feelings grow to break

8

So anyway here’s a doodle comic I started but just… can’t… finish…

I probably have like a year before this variation of Pink and White Diamond are shot to bits so lemme have some fun.

Things the signs remind me of

Aries: sloppy first kisses, bruised knees, moshpits, adrenaline rushes, dirty converse, staring at each other from across the room, midnight adventures, sex in a car, talking about heartbreak

Taurus: holding hands when it’s cold, music festivals, drinking herbal tea surrounded by scented candles, picking grass out of the ground, black coffee, museum dates, 50′s diners, new and soft bedsheets, flower crowns, falling in love with small towns

Gemini: mischievous eyes, parties in the basement, confused feelings, knee socks, excitement growing in the pit of your stomach, breaking into old buildings, skinning your knees, numb fingers, endless conversations, kissing someone in front of your ex

Cancer: rain on windows,wanting something more, midnight visits to the beach, feeling alone in a room full of people, old rock n roll, writing on the walls of school bathroom stalls, denying compliments, freckled cheeks, kissing someone first, finding a love letter/poem that was written to you

Leo: calling someone beautiful and actually meaning it, the courage of getting over your first heartbreak, sun kissed skin, getting your way, soft promises whispered in your ear, drunken laughter, looking in the mirror, falling in love with strangers, neon signs, feeling butterflies in your stomach

Virgo: winged eyeliner, helping someone in need, taking deep breaths of cold air, stacks of books, drunken kisses, strange addictions, being able to not wear makeup and actually feel good about yourself, dinner dates, retro theme, finding secret hideouts 

Libra: letting all of your opinions be known, old record players, bloody knuckles, doing illegal things with your friends, crushes that don’t really mean anything, crashing at motels with your lover, champagne, smiling into kisses, the feeling of smoke filling your lungs, heart shaped lollipops 

Scorpio: sexual jokes, staring at someone you love and they stare back, feeling of skin on skin, chapped lips in the winter, playing murderer in the dark, the feeling of regret, leather anything, playing with Ouija boards, screaming until your lungs are about to burst, chipped nail polish 

Sagittarius: flirty conversations, running on a cold night, making decisions on instinct, breaking the rules, stilettos, laughing uncontrollably, falling in love with cities, the light in someone’s eyes, chokers, big brown eyes

Capricorn: rosy cheeks and nose on a cold winter day, fishnet stockings, looking out the window of a moving train, sharing your deepest secrets at 3am, pale veiny eyelids, wanting to run away with someone, needing alone time to energize, taking the back roads home, journals filled with writing 

Aquarius: skies full of stars, exotic eyes, leather jackets, tarot readers, finding something mysterious and not being able to stop thinking about it, kissing at red lights, being stuck in small towns, area 51, black and blued eyes, long nights spent playing video games

Pisces: cigarette smoke, feeling someone’s sadness, fingers tracing the inside of your thigh, Salem witches, saddened eyes, forbidden love, abandoned haunted houses, throwing knives, the feeling of knowing something no one else knows, other worldly looks

V x MC+ Rika (Angst Fic)

PART TWO CAN BE FOUND HERE!

So…. Here it is! In order to celebrate, here’s a little angsty fic about V, MC and Rika. I apologise to anyone who does support/like her, I haven’t played the secret endings yet, so maybe I’ll understand her a little better after I’ve played them. Until then! Enjoy this little thingy and let me know if you want a part two! - Michelle Xx

These past eleven months have been amazing. Tough and difficult at times, but amazing and wonderful nonetheless. After the first RFA party hosted by you, you and V became closer by working so well together for the RFA. After a while it wasn’t even awkward anymore to call him Jihyun. And as time passed, feelings started to grow.

You managed to break that wall he had build up for himself. Always saying that ‘everything is fine’, 'I’ll handle it’, 'this is my fault, I’m sorry, I’ll take care of it’. He finally started to realise that sometimes it isn’t a bad thing to be the one who needs help. To admit when you’ve let it come to far. And to ask for that help.

You started to care and love the man just as much as he did for you. Sometimes it has still hard for him. The RFA would always remind him of his fiancée. Or ex-fiancée, actually. After all that she did to him, he still held a tiny little spot for her in his heart. And you accepted that. At one point in both their lives, they loved each other in a healthy way. Besides, you occupied the rest.

After some convincing from you and Jumin, he finally agreed to the eye surgery. The operation is in two days. These past few days have been full of nerves, excitement and fear at the same time. But you always told him that you’d be by his side and together the two of you could take on the entire world.

The entire world, but not Rika.

Two days before the operation she decides to show up at Jihyun’s apartment in the poring rain. To take him back and go back to normal like nothing had happend. When you opend the door and were too shocked to react for a moment, she made her way inside.

As she walked into the living room, Jihyun called out: “Who’s that at the door, my love?”

“The woman who you promised your heart too,” Rika answered.

That set you into motion to close the door and follow her. When you came into the living room, you found Rika standing calmly across from where Jihyun was sitting on the couch with his mouth open. Taking his glasses of slowly, he got up and felt around with his hands to make sure he wouldn’t bump into anything that wasn’t in his clear sight.

“Ri-Rika?” he asked.

When he almost in front of her, she reached for his hand and spoke softly: “Yes, Jihyun. I’m home again.”

This is where you stepped in. You walked to stand between them, facing Rika with a death glare. “Just what the hell do you think you are doing here?” you spoke with a stern voice.

She closed her eyes to sigh and then smiled. “Because after everything that has happend, I want to start over again. Kind of like a reset at life. And what better place to start than with my true love?”

You couldn’t believe your ears. Reset? She thinks stuff like this gets forgotten in the blink of an eye? Behind you you could hear Jihyun struggling to find the right words for the situation.

“Rika… Alot has happend since I left Mint Eye… How could you even forgive me for leaving you?” he says.

You turn around to look at him with disbelief. He caught your movement and looked down at you. “Are you serious here!?” you said. “She blinded you, Jihyun! You lied for her to protect the RFA, she made believe that what she was doing to Saeran was acceptable because of an idea she has about how the world should be! And you’re asking her how she could forgive you!”

“My love, please calm down,” he said while putting his hands on your shoulders. “I know that, but… You don’t know her. I should’ve helped her more, better. And now she’s here to get that help. This can be a good thing for her.”

While you were trying to figure out his words, figure out how he could be defending her, Rika walked around you to stand next to him and took of his hands of shoulder to hold it in one of her own. “No, Jihyun. This can be something good for us. Like old times.”

Before he could even look back at her, you already pushed her against the wall and tried to tower over her. Barely an inch between the two of you. If looks could kill, she’d actually be dead this time.

“How fucking dare you to come here and talk about the two of you like you’re still together!? Like you didn’t blind him as some sort of fucked up punishment for nothing! He didn’t do anything wrong! He went along with every one of your crazy ideas 'for a better world where there are no lies and pain’. He betrayed the trust of one his friends by letting you torture his brother. Do you hear what I’m saying? You tortured someone! Actually, no, you tortured two people, the other one being the man you claim to love so much. All because you have some fucking God-complex or something! Seriously, what the hell do you think that coming over here will do for you? Huh? You get back together and pretend like nothing happend? Like you didn’t fuck everyone up?! That everyone would just forget the fact that-”

“MC, stop it! Stop talking like that!”

You stop spewing hateful words at the cowering woman in front of you. It wasn’t until you stopped that you realised that you were shouting by now. You turn your head to look at Jihyun, who just told you to stop.

He slowly walked over to where you two stood. You could see that he was trying really hard to keep his sights focused on his goal. It hurt you to see him like that. To know that the person who caused him this was in. His. House. In. Front. Of. You.

“She needs help,” he begins, “and the first time I tried to help her, I was unable to do that. I won’t make that mistake again. I’ll make sure she’ll get the proper help this time. And maybe she can eventually come back to the RFA-”

“Are you serious, Jihyun!” you yell. You turn back to her and keep glaring at her, trying to see if it will turn her into dust. “How can you still defend her?! After all she did, you are still defending her!”

“Because I love her.”

For a moment, one that seemed to go on forever, you stopped breathing. Those… those words… He didn’t really just say that… Right? You must have heared it wrong. Then again… Are you really that surprised? Even after all these months of being together, a small little part of him still held on to Rika. Still loved her with every breath he’d take until his death.

Realising what he said, he stammers: “I’m- I’m sorry, I-I didn’t mea-mean to say-”

“Yes, you did,” you quietly interrupt him. “You did mean it.”

Not even realising you had started to look at the floor, you looked up and saw her smiling. To anyone else it may have seemed kind, but you saw past that. You saw the victory in her eyes of gathering another perfect piece for her perfect world. A world in which your existence was not present.

You walk backwards and slowly make your way to the front door. You hear the two people behind you walking behind you. They seemed so far away. But you could hear him clearly: “Please MC, let me explain.”

With your hand on the doorknob, you take one last look back. They looked perfect together. Like they could really take on this cruel world. And you didn’t belong anywhere in it.

With a breaking voice and wet eyes, you say: “You don’t have to explain anymore, Jihyun. I know my place now.”

Without waiting for a reply from either of them, you open the door, walk out and close the door behind you. You run to the stairs and run down all of the flights of steps. Once you reach the lobby, you run to the door and make your way outside. You look around to see which direction you want to go to, but realise that it doesn’t really matter.

You turn to the left and start running again. Faster and faster. The tears are rolling down your cheeks and your heart beat goes so fast, you’re not sure you can feel it anymore. After running for what seem like forever, you stop to catch your breath. You look around again and find yourself lost.

Panic starts to set. And pain. And you don’t know which one is worse. But you do know that you need help. Thankfully, you had it in your backpocket. With shaking hands, you dial the number of the only person that you know could help you. After a few rings your call in answered.

“Hello~?”

“Saeyoung… Can you please help me?”

Watch on theeyesofnp.tumblr.com

How it feels to break a piñata

Someone write this because I need it

you wished upon the stars because they seemed so safe in the vastness of our universe; they were safe and steady even when the bruises on your hips were aching and the promise of hope was stuck beneath your cracked nails like a dirty reminder of how hard your life had been.

but, oh, i wish you knew that you could’ve been up there traipsing across the universe, the stardust in your lungs healing the scars on your body. stars are born from the collapse of nebulas - the destruction of one life bleeding into a cosmic explosion of another. the universe births stars and it kills them, but they keep forming and growing;

i know you feel your heart breaks too easy, but maybe it’s just trying to rise from the ashes again, trying to unleash the phoenix from the iron bars of your ribcage so that it can fly among the constellations once more.

—  we are built of stardust and longing // (h.q.)

                 i  love  rping  .  i  put  a  ridiculous  amount  of  effort  into  each  &  every  in  character  response  i  construct  from  my  word  choice  ,  icons  -  to  every  single  detail  of  my  formatting  .  i  enjoy  immersing  myself  into  each  muse  i  play  .  HOWEVER  ,  i  don’t  take  rping  too  seriously  &  i  don’t  feel  i’d  be  compatible  with  someone  who  does  ?  i  really  don’t  stress  about  drafts  ever  (  hence  why  i  take  my  time  &  respond  to  things  in  my  own  order  /  at  my  own  pace  )  ,  i  drop  threads  whenever  i  feel  things  are  growing  stale  in  favor  of  new  things  .  i  don’t  break  my  back  to  be  online  /  feel  obligated  to  be  active  /  feel  pressured  to  respond  to  im’s  or  to  be  in  anyway  ‘present’  .  i  don’t  get  easily  offended  when  other  muns  choose  to  portray  muses  i  also  write  in  a  different  way  .  i  never  ,  ever  feel  like  rping  has  to  be  a  competition  or  feel  threatened  by  other  rp’ers  /  grow  jealous  of  my  mutuals  shipping  /  writing  with  other  people  other  than  me  .  i  don’t  feel  as  if  my  self  worth  is  based  on  my  popularity  here  or  if  people  agree  with  my  creative  choices  /  reblog  my  shit  etc.  i’ve  never  been  interested  in  arguments  over  ships  &  unless involving  something  such  as  pedophilia  or  something  outwardly  offensive  -  i’m  never  going  to  see  any  fandom  ships  as  triggers  .  to  be  honest  ?  i  feel  like  i’m  too  old  for  drama  on  here  or  to  allow  trivial  things  to  bug  me  when  this  is  ??  a  hobby  ???  i  choose  to  involve  myself  in  ???  yes  ,  i  have  my  down  days  but  i  try  not  to  bring  too  much  of  that  onto  my  dash  cos  that’s  not  why  we’re  here  .  to  put  it  quite  simply  ,  i’m  never  going  to  condemn  you  for  your  decisions  here  unless  they’re  blatantly  offensive  or  hurtful  to  others  &  i  expect  the  same  courtesy  &  if  you’re  someone  who’s  going  to  cause  drama  ,  pressure  me  into  being  quick  replies  /  be  overly  intense  about  ships  ,  im’s  etc.  that  i  feel  not  only  forced  into  things  ,  but  uncomfortable  &  that  this  is  a  chore  .  if  you’re  someone  who’s  here  to  throw  around  shade  ,  be  unnecessarily  immature  (   i’m sorry  this  isn’t  high  school  &  i  haven’t  been  a  teen  for  quite  some  time  now  )  or  just  pressure  me  in  any  way  to  be  active  /  get  to  things  faster  to  please  you  .  i’m  NOT  the  mutual  ,  rp  partner  &  person  in  every  sense  of  the  word  for  you  .  

anonymous asked:

I've been wth the same girl for 3 years. We have been through a lot of issues but recently I feel like we're just growing apart. When we took a break just a few weeks ago, I regretted it and was really upset so I thought the relationship was what I wanted. So here we are, off the break, but the feeling of wanting more is coming back. I'm terrified of change. I don't really know what to do, I just don't want to regret anything.

If you feel like it’s not enough, then don’t waste time. It sounds harsh but it’s the truth. We have so little time. If you keep this going then you will hurt her. Think about it again before you decide. 

I guess this is growing up. Tear stained pillows every night, staring naked at yourself in the mirror, waiting for the text that will never come. Wishing for impossible things, like narrower thighs or prettier hair.It’s a vicious cycle of being too scared to help someone else, and feeling abandoned by everyone when they are the same.Growing up is feeling self-conscious enough about yourself to break down crying in the school bathroom, and the horrible panicking that comes when you realize you forgot your eyeliner at home. When your parents are screaming at you about your grades, and screaming at you because you came home drunk , and you can’t do anything right. I don’t think i’ll ever know if its just me that is passing time like this, so painfully, or if I am just crying over something that everyone else can be brave about.
UPDATE TIME YEEEAAH

MY SON ALEXANDER HAS BEEN BROUGHT INTO THE WORLD!!

So here’s what happened: Chelsey was having chest pains and her blood pressure was through the roof. She decided to go to the ER just in case. And a good thing she did - she was diagnosed with Preeclampsia, and had she not gone to the ER, it would have stopped her heart.

The only way to fix it was to bring Alex into the world a bit earlier than planned. Within an hour of the diagnosis, she was on the operating table and I was by her side. Five minutes after that and we heard Alex’s first worldly cries.

He was born 4 pounds 12 ounces, a bit small, and since he was almost a month early, has had some trouble breathing. He is getting better however, and within the next 6 hours should be breathing on his own perfectly fine. Chelsey is all better (aside from a gash in her stomach, but she is tough as hell) and passed out from the medication they gave her.

So, I now have to sons. Two beautiful boys who I can teach to be good people and send them out into the world to pass on those good teachings. I’m so grateful that the Gods have blessed us with two healthy babies. Chelsey was never meant to have kids due to the shape of her uterus, but (as a certain doctor says) life, uh, finds a way.

I wanted to finish this up by saying thank you. Throughout Chelsey’s pregnancy as well as today (the earlier post), you have all been so supportive and helpful. I wish I had tumblr when Aiden was growing in Chelsey’s belly, because I know I would have been much less nervous. So, thank you everyone. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Now, time to get Aiden to sleep and rest. Today’s events were completely unexpected, and I certainly feel drained (though not as drained as Chels must feel. Women are fucking amazing to go through that shit.)

Good night friends. Have a safe Saturday!

Plant it here. It’ll grow elsewhere. Break it here. I’ll feel it another night. Write it here. I’ll read it years later. Love me slowly. I’m all for patience. Cut me open. I’ll bleed for you. Shut up about your flaws. I still love you. Tickle your lies. I’m honest about all of it. Close your eyes. I’m still here. Look in the mirror. It’s not cracked tonight. Reach out your arms. I’m quite forgiving. Get it tatted. I’m all for pain. Breathe me in. You won’t suffocate because of us. Blend our colors. We’re a lost painting. Stir our coffee. I’m your long nights. Lose yourself.
—  poetic stimulation

I always grow feelings for anyone that tells me hi and then I break my own heart by getting attached to them and never talking to them so I automatically have no chance with them and it makes me sad because they don’t like me back but they don’t even know that I like them

Brooklyn By the Book Presents the Goddamn Queen of Everything, Toni Morrison

Toni Morrison at Congregation Beth Elohim was objectively, without a doubt, one of the greatest book events of all time. Toni Morrison was regal and brilliant and charming. She received two standing ovations and multiple applause breaks. I could feel the people around me growing smarter and kinder after every anecdote and thoughtful answer. Toni Morrison has the voice of an angel.

Here are some Toni Morrison quotes from the evening:

On the title of her most recent novel, God Help the Child:

I hate that title. It’s just awful. My original title was The Wrath of Children. Now isn’t that much better?

On using contemporary language in her writing:

It’s hard and it’s kind of stupid. 

Her writing goal:

I want to have every book I write end with knowledge – which is virtue, which is good, which is helpful – someone knows something at the end that they didn’t know before. 

On colorism:

It’s not just about color, it’s about how we decide who belongs and who does not. 

On altruism and goodness:

Altruism is framed as a lesser thing, as weak.

Goodness lurks backstage, goodness holds its tongue. 

I just think goodness is more interesting. Evil is constant, but it’s all about pain and death, period.

Her work in progress:

I’m working on a novel and I have to tell you, it is the best thing I have ever written. The title is Justice

Audience Q&A!

The most difficult book to write:

The one I’m writing now. 

On her writing process:

I always know the ending before I write – that’s where the meaning is. I know the ending and the beginning and I don’t know the middle. The ending is the point. 

Her advice to young writers:

Wait ‘til you’re 50.

Write about something you don’t know. Just think it up!

Forget yourself, invent something, and move on.

What fuels her writing:

I really don’t know how to stop. I can’t imagine me in the world without writing, without thinking of something to write. 

I never write to the contract. [When she first started writing] It was totally free and it was mine and I owned that place. 

What she’s learned from her women characters:

A certain kind of strength. A sovereignty. That it’s okay to be me. 

Think of all the things you did not do for someone you loved. At the end of Sula, that regret was what I wanted to express. 

When did you first realize that you were in love with your future significant other, or when did you first realize that you and your ex were growing to break up?

Tell the story here, and feel free to use the messages/quote the words that made you fall in or out of love.

They all speak of how it feels to fall victim to a broken heart. No one speaks of how it feels to break your own. They don’t speak of how it feels to hurt the one you love and regret it until your heart grows so heavy with frustration that it feels it will break the ribs that are trying to hold it up. It is contemplation on the shower floor until you begin to let out hate in the form of tears for who you were. You become disgusted by the hands that touched him because no… those hands couldn’t have been your own. These finger tips were made to dance on your skin. This voice was made to sing you to sleep. It is being helpless, because when you finally wake the fuck up and see the fragmented pieces of the love you mistreated shattered below your feet… There’s blood on the ground, and for the first time it’s your own. This time it is because he’s let you have a taste of your own mistakes. He’ll see you crying for once and his eyes will say, “hurts, doesn’t it?”

It is too late.

B. Rose