“...and I would like to put it back in its rightful place”
I want to take a moment to properly take in that for Harry the rainbow flag’s rightful place is right in front of him. Long and bright and powerful. Not a minor, secondary spot, not a casual reminder. His rainbow flag is front and center, right there with him to face the world. Like a shield, like a cape, like a scream. Like his pride.
Oh, man. This letter has taken me an embarrassingly long time to write. Probably because I haven’t written anything but e-mails and Tweets for 12 years.
If the last year has taught me anything, it’s this: it takes a long time to get over yourself.
Last March, after 7 years on the road, I decided to take a break. I was excited about this. I’d imagined myself watching tv all day, being a “chill person”, eating doughnuts because I didn’t have to wear latex catsuits anymore. The reality was not quite the joy ride I’d been expecting.
I’ve been an artist for over a decade but up until this year, I hadn’t realised how much my sense of self had been defined by my role as an artist. I’d never thought of “Marina and the Diamonds” as a persona or a construct, and I didn’t think the stage-me was very different to the sofa-me. MATD was an exciting vehicle that helped me express ideas and thoughts to people. But just as people construct online personas, artist construct visual ones, and over time, the lines between art and reality can drift apart.
I can’t remember when I first became conscious of it but I started to feel like there were two parts of me, artist self and private self, and there was nothing in between to link the two anymore. I was one or the other, and neither part of my personality could be present in the same environment. Perhaps because I’d spent most of the past 8 years devoted to being an artist and this hadn’t presented many opportunities for other parts of my personality to grow. When one part of a personality dominates, other parts shrink and life can take on an unreal, two-dimensional quality. I felt confused as to why I no longer felt like I fit into the world I’d built. I don’t think my feelings are exceptional (particularly in entertainment) but I wonder if you are someone who has experienced this in a different context.
I’ve always been interested in identity. In my twenties, I felt frustrated by how regularly my identity seemed to shift and change until I began to consider the idea that a fixed self may not exist. I explored this in “Electra Heart” by deconstructing aspects of female identity in a portrayal of female archetypes. However, the past year has made me re-examine this idea. Not being able to equate my identity to a job, project or visible entity has created a lot of discomfort and uncertainty in me. Which has been a surprise, as I thought I felt secure in myself. How can I be so sure of who I am if I am so susceptible to change? A lot of what contributes to our idea of identity is down to pure chance - ethnicity, social class, upbringing, religion, job, relationships - who are we without those influences?
Everything in western culture feels so geared towards self-definition, but I wonder if having a looser idea of yourself could make life richer. The past year hasn’t been full of rainbows - I feel like my brain has been brutally rewired - but letting go of a perceived idea of myself has resulted in a new kind of personal freedom. My image is no longer a main source of identity, nor are previous signifiers like clothing (more on this in a future post), designer brands + other things I subconsciously used to define myself.
Lasting change rarely happens over night. This past year has been painful and slow. But I’m in a more genuine space than I was a year ago and I would never want to go back to that stunted way of being again. In fact, the only solace I had in this period was being able to read the books and blogs of other people experiencing significant life transitions, so I hope this might be of help to anyone who is going through a similar stage.
Truth is, I’m not planning ahead much right now. I am indeed going through my “what should I do with the rest of my life” phase that most people go through at 21. Which is… cool. But I’m grateful to have the opportunity to explore different interests, and starting marinabook is a part of that. I’m starting a Psychology course soon, which I am SO excited about, and I’m ready for a brand new chapter. I hope you’ll be a part of it.
Some people have been asking about new music and I’m always flattered to be asked. I know one year is like an aeon in digital time! The honest answer is I don’t know when that will be, but the connection I have with music has always flowered from an honest connection with myself, and I trust my instincts.
Whenever I get back on stage again, I would love to feel like I am the sum of my parts, not the sum of a persona or an image. That’s the goal. A lot of reality with a little bit of fantasy. So, marinabook is a way for us to stay connected while I work that out.
I’ve only just been able to tear myself away from these beautiful cards in order to make this post. They arrived this morning and ever since, I’ve just been handling them and taking endless photos. I swear, it’s impossible to take a bad picture of this deck!
Some thoughts and first impressions bellow the cut!
New chemotherapy breakthroughs have increased
the 5-year survival for pancreatic cancer from 16% to 27% (and is getting
Scientists figured out how to link robotic limbs
with the part of the brain that deals with intent
to move so people don’t have to think about how they will move the limb, it can
Child mortality is down everywhere and it keeps
Thanks to the ice bucket challenge the gene
responsible for ALS has been found, meaning we are closer to an effective
treatment. Let me rephrase that: we are close to getting a treatment for a very
bad disease because a lot of people (including really hot celebrities) got wet.
A solar powered plan circumnavigated the world.
Michael Jordan donates 2mil to try and help
bridge connection between police and the community.
Tiger numbers are growing.
Pakistan has made strides toward outlawing honor
70,000 Muslim clerics declared a fatwa against
Pokemon Go players went insane with placing lure
modules near hospitals for sick kids.
California is now powering over 6 million homes
with solar power, a record in the US (and that is the tightest shit)
Volunteers in India planted 50 million trees in
Apparently world crime as a whole has
drastically declined as a whole in the last couple of decades.
Coffee consumption has been proved to help
curtail cancer and suicide rates.
Speaking of coffee Starbucks figured out how to
donate perishable food in a food safe way.
500 elephants were relocated to a better, safer
and bigger home.
We made massive strides in Alzheimers’
prevention (my grandmother literally told me that scares her more than getting
cancer this is very good news)
The ozone layer is repairing itself and all the
work we did to get rid of those aerosol chemicals was actually worth it.
A new therapy developed in Israel could cure radiation
The Anglican church resolved to solemnize
same-sex unions the same as opposite-sex unions which required a super majority
of all three orders of the church (lay, clergy, bishop).
The Rabbinical Assembly issued a resolution
affirming the rights of transgender and non-conforming individuals.
Precision treatments for cancer are hitting
clinical trials and WORKING (as someone who’s had relatives with cancer this is
the best news)
Dentists are once again providing free care to
veterans who need it.
The Orlando Shakespeare Festival showed up with
angel wings to block funeral-goers for the Orlando Pulse victims, view from
Rise Women’s Legal Centre opened
Death by heart disease has decreased by 70% in
the United States
Two brothers saw color for the first time thanks
to specially-designed glasses
Portugal ran its entire nation solely on
renewable energy for four days straight
A retiree is launching a project to transport 80
endangered rhinos to an Australian reservation to save the animals from
An Afghan teacher has been delivering books via
bicycle to villages that lack schools
Harriet Tubman is going to replace Andrew
Jackson on the $20 bill.
200 strangers attended the funeral of a homeless
WW2 veteran with no family
A teen battling cancer married his sweetheart
Bank firm pays for college tuition for the
children of employees who died in the 9/11 attacks
New medicine has been shown to increase melanoma
survival rate to 40%
Over 800 Boko Harem Hostages were rescued by
Toys R Us is Offering Quiet Shopping Hour for
kids with autism this holiday season
Volunteers made special tiny Halloween costumes
for NICU babies
A 4-year old befriends a lonely man and helped
him heal after losing his wife
People survived c ancer
People overcame depression
Any kind of victory, even if it affects only one
person, is a victory
Now for the pop culture good news
LEONARDO DICAPRIO WON AN OSCAR! EVERYONE READING
THIS LIVED LONG ENOUGH TO SEE LEO FINALLY GET WHAT HE DESERVED
There’s a new Harry Potter book
And a movie
Harry Potter has no plans on vanishing with time
This sweet father gave candy to passengers on a
flight so his little girl could trick or treat on Halloween
LET ME TALK ABOUT ALL THE KICK ASS MOVIES WE GOT
THIS YEAR OH MY GOD
Kung Fu Panda 3, this franchise is still going
strong despite that its about a panda played by Jack Black
Jungle Book. The amazing remake none of us saw
Finding Dory. I haven’t seen it yet but I’ve
heard good things
Kubo and the Two Strings. Haven’t seen that yet
as well but its Laika so I know it’s a masterpiece
Deadpool. The beautiful and super accurate
R-rated marvel film
Captain America: Civil War. Seriously is the best
marvel movie yet in my opinion I need more.
don’t mind me I’m just a movie that tackled the issue of racism and not only
game changed animated films but also made a billion dollars
The Hamilton Mixtape is coming out. Which is a
bunch of artists singing songs from the musical (Sia, Usher, Regina Spketor,
etc.) I’m excited.
A personal victory for myself, I joined Tumblr
and met angels in blog form so…that’s uplifting.
And I met my favorite voice actor at a con which
was a bucket list accomplishment.
Good Things that have yet to happen this year
Good things that have nothing to do with the year but will hopefully
make you feel better
Rain (I like listening to rain it’s one of the most
FF: If you are a religious person you are an
FF: If you are not then you are a splendid coincidence
Any year spent with loved ones be they family or
friends is a good year. Trust me.
”A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why,
sometimes in life, it’s the only weapon we have” –Roger Rabbit
*Plz feel free to add other good news (even if it’s something small like you ate cheesecake THAT is good news)
*at the end of the year I plan to remake this list with new things, fixed mistakes and links but will be posting from my side blog @iamrainbow
★his dom mode would dissolves seconds after you’ve both come down from your highs
★he’d feel so happy and warm and fuzzy and like he could explode into rainbows
★he’d help you to the bathroom to clean and prepare yourself for bed
★then he’d bust out the matching pink pyjamas so you can sleep in style
★he’ll offer to make you food
★but you always say no
★because you’d rather cuddle with him rather than have him in the kitchen cooking
★sings you to sleep in that beautiful voice of his
★his plump lips will press kisses all over your face as you began to drift off
★loves to trace shapes on your skin
★when you wake up, he’ll have a huge breakfast made
★'jin, you didn’t have to’
★'you need your energy back!’
★'maybe some toast, then’
★'eAT IT ALL! BREAKFAST IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL. SPECIALLY AFTER A NIGHT LIKE WE HAD’
★aftercare varies with yoongi ★if he’s tired, he’ll just pull you close and shower you with kisses and ‘i love yous’ as you both fell asleep ★but if he’s not ooooh boy ★he’s gonna cuddle you close to him ★and whisper nothings in your ear ★maybe he’ll get you turned on again ★and you two can go another round ★maybe not ★he’ll be so gentle with you ★he’ll gently wrap you in blankets ★kiss all over you ★GIVE YOU SO MUCH PRAISE IN HIS GRAVEL VOICE ★'you made me so proud, kitten’ ★'you took all of me so well’ ★'tomorrow, i’m going to treat you like a king/queen all day’ ★he’ll let you rest for a while before taking you into the shower ★will let you pick something from his wardrobe to wear to sleep in ★you’ll do so much talking when you’re like this ★he’ll tell you about song ideas ★you’ll tell him how school/work is going ★it’ll just be lovely
★this precious angel thrives on feedback from you ★sometimes he worries that he didn’t do a good enough job ★if you tell him how good he made you feel ★shit son you’re in for a nice of none stop kissing and nuzzles ★seeing you post-sex is his favourite time to see you ★so he probably takes 342309832 photos to look back on when he’s on tour ★you ask anything from him, he’ll do it ★want a bath? sure ★order pizza? no problem ★want a penguin from the local zoo to join in the cuddles? yeah, give him 20 minutes ★loves staying naked to cuddle ★'more intimate’ ★he has a speical playlist for times like these ★full of smooth jaz ★and some ye old love songs ★which sometimes he’ll sing along to ★when you fall asleep, he’ll tuck you in and give you plenty of kisses
★oH DADDY™ ★he’d laugh as you both settled from your highs ★'i think that’s the best sex we’ve ever had’ ★he’d say it after every single time ★and it was true ★sex with namjoon got better and better ★he’d push hair from your forehead ★and gently pepper your lips in kisses ★when he’d made sure you were alright he’d go run you a bubble bath ★he’d sit behind you in the tub and let you rest against him ★would quote some poems he’s revised ★or softly sing your favourite song ★tbh the aftercare part with nams is better than the sex ★sue me ★when you’re done in the bath he’ll dry you and put you in your pyjamas ★then honey get ready ★because this guy ain’t letting you move from the bed
★he’ll clean you up ★then help you put on your pyjamas ★when you’re both settled in bed, he’ll just go full teasing mode ★'you should’ve seen your face!’ he laughed as he mimicked you ★'oh jimin~~~’
★'look how red your cheeks are!’
★just let him tease you and giggle then he’ll get to the cuddling ★he has to be the big spoon ★don’t fight him on this ★you’ll end up being death gripped by his thighs ★he likes sniffing your hair ★bc your shampoo is one of his favorite smells ★but he won’t admit that ★he’ll probably wake before you ★and make plans to take you out for breakfast
★heart eyes at you p.2 ★like holy shit this guy will just turn into a big ball of mush ★you’re his ★you’re his jagi ★and he loves you so much???? ★you make him feel so warm and fuzzy ★he’s just stare at you and give you praise ★'you’re beautiful when you’ve been fucked good by Daddy’ ★'you’re such a good girl/boy’ ★don’t you even dare try moving after sex ★will play with your hair until you fall asleep ★won’t fall asleep until he knows you are
★sMUG ★'who made you feel that good?’ ★'who made you scream so loud?’ ★'JUNGKOOK SHUT UP’ ★after that he’ll be back to his normal self ★he’ll flop next to you and play with your hands ★after a while he’ll grab his phone and order take out ★will probably feed you if you’re too sore to move ★if you’re both not exhausted, he’ll put on the tv
I don't if you take requests but if you do can you please draw a fluffy cat holding a rainbow flag. You don't have to if you don't want to. Thank you and btw I love your art so much. They make me feel really loved and happy.
I intended to draw a bigger flag, but this guy just kinda happened, and I think he’s doing ok.
I grew up surrounded by words, quite
literally. By the time I was six months old my parents had taped words
to every surface in the house, so the walls said “wall” the window said
“window” and so on so forth. I still don’t know how they managed to get
the cat involved but some things are meant to be wondered at.
But for the next six years the world was covered in words, as first I learned to read, and then my brother. I dare say if you move some furniture in my parents house to this day you will find a faded piece of paper that says “shelf” or “bookcase” on it. It was a sad day when they were taken down, they were like old friends. But by then the magic had already worked. I was able to look at the world and see words, whether they were printed there or not.
was four when I sat down to consciously write my first story. I remember
it vividly because I had my bright yellow Cadburys Caramel mug, that
had the purple flowing font on the side with the bunny rabbit lady
on it. It was filled with “baby tea”— mostly hot milk with a splash
of tea from the pot to give it color— and I was holding it in both hands, sitting at the
little “art” table dad had built for me in the corner so I had a place
to sit and scribble that wasn’t the walls. Contemplating my next masterpiece I looked around the room for inspiration. Would it be an exploration of color through pinky finger painting only? Or would it be the greatest macaroni interpretation of a dog we’d ever seen? Sadly we’ll never know how this might have worked out, as at that very moment, mum came in holding a crystal mobile and hung it up on the window sill. This in turn had the effect of creating a living, dancing rainbow in the living room, and something in my brain short fused.
That was the day I learned the word “iridescent”. It was like learning the language of angels.
After that I was always scribbling something. My school books were a mess of words, crammed into margins and on back pages. I was always in trouble for letting my mind “wander into whimsy.” Once I got a report card that said “fantastical leanings towards flights of fancy.” It was meant as criticism, but dad still has it framed in the office.
Then there came the time a few years later when I was reading the Hobbit with dad, and I turned to him quite seriously and asked “where are all the girl hobbits?” and dad hemmed and hawed before eventually telling me “they’re in another book, darling…having their own adventure…” and I accepted this and settled back down to let him finish the chapter. He probably thought I forgot about it until that weekend I marched up to the Librarian and asked for “the girl hobbit book please”, which was met with much confusion and my dad rushing over to tell me they probably wouldn’t have it yet because it was very rare. A few weeks later, dad handed me something. It was sheaves of paper bound together by string. It was, he told me, a very exclusive copy of the girl hobbit book.
I still have it somewhere, back home. Probably on a shelf somewhere that still says “shelf”.
And sweet, naive thing that I was, I believed him. It wasn’t until later on and someone else popped my bubble, that I realized dad, not Tolkien, had written it. And oh I was furious, furious because the story had been so good and because dad had lied about not writing it himself. But that small bubbling anger was nothing compared to the heat inside my brain when my dad confessed he’d tried without much success to find books I might like with girls in them. All the heroes were boys, you see. It made me quite tearful actually, that no one had ever thought that someone like me could go off on an adventure and save the world, when I knew it to be a blatant lie. Old Mrs McDougall across the street had been a land girl and saved a man shot down from his spitfire. Mrs Mitchell had been the emergency coordinator and saved people from burning buildings when the Nazis bombed the shipyards, and her skin was all bubbled and tightly pulled across the left side of her face because of it and her hands didn’t quite work because she’d gripped burning metal to try and free the men inside. Those, were heroes. But we never learned about them at school. We only learned about kings and tyrants and the kind of heavily filtered history that lead you to believe that women were in there somewhere, but only in the same sense that a wall has paint on it.
And now my books, my lovely wonderful books, where you could travel through space and time or climb up volcanoes to throw rings inside and save the world…those wonderful colorful worlds that spoke the language of angels, were just the same.
I was ready to cry and be defeated about it until dad, raising his eyebrows at me and offering me a notebook, said, “well, maybe someone ought to write one.”
And you likely know the rest by now. But in short I write because there are stories to be told. I write because it’s the closest I’ll ever be to how the word iridescent feels. I look at the world and I see words, dancing like rainbows, singing like angels.
There’s words everywhere. I’m just scribbling them down.
this entire album was legitimately a spiritual experience for me but this song is just. wow
I’ve always loved that kesha is so unapologetically weird, sensitive, dorky, and genuine because these are all traits I sense in myself but habitually squash down because the world doesn’t take kindly to them
fuck all that though, I’m operating on full alien mode now