feeling rejected

anonymous asked:

I really hope we get an update on Even ASAP. The waiting and worrying is absolutely awful. I need Isak to tell him that he still loves him, but just needs some time. So he has hope and he's not feeling like Isak is rejecting him because that text that Isak sent him probably made him think the worst. I doubt Even will be in school tomorrow and I'm wondering when it is he'll actually come back if at all.

i kinda hope he goes to school although it’s unrealistic to think he will. i really hope isak visits him after class if he doesn’t show up. they need to talk things out, he needs to know isak isn’t mad at him 

Dear Charlie,

maybe I’ve not made for be loved and being with someone. I try to see my future and all I see it’s me alone. I’m the one that nobody wants, the one that no one choses, the one that everyone said it’s interesting but nobody is interessed in. I feel so rejected sometimes, I don’t feel confident. I feel worthless. Probably I will have professional success and stuff, but I fear I will forever alone. I know that relationships are not the most important thing in life, and actually it’s difficult to me being interessed in someone, I think I’m demiromatic. I have my friends and they are the best, but they are their own lives. My best friend said that everything comes in pairs, maybe I’ve came alone. Maybe I’ve not made for love.

Love always,
‘Z.

11.16.16

“I hope we last. I hope we do.

But if we don’t, this is how I want you to remember me:

I want you to remember me curled up, listening to the sound of your heartbeat and tracing maps across your skin. Remember me laughing at your jokes, even the stupid ones. Remember me in hysterics for absolutely no reason and in tears because one time you made me so sad neither of us thought I’d recover. Remember me brave, that time you held my hand and I thought I was going to die; remember me scared and gentle and delicate and breakable - only for you though, only for you.

Remember me happy, and all the ridiculous ways I tried to get your attention. Remember the way I was too stubborn to talk to you and how absolutely insane it drove the both of us. Remember all the firsts and how they were so delightful we went back for seconds and thirds and fourths. Remember the songs you couldn’t stop listening to and the childish dreams you allowed yourself about the future. If it’s any consolation I allowed myself to have them too.

If it comes to it I don’t want you to remember the ending.

Remember the beginning. Remember the first time you knew.

—  S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #132
I was willing to give him so much. My time. My emotions. Maybe more—but those are notions I dare not utter without foresight. I know I would have gone to the ends of earth for him had time forged the connection needed to do so. I would have given him more than I should, more than I had to offer.
—  who’s at a loss? the one who offered? or the one who rejected?