feelings grow to break

8

So anyway here’s a doodle comic I started but just… can’t… finish…

I probably have like a year before this variation of Pink and White Diamond are shot to bits so lemme have some fun.

He scanned through the crowd with intense eyes and finally, he spotted the black haired girl at a table in the corner of the bar. Immediately, he pushed his way through the dancing crowd.

He gave her a soft pat on the shoulder, calling out to her. Slowly, she turned to him and smiled sheepishly at him. 

“You’re finally here…” her voice shook a little, “…let’s have a drink!”

“No, you drank enough,” he took the empty shot glass from her hand, grabbed her arm and started pulling her up from her seat, “so let’s get you back home now. ”

She shook her head and whined in a slurred voice. She tried to push him away but she was far too drunk. Sighing, he slung her arm over his shoulder, wrapped his arm around her waist and brought her out of the bar, all the way to his car.

He opened his car door and helped her into the front seat. He took a look at her sleeping face for a moment before leaning in to fasten her seatbelt, his fingers accidentally brushed against her side.

Her brows twitched at his touch and her lids drifted open to half-mast. She fixed her gaze on his face. The face she would find in crowds. The face she could not go on a day without thinking of. The face she could not possibly forget. Unconsciously, she gripped his shoulder and opened her mouth,

“…I love you.”

It was a mere whisper, but it was audible enough for him to hear and to freeze in place. He turned to meet and hold her gaze.

“You’re drunk.”

She tightened her grip on his shoulder and pulled him closer to her,

“And that’s exactly why I have the courage to tell you that I love you,” she said, giggling between hiccups,

“And my feelings will remain unchanged when dawn breaks,“ her voice noticeably changed, growing quieter, more serious as she spoke before she gave in to sleep’s powerful pull,

“I love you all the same, whether I am drunk or sober.”

—  Lukas W. // Forgotten Words #142 // Gently, he caressed her head with a smile, and leaned in to lay a soft kiss on her forehead.
“I love you too.”
Things the signs remind me of

Aries: sloppy first kisses, bruised knees, moshpits, adrenaline rushes, dirty converse, staring at each other from across the room, midnight adventures, sex in a car, talking about heartbreak

Taurus: holding hands when it’s cold, music festivals, drinking herbal tea surrounded by scented candles, picking grass out of the ground, black coffee, museum dates, 50′s diners, new and soft bedsheets, flower crowns, falling in love with small towns

Gemini: mischievous eyes, parties in the basement, confused feelings, knee socks, excitement growing in the pit of your stomach, breaking into old buildings, skinning your knees, numb fingers, endless conversations, kissing someone in front of your ex

Cancer: rain on windows,wanting something more, midnight visits to the beach, feeling alone in a room full of people, old rock n roll, writing on the walls of school bathroom stalls, denying compliments, freckled cheeks, kissing someone first, finding a love letter/poem that was written to you

Leo: calling someone beautiful and actually meaning it, the courage of getting over your first heartbreak, sun kissed skin, getting your way, soft promises whispered in your ear, drunken laughter, looking in the mirror, falling in love with strangers, neon signs, feeling butterflies in your stomach

Virgo: winged eyeliner, helping someone in need, taking deep breaths of cold air, stacks of books, drunken kisses, strange addictions, being able to not wear makeup and actually feel good about yourself, dinner dates, retro theme, finding secret hideouts 

Libra: letting all of your opinions be known, old record players, bloody knuckles, doing illegal things with your friends, crushes that don’t really mean anything, crashing at motels with your lover, champagne, smiling into kisses, the feeling of smoke filling your lungs, heart shaped lollipops 

Scorpio: sexual jokes, staring at someone you love and they stare back, feeling of skin on skin, chapped lips in the winter, playing murderer in the dark, the feeling of regret, leather anything, playing with Ouija boards, screaming until your lungs are about to burst, chipped nail polish 

Sagittarius: flirty conversations, running on a cold night, making decisions on instinct, breaking the rules, stilettos, laughing uncontrollably, falling in love with cities, the light in someone’s eyes, chokers, big brown eyes

Capricorn: rosy cheeks and nose on a cold winter day, fishnet stockings, looking out the window of a moving train, sharing your deepest secrets at 3am, pale veiny eyelids, wanting to run away with someone, needing alone time to energize, taking the back roads home, journals filled with writing 

Aquarius: skies full of stars, exotic eyes, leather jackets, tarot readers, finding something mysterious and not being able to stop thinking about it, kissing at red lights, being stuck in small towns, area 51, black and blued eyes, long nights spent playing video games

Pisces: cigarette smoke, feeling someone’s sadness, fingers tracing the inside of your thigh, Salem witches, saddened eyes, forbidden love, abandoned haunted houses, throwing knives, the feeling of knowing something no one else knows, other worldly looks

Mine

Originally posted by worldstyles

REQUEST: Jealous Harry smut

HARRY’S TEXTS // (Y/N)’S TEXTS

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Bucky adjusting to the modern world would include... (Headcanon)

Request: NOT REQUESTED.

Summary: You help Bucky Barnes adjust to the modern world and it’s adorable.

Word count: 463

Warnings: None

A/N: Bucky Barnes will be the death of me.

Masterlist

Originally posted by marvel-dirtbag

Visiting numerous museums where he could read about himself and the good life he lived
Little kids gazing in awe at Bucky as they innocently touch his metal arm and bombard him with questions about his life
Kid: “Mr Bucky, Sir, what was the war like?”
Kid: “How did you survive the fall?”
Kid: “Why did you kill lots of people?”
Bucky becoming anxious because he isn’t able to handle and/or answer all their questions
Having to take over and steer Bucky away from the growing crowd as he starts to break down
Bucky constantly feeling bad that you have to go home early because of his anxiety.
You: “Buck, let’s get home. I only wanted to see the parts about you anyway.”
Spending hours in department stores as Bucky marvels at all of the new technology
Bucky walking around the shop with an abundance of VERY expensive items in his arms so he can show them to you
Worker: “Sir, if you wouldn’t mind putting those items down.”
Bucky constantly receiving dirty looks from shop assistants as he touches everything a little too roughly
Worker: “Sir, please put that down! Oh lord…. Security!?!”
Bucky managing to rip security wires tied to expensive products wayyyyy too many times
Having to desperately explain to the police he didn’t try and steal the £10,000 product, he was just looking
You: “Officer, look it’s not that big of a deal, I’m sure it happens all the time”
Policeman: “Not. Once.”
Setting up Snapchat for Bucky
Walking into the kitchen every day and finding Bucky and Steve going through all of the filters
Bucky whipping out the dog filter at every inappropriate moment
Bucky arguing with Tony about how he’s still masculine despite wanting to look like an adorable puppy 99.9% of the time
Bucky: “At least I don’t hide in a tin can!”
Tony: “At least magnets don’t attach themselves to my arm when I open the fridge because there’s certainly nothing ‘manly’ about that either!”
Bucky loving to go to aquariums
Bucky: “Y/N! Y/N!!! Look at the colourful fish! Y/N you’re not looking at the pretty fish!”
Bucky freaking out when you tell him you’ve organised a trip to an aquarium where he can feed the sharks
You: “Bucky! Don’t lean in so far! Sharks still bite in the 21st century!”
Buck freaking out, even more, when you organise an outing at the zoo where he’ll be able to feed the penguins
Bucky: “You’re joking, right? Penguins! OMP.”
You: “It’s 'OMG’, Bucky.”
Bucky: “Oh no, I meant Oh My Penguins, I’m hoping it’ll catch on!”
Bucky wanting to constantly to go back and see the penguins
Bucky: “Can we buy one?”
You: “No, Bucky they live in zoos.”
Bucky: “Can we buy a zoo then?”


A/N: REQUESTS ARE OPEN and constructive criticism is appreciated!

the worst type of panic attack is the one that starts with an “off feeling” and continues growing for hours, if not days, giving you no breaks, no pauses. a silent scream inside your head that keeps getting louder without stopping to breathe in even once. your body twisting and shaking, nails digging into the skin in a laughable attempt to scrape out the insects crawling underneath. knowing very well that your brain has made the insects up, but cutting yourself open anyway. it lasts, and lasts, and as it grows, it makes you kick and scream, and suffocates you with a rope woven from twitches, trembles and intrusive thoughts. it’s chronic pain, it doesn’t go away; you’re bleeding already but there is so much more for it to take from you… you lose your consciousness from exhaustion but seconds later you wake up into the same torture chamber made out of your own flesh. no closure. no sleep. no numbness. no blackout. it lasts. it lasts. it lasts - until your heart gives up at last.

Someone’s Always Leaving

Originally posted by frozen-delight

This is for @chaos-and-the-calm67​ Bev’s Milestone Celebration. I chose the quote, ‘It was odd to be in a room full of people who all seemed to look up to my dad like he was some kind of hero. A part of me wanted to see him through their eyes just for a moment. I tried to picture him as…’. The quote was slightly changed so it wasn’t ‘me, my’, but ‘you, your’. Also, there was a gif given which’ll be in the fic itself…I know it kinda looks like a dude…but just imagine the kid is gender neutral, cos that’s what the reader is. 

Characters: Y/n (GENDER NEUTRAL READER), Bobby, Sam, Dean, Cas, Crowley

Pairing: No Pairing    Sam x Y/n (father-kid relationship)    Bobby x Y/n (father-kid relationship)

Warnings: Angsty angst…fluff here and there, but mostly angst. Abandonment over and over, resentment, character death, grieving, hatred, angst, more angst, broken relationships and just a mess of shit between everyone. 

Word count: 3600

Summary: Sam is the one who takes you in when you lose your parents. But he lets you down time and time again. 

A/N: Ok, so, this ended up hella longer than I imagined it being…But there’s mostly angst and nothing else really…Also, reader kinda talks shit about the Winchesters, so if u think the Winchesters are the world’s saviours, u might hate reader…Hope u like it!!

Tagged peeps: @waywardsons-imagines @whywhydoyouwantmetosaymyname @sallyp-53 @greyravenvixen @helvonasche @notnaturalanahi @wayward-mirage @riversong-sam @nerdflash @miss-miep @impala-dreamer @unknown-chronicles @chelsea072498 @deals-with-demons @plaidstiel-wormstache @impalaimagining @deathtonormalcy56 @the-latina-trickster @aingealcethlenn @squirrels-angels-and-moose @meganwinchester1999 @cubs2019-blog @lucifer-in-leather @p–trick @straightestgay-voice @professsionalsinner @deantheotherkingofkinks @50shadesofyes @lucis-unicorn @whispersandwhiskerburn @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell @colespriverdale @daddysxlittlexsunshine @atc74 @wonderange @mogaruke @aiaranradnay @totalwhovian @bloodstained-porcelain-doll

Masterlist


You knew it was awful. You knew it was wrong.

Of course, most teenagers had their problems with their parents.

But you? Well, you hated him.

You didn’t dislike him. You weren’t just annoyed because he didn’t let you buy something.

You genuinely hated him. And to be honest, you knew it wasn’t good.

Hating the man you used to think of as your father. It was awful.

But then again, maybe you didn’t think of him as a father.

He was the one who took you in. He was the one who promised to protect you. He was the one who was supposed to play that role.

Except, he didn’t.

Every time you expected him to protect you, he didn’t.

He always left you behind.

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8th House: The Unknown and Transformation

The 8th House is like the darkness of the ocean: It is the depths of the human psyche, the parts of humanity that we so often glance over due to our struggle to accept them, and the things we deem too terrible to speak of. Ruling over sex, the occult, death, and the beyond, this is not a House one can simply gloss over, and yet human instinct pushes us to only look at it in a shallow way. How can we ever hope to grasp the concept of the depths without delving into them?

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please don't say you love me | bellamy blake (the 100)

prompt: 25- “i told you not to fall in love with me” & 35- “go on tell me. tell me you don’t love me”

Originally posted by prettylitteteengirl

it was yet another unity day spent on earth and this year monty had fixed his moonshine up, it was hard tasted worse but definitely hardened.

i may or may not have had one to many cups of this concoction leading me to where i am now, dancing through the crowd with raven letting our hair down and getting unbelievably drunk.

♫ all I wanna do is what I do well, ain’t a gambler but honey I’d put money on myself. all I wanna do is bottle it to sell, ‘cause my brand does vainglorious much better for your health ♫

we link arms belting out the lyrics dancing with each other as a group of boys watch over us swinging our hips and heads from side to side.

♫ woah oh oh, i can’t get enough, all they’ve said it’s true. i can’t get enough of myself.. woah oh oh, I can’t get enough, I don’t know about you but I can’t get enough of myself♫

“woahhh oh oh” i slur moving my body to the beat feeling a little buzzed rocking on my feet as my vision seems to rock.

i spot the tall handsome brunette from a mile away, his was the camp leader and i seemed to be the only girl in this god damn camp that flirted with the poor boy.

i skip over to my best friend “bells” i giggle tripping but bellamy quick to scoop me up holding me upright with a hand secure to my waist “you good princess?” i giggle taking a swig from my cup.

“im fantastic” i chirp snuggle into the boy, he chuckles and wraps his other arm around me “let’s get you to bed?” i shake my head and push my hands against his chest getting out of his grip.

“noooooo” i whine turning and headed back toward the crowd, i fill up my cup taking a long sip. i spin on my heels and smash into bellamy chest causing the liquid to splash up all over my shirt

“bellll” i whine drinking the rest of whatever was left in my cup “now igotaa get another one-” i slur “ill get it for you” he takes the cup and whispers something nmonty before he pulls up what looks like a bottle of water.

“no no water” i complain falling at his feet, he lifts me back up supporting my weight, “it’s um-” “it’s not water it’s vodka i promise” i stop and stare at him causing him to laugh

i take the cup from him and sip it, not really tasting anything at all “i got my eyes on you blake” i step back and attempt to walk away my feet seem to give way.

“yeah lets go” he lifts me up and carries me toward his tent, i complain the whole way telling him that I was fine but he wasn’t buying a bar of it.

he sits me on his bed rummaging through his clothes and pulling out one of his t-shirts, he removes my soaked shirt and then slipped his clean one over my chest. “stand up”.

he removes my jeans and shoes before settling me into his bed in screwing s water bottle and bringing it my lips “please drink” i give in and let him tip the water into my mouth

he places a bucket next to the bed undressing himself and changing before sitting down next to me, i move closer to him my hands sliding up his bare chest

“thank you baby” i mumble glancing at his lips “(y/n)-” i cut him off by pressing my lips to his deepening the kiss as i feel his hands on my hips. i bet he could taste the alcohol on my lips.

“i love you, bell” i confess before flopping back down on the pillow sleeping pulling me in deep.

i toss in the bed opening my eyes slightly to see the tent lit up brightly stinging my eyes “jesus who turned the lights on” i moan pulling the covers over my face. i hear a chuckle and I turn squinting to see bellamy sitting on the edge of the bed shirtless with his back facing me

i sit up and my head spins “woah” i grasp my head and bellamy turns around placing a comforting hand on my shoulder, “here” he handing me a bottle of water and i take it grateful taking long sips

“god sorry i was probably a drunken mess last night” i apologise embarrassed, i remember everything and i was worried id ruined everything. I kissed my best friend & told him the truth about how i feel, thank you tequila.

“nah you were fine, id rather me help you then have some creep doing it-” he looks at me nervously, “so how are you feeling? do you remember much?” i bring my bottom lip between my teeth.

i decide to lie, “it’s all honestly a little hazy. did i do anything stupid?” he looks the floor mumbling “so you don’t remember?” he pesters “remember what exactly?” i match his annoyed tone.

“forget it” he mumbles standing and slipping on his boots and shirt

“are you serious?” i complain standing and slipping on my jeans from last night. he turns to me as i shove my feet into my boots “here take my jacket it’s cold out” he drops it on the bed and turns moving out of the tent.

i grab his jacket and slip it on before following him out deviating from his path to head toward the mess hall where i spot raven and octavia sitting at one of the tables. i trudge over and slide myself into my usual seat.

“woah what’s up with you sunshine?” octavia jokes “like your one to talk O” i retort rolling my eyes at the brunette.

she narrows her eyes at me sitting up straighter “okay what the hell happened?” i move my hands across my face before folding them across my chest “nothing- nothing” i finish catching bellamy’s gaze as he heads over to us.

“brilliant” i mutters as he reahes are table i refuse to make eye contact with him that caused the two girls to grow awfully suspicious at my behaviour “O can we talk?” he asks his little sister and she ignores him focusing on me.

“so this is what’s bothering you?” she laughs aloud “my idiotic brother, what’s yous do kiss or something” she jokes biting into his apple.

“something like that” i mumble leaving my plate of food and giving bellamy a glance as he realises I know what happened, what i said.

i move out of my seat and storm away from the group feeling stupid and desperate, you make it as far as the camp gates before i hear heavy footsteps and the familiar voice of someone falling my name.

i quicken my pace but it doesn’t seem to help because soon enough there’s a hand in mine pulling me back “leave me alone bellamy” i complain pulling my hand free of his

“(y/n/n) please just hear me out, we need to talk-” i turn around o face him “look okay i get it- we kissed okay we were drunk but what i told you bellamy- that was the truth. i was terrified to admit it but im not anymore”.

“i love you bell-” he cuts me off “no” he yells im taken back by the tone

“i told you!” he yells frustrated “i told you not to fall in love with me- i told you!” he continues to rage pulling his hair at the roots

i step forward and place my hands on his chest “bellamy-” he shakes his head at me stepping back and sliding himself down the trunk of a tree “im sorry” he mumbles, “I can’t tell you what you want to hear” he breathes eyes stinging with tears

i shake my head in disbelief “no” i choke on my tears “you cannot sit there and tell me that” he hangs his head between his legs shamefully.

“go on tell me you don’t love me” i spit tears streaming down my face, he lifts his head tears on his own cheeks “tell me!” i yell frustrated

he chokes on his words trying to look me in the eyes “i can’t- i can’t”

“then why is it such a problem I don’t understand you bell?!” i cry kneeling infront of him

“of course you don’t understand!” he tries to reason but it comes out like venom “help me understand then!” i argue my heart breaking “i can’t” i feel my chest grow heavy

i lean forward and press my lips to his hoping for him to change his mind, i break way and look into his brown eyes begging for another chance.

“i love you bellamy blake, i choose you and i want you to choose me too” i cry but he’s eyes remain fixed on the ground"

“fine” i choke standing and brushing the dirt off my jeans walking away from the camp

“where will you go?” he calls to me standing from his spot on the ground “anywhere but here” i cry turning and walking away from my bestfriend.

id fallen for my bestfriend, bellamy blake but he was too afraid of what he might do to me, i should’ve listen to him the first time. please don’t fall in love with me.

I did not know that love could make one suffer so much …
of pain human but caused by the divine.
The more I want him, the less I am wanted.
I want to love him as he has not been loved,
and yet there is that separation, that terrible
emptiness, that feeling of absence of God.

They say people in hell suffer eternal pain because
of the loss of God …
In my soul I feel just this terrible pain of loss,
of God not wanting me, of God not being God,
of God not really existing.
That terrible longing keeps growing, and I feel as if
something will break in me one day.
Heaven from every side is closed.

I feel like refusing God.

Pray for me
that I may not turn a Judas to Jesus
in this painful darkness.

—  Mother Teresa
Into It (V)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You/Suho

Rating: NC-17

Word Count: 4,219

Summary:  Suho is the mysterious new kid on campus. No one knows much about him, except that he seems to have a certain attraction to you.

Originally posted by lifemindwalker88


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jacey  asked:

pharmercy 69!! :3c

69. “Why the hell are you bleeding!?”

(Canon compliant, established pharmercy)

It was something that Pharah had never seen before. Because, as they had gotten back onto the transport after a successful mission, she finally noticed that Angela was trying to hide something. As she walked over, away from the rest of the team, she saw a gloved hand clamped tight over a growing dark stain on the doctor’s side. Realizing it was blood, she exclaimed, “Why the hell are you bleeding!?”

Angela shot an uncharacteristically cold glare at the taller woman and hissed, “I’m fine, Pharah. It’s going to heal.”

“Angela,” she said firmly, “sit down.” When the doctor made no move to do so, the soldier moved forward and escorted the doctor to the small on-board infirmary and pushed her to sit on the bench. She quickly removed the top portion of her own armor for added maneuverability, bare hands working nimbly at the spinal implant that connected into the Valkyrie suit.

As her fingers moved lower and lower, she could feel Angela grow more tense until she touched an unusual break in the implant and the doctor gasped, arching away from the contact. Realization dawned on Fareeha and she murmured, “It didn’t heal immediately because your implant was damaged. The nanobots aren’t getting the message.” When she pulled back to look at Angela’s face, her heart ached. The blonde woman was in tears, lower lip caught by her teeth to bite back sobs. “How can I fix it?”

“Huh?” Mercy blinked, the tears falling down her cheeks as she looked in utter bewilderment at Fareeha.

“How can I fix it? Tell me, Angela. Walk me through it,” she ordered.

It was a slow process. The Valkyrie suit had to be removed and as Fareeha worked, Angela had to concentrate through the pain to give her detailed instructions. Her voice shook, her body trembled and every time Fareeha’s hands touched her bare skin, a shudder passed through her. Finally, getting the soldier to use a quick gel to seal the repaired innards of the implant, the blonde woman sagged down against the bench, the top of her flight suit clutched to her chest. Softly, she whispered, “Thank you.”

Without hesitation, the familiarly strong, warm hands of her lover pulled her into a secure embrace. Looking over her shoulder afforded Angela a look at the woman who continued to protect her. Fareeha smiled- certain, loving, unwavering- and said, “I love you. I don’t know medicine like you do. But engineering? You can always count on me.”

“Yes, that ring you wear from graduation isn’t just for show,” Doctor Ziegler agreed with a weak laugh. As soon as the transport landed, Fareeha helped carry their discarded armor while Angela walked beside her.

They were home, they were safe, and they were together.

Mr. Sunshine (Ethan) Part Two

Summary: It’s summer in Aruba and you’ve just landed a job at the most swanky hotel on the island, Riu Palace. It seems to be shaping up to be a pretty good summer with surfing, parties, bonfires and midnight swims. You were, however, not prepared for a certain brunette boy to show you the ways of living life.
Word Count: 2,464
Warnings: None.
A/N: The first part was more for you guys to get to know the characters. Hopefully you’ll love this one! And thank you SO much for 800 followers, I love you guys so so much xx

Masterlist.


Later on that night, you were standing in front of your floor to ceiling mirror, observing your white tunic dress. It was rather short but you had swimwear underneath it and it was adorable so you nodded in satisfaction, running your fingers through your hair as you stared at yourself.

A knock sounded through the door and you didn’t have to wait for long before Michelle came bursting through the door, grinning like she had just won the lottery when she spotted you. You raised an amused eyebrow at her, wondering what was wrong with her. It was when you bent over, the open palm of your hand supporting your weight on the wall, slipping on your sandals that she opened her mouth.

“You’re wearing your fuck me dress.” She said and you almost slipped, catching yourself in the last second with a gasp.

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something new

◦ pairing: reader x jin

◦ rating: m

◦ word count: 1.4k

◦ a/n: PURE SMUT HAVE FUN 

m a s t e r l i s t


Originally posted by koreanfan1

“Jin, I thought you said we’d be alone,” you panted, catching your breath against his bare chest as he pulled you into the closet. Your fingers gripped tighter around the bunched cloth of your dress in your hands. Your stomach was still fluttering from the teasing that had been so deliciously happening on his bed just moments earlier.

He peered through the slits of the closet door. “It seems I might have been wrong,” he exhaled, pushing you further back into the closet as the distant laughter of the boys leaked in from the living room. Jin turned back to face you with a nervous smile, his pink lips parting slightly.

Your eyes widened into a glare. It had been weeks since you were able to get some alone time with your boyfriend. When he told you that the boys would all be out for the entire day, you jumped at the chance to see him. You had spent hours in the bathroom bending over your body in strange angles just to ensure that your skin was smooth and your face was clear. It appeared now that it was going to be a waste.

“Babe,” he sighed, pressing his body against yours. The back of your head hit the wall gently. You clenched your jaw, attempting to maintain the harshness of your stare. He had other ideas. “Don’t be like that,” his voice dropped to a whisper as his hands travelled down your bare torso, over your navel and to the lace hugging your hips. He gripped the sides of your hips, pushing them so you were standing completely against the wall. 

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Break me in pieces Ch. 1

Originally posted by alexhoghsource

GIF not mine

Ivar x OC

Warnings: violence, blood, self-harm depression

Tags: @cherrytrinkets

Ch. 2

“Come on, Ivar! Do it! Hit me! Do it already! You have done it before why can’t you do it now?” I don’t understand why she sys this things to me. I don’t know when she became so broken, I didn’t realized that I’m breaking her, I never thought that she will come to this point of breaking. She seemed so strong with her beautiful smile and sparkling eyes, I have never got a hint at how she really feels at how broken she really is in all this years when she was mine. 

“Come on, Ivar! Just do it! Break me in pieces, literally break me in pieces, cause you already broke my soul!” Her eyes are watery by now and tears spill on her cheeks and all that I want is to go over there and comfort her, I want to hold her in my arms and make all her pain go away but this is not me. I can’t go soft, I can’t be what she worths, I need to be what I am. I need to be the monster that I was born to be.

“Whip me! Beat me! Cut me! Break me! Do what you want, Ivar. You already broke my heart and took down my soul, what is stopping you from breaking my body too? Come, take your anger out on me! Hit me!” she yells all over again at me, begging me to hit her, begging me to put even more pain in her little body, begging me to give her final push for killing herself. I know that this is what passes through her mind, I know because she is just like me tormented by demons, by all the things that went wrong in her life. I don’t even know why I wanted to break her, maybe I didn’t realized how broken she was until now when she’s in front of me, her eyes dull, her soul completely shattered. I don’t like the sight of it, I don’t enjoy it anymore, it only makes me feel guilty because I broke the only good thing in my life, I broke this little girl that held my heart, I broke her in pieces and I don’t know how to put them back together. I just want to heal her, to make her again the smiling girl that she was when I first meet her, I want her to be the same joyful girl that she was in the day of our wedding. I want her to be my Ylva, my woman, my beautiful happy wife but I broke her and now I don’t think I know how to fix her.

“Just do It, Ivar, please! I’m begging you just do it!” Ylva screams one more time, her eyes red from her crying. She’s hysterical, she looking around her and I don’t know for what but then she grabs a knife and presses it on her skin, she makes a long cut and blood comes out. If I wouldn’t be my wife the one who’s doing this to herself I’ll just stay and look but I can’t bear it, not now. I start to crawl to her but we are at a considerable distance one from another.

“What’s the matter, husband? Isn’t this how you like me? Broken, bleeding begging for you, allowing you to take you rage and thirst for blood on me? What changed, Ivar? Why don’t you just come over here to teach me a lesson? Why don’t you punish me? Why don’t you turn me into a broken doll for your use?” she yells all over again making my heart break and the feeling of guilt to grow in my chest. I’m terrified of what she might do and by the look on her eyes I should call already for someone to come help me put her down, but I don’t I just crawl faster as she backs away but then everything stops when she slides the knife on her wrist and then she buries it in her stomach, I crawl as fast as I can to her and I can’t help but break at the sight of my wife looking at me numbly and broken. I yell and I yell and I beg and curse the gods. Tears are rolling down my cheeks and I feel useless as I try to pull my wife to the village. Fortunately someone hears me, I see Ubbe running on my way. He doesn’t questions what happened he just sneaks his arms under Ylva’s knees and back and runs with her to the healer but  can’t follow them, I stay there looking at the blood that’s spread on the ground and I just cry unable to do anything else. Just as always I failed everyone. I failed in seeing the things clearly, I failed in protecting my wife. I’m a failure .

How can I be so blind? Not to see how much this hurts her, how much I hurt her? I’m stupid, stupid for not seeing earlier that I already broke her, that I brought her on her knees and that she’s close to shattering and now I need to pay for my stupidity, for not being a good husband, for being a cold hearted man whom hurt the only woman that ever loved me, the only one whom wanted me for who I was not for my title as a prince, not for being son of Ragnar.

I don’t know if she will survive, I don’t know if she will ever look at me again and the thought of not being able to see her bright green eyes pains me, the thought of not being able to hold her in my arms at night, to caress her and tell her how much I love her even if she’s asleep pains me but the thought of never being able to feel her love, to feel her wrapped around me, to feel her warmth and her soul close to mine break me. Just like she said to me it breaks me in pieces and I don’t want that to happen. If she dies she takes with her the last piece of humanity, the last piece of my heart that is still trapped in my dark soul. She’ll take all the things that make me smile, that make me feel away and I’ll be just a heartless monster, like I was before she found me.

I want her to wake her up, I go and stay by her side daily, just holding her hand, kissing her, begging her to come back to me but it seems like she doesn’t wants to come back. Each day she’s weaker, each day she’s paler, slimmer, each day a piece of my heart disappears as I see her going away, as I see her leaving me with no regrets, as I see how little she cares about me. But I don’t blame her, not after how much I hurt her, not after I tried everything to break her. 

It’s time for me to leave, since she did what she did I leave the house at night and I sneak in the great hall, sleeping there as I can’t bear to feel her almost cold body, her almost non beating heart next to me but this night I don’t, this time I stay, waiting to fall asleep, waiting for the dreams of how I destroyed her to hit me but they don’t come. Sleep doesn’t comes my way so I just stay looking at her and feeling all that sorrow and pain burning in my heart, in my lungs and I just let it go, I sob and I yell over her almost lifeless body and I beg the gods t save her, to give me my wife back but they don’t hear me. They never do. They like to see me suffering. I can’t bear to stay with her any longer and I leave the house just at dawn, when Margrethe and the healer come to see how she is.

I go to the docs and look at the water, so peaceful yet so dangerous. Just like her, like my Ylva, like my wife. I let my head down thinking about her, about her smile, how she used to come close to me, to kiss me, to smile at me, to help me let go of my demons but I remember how every time when she did that I just pushed her away and insulted her. I think about how she’s everything that I\m not and more. I think about how she the best thing that ever happened to me but I didn’t saw it until now. Until I didn’t had her broken, trying to kill herself because of me. I wish that she will just wake her up and talk to me. I wish to make everything right to her. I want to take away all the pain that I put her through, I want to make her smile again, I want her to be happy again.

“Ivar.” the cold tone of Sigurd’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts and I look at him, showing all my emotions even if I don’t want to, I’m to weak to hide them away. “Your wife wants to talk to you.” he simply says and goes away but I don’t move, I stay there thanking the gods for giving me a chance to make things right, to heal my wife, to heal all the evil that I have done, to gather all her broken pieces and put them together.

When You Say It

Requested by: @meep-meep22
(Here are the specifics)

Pairing: Reader x Bucky
Word Count: 1.6K
Warnings: Fluff

A/N: Trying to get back into writing every day now, but I’ve got a lot of uni work happening

Shifting your weight from one foot to the another, you nervously wring your hands and scan every surface of the compound living room. You’re always alert, making sure that you identified every entry and exit point, finding spots in the room that would be useful incase you needed cover, and even pieces of furniture and decor that could be used as a weapon if it became necessary. You couldn’t help it, it was second nature to trained assassins; and you were almost OCD about it when you were nervous.

“Stop stressing,” Natasha says with a hint of amusement, and you look over to see her smiling at you, “Barnes isn’t dangerous unless he wants to be, he’s actually quite sweet when he’s not a brainwashed Hydra weapon,”

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I Love It When You Moan Like That

Prompt: Can you do a mgg one about him being your best friend and you guys end up having sex. Kinda rough w dirty talk, but not rude (slut,whore,etc) I don’t know if that makes any sense haha. I love your writing :)

Word count: 2930 words

Rating: M

Warnings: Dirty talk, kind of rough

Pairing: MGG x reader


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anonymous asked:

Do you have any headcanons about deidara & hidan's past? I noticed that the show doesn't really bring up any facts about these two boys' past especially

Ugh, I wish they told us more about my two absolute faves. I’m so a slut for facts about their past

I’m so sorry if it’s shitty but i can’t seem to imagine a lot of things concerning pasts :/

Originally posted by japanesestyleanimation

Deidara

  • I can imagine him being an orphan, therefore he was quite daredevil and seeking for attention. That’s how his love for explosions came.
  • He was a really imaginative child, really into art at a really young age. He loved making sculptures with clay but always ended up breaking them.
  • While growing up he started to feel like he wasn’t at his proper place in Iwagakure, he dreamed of a life full of adventures, unexpected events…
  • He was always reckless but it was worse when he became a teenager, he was always denying the authority and breaking rules.
  • He was a little prodigy and was becoming a really skilled ninja.
  • He had no problem to talk to people but he was quite introverted and would prefer to spend time on his own.
  • He kind of never really took interest in women (or men) until he quit the village. Let’s say his mind was too busy with something else then relationships. Even though he was quite popular in the village.
  • More than everything, he wanted to be admired and respected. During all his life, since he was a child.

Hidan

  • I think he would have had a really normal childhood, surrounded by his mother and father.
  • Though, even as a child, he has the bad habit to get himself involved into fights. He just couldn’t shut up and it often leads to brawls. 
  • Reckless as well and hot-headed. He was quite a hyperactive child.
  • He was kind of a weird child too. He didn’t care about others, he didn’t care about anything. He was probably the kind to kill little animals without regretting it.
  • When he became a teenager, it got worse. His parents were kind of fed up with his attitude, therefore he acted like a dick on purpose.
  • The perfect example of the odious teenager, though he wasn’t that bad when he wanted to.
  • When he grew up, he became more twisted, more unstable and you better not get on his nerves. 
  • Puberty hit him like a bus, he became quite popular with girls in his village and he certainly took advantage of it.
  • Nonetheless he was a strong ninja and he was brilliant.
  • When Yugakure turned into some kind of village for tourists, he was furious and thus slaughtered a lot of people. He might even have killed this parents but I really hope not lmao even though I can imagine him doing that.
  • You know what happens next, he finds out about Jashinism and becomes the Hidan we all know

-Admin L