feel like a fraud

anonymous asked:

I'm beginning to feel invalid because I'm gay and trans. One of my new friends tends to point out that it's funny that I'm trans but I like guys so that would make me gay but I would be straight if I wasn't trans. She said it's like my body is trying to get me to be straight. I corrected her and explained that trans people can be gay and gender identity and sexuality aren't linked, etc. I still think she doesn't see it that way. I feel like a fraud and I feel like others see me as a fraud too :/

drop that friend. you absolutely can be both gay and trans. you’re a guy who likes guys, not a girl in any way and definitely not straight. im sorry she says those bullshit things to you, you deserve so much better

Indecision makes me feel like a fraud.

This blog post has been a long time in coming. Time to finally let it out.

I have not studied bookbinding in an institution; nor have I gone to bookbinders to learn under. That just wasn’t an option for me. I am, for the most part, self taught. And that makes me feel like a fraud compared to other amazing binders I’ve befriended online.

I started this blog because I wanted to show everyone that it is possible to start with very little and build yourself up. I didn’t really have the money for “the right” materials or equipment, so I had to make do. I built my own sewing frame. I built my own press. I forged on.

I started getting interest from people on Tumblr and that made me happy. I got my first hundred followers and I was over the moon. I was showing my journey of learning how to do things. Then things kept growing. I then had 200 followers… then 500… I posted a build post that somehow took off and it got thousands of notes and hundreds of followers.

Then it hit me. People liked what I did. They thought I was GOOD at what I do.

This is kinda terrifying when you feel that your work isn’t worth the praise its getting. It can make you feel unworthy. Like a fraud.

I’ve been at this for four and a half years now. I still feel that I’m not on the same level as the “professional” binders, and maybe I will never feel that I am, simply because I’ll never have a piece of paper saying I’m legit. That I don’t have some mark of accreditation.

I know this is a somewhat foolish mindset to have.

I have people who like my work enough to want to buy what I’ve made and commission me for more.

I get a lot of love from Tumblr and Instagram when I post new stuff.

I have amazing binder friends who I learn from online. They are willing to answer my questions and help me work through problems.

I have enough knowledge now that I have started inventing new tools, equipment and techniques.

I have a bit of money spare now that I can buy some of “the right” materials or fancy equipment…

But…

…there is always a but isn’t there?

I still feel like a fraud. I have some expensive leather in front of me and I hesitate to cut. I hesitate to colour. 

I plan out a new book and have everything printed out and folded… and it sits on my bench for a week because I am unsure some process far down the line. 

I get asked how-to questions from strangers and I don’t know the “right” answer. 

I delay to post a blog post or list something on etsy because I don’t feel that its going to be “good enough” or priced right.

These are all little indecisions that plague me and it make me feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. That others wouldn’t have this problem. That I’m really just a hobbyist pretending to be a professional.

I am a Bookbinder and I have unfounded fears. I try to push on and better myself and my skills. I try and let others know of my mistakes and how I’ve fixed them. I don’t have a lot of the answers but that won’t stop me looking for them. 

You don’t need a piece of paper to be worthy enough to stand with the people you look up to.

If you’re doing something you love, and people love what you do, then keep doing it. Indecision kills more dreams than trying and failing ever will.

I have a book to finish. I have fears about finishing it, but it won’t stop me.

See you in the next post and thanks for listening to me spill my fears.

anonymous asked:

long haired yurio.

there he is!

cornerof5thandvermouth  asked:

hey, its ok to feel like a fraud, i mean, i somehow managed to get a degree in biology and i feel like a total fake about it. your books are beautiful, your work is good, and i guarantee you that professionals who've worked at this for like 25 years or more STILL hesitate when they've got expensive leather on the table.

Thanks :) I feel this is something that a lot of people -creators and otherwise- have bottled up inside them. It is something that should be talked about because for a lot of people this takes up a lot of mental space. 

I own a studyblr, but…

  • I don’t own a bullet journal.
  • I don’t own 8 types of fineliners or brush pens or rolls of washi tapes.
  • I don’t have time to spend on making my notes pretty enough to frame.
  • I’m most often than not a lot less productive that I wish I was.
  • I procrastinate too much.
  • I nap way too much.
  • I don’t always maintain good habits. 
  • I have my good days, but I have my share of bad days. 
  • Sometimes stress takes over me and I break down.
  • Sometimes the motivation to work is just nowhere to be found.
  • I’m an average student. 
  • I don’t work as hard as I’d like to.
  • I don’t always want or like to study.
  • I don’t always follow the advice I give.
  • I sometimes feel like a fraud.
  • But I wouldn’t change any of these just for the sake of being a better studyblr.

All of these things do not make my studyblr lesser than others; they just make me a flawed human being, who happens to be a student who owns a blog.

I own a studyblr, but I won’t let it own me. 

blue valentine is a fucking incredible film but it’s also one of the most heartbreaking stories ever put on screen it makes me feel like love is a lie, a fraud, and a scam… love does not exist and blue valentine proved that to me

Last night a bribed a comet......

Sometimes I feel like a fraud,
like nothing I write is any good.
Then I roll and spit greenish mucus in a bubble,
get drunk with my outlandish friends
on blueberry plaster,
and start to feel like a kind beast again despite
my incurable insecurities and excruciating expectations.

last night I bribed a comet to return and go back home.
2017 awkward start.

I very often feel like a fraud, “look at me posing as an adult being allowed to do all these adulty stuff having responsibilities and shit”.

And then I interact with complete cretins lacking common decency and I realise I am probably quite competent and adulty, fake or not. So at least I’m a somewhat nice fraud getting shit done.

My new apartment is the fanciest shit I’ve ever seen?? Also they give me free dry cleaning every week and a free pound of Caribou coffee a month and apparently I’m automatically a member of a spa?? I have never even seen a spa. This is like Young Professional stuff and I feel like a fraud??

What’s “Impostor Syndrome”?

Okay, technically, “impostor syndrome” isn’t an official mental disorder. But it’s still a problem that affects thousands of people, and you need to know about it. 

So let’s talk about it, shall we?

In a nutshell, Impostor Syndrome is a phenomenon where successful, high-achieving people feel like frauds all the time. Now matter how many things they achieve or how successful they become, people with Impostor Syndrome feel, deep down inside them, that they didn’t really earn any of that success, and they’ve somehow “tricked” other people into thinking they’re brilliant. When people with Imposter Syndrome are reminded of their achievements, they simply dismiss it as luck, good timing, or that other people “handed” them their achievements for undeserved reasons. 

Studies have shown that between 40-70% of high-achieving people experience Impostor Syndrome at one point or another. While anyone can experience Impostor Syndrome, it is most common among women and black people. 

The condition often turns into a vicious cycle - people who feel like impostors will work harder than ever, to prevent people from discovering that they are a fraud. This tends to lead to even greater success, which leads to greater feelings of being an impostor, and so on. Although we’ve known about the condition since 1978, treatment is still rare and hard to come by. 

Have you ever felt like a fraud, or that your success was undeserved? You’re definitely not alone.

I’m slightly worried that there are people reading the discussion on Latin intros and translations and feeling embarrassed/unwelcome/like frauds because they’d prefer to read an intro in their own language, or a text in translation: I’m sure no one in the threads thinks that you shouldn’t be studying classics because you don’t want to or can’t read Greek/Latin intros or texts all the time. You’re not frauds, and there’s space for all of us: whether you spend your time writing about differences in rules of crasis in various eras, whether a Latin text is corrupt or not and how/if it should be emended, close philological readings of Ovid, discussions of the first translation of an ancient text into a modern language,or comparing the Odyssey to a road movie, or looking at the reception of Seneca in Jacobean tragedy, or Chaucer’s usage of classical myth, or feminist re-readings of contemporary fiction that’s based on Greek myth, or the representation of classics in contemporary film or classics, or trying to figure out how a certain ancient weaving technique was actually achieved.

And we can all learn stuff from each other. Whatever your classics niche is, you rock it.

anonymous asked:

What's Kuroo's role on your Peter pan au?

It’s still very much a work in progress but I’ve talked about Kuroo’s role a little here. Initially I’d thought he might be a captain of his own ship, but I think Nekoma would fill the plot space of the natives really well except without being so offensive holy shit

I still need to work out the details, though, so stay tuned for more info!

Understanding a Shame Based Identity

Shame is the deeply held belief that, at core, there is something wrong with me. So, no matter what I do, or how hard I try, I’ll never measure up and be good enough. Thus, I expect other people to reject me in the end, and deep down inside I reject myself.

If I have a shame based identity, I am likely to battle with the following feelings:

Feeling like a fraud

Feeling like I have to cover up all the time

Fear of being exposed for who and what I truly am

Feeling powerless

Feeling as if I don’t have, or deserve, a voice

Wishing I could just disappear

Feeling vulnerable

Feeling very needy – and perhaps too needy, compared to other people

Feeling like I always disappoint myself and others.

The “shame bound” person is constantly struggling against these persistent and negative feelings. They are triggered easily, and by innocuous triggers, such as being overlooked or contradicted by a friend. This can then result in a powerful “shame attack” that is so intense that we’re completely paralysed, and overwhelmed, by a sense of worthlessness. These feelings can persist for days, for weeks or even months.

  • me: honestly this whole "protective mettaton" thing undermines mettatons whole character and makes him seem like a much better person than he is. mettaton is shown to be incredibly selfish, abandoning both napstablook and alphys when he got the chance to become a star, trying to kill a child and steal their soul so that he can have a wider fanbase, and attempting to leave his old fans trapped in a prison so he can escape. he never really showed any kindness towards frisk, despite letting them go in the end, because he only really stopped the battle because he felt guilty about abandoning his fans (and it could be argued that he only REALLY stopped the battle because he was running out of batteries). mettaton would never act protective of frisk or really care about them to the extent that the other monsters do.
  • me: *sees a cute picture of mettaton acting like frisks parental figure*
  • me: H O L Y S H I T