feeling broken

“FREE.”

Pairings: Bill Denbrough x reader, Bill Denbrough x Female reader, The losers club x reader, Belch x reader (platonic).

Genre: Angst, mostly. Fluff if you squint.

Warnings: Hints at abusive environments, mentions of final fight with Pennywise, mentions of missing kids.

Requested: Yes

Word Count: 916

A/N: I’m not sure if this one is any good, I really hope it is though! Make sure to keep requesting and sending in asks! Also, my dude Belch made a sneaky little mention here. Lotta love for our resident Trans Am driving, anthrax obsessed pro burper, you know?

-

Bill missed her. There was no denying that. He couldn’t forget about her, the way her E/C eyes sparkled whenever she smiled, the way she bit her lip when she was confused, the way she erupted in laughter at the most unexpected times, the way she’d squeeze his hand whenever he began to stutter, the way she loved him.

It was the little things building up that resulted in him falling completely, utterly and shamelessly in love with her. And it was the way they left off, that made him feel wholly broken, despite it happening months prior.

~

“I never said that, Bill! Please, you’re taking things out of context here. I would never choose Henry over you.”

“B-but Richie t-told me! W-why would h-he lie? He’s my f-f-friend, he’s o-only looking out f-for me!”

“I told you, Bill, I’ve told you a hundred times. I don’t know! Maybe he was in one of those moods, one of those awful moods where he feels like punishing everyone around him because he feels bad! You know he gets like that when things at home get too much!”

Richie had ran up to Bill straight after fifth period had finished, telling him how, apparently, Y/N had admitted to Belch Huggins that she would choose Henry over Bill if she got to have her pick. Y/N knew that wasn’t true, Belch knew that wasn’t true - despite him being a little slow - and deep down, Bill knew that wasn’t true.

What Bill’s doting girlfriend and companion had said was that she didn’t like choosing. However alluring the answer may have been, they both knew that she was just too nice to, obviously, admit she would choose Bill. And at this point, Belch accepted the answer and went on with procrastinating his chemistry work. It was Richie, who was supposed to be Y/N’s friend, that clung onto her words.

Yes, Y/N could have just said Bill, but she was not that type of person. She knew Henry was not a nice person, she knew what his father was like, and she felt an immense amount of pity and sympathy for him. She wasn’t about to make his day worse, even though he had made countless of her days worse, just because she had the chance. She was like that and that was one of the reasons Bill loved her; she was so wholesome.

“Just g-go, Y/N. P-please, just leave. You’re free, n- now. Free to choose whoever y-you w-want.”

At this point, Bill wouldn’t even look at her and neither he nor she knew why. Bill hadn’t the slightest inclination as to why he didn’t believe her, maybe it was because things were going too good. Things between them we’re going too good and his paranoid self set out to spoil it before anyone else could, because at least then, he would could have the rights to saying ‘he could see it coming’.

With that last sentence, Y/N picked up her coat and trailed out of Bills room and the Denbrough residence.

~

Bill knew they had to do this now, they had to face Pennywise and end it. They had to push their fears aside and do what they knew was the right thing to do, the good thing to do, the thing that Y/N would have done in a heartbeat.

~

“Look…. the kids, they’re floating down.”

Bill hadn’t expected the next events to unfold like they did, he thought he had lost her for good.

“Wait, Bill…” Stan muttered, “that isn’t….it can’t be.”

All seven kids stood in complete shock. Bill’s love was floating down with the rest of the kids. When she got close enough for them to grasp, they all pulled her down to ground level. She wasn’t waking up, though. Her eyes had glazed over in a cloudy way, and were staring directly into Bill’s.

“Please, Y/N. P-please, wake up!”

He shook her violently in an angry and distressed way.

“No!” He screamed, trying to get her to wake up. “Y/N, please. I love you.”

Out of nowhere, he pulled her in, so her face rested into the crook of his neck. He was trembling, he was sobbing and he was sure he had lost the love of his life.

It wasn’t long after, when Y/N inhaled loudly, coughing and trying to regain her breath.

Bill shot off her, eyes scanning over her entire body.

“Y/N!”

Once she realised what was going on, she broke down. Y/N began bawling and clawing at Bill to be in his arms once again.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry, I love you so much.” He was not stuttering one bit.

As the two pulled apart, the surrounding friends were all sharing hugs and looks of happiness with one another.

“So you forgive me, Bill?”

“Forgive you?”

What Bill didn’t know, was that Y/N had no recollection of anything after that moment she left their house. Her last moments were him telling her to leave in a cold, dim manner.

“For saying what I said. About you, and Henry.”

He sighed in relief, and nodded profusely.

“Of course, Y/N. Of course.”

They all began hugging in a huge circle, they were finally free. Free of Pennywise and in Bill’s case, free of the memory that had haunted him for months.