feel like a fraud

any1 else with adhd feel dumb all the time? like ur brain is full of cotton? like ur not that smart, ur just a really good bullshitter?

I feel like a fraud
what I am is never truly enough
i’m a walking disappointment
it’s easier to just stay away
away forever
—  t.m.

anonymous asked:

long haired yurio.

there he is!

Hi, hello! I’ve begun a separate tumblr for my floral/paper work that I sell on etsy, because it’s begun to feel weird to promote a lot of my work alongside the other things I reblog and also to not feel spammy. 

Online commerce is a strange and foreign world to me - and I’ve been trying participate in it with integrity to my voice (i.e. making stuff for weddings, but also making text wreaths with feminist messages). When I posted this particular wreath, I didn’t have any intention of selling it. I got such a great response though, that I’ve since listed it on my etsy.

I also really wanted to put something up that would be affordable for anyone - so I’ve decided that the sale of the first two of this wreath will fund the creation of 1000 “all bodies are good bodies” temporary tattoos. I will list those temporary tattoos for the price of 44 cents to cover the cost of postage stamps. What better reminder than one on your body? 

*Unfortunately, my search online hasn’t yielded any authors of “All bodies are good bodies.” I believe strongly in crediting authors and artists - if you know who the brilliant author is, please message me and give me the 411, so I can stop feeling like a fraud.

Please follow, please share! 

Understanding a Shame Based Identity

Shame is the deeply held belief that, at core, there is something wrong with me. So, no matter what I do, or how hard I try, I’ll never measure up and be good enough. Thus, I expect other people to reject me in the end, and deep down inside I reject myself.

If I have a shame based identity, I am likely to battle with the following feelings:

- Feeling like a fraud

- Feeling like I have to cover up all the time

- Fear of being exposed for who and what I truly am

- Feeling powerless

- Feeling as if I don’t have, or deserve, a voice

- Wishing I could just disappear

- Feeling vulnerable

- Feeling very needy – and perhaps too needy, compared to other people

- Feeling like I always disappoint myself and others.

The “shame bound” person is constantly struggling against these persistent and negative feelings. They are triggered easily, and by innocuous triggers, such as being overlooked or contradicted by a friend. This can then result in a powerful “shame attack” that is so intense that we’re completely paralysed, and overwhelmed, by a sense of worthlessness. These feelings can persist for days, for weeks or even months.

huei-doodles  asked:

hello! idk if i've ever sent you this message before, but i was scrolling thru ur blog just now, and i wanted to say that your stuff is very pretty! your style is so cute, and artistic! <3

As you can see, opinions are divided but thank you

anonymous asked:

Alright so this is a question I ask mostly for selfish reasons so I totally understand if you dont answer it. Also it's a hella personal question. That said. I just finished listening to that thing from P4A (AMAZING and I can't wait for more), and I also just noticed your last post... Are you bi? I ask because I am but I'm not fully out and I'm in a long-term hetero relationship and feeling like I'm a fraud.

Am I sometimes attracted to dudes? Sure. But I’m not sure I would claim the label because I don’t think I’m effected by the same frustrations and difficulties as out bisexual people. Even before I was in a long-ass-term committed relationship, I was straight enough (and society either confused or upset by bisexuality enough) that I didn’t hook up with dudes. 

I think that would have been a really confusing thing for me to confront when I was coming of age in the 90s (not having much experience with bisexual people (especially out bi men.)) I don’t really regret this because, honestly, my sexuality and sexual expression aren’t a huge part of my identity. That’s just me though.

So I think it’s an interesting question, but don’t feel like a fraud. Your sexuality is yours to do what you want with. It’s up to you how you express it and how you share it. 

Do you Suffer from Imposter Syndrome?

Impostor syndrome is a psychological condition where people are unable to believe in their successes. Thus, despite the evidence that points to the fact that they are skilled, capable and competent they write this off as temporary – or timing and good luck. Thus, they constantly struggle with feeling like a fraud.

So what are some ways that you can counteract this syndrome?

1. Admit this is something that you suffer from. When we know we’re not alone, and our symptoms have a name (because they are part of an identified disorder) it can help disperse the feelings of anxiety and shame.

2. Distinguish between facts and feelings. Everyone feels stupid and inept at times. That doesn’t mean we’re stupid. Our feelings aren’t facts. So try to be objective - and seek out the real truth.

3. Don’t demand perfection. It is good to set goals and have high standards for yourself. However, it’s unhealthy to obsess over every little thing. You’ll simply waste a lot of time and never feel quite satisfied. And all of us are human and make lots of mistakes.

4. Take a look at the rules you have imposed upon yourself. Are you saying to yourself: “I have to always get it right”;”I should never ask for help”; or “It is bad to make mistakes”? These are misguided rules that undermine your self-esteem. They set you up for failure as they close the door to help.

5. Change the tapes in your head. Instead of constantly repeating faulty self-destructive thoughts (such as “Wait till they discover just how useless I am”) replace it with a thought that builds esteem and confidence. (Such as, “I’m better at this now as I know what I am doing … It’s so much easier when you’ve been here for a while.”)

6. Don’t look to others to affirm your success. Don’t look to other people to rate and judge your work. Set your own personal goals, and mark your progress and success.

7. Fake it till you make it. Almost every individual who succeed in life has a period when they’re acting, as they don’t feel confident. It doesn’t mean that they’re a failure, a fake or a fraud. It means that they’re still learning, and are not afraid to try.

Happy Birthday Hailey

It’s the wonderful @victuurificrec aka Hailey’s birthday today! She does an incredible amount for the fandom and if you don’t know her blog, I suggest you definitely check it out asap. She puts a huge amount of effort into everything that she does and she’s been an incredible supporter of my fic for a long time. So to say thank you and Happy Birthday to Hailey, here’s a little birthday themed Viktuuri ficlet to show my appreciation. 

Happy Birthday! xx



“So, you’re telling me that all this panic is just because you can’t decide what to get Viktor for his birthday?” Phichit asked disbelievingly.

Yuuri groaned, resting his head in his free hand as he clutched his phone with the other. It was stupid, he knew. Calling Phichit in a panic after almost a full week of constant worrying and doubt over something that Viktor probably wouldn’t even care much about but he couldn’t help himself.

“I’ve been living with him for a year Phichit. We’ve been together for even longer. Last year he told me he didn’t really celebrate much but this year it’s different. We’ve been together too long for me to not give him something, I just don’t know what.”

Keep reading

spirionodi  asked:

How do you overcome those days when nothing you write seems to be good and you want to give up

I try to remember that literally every author I admire has had those days. They’re an inevitable part of the creative process. In fact, they make up a good chunk of the journey of writing a book. You get days when the words unspool and you feel like a DANG GENIUS and days when you feel like a terrible fraud. No one ever really told me that a significant part of writing a book would be sitting with that discomfort, those long stretches when the story on the page is not living up to the idea in your head, those miserable bouts of feeling inadequate to the task. The only cure for them is to continue putting words down. Get your fingers moving. Just type: “I know this paragraph sucks. I know this is where I want to introduce the heroine but I don’t know how to do it so…” Tell the story to yourself. Have a conversation. 

And one other thing… That critical voice in your head? The one that sounds so pragmatic? It’s a liar. Its only goal is to stop you. Don’t let it. 

more than okay

When Derek wakes up, he’s cold.

He shifts his head, rubs the sleep out of his eyes–Will is on the other side of the bed, facing the wall. Though he’s loathe to admit it, Will is normally a cuddly sleeper. More often than not, Derek wakes up with a leg slung over his waist, an arm thrown across his chest. So this–this is unusual.

Derek reaches out, puts a hand on Will’s shoulder. “Babe? What’s up?”

Will’s voice is quiet. A little shaky. Like the words are being coaxed out of hiding. “When did you know you liked boys?” 

Keep reading

Do you Suffer from Imposter Syndrome?

Impostor syndrome is a psychological condition where people are unable to believe in their successes. Thus, despite the evidence that points to the fact that they are skilled, capable and competent they write this off as temporary – or timing and good luck. Thus, they constantly struggle with feeling like a fraud.

So what are some ways that you can counteract this syndrome?

1. Admit this is something that you suffer from. When we know we’re not alone, and our symptoms have a name (because they are part of an identified disorder) it can help disperse the feelings of anxiety and shame.

2. Distinguish between facts and feelings. Everyone feels stupid and inept at times. That doesn’t mean we’re stupid. Our feelings aren’t facts. So try to be objective - and seek out the real truth.

3. Don’t demand perfection. It is good to set goals and have high standards for yourself. However, it’s unhealthy to obsess over every little thing. You’ll simply waste a lot of time and never feel quite satisfied. And all of us are human and make lots of mistakes.

4. Take a look at the rules you have imposed upon yourself. Are you saying to yourself: “I have to always get it right”;”I should never ask for help”; or “It is bad to make mistakes”? These are misguided rules that undermine your self-esteem. They set you up for failure as they close the door to help.

5. Change the tapes in your head. Instead of constantly repeating faulty self-destructive thoughts (such as “Wait till they discover just how useless I am”) replace it with a thought that builds esteem and confidence. (Such as, “I’m better at this now as I know what I am doing … It’s so much easier when you’ve been here for a while.”)

6. Don’t look to others to affirm your success. Don’t look to other people to rate and judge your work. Set your own personal goals, and mark your progress and success.

7. Fake it till you make it. Almost every individual who succeed in life has a period when they’re acting, as they don’t feel confident. It doesn’t mean that they’re a failure, a fake or a fraud. It means that they’re still learning, and are not afraid to try.

anonymous asked:

What do you think about the studyblr community?

I knew one day someone would ask me this

firstly one of the things that really attracted me to starting a studyblr was the idea that trying is cool. all through my schooling making an effort was seen as a bad thing, something to be shunned and mocked. then I came across studyblrs where people seemed enthused by the idea of doing the best they can at school and sharing tips on note-taking and revision techniques and how to get into university and I thought that was good and cool. 

where I’ve ended up, several years later, is only following a handful of postgrad students who sit in this friendly and good group on the edge of the studyblr ‘community’. one of the reasons for that is that I came to realise how much artifice is required to be a successful studyblr. I do take time to set up a lot of my shots and I do very selectively ‘curate’ my studying experiences. a couple of years ago I decided to be upfront with that and I have made many mentions in asks and posts to the inevitably artificial and curated nature of my blog. I hope people have found that refreshing rather than off-putting.

I find that a lot of the asks I get are focused around people trying to emulate me as if I have all the answers because I do well in class and I have a nice pencil case. the truth is that I’ve never been good at studying and that I am blessed with an ability to understand things quite readily and then be able to write about them quite well afterward. when people ask I almost always say that what works for me won’t work for other people and that they should just do what comes most easily to them. what worries me is that people see these beautifully written notes or perfectly notated books and it makes them feel inadequate and anxious because that doesn’t work for them. you have to acknowledge that over-organisation and prettifying is a form of procrastination. that’s not to say it is de facto a bad thing, but it’s not exactly helpful.

what I have struggled with is the way in which the ‘studyblr community’, in its scramble to be super helpful has become very prescriptive and unrealistic. if your notes aren’t pretty enough or if you can’t afford the best stationery or if you don’t fit the mold in some other way then it’s unlikely your post will pick up traction or that you’ll get tens of thousands of followers. the ‘studyblr community’ therefore not only mirrors the ableism and classism of wider youth culture but it can also exacerbate and amplify it without meaning to.

all this is to say that even the most well meaning actions, if done uncritically, create an unhealthy environment. what the studyblr community needs is a big dose of self-awareness and internal critique if it is to avoid the traps which it so readily falls into. I could go on here about this being a trait of liberal capitalism but I will save you that.

I have often thought about closing this blog down because I feel like a fraud and someone who is doing exactly that thing which I recognise and dislike. I have kept it going so that I can say things like this and so that there is a critical voice in the community. I have also kept it going because people do genuinely seem to be inspired by my posts and I do get a little kick knowing that my life is #goals to someone out there.


I’d be really interested to see what people think of all this, I have written it off the cuff and it is not intended to be read as an academic critique as much as an answer to the question asked. @ohmyphd @howtophd @nealc25 @post–grad

conrad is six when his nanny is telling him how someday, he’ll meet a girl who wears pastel and dresses, who’ll like flowers and jewelry and makeup and pink.

that night, he tells his mom he wants to be a girl. she hits him, and forbids him from ever saying that again. 

it happens again a year later, when conrad says he wants to be she, and andre bourgeois is too horrified by the bruises his wife leaves, kicks her out and renames his daughter.

chloe wears designer shoes and name brand clothes, because anything less makes her feel like a fraud. her hand shakes every time she does her makeup, because her mother should be here to teach her, not a father who’s afraid of being near her room 

and then she goes to school and meets marinette dupain-cheng, who wears pretty pink dresses and gives everyone delicious pastries and flower crowns. the feeling of being a fraud rears up again, making her hate marinette dupain-cheng for being the personification of everything chloe wants to be. 

she throws out all her clothes and orders new ones, repaints her walls yellow. it expels the memory of her nanny telling her how important it is for her to be strong and masculine, and makes her feel safe enough to sleep throughout the nights. 

when her pregnant teacher announces that it’s a boy, chloe sobs and gets escorted out of her class 

she also cries when the papers announce that andre bourgeois, owner of the grand paris hotel, is elected as mayor; the caption reads “mayor bourgeois photographed having dinner with his daughter”

x