose control and getting suffocated by it.

- seeing a knife and thinking about cutting, seeing a bridge and thinking about jumping, seeing a car and thinking about being run over.

- feeling intensely two things at the same time.

If you think Richie Tozier wouldnt make a power point presentation titled “Reasons why I love Eddie Kaspbrak” and present it in front of the whole class and a very flustered Eddie you are wrong

i draw joseph and caesar casually a lot when i’m bored 


find yourself a best friend who looks at you the same way maui looks at moana

I wish I knew the right words to say when it came down to writing about someone who makes you feel like flowers are growing inside of your chest. I wish I knew how to explain the way you make me feel when it’s two in the morning and we’re both laughing over something that probably wasn’t even that funny but to other people, our laughs make it seem like it was the world. I wish I knew how to tell people just how really beautiful you are, because when you are there, whether you’re laying down or pacing back and fourth, talking about the things that excite you the most, or just about anything in general that makes you happy, your eyes hold a certain kind of light beneath them that makes me want to never look away. Or when you laugh, my god, when you laugh, I never want it to stop because you do this thing where you tilt your head back and cover your mouth at the last moment after you already been so loud, shaking your head and every single time, I’d think, I wouldn’t mind hearing you laugh for the rest of my life. And when you yell, which is very rare, is scary because you can be there, veins standing at attention and I’d still think you’re the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on, even if I’m driving you insane. Don’t worry though, you drive me insane too. And I wish I knew how to explain the way my hands shake when I think about losing you, or the way my chest tightens to the thought of you being with someone else who isn’t me, because it messes with my mind sometimes and I get fustrated, because only I want to know your favorite book to the way you hate wearing that poka dot shirt, or how you eat when you’re nervous and can’t seem to stop making a mess. But you always been a messy eater so I don’t mind. I fell in love with you and although you are not perfect because you do have your moments, I promise I will love you again and again and again because I am not perfect either but if I am here, holding my heart out to you, and you are there, doing the same, I swear we both can be non-perfect messes together. And I’m trying not to be too cheesy here, because you always did say I buttered you up too much so for now I’ll leave it off with an I love you and an I’ll love you forever until my very last breath and an I am so lucky you decided to choose me.
—  A.M// to jake, maybe loving you isn’t so bad after all.

JayTimWeek Summer 2k17 Day 5:  Road Trip // Island Vacation 

I absolutely couldn’t pass up the oppurtunity to draw Jay like this for @sociallyawkwardfoxwriter‘s lovely FIC Please read and shower with love!

So… even though on it’s own it’s not very ‘roadtrippy’, you can still enjoy Jason the Hutt Slayer’s thighs right… that is indeed a thing you can do ; )  


Source: めざし | @mezashi 
Please support the artist by liking/retweeting the original art or by following!

T/N:  Riko’s hobby is the “wall thump+chin lift,” which in Japanese is 壁くい (kabe kui). Chika at first says 壁食い which is also pronounced kabe kui, but with one character different.

Stan Twins Headcanon

Okay, so I’ve been talking about this with @artsymeeshee and sharing our love of platonic bonding between Stan and Ford, and I loved this headcanon so much that I just had to share it one here for everyone to see!

Headcanon that Ford has nightmares not just about the portal or Bill, but also about Stan.

Headcanon that Ford would wake up after each one, sometimes in his bed and sometimes on his desk with a piece of paper stuck to his cheek, and he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep until he sees Stan safe and sound in bed.

Headcanon that Ford doesn’t tell Stan what these nightmares are about, thinking that he was just being paranoid and overprotective. But no matter how many times he tries to convince himself it’s nothing, years of paranoia don’t go away that instantly.

Headcanon that Stan would notice how distracted Ford is the morning after one of these nightmares, and he seems to brush off Stan’s concerns quite quickly. Too quickly…But, he doesn’t press Ford for answers, and it doesn’t really affect their life or their relationship. After all, it’s not the first time they had nightmares they didn’t want to share just yet.

Headcanon that one day while they’re in port, Stan offers to pick up some supplies on his own. Ford, busy examining some ink from the Kraken they caught the other day, says “Yeah, okay.”, not entirely paying attention and seeing Stan out on his own as no big deal. They could both sometimes use some time by themselves, and they respect that.

Headcanon that after an hour has passed, Ford thinks Stan is taking a while to come back, but thinks nothing off it, and continues writing down the discoveries of the Kraken ink in his journal.

Headcanon that after two hours, Ford had long finished his research, and Stan still wasn’t back yet. It doesn’t take this long to get supplies, does it?

Headcanon that Ford gets more and more nervous with every passing minute. He paces the cabin, trying to not think about all the scenarios his brain is coming up with. What if someone from Stan’s time on the streets recognised him? What if someone picked a fight with Stan? What if he’s in danger right now? What if he had a memory lapse and he wasn’t there to ground him? All the memories of his nightmares come back to him all at once, and his paranoia is own worst enemy once again. He’s half tempted to “drop” something overboard just so he can have an excuse to leave the boat and look for him.

Headcanon that Ford tells himself to stop worrying. Of course Stan is fine. He’s a grown man, and he can take care of himself; you’re just being too protective and paranoid.

Headcanon that right when Ford is about to cave into his instincts and look for Stan, he hears footsteps on the deck and a voice. Stan’s voice. He finally enters the cabin with supplies in hand, saying “Ford, I’m back! Sorry I took so long. Fishing season is kicking in and everywhere is packed! And er…I may have taken some bait from another sucker’s basket. Which reminds me, I’m out of smoke bombs.”

Headcanon that Ford is barely even paying attention to the things that Stan is saying. He’s too busy thinking It’s Stan he’s here he’s himself he’s safe he’s safe thank goodness he’s safe he didn’t get hurt. He lets the relief overtake him, and without a second thought, he darts over to Stan and bundles him up in a huge hug.

Headcanon that Stan is startled at Ford’s behaviour. Was he really gone that long? But, he returns Ford’s hug and says “Good to see you too, Sixer.”

Headcanon that while embracing Stan, all those nightmares and fears and paranoid thoughts come crashing down onto him because this moment has proven to him that yes, Stan is here, Stan is safe and they are still together on the Stan O’War II. And upon hearing that childhood nickname, Ford is completely overcome and ends up breaking down in Stan’s arms. He finally confesses to Stan about the nightmares he’s had about Stan, about how he could be taken away and he could get hurt without Ford being there to protect him and he couldn’t lose him, not again, and every time Stan is out of his sight, he’s so scared that it’ll be the last time he sees him.

Headcanon that Stan, alarmed, immediately tries to comfort him, because it absolutely kills him to see his brave and strong big brother so terrified. Stan confides that he feels that way about Ford, too. That sometimes, he thinks he’ll wake up and realise that all this has been a dream, and Ford is still trapped in another dimension or they’re still fighting or still saving the world from Weirdmageddon. But, just seeing Ford every day helps remind him that this is real, and this is them living out their dream. He pulls Ford away, grabs him by the shoulders, looks him right in his eyes, and says “You’re not going to lose me, Ford. Not if I can help it. And if something does happen, well… You know I’ve got your back, and I know you’ve got mine. There’s nothing that can stop the Pines Twins. Wherever we go…”

“We go together.” Ford finishes, finally reassured.

Headcanon that Ford still has his protective moments, and so does Stan, but they both know that this is real.

But that doesn’t stop Ford from getting them both cell phones the next time they’re in port.

Aaaaaaand…that’s the end of that! Wow, that was a long one! But I just love moments like these between Stan and Ford so much! Who’s with me?!


Garrett was a very withdrawn and quiet person, for a lot of reasons I can’t explain yet. He was cautious around new people, mostly kept to himself, and got stressed and overwhelmed easily. He’s a lot better now! He’s still cautious of who he lets in, but he can hold conversations, has better control of his negative emotions, and have bursts of self-confidence. His change feels very drastic but this is the course over at least two years, and a lot of it is due to his newfound friends who provided him support. 


NOCTIS WEEK | Day 4: Favorite Relationship / Burden / In another life (AU)

Noctis Lucis Caelum & Ignis Scientia

“Without him I’m lost.”

Touch Yourself (Wonho x Reader)

Request: “Hiiiii could I request a Wonho smut where wake him up in the middle of the night because you’re horny. Thank youuu – anon”

Admin: Candi
Fandom: Monsta X
Member/reader: Wonho, female
Genre/warning(s):  smut, masturbation, thigh riding, dom Wonho, slight violence
Words: 1.1k

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fnellicat  asked:

What about C1 Bryce and A1 Ohm? You didn't draw These two for a long time :D! But it's youre chouch If You wanna draw them :3!

@fnellicat Thank you for the ask~ 

By the way I wanted to draw a Dead By Daylight au, so that’s what this turned into.