feeling spiritual at the moment

Citizen Erased - Origin of Symmetry, 2001

“It’s an expression of what it feels like to be questioned. I spend more time than most people being asked about purpose, and it’s a strange feeling. I don’t really have the answers and I have to respond on the knowledge I have obtained so far, but the problem is that it gets printed, and something else has come along that’s made you completely disagree with what you said”. - Matt Bellamy

Zodiac Hidden Desires

Aries: To lead others and live life to its fullest.
Taurus: To have a secure, happy and wealthy life and marriage.
Gemini: To lead a life of variety that underscores their cutting edge personality.
Cancer: To feel safe emotionally, spiritually, romantically and financially.
Leo: To be momentous, respected and praised.
Virgo: To love and be loved in return.
Libra: To achieve balance and clarity in life.
Scorpio: To overcome obstacles and create permanency.
Sagittarius: To make a difference in the world.
Capricorn: To be admired by their family, their friends, the world.
Aquarius: To be unique and original and be respected for it.
Pisces: To live their dreams and turn fantasies into realities.

Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit
LA Dispute
 Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

After sundown, before sleeping, I am the worst of me. I am a mess of these
Old themes and the murmur of half-dreams whisper seductively and
Stage scenes.
It’s fear fiction, these visions, caught somewhere between delusion and prophesy.
What I haven’t done, what I’ve wanted to, and what I fear you have
Becomes reality here.

Bright lights in the young night keep to the beat.
A classic party scene, crowded and interesting.
No love, no life, no history.
Just touch, just chemistry, just
A roaring undercurrent simple and sensory.
Young bodies, warm skin, perfect symmetry and
It’s a moment, harmless. It’s energy.
It’s like medicine,
It’s self-discovery.

See, all the secrets I keep, why are they secrets?

It’s only temporary, that fleeting feeling of warmth,
Just a flash before the line gets blurry,
Between a longing for more than what the body wants now and
What the body wants now more than anything.
Was it integrity that kept my hands to myself or
Just the thought of getting too far ahead of you?
Was it that I got too tired of the consequence?
Or was I just scared?

I only know I never wanted to get left behind.

No pauses, not a second guess.
First a swaying then a stumble then a swagger.
They’re just movements towards feeling. It doesn’t matter
Neither hesitates to carry on a kind of energy,
Sweat and block out everything to
Find every aperture and compel the animal parts.
Fan flames, taste fruit, taste bitter fruit.
Just trying to learn how all the wires in the body work.
Just trying to feel it out, it’s like medicine.
Trap the healing in whatever bed they end up in.

I want to feel it out. I want to know how it works.
I want to know if it was worth it to worry,
About the ghosts I feared would haunt the memory,
About the damage that I’m sure the fear has done to me now.
I want to know what it is in me that won’t follow through
Those nights the instinct takes a hold of me and pushes too.
Maybe it’s only that I’ve never gotten over you.

Or am I still scared?

I see the church steps, a vision. Is there fiction in this one too?
It’s true, I’ve made a tale of it here, still, it’s a little unclear who’s been haunting who.
And time can be such a funny thing, always moving to the future
Glorifying the past and amplifying the pain in frames and glass.
So was our touch half as sacred as I’ve made it seem
Or just another fabrication of a half-dream?
Just those chemicals, the adolescent love.
Just us trying to grasp onto meaning,
Onto a purpose,
Onto a sense that
Something spiritual releases when the feeling hits.

And when the feeling hits.

And in that moment sparks and harps play out
A sweeping melody through fog and fantasy
And in that moment there’s an honesty instinctive and pure but
It departs like it came, rapid and bearing no more
Than fleeting ecstasy of natural harmony.
They fear the notes being played and try to sing along.
Don’t be ashamed, be free to the feeling. Don’t be ashamed, keep feeling.
But find it: a body that makes sense.

I’ve felt it.

wildspirit-69  asked:

I became Wiccan last year and I really want to know more about it. I have tried learning and asking questions, but I never really get answers. Like I want to know how to do a ritual. Cam you please help me?

I can do my best. A ritual changes depending on many things. Also, I am doing this from the hospital and away from my books so if I get some information misplaced or forget something I offer an apology…it’s been a long week. 

When- The time of year, the season, the day of the month, the day of the week, and the time of day/night, the moon phases, the stars in the sky, the weather, and more can all effect and take part in a ritual. In order to understand how these effect I would look up and research them individually and then decide an appropriate time for your ritual.  
Where- Location, location, location. Home, friends home, henge, forest, sea, the middle of a shopping mall, a cemetery, so on and so forth…all of these places have their own energy and can affect the ritual itself, depending you may wish to include or preclude them. 
Who- Solitary ritual? Coven or group ritual? Are you heading it? Hosting it? who is going to be there? 
Intent-  Those who have been following me for a long time know that I hammer pretty hard of defining your intent in any spellwork or ritual casting. You need to clearly state and believe in your intent or nothing that follows is going to work properly. 

Now, a ritual, like a spell, must include the following:

  • Greeting- Greeting means to say hello and welcome. This is not just useful in coven scenarios, though it is useful there, but a solitary witch must also greet the ever present energy in the ritual working area and the part of themselves that connects to magic and divinity. 
  • Cleansing the Area- However you choose to do it. While I don’t always cleanse before spell work I believe it is a MUST to cleanse before ritual work. 
  • Casting a Circle- I wrote a post about this which can be found here
  • Invitation/Call to Energies/Deities/other beings- What you call, how you call them/it it determined by your practice, the time of year, and who/what your intent is. 
  • Building The Energy- via chants, incantations, movements, the solitary practitioner or the working coven needs to build the energy of the ritual while keeping the intent at heart. This focuses the energy. Do not break focus. 
  • Ritual Act- The ritual act (and I’m sorry if I sound like a broken record here) depends entirely on the ritual and the intent. For instance, if your intent is fertility…have sex or place the athame into the chalice in a mimicry of this. If your intent is to heal then cast out that energy toward the intended or infuse an item to be given to them. If you are paying homage to the Lord and Lady give up that energy unto them. It all depends. 
  • Offering- Remember those energies you called? They need offerings for their assistance and time. Also offerings can help infuse the energy of the ritual itself. It’s only polite to give them something. Burn it, bury it, put it in water, throw it into the air, set it at the feet of the statue of the god or goddess of your choice…whatever you need to do…offer it. 
  • Thanking the Energies/Deities/other beings that you invited- Say thank you…remember…be polite. 
  • Dismissing those energies- You called the energies, now dismiss them. often time the wording of the ritual puts thanking and dismissing together. Thats okay. 
  • Grounding/Release- If the ritual was done correctly you may feel a spiritual high, dizziness, happiness, light feeling, overwhelming moments…these are not unheard of. Ground and center yourself. 
  • Opening the Circle- Open the circle and step out of the ritual area 
  • Cakes and Wine- Almost every ritual ends with a feast of some sort. Go take part. 
Twin souls: more on "how to know"

I’ve been asked what the main differences are between a “real” twin flame and a “counterfeit” one.  I posted a little bit recently about how I don’t think about that very much and why I don’t spend a lot of time contemplating it, but here’s my honest feeling about it.  And this is just how I perceive things thus far; it’s always possible for a mind to change, because the mind is inconstant, isn’t it?  ;)

As I see it, what twin flames come down to is the peace of Source.  This was the one thing I had said to my teacher years ago, when he asked me how I recognized my twin flame, and I agree with him — that “the peace… is how you know.”

There’s a “peace” that settles in with certain soulmates.  People you’ve known forever and grown to love, whom you trust implicitly and know you could tell anything to and be totally accepted.  That is beautiful and real.  But, in my experience, the “peace” of a twin flame connection is yet beyond that.  It’s a primordial peace, and it’s pretty instantaneous.  Not that it’s there from the very moment you meet them (I said it’s instantaneous, not that it is instant.), but rather that you notice the feeling suddenly — perhaps before you even understand what it is — and yet this person has done nothing to “earn” how you feel.  They haven’t had to “prove” themselves to you over a period of time.  It’s not like that kind of ease and comfort that grows as a person demonstrates to you their character.  You just feel at ease with the person, know that they would never judge you, that you’re safe to be your deepest, truest self around them and that they would honor who you are, down to the very soul.

Your soul feels like it’s found its home.  You look in their eyes and are stunned to realize, “I’m looking at myself.”  You hold them, and you realize, “I’m embracing myself.”  You hold them and you also realize, “This person fits perfectly.”  There is none of that awkward feeling of bodies getting used to one another that comes when you hug somebody new, “This person feels different…”  Different than what?  Than whom?  Who else matters?  Your twin soul just feels RIGHT, and in a way you notice immediately and don’t have to think about.

I think people can get caught up in comparing stuff like, “Do our dreams match?  Do we have parallel life experiences?  Did they catalyze a major spiritual shift/life crisis for me?  Did I do that for them?  How many synchronicities have happened?  How unlikely were they?  How much does this look like destiny?  Are we spiritually in the same place?  On the same path?  How about the biographical details?  Some people say we’re supposed to be (vastly different/exactly the same) in (age/culture/height/weight/race/socioeconomic background/education level/interests/etc.) — are we?”

Fireworks, butterflies, chemistry, life crises, awakenings, synchronicity, a sense of destiny, shared visions and interests, similarities, differences, cosmic surprises — you will find any of these things with all different people over the course of your life.

None of this stuff can tell you what your heart can tell you.  None of this stuff can tell you what your soul already knows.

Either you feel a deep and natural peace with them or you do not.  Either you see your own soul inside their eyes or you do not.  Either you behold them and realize, “… This person is ME” (and not in an unhealthy, fractured-identity kind of way, but in a true, spiritual sense of Oneness kind of way, with full appreciation and celebration and honoring of their simultaneous “other”ness and their freedom to be who THEY are, no matter how far that takes them from you) — or you do not.

The question to ask yourself, to ask of the depths of your soul, is:

Do they FEEL right?

Rationalizing will not take you where you want to go.  It will not take you to the answer.  Feeling will.  And a willingness to let the answer go.  A willingness to surrender – and let the answer reveal itself.

I hope that helps, everyone.

Peace and love,

*I feel this one more thing is important to note:  when life first introduces you to your twin soul, you might not have been awake enough yet to understand, on a spiritual level, what was happening.  If it didn’t feel mystical in the moment, don’t be afraid.  The realizations set in, the understanding deepens, over time.  Again, it’s the peace.  It’s the peace.  Anyone can identify peace.  That is what unconditional, divine love feels like.  A timeless, inexhaustible peace that feels like home.


Oh man, this past weekend has been amazing and filled with spirit. So Saturday night I received my batok from Lane Wilcken during his workshop on Pilipinx traditional tattoo’s in NYC. I was asked by the woman who ran the event, Andrea, if I wanted to volunteer to get tattooed during the workshop. I told her I didn’t mind and the next day or the following day after Lane actually messaged me on Facebook asking me the same thing. I felt honored that he personally asked me and that he wanted to tattoo me saying he felt through the spirits that he should contact me for this. Of course I said yes and I was looking forward to it.

Something amazing happened before the actual workshop however. The night before before Lane messaged me I was actually at work. During my break I saw a centipede come toward me by my locker and away from my coworker who happened to be passing by. I thought nothing of it at the time and brushed it aside as after I got my stuff it just disappeared. 

Then the day prior to the workshop I was in my bathroom getting something when I randomly saw a centipede which I have never seen before in my house except maybe once several years ago. I was so scared because it again came straight at me then just stopped just starting right at me before I left the room. It wouldn’t be until much later during the workshop the following day when Lane was talking about certain animals who acted omens and were ancestral spirits did I realize the significance of it. Now I realize it was a message from the ancestors or an ancestral spirit giving me their blessings like they knew.

It’s those little things that most of the time we don’t pay attention to in our busy everyday lives that we tend to tune out the spirits trying to get in contact with us and we just have to open our eyes, minds, and ears to them.

So prior to the tattoo session we gave our offerings to the spirits and ancestors. I offered some suman and Lane put them in his offering bowl he always uses during his rituals and prayers to the ancestors with rice and an egg. He put this on the altar which he always faces west and left it there for the spirits and ancestors. The workshop lasted for several hours mainly discussing our tattoo’s, a few myths, his stories,etc. We then had to cut it off short because it was nearing 7 and he wanted to have some time to work on me.

He instructed me how the offering ritual was going to be as he said his chants to the ancestors and the spirits of Turtle Island as these are their lands not ours, and letting them know I will be tattooed. He then gave me the offering bowl which I went to the altar and silently said my prayers and thanks to the ancestors, spirits, and diwata before placing them on the altar.

Soon after the tattooing session began and I received my first traditionally handtapped batok. This one actually is really special as while Lane was holding my arm and was coming up with a mental picture in his head from the spirits on what to give me he asked me to tell him a little more about reconstructing our indigenous belief systems. I told him that I was Pagan and that besides myself there are a few others who are reviving our indigenous beliefs and practices by looking at old Spanish documents and dictionaries and bringing them back to the modern day. He nodded then after awhile he told me that for my batok he felt that he should honor and represent that in my batok.

He told me he would be doing some crocodile teeth and within the crocodile teeth he would put the weaving patterns as a symbol of me weaving together our indigenous beliefs and practices as a living modern spiritual and religious practice. He then put on the python scales with the dots on them symbolizing the eyes of the ancestors.

It was interested as after he drew the initial line around my arm, he started to draw the triangles. At first it was I believe it was 7. He said no that’s not it so he wiped off the red outlines and drew again. He then got 11. He was like what and was confused as he tried to get 10. We asked why and he said he was trying to get an even number or multiple of 5 as it represents good wealth and fortune. So he tried a third time to try and get 8 and once again it was 9. He was like well ok then, I guess you are just meant to have an odd number then I’m not going to argue with the ancestors on this one since you keep getting it odd. So he left it an 9 not wanting to argue with the spirits (which I find ironic anyway as my luck number is 3 and in multiples of 3). As he was going along in the tattoo he eventually realized why it had to be an odd number for me as where the spirits were guiding him to put the python scales and the dots he realized if the triangles were an even number there would be one ancestor with a missing eye. So there are 9 crocodile teeth and 8 python scales which has a dot in each scale. This corresponds to 8 different eyes watching over me. 

The experience of getting handtapped was just amazing. It really was a spiritual experience and I could feel it the moment Lane put my suman offerings in the offering bowl and altar and as soon as he chanted his prayers to mark the beginning of the workshop.

When he was holding my arm and receiving the image in his head of what he would tattoo from the spirits I could feel his energy as I received it on my left arm, which is both the receiving hand and also the maternal side according to Lane. 

Just today I finally got a chance to burn and bury the baby wipes and the gloves used during the session that has my blood on them along with the food offerings of my suman, the rice, egg, and an orange. He told me that it was disrespectful to throw away anything that had your blood and essence as a spirit can take it and use it against you. We were to either bury. burn, or throw the offerings out to sea. As I don’t have access to the water at the moment I decided to bury everything and burn the wipes and gloves right next to my cherry tree that we planted in our backyard from a branch of the other cherry tree at the side of our house. 

One thing that this experience has taught me is that the spirits and ancestors are always with you, regardless if you notice them or not. They are always there watching over you and are there to protect and guide you and I pay my respects to them everyday.

[The sacrament] should be a powerful, reverent, reflective moment. It should encourage spiritual feelings and impressions. As such it should not be rushed. It is not something to “get over” so that the real purpose of a sacrament meeting can be pursued. This is the real purpose of the meeting. And everything that is said or sung or prayed in those services should be consistent with the grandeur of this sacred ordinance.
—  Elder Holland

What Im Working On - I feel as though my spiritual state is strong at the moment; I am calm and I am accepting and just going with the current like a jellyfish in the ocean (which incase you haven’t noticed is my symbol).

However, there is one thing I feel I need to work on which is something I have often struggled with, and this is seeing people as people. I have this awful habit of being threatened by other peoples energies and giving myself the delusion that the grass is greener in their pasture, which in reality is not the case - humans are human, and while they may have confidence, they still have insecurities. I need to view people as energies and souls without prejudice, expectation or the desire to impress.

I need to let people be people, and respect, accept and allow myself to be me and them to be them. ॐ

i’m just in love with me right now

i’m in a great place spiritually, emotionally, mentally

i feel like i’ve been preparing my spirit for this moment

for the challenges of work and school and the uncertainty of my profession

i feel good, i feel great

Star-Studded Sinner

I’m not good at this.
I am not good at pretending
I am good at this.

I make Hallelujah sound like a sneeze.
And Amen fits like a watermelon rind
between my cheeks.

I am not good
at pretending I don’t like to be touched.
I can’t love in small quantities,
and will let your hands wander
wherever they are curious,
and will hike the arches of your shoulders
with fingers tiptoeing across your freckles.
My skin likes to see the sun,
and there is too much to say
about the vulnerability of nakedness.
Sometimes it is nice
to feel vulnerable.

My most spiritual moments
are at poetry slams,
I doodle song lyrics during Sunday school,
and if church
is longer
than a few hours,
you might find me sneaking out the back door
with a lie forming
between my lips.

Though my sea legs
have never grown in,
I will curse as quick as the ocean curls;
break promises as easily
as the waves engulf the sand.

I’m not good
at remembering God’s face,
and I pray the most
when I’m the least deserving.
No one will tell me the formula
of holding your hands together loosely,
or too tight so that my prayers
will reach Heaven’s mailbox,
I’m a star-studded sinner,
and I spoon doubts out like morning cereal.

I am not good at this.
I am not good at pretending
I am good at this.
But the Lord knows,
I’ve got spirit like a Baptist choir,
and love
like a mother’s arms.