feeling special without a special person in your life


(requested by anon)

Kai Parker x Reader 
word count
: 4 366
summary : Reader and Kai have loved each other before he got sent to Hell and when he comes back they meet again. 
 *gif by jake-riley
keep reading after the cut ;)


A sigh came from behind her just as she was putting on her shirt but before she had had time to turn around, Kai placed his hands over her eyes.
“Kai what are y-”
“Shhh…” he shushed her. “Come with me.”
Kai led her down the hallway , as she stumbled every few steps. It had been the 7 month anniversary since the day they had met and Kai wanted to make something special to surprise her. He wanted to celebrate every moment they shared together. Preparing the surprise however had been a little trickier with her in the apartment. He had been trying very very hard not to let her see any of it before things are ready.
“You are the most special person I’ve ever had in my life.” he said as they walked to the balcony right outside his apartments living room. “And I know you said you didn’t want me to do anything special for today but I feel like we should celebrate the little moments , you know. Though meeting you was quite possibly the biggest moment in my life and without you I just – I don’t know who I would be anymore.”
“You will never be without me , Kai.” she said smiling. “I will always be by your side. Always and forever , remember ?”
 Kai removed his palms from her eyes and Y/N opened them , finding the balcony arranged so beautifully  her breath got caught in her throat. There were flower petals on the ground and a couple of flower pots here and there. On the small table there was breakfast for the both of them and a small vase with her favourite flowers along with her favourite pancakes with coconut whipped cream , coffee and fresh berries enough for the both of them. Y/N turned towards him with a wide smile on her face , finding him smiling back at her.
“D-do you like it?” asked Kai smiling nervously. “I didn’t have much time this morning. You wouldn’t let me leave the bed and I ju-”
Y/N pressed her lips against his not letting him finish. He was always so nervous when doing things like that , afraid he’s going to mess it up somehow.
“I don’t like it.” she said with a serious tone , gazing into his eyes. “I love it!”
  Kai laughed pulling her into his arms. Y/N was the best thing that has happened to him in his life. There were days where he’d just sit and look at her , not saying a word just thinking how lucky he was that they had found each other. After all the bad things he had done , somehow the universe had decided to reward him with her and he wanted to be better because of her.
“Happy 7 month anniversary since the day we met.” he said pressing his lips on hers. “Remember ? You were at Skull bar studying or pretending to study while drinking beer on the bar when I sat there and in your rush to get back to classes , you somehow spilled all of it on your clothes and you had to borrow my jacket.”
“OH I remember.” she smiled at the memory. Y/N hadn’t had a clue who he was at the time but the moment their eyes met it was already clear he is
the one. Though she still wondered how she had spilled the drink on herself … “I also remember how you couldn’t stop starring at my chest through wet shirt -”
“HEY it had been a while since I had seen anything like it.” he raised his hands in defence. “I’m quite happy you spilled that drink on yourself though. Other ways we might’ve missed each other.”
“Not possible. We would’ve found each other some other way. I’m sure of it.” she smiled at him as Kai sat on one of the chairs and pulled her down on his lap , wrapping his arms around her tightly.
“I hope so. OH and I have a surprise for you. Well , another one.” he said , taking a small box she hadn’t noticed hidden behind the flowers. “This is for you.”
Y/N took the box and opened it finding a key inside. She looked up at him with curious look in her eyes. There had been a lot of things she had expected to find in there but a key was not one of them.
“A key? What does it open ?” she wondered , holding it with her fingers.
“Y/N , we’ve – we’ve been together for more than 5 months now. I don’t even know how I got that lucky to have met you in the first place , let alone to have fallen in love with you and have you loving me back.” he started , not taking his eyes away from her. “You are staying over most nights anyways. I just thought that – maybe you’d like to move in with me ? Officially ?”
“I would love to.” said Y/N smiling. “But are you sure ? You know how annoying I can be. I’ll eat your pork rinds and sing at the top of my lungs when my favourite song plays on the radio , distract you all the time - ”
Kai laughed under his breath , gazing into her eyes. Nothing Y/N did could ever annoy him. What they had was special. It had been this instant connection you see in movies. From the moment he had first seen her , he had felt something towards her - even before the merge. There was just something about her that drew him in like a magnet.  After the merge it had slowly started becoming clear to him what those emotions meant and eventually they found their way to each other. Y/N had changed his life and he had changed hers.  They loved each other more than any of them could put into words. Y/N would do anything for him and Kai was the same when it came to her.
“I love you more than anything Y/N… and I don’t ever ever want to know what its like to live without you.” said Kai , his eyes sparkling like never before. “And I want to wake up next to you every morning. Forever.”
“I don’t want to what life without you is like either. ” she said smiling. “Losing you would mean losing a part of me and I know I wont recover. I love you.” she said softly. “More than words.”

Y/N opened her eyes , feeling a tear roll down her cheek. Every time a moment she and Kai had shared returned as a dream to her , it was always like this. It wasn’t like the memories were sad , no - the memories were happy , but the hole in her heart had never healed. It had been four years since Kai had died and Y/N would still stop by his grave at least once a day or more. Some days her ‘stopping by’ meant spending hours sitting on the ground next to his headstone , talking to him. At least Stefan had been sensitive enough towards her feelings , understanding that they loved each other and had helped her bury him. Damon had had other intentions.
The past few years Y/N had spent hating him and that had drawn a rift between her and her friends. Every time the subject was brought up they’d just start arguing with her how Kai had never changed and had fooled her into believing that he had. Not that it mattered to Y/N. The heart wants what the heart wants and she would’ve loved him either way. None of the people she grew up with was willing to admit that Bonnie stabbing Kai in the back , literally , and ditching him in 1903 had caused the chaos at the wedding. Kai had even said it himself. Damon and Bonnie had had tricked him and Kai had believed them because he had wanted to , not realising what a huge mistake that was. How was he not to snap again ? He spent weeks in 1903 used as a human blood bag to Lilly’s heretics. Being left alone again in another Prison World was going to have it’s consequences. Yet Kai hadn’t been completely gone even then , he never had been. Why else would he stab Jo first , making sure she is dead before killing himself and taking his entire coven with him ? No , Kai cared about his sister enough to spare her the slow painful death the rest of the coven would have to endure after he jammed that piece of glass in his neck. Everyone always expected the worst from him and in the end he had given in , living up to their worse expectations. Nothing Y/N said to her friends mattered though…

A sigh left her lips and she placed her hand on her forehead , trying to blink back the tears. Four years and it was still him. It had always been only him and it would always be him. Losing him didn’t hurt any less with time as people always said. Stefan had offered to take away her suffering , make her forget and help her move on but Y/N had refused. There was no way she’d ever let someone mess with her memories of Kai and – moving on ? How does someone move on after losing their other half ? No. It wasn’t possible.
Y/N’s phone rang interrupting her thoughts. DAMON said the caller ID. A groan left her lips and she clicked ignore. Last thing she wanted was to talk to her least favourite person on this planet. Her phone rang again , and again. Finally she picked up realising there was no other way to get rid of him.
“What is it Damon?” she said sounding more annoyed than ever. “If you have called to gloat again I swear -”
“Don’t hang up , just listen.” he said starting to talk really fast. “I know you hate my guts and you don’t ever want to see my face or hear my voice ever again. You made that very clear but … I think I can make it up to you.”
“What ? Did you invent a time machine that would take me back to the time I tried to stake you so I can finally get some peace of mind?” she rolled her eyes. There was no way for Damon to make it up to her. Not now , not ever. He had tried apologising and she had told him multiple times that  ‘Sometimes I do things I don’t have to do.’  does not count as an apology. One of the few times he had tried that half-ass apology , she had tried to stake him and almost had succeeded if it hadn’t been for Stefan intervening.
 “Let me say HI. Let me say HI.” said a very familiar voice from the other end of the line. Y/N blinked fast a couple of times sure that her dreams were now turning into full blown hallucinations. And even if that was true , all of the sudden Damon had he complete attention.
“No. Not a time machine but something happened.” said the vampire. “Meet me downtown in 30 minutes near the diner ? You know , the one you tried to stake me in after I tried to apologise?”
“Wait , who’s in the car with you?”
“Just come meet me. ”
“Wait , Damon if you don’t tell me who - ”
“And wear something nice. BYE.” said Damon , hanging up a second later.
Y/N stared at her phone screen shaking her head. It wasn’t possible was it ? No. Her mind was playing tricks on her … or Damon was playing another twisted game but either way she had to know. She opened the nightstand’s drawer pulling out the same wooden stake she had tried to use to kill him the first time. If he was messing with her , things would get ugly and this time he was going to get it.
Quickly she got up and put on her favourite jeans and one of Kai’s tshirts. Y/N could never bring herself to give them away or any of his things. Why would she? After he had asked her to move in with him officially , he had practically packed her things for her with magic and they moved in the same day , a few hours after he asked actually. Living in his apartment had been the only thing to keep her from falling apart 100% after his death. Y/N could feel him everywhere around her - sometimes she could literally see him smile at her from across the room or motioning for her to come sit on his lap while watching TV. Everywhere she looked , he was there … only it wasn’t really real. It was all her imagination. Y/N brushed her hair , pulling it in a loose ponytail , grabbed her phone and put the wooden stake in her backpack before running outside.

Y/N walked down the street taking a turn just to where the diner was with her phone in her hands just about to dial Damon’s number when she spotted him in standing at the beginning of one of the alleys talking on his phone and there was someone incredibly familiar with him.
  “Come on Damon. Next victim won’t find itself.”

Keep reading

What do you mean you’re single?? But you should already be thinking of marrige at your age, like people 200 years ago used to do!

Good morning.

So, guess what, I’m 18 and I’m single. Shocking, right?

I’m almost sure that none of people reading this are actually shocked by this random fact about me. Well, I hope so. As for me, I think you have a right to start dating any time you want, and, if you wish, you can even not start dating at all. Because this is your personal choice, this is how it works. Amazingly easy to understand.

Okay, it sounds like a starting of a ranting, and I guess it is a ranting, but I just wanted to make my opinion clear. Yesterday I met my friends (and I don’t see them very often) and there’s this little thing that they sometimes do. It doesn’t make me angry or annoyed, but I see it as a topic that is not the best thing to talk about. They ask “So K, are you seeing anyone now?” or “So do you like any guy at the moment?”, or they tell me “You’ll never find someone if you have such high standards”, or my favorite “You’ll never find a boyfriend if you keep doing *a thing*”. Luckily I don’t hear the last one often; if I did I would be already dead by doing seppuku right in the cute café, in which we were having a nice chitchat. I mean, why do we should discuss my dead lovelife if we could talk about penguins slipping on the ice in Antarctica, or about how high are costs of strawberries in Japan, or why do the cats have a claws on their penises? There are so many things to talk about, the fact that I hate 99.9% of humanity and do not want to date anyone I know is not the most interesting one.

I’m trying, okay. I even have a Tinder, and I talk to people there. Well, I may swipe left more often then I should, but I’m trying. I don’t want to start dating just anyone, so there’s nothing wrong about being picky. Dating someone is not a question of your age, it’s all about you feeling comfortable enough near someone who feels the same way. Mutuality, this is what is important. And as long as I don’t feel it, I’ll be alone. And I feel pretty good being single. I love it, actually. So the person who will be the end of “my lonely life” and the start of “me being in love life” should be very special, special enough for me to give up my happy single-pringle way of living, and to realize that I cannot live without this person.

Looking forward for being alone for as long as I want and being happy with it!!,

K (170419)

Here’s a gift for my two favorite nerds :P @xxmileikaivanaxx and @captainthane

But more than that these losers are who I’m proud to call my best friends. This week, this entire year, had been what feels like hell on earth. And quite frankly, I’ve been at a point of pure brokenness for so long, there almost seemed no point in fighting for my life or anything else on this planet. But these two have proved me wrong..These two have done more for me than they could ever imagine. I could count on them at any moment to stop what they were doing and comfort me even when I know I don’t deserve it. I have never trusted or loved anyone so strongly as I do these fantastic people…the word “friend” almost pales in comparison to what they truly mean to me. They’ve not only given me such deeply rooted love and friendship, but a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, laughs that have made my stomach hurt, tears of happiness and heartbreak, bittersweet headaches and heartaches, smiles that I’ll never forget, drunken jokes, epic stories, nostalgic tales, secrets that could be trusted to no one else, little gifts, and what I can call an adventure to last a lifetime.

My dearest and precious Shnabber. This year has been probably the best and worst year of my life and you’ve held my hand through every high and low. I never imagined there would ever be a person that I could truly be myself around, heartbreaks, and insanity, and all around stupidity all at once. I never dreamed of any true friend that would ever understand or accept me as a person. Until I met this dumbass xD. You’ve become the person in my life that I’m unafraid to share anything with. And whether we’re bouncing ideas of each other, or sharing tips and tricks, giving each other stupid nicknames, or laughing our drunk asses off in a call, or sharing our dirty jokes and pervy secrets, laughing over stupid crap, or crying over our hardest problems, you’ve been everything I could ask for in a friend and more. Despite our hardships and disagreements, we’ve always fought for each other, to keep ourselves in each other’s life. And I will fight for you till the day I die. You’ve not only become my closest and best friend on this planet, but my family as well. When my own family was falling apart, you gave me the kind of love that a family should have. You took on a role as a loving sister that’s greater than anything I deserve. You’ve impacted my life in a fantastic way and changed me as a person, helping me learn and grow through this past year. I can never express my gratitude or love enough.

Despite only knowing you for a short time, you have affected my heart and mind so deeply. You’ve given me advice and love that I’ll never be able to forget. You have something so special within you, which is the ability to make people smile and laugh without even trying. And you make people feel loved and accepted in such a short time. Whether it’s our playful banter, or petty flattery, or shared secrets and stories, you’ve become such a wonderful and amazing friend to me. And I want you to stay in my life for many years to come. You’re a beautiful and shining person so full of hope and life. I admire you and hope to gain the strength you have within your heart. You are incredibly special to me and have filled my heart with undeniable hope and love, along with a new outlook on life itself. Every moment spent with you is another shining light in the darkness, and seeing your smile could brighten my day in a heartbeat. You’ve changed my life and me in a way I could never describe and my love for you is greater than you could ever imagine. You’re so precious to me, my adorable little pretty boy :3

You both have given me such a strong reason to fight for this life and have given me an undeniable inspiration and strength.

When it feels that the darkness has won, and there’s nothing left for me but death, you both pull me out of the abyss and into loving arms.

Baekhyun's Personality & Possessiveness

Anon-dream said:

Hi, it’s me again, the annoying anon who had submitted her dream! ^^ I will refer to myself as anon-dream if that’s okay with you :) So, I saw you answering a question about ChanBaek’s possessiveness and apparently, you had asked Baek-stans to share their opinion about the latter’s personality which I would gladly do, if you allow me. First of all, I totally agree with your statement about Baekhyun being the more jealous and possessive one between ChanBaek. If you keep a sharp eye on Baek, you will notice that it’s not really hard to spot his jealous face whenever Chanyeol’s attention is on someone else. From what I have observed, his typical reactions are:

  • smiling in a very forced way by pressing his lips together
  • looking away from the scene that makes him feel uncomfortable
  • rolling his eyes + looking away
  • staring intently at the scene

Having watched him very carefully, I can somehow conclude that Baekhyun often reacts very strongly to Chanyeol interacting with others, that he dislikes it when Chanyeol gets too close with other people and most of all, when he ignores Baekhyun (EXO ST EP 3!) Now, in order to understand his feelings, I think it’s important to think about Chanyeol’s role in Baekhyun’s life. All romantic stuff aside, Chanyeol was the first person who approached Baekhyun and made him open up his heart to the group (Baek’s words!). Chanyeol protects Baekhyun, Chanyeol is the one who laughs at his jokes and tolerates his bubbly personality (which I think many people cannot deal with well at times). Chanyeol is his soulmate, that one person who understands him without words. To sum it up, Chanyeol is special to Baekhyun, no matter how you decide to define ‘special’ here. I can tell from experience that a person like that, I mean a real soulmate, is very, very rare to find. Chances are that you will encounter such a person only once in your whole life. And they become so precious to you because it feels so damn good to have someone who truly understands you and accepts you. It feels so great. Consequently, it is very understandable that Baekhyun is so possessive of Chanyeol. I love Baekhyun for his bubbly, bright personality, his amazing sense of humour and his endlessly yapping cute mouth. However, the more I look at him, the more convinced I am that this is just one side of Baekhyun’s personality. He surely is confident about his skills but I don’t think that he is very confident about himself, that he needs a lot of recognition - does that make sense? Baekhyun comes from a loving household. He was adored and pampered a lot by his parents and his brother and had a lot of friends at school, too. He was always cared for and was never really left to himself until he entered the idol world, where he received praise yes, but also a lot of hate and criticism. And I think that Baekhyun had a hard time dealing with this because he wasn’t used to it. He was used to being loved and adored and not to being bashed - and we all know how often Baekhyun got/gets bashed for things he says/does. I think the BaekYeon scandal really hurt him most, especially when I remember how he cried during both, his musical and Exo’s concert after it came out. So I really think that Baekhyun is the type who cannot stand being “not loved” - and it’s not out of arrogance. It’s not like “I am so fabulous, how can you not love me? Please!” but more like “I did nothing wrong, did I? So love me, please love me a lot.” I even remember Sehun saying in an interview that Baekhyun is sensitive and gets hurt easily. Plus, Chanyeol also once said that he thinks that Baekhyun is a “small” person - and I am sure he wasn’t just refering to his outer appearance. Speaking of outer appearance, I feel like Baekhyun is a bit self-conscious about that, too: Nowadays, he keeps emphasizing how “bad” his skin has gotten since debut and how uncomfortable he feels without make-up and such (although to me, he always looks great tbh). And that’s where Chanyeol makes an appearance imo, because Chanyeol is like a rock that Baekhyun desperately needs, a person who will accept him, remind him of his worth (Chanyeol keeps praising Baekhyun in public) and care for him and love him the way he is used to. Not to mention how he is always by Baekhyun’s side most of the time. I really think that, personality wise, Chanyeol is much stronger than our Baek. He seems more laid back as you have already said and more confident about himself, which is why I think that these two complete each other so perfectly. Thus, I believe that, although Baek has gotten much more independent and stronger compared to before, he still needs Chanyeol and appreciates his company. Therefore, it’s only natural that he doesn’t like feeling deprived of the attention Chanyeol gives him or that he gets jealous whenever someone else tries to “take him away”. And since Chanyeol is not only very attractive but also very social and friendly to everyone, it happens quite often - poor Baek, lol.

Ok, so these are my thoughts. I hope I don’t annoy you with these long submissions, if yes, just ignore them & I am sorry for hurting your eyes haha :(

Anon-dream! I absolutely love, like with a passion, reading your submissions, because I just cannot disagree with them.

In other words, I agree with you 100% 

I agree with you on how you say Baekhyun is not all that confident in himself, especially with him not having much experience from the hate and stuff, he needs someone to lean on, which as you had mentioned, and behold, he found someone, that is Chanyeol. And Baekhyun had once said how Chanyeol had opened up his heart in an interview maybe in 2013, so Chanyeol was the one to actually get to know him, and guess what? Chanyeol seems to enjoy every bit of it.

And the fact Chanyeol wanted to protect Baek, as you said, makes you wonder if Baekhyun had told Chanyeol about his insecurities and troubles, or if he was already able to sense it.

Yes, these two are soul mates, no matter what anyone says, it’s hard to deny, how linked they seem to be, how they complete each other and, how they opened each other up, they’re so lucky to have met each other, I wonder, how would Baekhyun have handled it if Chanhyeol wasn’t there to help? Would he be different or the same? Questions~ questions~

Wow, you pretty much took everything from my mouth, I can’t even like add anything else XD

Thank you for this lovely submission anon-dream~

Please, your submissions never hurt my eyes, they bless it hehe~

I’ll be putting this in my chanbaek analysis section now~

Ever since the day I first heard ‘Our Song’ back in 2007, I knew in that moment, that you were going to be someone special. So special that, for the past 8 years, you, your music, have been an integral part of my life. Whenever I’m having really bad days, or feeling insecure, I turn to you. Only you. I am a better person for having you in my life, not one day has gone by without your music in my ear. It’s no secret that I love you, it’s no secret that you have helped me overcome many obstacles in the past. And I know that, because of you, I can overcome and achieve anything. So I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you. Thank you for being there, thank you for your music, thank you for being an exceptional role model, thank you for teaching me that it’s okay to be different, to stand out, and that if you’re lucky enough to be different, to never change. But most importantly, thank you for being you. 

I’ll love you forever and always.

- Phil <3