feel obligated

Fox Mulder’s Guide to Falling (and Staying) in Love with Your Partner

For author’s note and story description, see the first chapter!

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (FTF) (6) (7) (8) (9) (On the Run)


“I can’t believe we’re doing this again.”

He can hear the annoyance in the tone of her voice, the fact that they’re willingly driving through a snowstorm in the middle of the night because of a potential lead. On a case that they’re not even officially assigned to. Because they no longer work for the FBI.

She’s reminded him of that last detail so often over the past few days that it’s become white noise to his ears. No longer with the FBI. That may be the case, and it has been for years, but he still feels an obligation. When someone needs help, he comes to their rescue. He can’t help that it’s in his nature, drawn to the defenseless like a moth to a flame. And he knows she knows it; once he sets his mind to something, anything, he can’t control himself, he goes all in. And this, finding a missing woman, with whom he has no connection, for an agency that more than once tried to destroy his life, is no exception.

Isolation had been hard on him. He knew it was necessary, more for her safety because at some point, he no longer gave a damn about whether or not they found him. It wasn’t fair, though, that she had been cleared by the FBI, no longer a person of interest, not long after they settled into their home. Their unexpected visit from Skinner at the house to tell her almost scared them, her, back into a life of fake IDs and scratchy motel sheets, but Skinner assured that no one else knew where they, he, were. Skinner set up a PO box for them, helped Scully get back into medicine, get her life back, essentially. And then, there was him.

He hated being cooped up in the house all day, still feeling the sting, almost of rejection, of remaining a recluse while she got to move on with the world. But he found things to occupy his time. He rekindled his love for cooking, of which Scully reaped the benefits. When she’d saved up enough, they installed cable and internet, and he spent some time scrolling through UFO forums, finding stories that captivated him the way X-files used to, especially when daytime television became too over-the-top. He stayed active by working on the house. Installing the gate, tightening the plumbing, fixing a loose shingle on the roof here and there, chopping lumber in the backyard for them to use in the fireplace. Scully reaped those benefits, too, his physique healthier and toner than it had ever been.

But he didn’t ever really venture much further than their property. Scully was the one that picked things up for him at the hardware store, or did the grocery shopping, all on her way home from the hospital. She sometimes went days without coming home because of her shifts; on those days, he thought he was slowly losing his mind, her reappearance at the end of the day often the only thing that truly kept him going. Some days he hated her, too, for abandoning him, for staying at the hospital. Logically, he knew that it wasn’t reasonable for him to be so angry with her for going to work, having means to support them. But logic was never his forte, anyway.

So when the request from the FBI for his assistance came, he masked his initial excitement with disinterest, feigning his need to be involved with something important again, because he didn’t want her to think this new normal they had created wasn’t enough for him. He thought that if he could convince her to go with him, to be a part of this alongside him, that she, too, would remember what it felt like, discovering the mysteries of the unsolved, the rush of following a lead. That she would be supportive of his immersion back into the real world, no longer a wanted fugitive. Apparently, he had been wrong.

Instead, she sits begrudgingly behind the wheel, acting as his chauffeur as they make their way to the site Father Joe claims to sense something that will help further the investigation. But he thinks she’s only following him out here seemingly out of a loyalty for him, not to the truth. And it makes him furious, because he thought he knew her better than this.

It isn’t just that she isn’t interested in this case, but he gets the feeling that she wants nothing to do with anything even remotely resembling an X-file. This isn’t my life anymore. Truthfully, it wasn’t his life anymore, either, but he refused to see the harm in dipping their toes back into the waters of the unexplained. There was something more to this that she was reluctant to tell him, presumably that she thinks being involved with this is harmful, and it pisses him off. They rarely kept things from each other anymore, and he can’t understand why she wants to start back up now.

So he delves himself further into this case. To piss her off? Because he’s genuinely curious about Father Joe’s visions? He once thought his motives to be clear, but frustration has perplexing power of clouding his judgments. All this time, and no one can get inside his head, make him question anything and everything, like she does.

Closing his eyes, he refocuses the objectives of his involvement. It’s not simply just the paranormal elements of the case that have drawn him in. Nor is it just fulfilling a need for freedom, to be more than half a mile from their home. Surely, he thinks she realizes that by now.

It’s because every time he closes his eyes, Monica Bannan’s picture haunts him.

When he sees the picture, he thinks of Samantha. How the missing woman’s waved hair matched Samantha’s whenever it wasn’t in braids. How the two of them would be the same age, if Samantha were still alive. How the details surrounding their disappearances are mysterious, eerie. Those similarities are obvious, and he knows that she will call him on it.

What evades her, at least he hopes, is how much Monica Bannan reminds him of her. It’s not the red hair and the blue eyes, though those physical features are not lost on him, in spite of every other difference in their appearances. No, this case, a missing FBI agent, vanished with fairly little trace, is all too familiar. He is reminded of her own disappearances, of how he couldn’t save her. When Duane Barry took her to Skyland Mountain, when the chip in her neck called her Ruskin Dam. He thinks that if he can find this missing FBI woman, he can right all the times he couldn’t find Scully.

This is why he feels the need to drown himself in locating this woman. He wants to prove, both to her and to himself, that he can save someone, especially after he’s failed so many others.

And maybe, just maybe, he can get some part of his old life back. Just as Scully has.

Staring out the passenger window, ignoring her comment so as to not pick a fight, the snow falling furiously with the wind, he thinks of how good it feels to be wanted, to be a part of something bigger than himself. And he doesn’t seem to care that right now, it isn’t Scully that wants him.

This feels different, though, somehow, compared to all the other times they’ve looked for lost souls in the dark. The potential for destruction, both of the only constant aspect of his life, which has weathered for more than fifteen years, and of himself, seems to be at an all-time high. A bomb with a short fuse, waiting to go off; a constant buzzing, a hum that he’s just noticed and if he hears any longer, he fears he’ll snap. If they keep this up, the effects could be disastrous, their promises to each other dissipating with the wind, evaporating into nothingness. But if they fight this out, he’s afraid that one of them may end up resenting the other.

He thinks he’s found himself at a crossroads: Lose himself and keep Scully, or lose Scully and keep himself. He doesn’t know which possibility scares him more.

s0tc  asked:

speaking of mildly nsfw bc I'm writing a fic for it, do you think ghosts are tuning into their guardian banging another guardian? But just remaining silent to give privacy because man that's such a funny image to think about. poor ghosts.

Yes oh my GOD I’ve thought about this and it tickles me NO END. Gosh I can’t wait to read your fic. Ghosts would definitely know what was going on and must feel like the worst third wheels the poor wee things!

I actually wrote a short Ghost chat about this for one of my ships, called Well, This is Awkward, though of course don’t feel obliged to read it now if you’re still working on yours. 

Do give me a heads up when yours is ready! I’d love to read it.

lesbianjulietcapulet  asked:

what's are your favorite iideku hcs?

- they are a very awkward couple when they start dating! barely can look at each other without turning into blushing, stuttering messes, let alone hold hands. They become more and more affectionate as they grow comfortable in the other’s presence.
- it was Ochako who helped them get together (obviously). Because of this, they feel the obligation to play wingman whenever she gets a crush on someone, with mildly devastating results. Ochako doesn’t mind, but at the same time she wishes her very caring best friends would allow her to ask someone out on her own.
- since Izuku has always had a lot of isses with insomnia and Tenya has started suffering from night terrors after the USJ accident and (especially) the whole deal with Stain, they find it easier to fall asleep in the other’s presence. Izuku often falls asleep on Tenya in the common room, and Tenya seeks Izuku’s company right after a nightmare. Usually whoever falls asleep first carries the other back to bed.
- they’re really big on sharing interests!! they watch each other’s favourite movies and shows together, play videogames together – although usually it’s Izuku playing while Tenya watches, because Tenya is not very good at videogames – and both could listen to the other infodump about everything they like for entire days.
- Izuku finds Tenya’s habit of gesticulating, which gets even wilder than usual when they’re out on a date (because Tenya’s hands are happy too when he’s happy, thats just how he is!), to be incredibly endearing. He is used to it enough by this point that he ducks out of the way without too much trouble. Both Ochako and Todoroki, however, get accidentally smacked in the face whenever they go out with the two of them. They have started keeping count.
- Izuku will “borrow” Tenya’s clothes when he’s particularly disphoric, overwhelmed or generically under the weather. It helps him feel better: they’re huge and comfortable, and feel a lot like wearing a hug.

anonymous asked:

Hey ian i've been enjoying your old-ish top 5 videos and noticed they're all from around the same time and you don't do them anymore. Was that something you wanted to experiment with or did you feel obligated to do them because they were "the thing to do" at the time?

I stopped doing list videos mostly because I ran out of ideas for lists. When it comes to gaming I’m not exactly the most knowledgeable, so I had trouble coming up with good topics. Then I just kind of forgot about the format over time, basically.

anonymous asked:

Gen personal question? Have you ever been in patient for mental health reasons? PLEASE DONT FEEL OBLIGATION TO ANSWER THIS!!!!!! I’m just being forced to go into one and I’m really scared and I kinda want some reassurance cause I’ve read a lot of horror stories. BUT PLEASE DONT ANSWER IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. I feel so bad asking I’m just really scared :/

I haven’t no, but I’m sure someone who might have been will answer. If not, it’ll be okay ❤️❤️

Yuri On Ice Themed Asks
  • Michele Crispino: What makes you jealous?
  • Kenjiro Minami: Who do you look up to?
  • Sueng Gil Lee: Are you an introvert or extrovert?
  • Guan-Hong Ji: Describe a time when you were brave.
  • Christophe Giaccometti: What's your most embarrassing memory?
  • Emil Nekola: What do you do for fun?
  • Georgi Popovich: Have you ever had your heart broken?
  • Leo de la Iglesia: What was the last song you listened to?
  • Yuri Katsuki: What is something other people tell you you're good at?
  • Jean-Jacques Leroy: Do you consider yourself a confident person?
  • Phichit Chulanont: Describe one of your firsts (first kiss, first date, first love etc)
  • Viktor Nikiforov: Describe a time when you were spontaneous.
  • Otabek Atlin: What do you look for in a friend?

anonymous asked:

im sad ,do u have any nice vld hcs? dont feel obligated to reply, ill probably read one of ur fics to feel better anyways

i’m sorry you feel sad :( i wish there was something i could do, i hope these fluffy klance headcanons make you feel better even if it’s just a little

  • lance ties keith’s hair into a floof at the top like a pineapple, and then when keith walks his floof keeps bouncing around and it makes lance cry 
  • keith watches lance sleep with a sappy smile on his face
  • lance drowsily: “babe?” keith: “yes baby? my angel, my beautiful boy-” lance: “can you stop hogging the blankets? for once in your damn life?” 
  • lance knows that if he runs at keith, keith will drop whatever he’s carrying to catch him because keith is built like a tank 
  • lance always squishes keith’s cheeks together and makes him look like an angry pufferfish, but then lance kisses his pout over and over and keith is happy 
  • lance: “WHAT TEAM!?” keith: “vol-tron?” lance: “no but i still love you” 
  • keith has a competition going with pidge and hunk called ‘who can make lance giggle the most’ and keith currently has a lead of 42 points, because all he has to do is pull lance into his chest and nuzzle his neck. it has a 100% effectiveness rate
  • keith: “why did you fall in love with me?” lance: “i mean…you thicc lmaoo” 
  • lance: “keith nO I’M SORRY IT WAS A JOKE I DIDN’T MEAN IT”
  • at dinner lance gently bumps keith’s shoulder with his, and keith smiles and does it back. they bump each other harder and soon they’re rolling around on the floor giggling while the rest of the team is like -__- 
  • lance: “i got you this pretty flower” keith: “i liberated this planet and they made me their king. i’m giving the planet to you now lance. lance are you listening to me. if i could give you a whole solar system i would lance you deserve so much listen please-” 
  • lance: “baby can you rub my back for 2 seconds” keith: “yes ok” keith: “lance did you fall asleep what the hell” 
  • every morning keith shoots up from sleep with his hair sticking up wildly in different directions. lance always musses it up cos it’s soft and it makes keith smile, and lance’s chest squeezes cos he never thought he would be this in love 
Voltron based off my biology class
  • Lance: *sneezes*
  • Keith: bless you
  • Lance: you're welcome
  • --
  • Shiro: *explaining formula* you have a 6, a 6, and a 6-
  • Pidge and Keith: OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *slams hand on desk* SH I T
  • Shiro: wait no-
  • --
  • Hunk: why are we learning about plants I'm not a plant
  • --
  • Shiro: what the fuck are you doing on your phone
  • Keith: what the fuck are you doing with that haircut
  • Shiro:
  • Shiro: okay *walks away*
  • --
  • Keith: you ever just think everything is boring but then you realize that everything is made of cells
  • Lance: yeah, you call that 'woke'
  • --
  • Hunk: i feel obligated to apologize to every leaf i step on because they're made of cells and cells are alive
  • Pidge: bro, the leaf is dead, it's okay
  • Hunk: bUT WHAT IF ITS N O T
  • --
  • Allura: *nonstop giggling*
  • Keith: are you high
  • Allura: probabl y
  • Keith:
  • Keith: *looks into camera like he's on the office*
  • --
  • Keith: *gets test with only one day to study*
  • Keith: *hasn't studied*
  • Keith: this is homophobia
  • --
  • Pidge: go shove a centriole up your ass
  • Keith: bitch that's like one singular organelle- my ass already has organelles, you're basically telling me to shove a leaf up my ass for the additional organelles
  • Pidge: this started as a normal insult and now it's this
  • Lance: what part of that insult was normal??????
  • --
  • Lance: whomst’d’ve’ly’yaint’nt’ed’ies’s’y’es'nya'll'n't
  • Keith: N O FUCK YOU
  • --
  • Shiro: can i quit my job

There’s no demon in there. That’s just a family legend, am I right?”