feel free to just scroll by

anonymous asked:

So I see these donation ask posts all the time to help black, gay, trans, etc. people which I usually just ignore cuz I'm poor as shit but this time I saw one that said "if you scroll past a disabled trans woman asking for help without at least boosting you're an ableist and transmisogynistic piece of shit." I just wanna tell anyone that tries to guilt people into giving them free things can fuck right off. Ask if you want but don't make people feel bad for not giving you the answer you want!!

Ayuh. When they start that shit i just block the post so it never crosses my eyes again. 

So I went and scrolled through the actua//llybord//erline tag for a while and I forgot just how well Allen fits the bill? Like damn.

It’s still much more complicated to involve than autism is, in that in order to do it right I’d probably have to involve entire plotlines once in a while, but since I’m doing rewrites anyway (rip I’m sorry I’m slow) I might be able to add things with that in mind once I, you know, get as far as Allen.

Meantime… Idk honestly, but the focus won’t be back on Allen for a while so I have time probably.

Okay yes but please take the time to imagine a modern AU where Ludwig is a really hard math teacher and Feliciano is the art teacher that everyone loves but Feli is always hanging out in Ludwig’s room when he has a free period and swiveling on Ludwig’s swivel chair and watching Netflix on Ludwig’s computer (and accidentally x-ing out of a lot of important papers) and playing around with the computer drawing app and all the students love having him in there because it takes off a little bit of the stress of the hard math they’re learning and plus Feliciano’s just a sunshine and Ludwig is always annoyed but when Feli isn’t in his room making sculptures and little animals out of pencils and tape and paper clips it feels empty somehow alright continue scrolling

Is it just me?
  • Me: *watches anime*
  • Me: I don't care about this
  • Me: *marathons anime*
  • Me: It won't take over my life
  • Me: *makes OTPs*
  • Me: I'm totally fine
  • Me: *scrolls through tags on tumblr*
  • Me: I could quit right now
  • Me: *aggressively sobbing into a pillow*
  • Me: See, i'm so good right now
  • Me: .....
  • Me: Fuck

anonymous asked:

So I donated to your kickstarter so long ago that I can't even remember when it was and you haven't been making updates about the progress of the album in a very long time. I know life happens and sometimes things get pushed back but I'm starting to wonder where my money went and if I will ever get the vinyl I paid for. It's been well over a year and it's making me think you just took everyone's money and don't really care how long they have to wait to see what they paid for come to life.

this mite be a long post! please for the love of god feel free to scroll beyond if u dont care, i truly hate when people fuck up my feed with their essays so ya. that is my disclaimer here. ok.

ok. deep breath.
i talk about this/my campaign/my project VERY often on twitter (it’s distracting and often harmful for me to use tumblr and facebook regularly. sorry if that’s inconvenient). i realize most people aren’t actively checking my shit & that my tweets get buried in the constant avalanche of my stupid thoughts, so i’ll summarize the past year or so. hopefully whoever left this anonymous message will check back to see the answer and if so, i IMPLORE u to read the entire thing instead of picking out details from the first 4 sentences and sending me another message about how i stole your fucking money.

my album is almost finished. i’ve said this multiple times over the course of the past year, but this time it’s like, legitimately fact. i’m feeling extra sensitive right now and reading this message felt like stepping on a rusty nail, so i’ll go ahead and give you as many details as possible to explain why it’s taken me over a year to complete my first full-length album. 

i am an independent artist, as you probably know. i am also an extreme perfectionist. when i began my kickstarter campaign in september of 2015, i had about 30 songs written that i’d poorly recorded in my shitty apartment, many of which i hoped to record professionally for my first proper (and physical) release. i could not fucking stand the thought of being contractually obligated to make music via label and figured kickstarter was my last hope. i honestly thought it would fail miserably and decided that when my campaign came to a humiliating end, i’d move on from music and do something else that wouldn’t make me feel so fucking horrible about myself. somehow, thanks to you and everyone else who made my dream come true, i made enough money to actually make a record.

two months later in january of 2016, i went home to florida from LA to visit my family for the holidays. thanks to my incredible fucking luck, some kind of crime ring was hitting licks on every major airline’s baggage claim at LAX post-holiday and my luggage containing 3 notebooks filled with all of my lyrics, 2 external hard drives and a bunch of little USB drives containing 2 years of my work were stolen. hmu if u want the police report for proof. 

i lost a lot of work (and learned the value of The Cloud- i hate to trust it after my nudes were leaked and my fucking whole bank account was emptied after someone hacked my shit in 2014, but here we are) and basically all morale but pieced together what i could from what i had left. i hired a producer i’ve admired for years to be the executive producer of my record and decided this fucking bullshit was an opportunity to make my shit better. due to unfortunate, unforgivable and honestly criminal circumstances, this fucking psycho wasted an upsetting amount of my time and decided to back out of my project. THAT particular situation keeps me up at night and i fucking live for the day i can tell that goddamn story, it truly shocks me that a human being could do me like that fool did me, yall will find out one day but ahem. anyway. 

after this incredible fucking scam, i decided to ONCE AGAIN start anew considering the legal and financial obligations of releasing music that had been co-written by this bad fucking person. i left my home in LA and went to stay at my dad’s house in florida, spent literally all of my time mastering production software and learning to play piano, and filled in all the shit i’d lost with new things i’d written and produced entirely on my own. then i got married, but that’s unimportant to this story. actually it is like, kind of important, but whatever.

i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in january 2016 and in march of 2016 i attempted suicide. i left an organized folder of songs, mockups for art, my bank account info and a note to my manager to make sure that my album was released because i literally could not comfortably die knowing that i let down the people who gave me money. im not tryna make anyone feel bad im just like saying cuz its part of the whole shit. anyway, i failed at killing myself and woke up in a bathtub of puke ready to go the fuck off. haven’t wanted to die since.

ahem. so. since i’m honestly 100% unable to trust a single fucking human being with my work and my thoughts after what happened up there ^^^^, i decided to set up a room in my new home for recording. i wrote, recorded, and produced (with some help, but like please bitch give me credit here) a fucking entire new album that i actually LIKED. im not shy about the fact that i think my music is stupid gimmicky- after trying to die and not dying and then getting help i realize i have like a little bit of talent i should actually appreciate. i finished recording and producing it, hired a person i trusted with a degree in music production to help me polish it and alas, he ran off without a single fucking word. thankfully i didn’t pay him a cent but like hey there u follow me on twitter and FUCK. YOU.

so now, as of about a month ago, i’ve absolutely perfected my songs (as much as i can- i still lose sleep over the imperfections im just not good enough to fix) and i’ve found the most trustworthy, hardworking team i’ve ever met to finish this shit. it’s demoralizing to recap the past year, mostly bc it was so fucking horrible for me, but i can promise you the last thing i would ever ever ever ever do is take a bunch of money and dip out with it. i do literally every single piece of this shit on my own, from the music to visuals to branding, and it’s hard. it’s time consuming. i have a job outside of music to provide for myself and for my family, and that takes up my time too. 

so i really apologize for the amount of time it’s taken for this record to be released. it fucking kills me to be waiting and i didn’t spend your money; god knows i would never in my fucking life just STEAL your money. the fact that anyone would ever accuse me of that makes me ILL.

i just want ya’ll to know there’s nothing easy about releasing music as an independent artist, especially one who refuses to accept anything less than perfection, and ESPECIALLY one who refuses to be disrespected and taken advantage of. i’m doing my best, and it took me a while. i feel like it’s worth it. it’ll be another 2 months or so. hit me up if you want a refund on your vinyl.

Right this is LONG so feel free to scroll right on by……there may be some things….a lot things that others disagree with feel free…..just sharing my thoughts over what’s been happening here the last few days!!

Side Note: I think I chose the worst week to bite the bullet & start a SamCait blog, gotta laugh at myself.

Anyways I’m here for this…..SAMCAIT……Sam and Cait…..Sam…..Cait……that is what 99% of my blog is & will be about, hence my blog name & daily shrine to these peeps.

I’m here for this person:

Originally posted by odonoghuescolin

Her talent, her beauty, her poise, her intelligence, her generosity, her laugh, her feminism, her voice, her charity endeavours and her unwavering, heart-breaking and empowering portrayal of Claire.

I’m also here for this person: 

Originally posted by marvelandwhimsy

His talent, his commitment, his morals, his big heart, his selflessness, his humour, his kindness, his charity work, his dedication to not only MPC but also the character of Jamie, he is giving and allows Cait to shine at every damn moment.

I’m here for them individually & together………I’m not interested in shipping Tait or Samzie….why?? Not because I’m hating but because I know zero, nada, zilch about these ships, there is nothing to squeal over, there is no loving eyes to one another, there are no adorable selfies, there is no twitter banter, infectious laughing together, inside jokes……they haven’t shown us any of this……and they have every right not to if that’s what they want. If this starts to change & I see more then maybe I’ll change my tune, I’ll come around to the idea but I ain’t going to be shipping it…..at this point I’m more likely to ship T & MM together….could call them Tauzy or Mony or whatever…..yeah not great with naming ships!! Anyways point being if my ship sinks, then I’m not being rescued by The Tait Ship or The Samzie Ship, I’m swimming my ass to the shore & finding the nearest damn bar.

So I’m really going to try not mentioning T or MM on my blog as much as possible, I’m going to try my best to avoid passing judgement on certain SM activities & i’m going to try avoid waging in on other’s discussions of them on their blogs BUT I’m realistic and I know I can’t avoid either entirely, they will pop up because whether I like it or not they are part of this fandom now…..they affect my ship…..if they are solely there as PR/Starz plants then they affect my ship in hiding the truth…..if they truly are SO’s then they again affect my ship because it’s not the reality I want. 

So we have to expect it, everyone can react differently when she posts a new pic or they are snapped sitting next to each other at a party or someone sees them somewhere, you can laugh, cry, feel sick, snigger, roll your eyes, get angry, snarky, joke about the whole situation, that’s your right to interpret things as you see fit. But remember whatever MM is to Sam, a plant, a cover, a friend, a workout buddy, a romantic interest….she’s SOMETHING to him and she’s SOMEBODY….she has feelings just like the rest of us and hurts just as much and just as often. I know most of what is being said about her, both the good and the bad will go over her head & she’ll never see it, I highly doubt she’s on Tumblr EVERYDAY watching what’s being said about him, her, previous girls, their ‘tactics’ and what she’s taking notes?? But she does see what’s written on her IG & Twitter & its sickening. If a Christmas tree pic can rattle ppl so much…..hell I wouldn’t post a selfie with my new squeeze either!! Sometimes some ppl take it way too personally as if you just caught him cheating on you, he’s living his life, doing good things, and you are a fan of his, why should any of this change that and same goes for Cait & T.

So with all that being said I’m going to try and remain optimistic, I’m going to be open-minded and I’m going to take Sam’s advice as his fan, to try and be the positivity in the world. When he posts about MPC…..it’s purely that….him doing good once again. As well as that I will applaud MM for having to endure the trolling on her IG….even though if I were in her shoes, I would have disabled commenting back around Bafta time…..it’s little sacrifices you make while being in the public eye….but she’s an adult she can do what she wants….how I interpreted her latest pic on the ski lift which will be different to how others interpreted…..was as a big ‘F**K YOU’ to all those trolls who were writing nasty things about her and waging some ridiculous war on her posts about Purv, Super Shippers, Shatner & what not….things I’m sure she has no clue about because even if she’s just a friend or she’s more, nasty things were said about her regardless & for no reason IMO.

But like I said at the end of the day I ain’t here for her, over the last 5 months I’ve binged everything in this shipper fandom & feel like I’ve been on such a rollercoaster because I had to cram it all in & find all the missing pieces and figure out who was who & what IFH, WS, MM were all code for!! One thing I do know about what has happened of late is that it can’t erase the what last 3 years of things that have gone on between Sam & Cait, it can’t erase me being a fan of both of them….I’m here for SamCait…..So if all else I ship the f**k out of this friend….ship…..relation….ship….whatever the hell’s going on ship!!!

Originally posted by sassenach-j

Originally posted by sassenach-j

Unconditional (Part 8) *slight smut*

Fandom: Celebrities
Pairing: Reader x Sebastian Stan
Words: 1, 248
Warnings: smut in the beginning, also maybe annoyance? maybe even sadness. 
Request: yes or no
Inspired By:
Parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
A/N: here is part 8 I apologize for it being up late. also there is slight smut in the beginning like right smack in the beginning! so to avoid that just scroll down about nine paragraphs to avoid the smut :) that is all.
Tags: @almondbuttercup @oldschoolcalifornia @sailorchibimoonunicorn

Keep reading


OK, let’s hit this point by point.

1. Maybe don’t worry about giving me a chance if you’re being disappointed this greatly? Just scroll past, I stg I will keep on living.

2. So many of my fics are from Felicity’s perspective, and I see her as being very hard on herself, especially following the events of Havenrock. I think it’s a mistake to call that “blaming” her, and I’m sorry if anyone sees it that way.

3. Would you really prefer to think Felicity just is blindly dating a dude she hates? I was trying something. Thank you for telling me it disgusted you. Again, feel free to never read me again.

4. I have written so many fics about the things Oliver has done wrong idek.

5. In all seriousness, I don’t want to make anyone mad. Please don’t read anything that makes you feel like this.

A week on Hibike! Euphonium:

Wednesday - New episode and I feel alive again.

Thursday - Tumblr and Twitter scrolling on Hibike! Euphonium tags to get updates in the fandom in every single free min

Friday - Nice new episode screenshots for the next episode yay!

Saturday- More fandom updates base on the screenshots, fanarts from previous episodes, and reviews

Sunday - Fandom tags usually gets quiet today and on a more personal level I think the world is coming to an end because the need to go back to work next day again.

Monday - New episode preview video pretty saves the week yay

Tuesday - Need this day to pass as soon as possible


For most of you, it’s probably best to just scroll past this. Quickly. 

I blame @percyyoulittleshit for this mess. Mari. You made the people suffer. 

But anyways… I was tagged for the PJO/HOO accent challenge!! I apologize for the weird way I mumble say things. I make up my own accent sometimes and apparently don’t realize it.  

I’m gonna tag @whygrover @avademiswi @aprettygaywaffle and anyone else in the streamfam who has been rudely hiding their pjo love from me. Annnddd anyone else who wants to do it :D As always, feel free to just completely ignore me if you don’t want to do this.

New blog!

I know, I know, been there done that, several times! 

The difference is this time it’s a sideblog so I can manage it as one with this blog. I usually just create a whole other account and then get tired of running two entirely separate blogs.

This way I only have one dash to scroll (sadly that also means I can’t follow anyone with that blog)

Nothing will change here but I wanted a place to use for all my female inspirations, girl crushes and female muses, which is what @eachwishresigned will be.
So this blog can focus on my male crushes, fanfic, aesthetic and nsfw stuff ;)

I’m going to tag a few people but please feel free to ignore if this is not of your interest, check it out if you think it might be ;)

Keep reading

Gundam 00 Friendly Reminders

@sapphireswimming​ and I decided to compose this heartwarming list, just in case you weren’t sad enough about 00 already.

Feel free to add more!

  1. Tieria lost everything that had ever mattered to him in the span of two weeks: Veda abandoned him when the GN-Xes appeared on the world stage; Lockon died less than a week later; less than a week after that, Celestial Being was destroyed, and a shattered skeleton of a crew was left to limp back to Krung Thep with next to no hope of their continued survival.
  2. When Setsuna ran into Saji on Proud, it was the first familiar face he’d seen in four years.
  3. Feldt’s parents were 28 when they died, and Feldt was two.
  4. Dr. Moreno and Ian were best friends for decades before the show.
  5. Saji lost both Louise and Kinue within a week.
  6. Tieria and the Trinities were the effective ages of young children, despite their conditioning in Veda and their physical appearances.
  7. Lichty died thinking he saved Chris’ life.
  8. Ian was the only one on board the Ptolemy who had any semblance of a family left.
  9. Allelujah thought he killed Marie when he destroyed the Super Human Institute.
  10. Setsuna said he doesn’t have anyone to write a letter to when Feldt asked, but he’d already left one for Marina.
  11. Sergei never got the chance to formally adopt Soma.
  12. After Fallen Angels, Graham didn’t talk to Billy unless he wanted something modified on his suit.
  13. Lockon was perfectly fine with dying, because he thought he took Ali down with him.
  14. Allelujah spent days alone on the shuttle before he was rescued, surrounded by the bodies of his friends and covered in their blood while Hallelujah laughed.
  15. Sumeragi abandoned Celestial Being after Fallen Angels because she held herself responsible for everyone dead and missing.
  16. Feldt changed her hairstyle after Fallen Angels to honor Chris.
  17. Andrei and Sergei never got a chance to talk through their issues, and Andrei never got a chance to apologize.
  18. Setsuna was drawn to Marina because she reminded him of his mother.
  19. Anew was her own person and honestly loved Lyle, and the two of them probably would have lived happily together had Ribbons not meddled.
  20. Neil was never able to move past the bombing that haunted his every action and every thought until the moment he died.
  21. Despite not seeing each other since they were teenagers, Neil and Lyle ended up with the same mannerisms, the same haircut, the same affinity for cigarettes and old cars—and they both joined up with organizations hell-bent on fixing the government so that no one else’s lives will be torn apart by terrorists.
  22. Allelujah’s mission in episode 5 was to destroy Soma’s suit and kill the pilot, and the only reason he didn’t was because he decided to save the orbital block instead.
  23. Tieria didn’t know he wasn’t human until Regene told him, and struggled with his existence throughout the entirety of season one—which explains his desperate reliance on Veda and the Plan, which was the only direction he got when he was activated.
  24. Louise was a high school student when she watched her entire extended family get blown apart in front of her, and was critically injured in the process—and then, she was barely twenty when she was turned into a tool of war by Ribbons in a plot beyond her control.
  25. Feldt Grace is a codename, and nobody knows what her real name is, anymore.
  26. Tieria’s early reliance on Veda is reminiscent of a young child’s dependence on their mother.
  27. Should Lockon have lived to see it, he would have been impossibly proud of the heroes the rest of the crew had become.
  28. Marie’s only link to the world outside her head was Allelujah, who disappeared one day with no explanation or warning—and never returned.
  29. Lichty, like Lockon, was caught up in a terrorist attack that killed his family—and was severely injured by it, to boot—but he was still a loving, caring person who honestly believed in Celestial Being’s goals, and did not get caught up in revenge and hatred.
  30. Ali killed every member of Lyle’s family, and laughed in his face when confronted about it.
Tutorial Question

Hey everyone! I’m about ready to start doing the colors on something for the website, and wanted to gauge interest on a request real quick!

A while ago I was asked if I could do a tutorial on how I use my watercolor textures/color digitally in general. It would be a free/pay what you want tutorial, of course, but I just wanted to check since it would take a little bit of extra time to put together, and I want to make sure it would be of some use to you all!

Is this of any interest to you? Let me know! Feel free to like, reply, or if you aren’t interested, scroll on by!

EXO’s Reaction to Seeing That His S/O Self-Harms *As Requested*

PLEASE READ: If this is a triggering topic for you, please scroll passed. But if any of you are going through issues that make you self-harm in any way, shape or form feel free to private message me @kkyeoptaa (my personal account) or on this account and I will help in any way that I can or just be there to listen to you if you need. I’m free at any time, so please don’t be afraid to message me.  -Admin M

Junmyeon // Suho

Junmyeon would be in complete shock upon seeing the cuts on your wrists. He would just softly take your hand in his and gently lift up your sleeve so that he could get a better look at the cuts. “Y/N…” He’d call your name softly, tears quickly forming in his eyes. “Please, promise me you’ll stop…for me.” He’d plead, trying to keep himself from crying any more than he already was. He would pamper you in the future, trying to be with you any chance he had gotten and he would even have you stay with his family if he was away, making sure that you were taken care of, that you ate well and that you had someone to talk to while he was away.

Kyungsoo // D.O

Kyungsoo would be really hurt by this upon immediately seeing the cuts on your wrists. His eyes would widen and he would just look at them in shock. “Jagiya, why have you been doing this? What can I do to stop it?” He’d inquire, hoping that you would actually allow him to help you out best he could. He wouldn’t suggest anything major, but he would try to be there for you more often and would comfort you a little bit more whenever you were upset. 

Originally posted by dyoru


Baekhyun would immediately ask you why you were cutting yourself, not in a harsh way though. He would try to be sensitive for your sake and really try to help you best he knew how, even though this kind of thing would not be his expertise. He would know how to make you laugh and try to be funny, but when it came to being serious this kind of thing would be a little bit difficult for him. “Jagi, please don’t do this to yourself. I don’t know what I’d do without you and I don’t even want to think about my life without you in it.” 

Originally posted by omgfishy

Jongdae // Chen

Jongdae would take your wrist carefully in his hand, examining it for a minute. “Why would you hurt yourself like this, jagiya?” He’d ask very solely, knowing that this was a very serious thing. “Please don’t ever hurt yourself like this…” He’d say, kissing the cuts, not caring about himself in this moment at all, only you and caring for you. “I love you so much, and I never want to see you in pain. Please tell me if you are going through any internal pain and I will try my best to make it all go away.” He’d reassure you, holding you close.

Originally posted by daenso


Chanyeol would be absolutely heartbroken upon seeing the cuts on your wrist. He would just break down in tears, holding you close. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? Why didn’t I know this, I’m so stupid…” He’d say, before placing soft kisses all over your injured wrist. “I can’t stand to see you like this, and I never wanted to see you in any pain. I never wanted you to be in any pain…” He’d cry, this honestly being one of his worst - if not his worst nightmare. He would try everything in his will in the future to make things better for you in the best ways he knew how to.

Originally posted by essentyeol

Yixing // Lay

Yixing would probably be another member to start crying upon immediately seeing your cuts. “Baby, I’m sorry that I’ve let you just get hurt like this…” He’d say, caressing your cuts gently with his thumb before looking up into your eyes with his teary ones. “I just…I’ll do better to make you the happiest in the world.” He’d say, hoping that you would allow him to do so. “What could I do to take all this pain away from you?” He’d ask, just wanting to make you happy and see that smile on your face again, but a genuine one and not a smile you just gave him to disguise the fact that you were really hurting.

Originally posted by secrethideoutme

Jongin // Kai

Jongin would be shocked that he didn’t notice your cuts sooner, he would just hold you close before explaining to you what he had seen. “Y/N, please don’t do this…” He’d cry, gently running his fingers through your hair to comfort you. “I just love you so much and I hate to know that you’re going through any pain, let alone enough pain for you to cause such harm to yourself.” He’d explain, just wanting to be there for you and in the future would make several attempts to make both of your lives with each other so much better and he would try so hard just to make you genuinely happy.

Originally posted by kyungception


Sehun would be a little bit angry at first knowing that someone he cared about so much was hurting themselves in such a way. He wouldn’t confront you about it, but he also wouldn’t act oblivious to it either. He would ask his hyungs for advice on what they thought he should do about the matter, and of course he would follow their advice and console you about it. Not really yelling at you for it, but he would tell you how he felt. “Y/N-ah, you know how much I care about you right? So why would you hurt yourself like this?” He’d ask, trying his hardest not to get emotional.

Originally posted by ethereal-baek

Minseok // Xiumin

Minseok would be really hurt as well, but who wouldn’t be upon finding out the person they loved so dearly was hurting themselves in such a way. “My love, please…don’t do this to yourself.” He’d whisper in your ear, letting you know for the first time that he found out, and it wouldn’t take him long to find out either. Minseok would notice pretty quickly upon knowing you or living with you that you did and he would talk to you about it as soon as he found out. He would try to coach you through it, giving you positivity when you needed it most and helping you through your urges to do so.


Luhan would be another really heartbroken member. He’d start crying before even confronting you about it. “Baby, please don’t hurt yourself like this ever again. I love you so much and I can’t stand to see you in any pain, especially seeing you hurt yourself like this…” He’d say through his tears, letting you know that this was a very serious thing to him and he did not take it lightly. Him crying in front of you might make him feel like less of a man, but at this point that was the least of his worries. You would be his main concern.

Originally posted by jonnasexoticworld

Yifan // Kris

Yifan would sigh heavily upon seeing your cuts with a frown and teary eyes. “Baby, please. I love you so much, I can’t stand to see you hurt yourself. I wish you would have just told me that you were hurting so that I could try to ease the pain or completely erase the pain.” He’d say, hoping that in the future you would let him in more and he would try to break down your walls and help you in the best ways he knew how. Not to mention he would pamper you extravagantly to try and get your mind off of things too.

Originally posted by fyifan

Zitao // Tao

Zitao would be another member that would be very shocked upon seeing this, that you harmed yourself. “Y/N, why would you hurt yourself like this? Why would you do these things?” He’d ask, beginning to cry. “The more you hurt yourself like this, it hurts me too. I can’t live knowing that you do this to yourself. I’ll do anything to make you stop.” He’d plea through his tears, honestly weeping from knowing that you were inflicting physical pain on yourself because of emotional pain that you were feeling. He would literally do anything to make you stop, no joke. He would try even harder now to make you happier than before. 

Originally posted by my3demons

anonymous asked:

Dear past you.

Yikes this will be long. Feel free to scroll by this post y'all.

Dear past me,

Welp.. Uh, you made it. (P.s. You’re still awkward.) You survived– because that’s what you do.

I know you’re constantly doubting yourself, but trust me, you’ll be just fine. You’ll fight your way tooth and nail through every ounce of darkness that is thrown your way. There will be an abundance of it. Betrayal, mistakes, heartbreak. Brace yourself and breathe.
You’re a fucking warrior and you’ve had to fight your entire life to make it through so don’t stop now.

You’re going to move to Tennessee for all of the wrong reasons, I know you’ll believe deep in your bones that it’s the right decision. Lord knows you’re impossibly stubborn and have to prove everyone doubting you wrong by going through with it. But in reality you’re running and this is your life, there’s no escaping it. You can’t argue with me because I lived it all and I know better, but I know you would try anyway.

Your engagement is going to fail.
I want to apologize because I know you’re going to feel as though you’ve wasted so much of your life (6 ½ years to be precise) but I’m not sorry that it ends. Although you won’t admit it to yourself when you look down at that ring… You know damn well he isn’t your soul mate. You know that relationship is toxic, you know you aren’t your true self in it and you know you deserve to be treated far better than what’s being offered to you. You aren’t happy! Stop staying in it because that’s what’s comfortable. You’ve been surrounded by toxic atmospheres and people so long that you believe you deserve the pain, but you don’t. You’re going to hit rock bottom while in Tennessee. Before you wise up and cut out the toxic people from your life, end your relationship and move back home.

You will crumble. Absolute destruction. But god will you rebuild. You’re going to experience so many realizations while doing so that life will be like looking through a kaleidoscope. Overwhelming, but just breathe.

You’re in love with him, y'know. Yeah, yeah, he’s your best friend but you know deep down the feelings always have been beyond platonic. I don’t have to specify, because you’ll know exactly who I mean. He is terrifying and beautiful and infuriating and extraordinary. That’s why he’ll scare you so much, because he is going to make you question literally everything in your life. He will challenge you and when you meet it’ll be automatic, as if he had always been a part of you. You’ll have a few years of being able to cherish having him as a best friend and it’ll make the work days fantastic. What’s better than getting to work with your best friend?

But you’re already in a relationship and you’ve never been truly IN love, it’ll be the most frightening feeling you’ll ever experience. And you won’t know how to handle it, because you have still so much growing to do and you’re so young. You’ll feel guilty about having feelings for someone who isn’t your boyfriend and so you handle it poorly by denying the feelings to yourself. Miscommunication and insecurities and other people becoming involved break down that friendship when you move. I know it’s going to shatter your heart, it’s going to take you a couple years for that sinking feeling to leave your chest. And you’ll blame yourself for everything, especially when you end your engagement and all of the feelings you denied for so long come rushing at you. You thought that eventually there would be the “right time” but you end up learning sometimes you miss chances by waiting because of fear.

But it’s okay because you eventually heal and be easy on yourself, you made mistakes but not everything was your fault. And although years go by of radio silence you’ll make peace with him and get to be friends again one day.

Let’s see– your sister gets pregnant! You are going to want to move home so badly for so many reasons, but when this happens it’s solidified. (She’s going to have a boy and you’re going to think the sun rises and sets with him, he’s your best friend). The boy you loved in high school comes back into your life a few years after you guys graduate, while you’re in Tennessee and you quickly become best friends again. You’ll meet up for coffee when you visit home for the holidays and he can tell you aren’t happy, but asks if you are anyway. When you admit you aren’t and he tells you to move home, it’s kind of the final straw.

You’re going to move home and make the best friends you’ve ever had, so much so that they astound you because you didn’t realize how wonderful a healthy friendship could be. And they actually love you, have your best interest at heart and don’t betray you. Wild, I know. You’re going to grow up so fucking much. You’re going to spend three years (and counting) being single focusing on you, growing, bettering yourself, finding self-love. You don’t have it all figured out by any means. But you’re going to become a make-up artist for an Estée Lauder company. You’re going to gauge your ears, add more piercings to them and also pierce your nose because finally you don’t have anyone trying to filter or control who you are. You’ll heal a lot from past trauma and essentially transform yourself into who you truly are. You still don’t have tattoos because you’re so picky with artists but you’ll have them figured out and designed! You play piano, write and sing. You draw and paint and adventure. You go to concerts and take trips and laugh. You’ll have your heart broken a couple times but you’ll be okay. You try to be the kind of person that radiates love and light and you’ll offer it to so many.

You’re going to think you’ll never love again but then you’ll meet someone at your Christmas party (oh right, after having three shitty apartments on your own you’re going to move into a pretty house with two of your best friends) that changes that belief. Current circumstances leave this story unfinished so I can’t give you more information than that other than that.

I owe you an apology because so many people haven’t been kind to you, but most of all I haven’t been kind to you. My love is what you needed most and I failed you on that front for so many years. But that changes, I can tell you I treat you so much better now. I don’t try to destroy us with various forms of self harm any longer. I slip up sometimes when the anxiety and depression rear their ugly heads and let the thought that we’re worthless linger but I always end up fighting it.

I make sure we’re healthy and make healthy choices. At 25 you live in a house with two best friends, your cat pokey, again you’re a make-up artist/skincare specialist for your company, you have wonderful friends and family, you do things for you and your life is just.. Full. You’re perfectly fine being on your own. You realize and accept that you’re pansexual and you come out about it. I know if we stood face to face you wouldn’t even recognize me, but I think it would give you something to look forward to. And I know there’s so much more ahead of you and me, too.

You’re going to be just fine.


Here’s a simple gif tutorial, using PotPlayer instead of KMPlayer. Sorry if everything is choppy in the video. I probably had way too many things open while I was recording this. Also, please ignore the part where I’m clearly having an issue selecting all the layers. The screen recording box was in the way. All you have to do is select the top layer, scroll down and hold down shift while you select the bottom layer.

Also, when resizing your image, you do not have to resize it to 502 and then crop it to 500 later. I just prefer to do that because in the past I have had issues with lines appearing around my gifs when I would post them and they are not pretty. It does not always happen and it is not necessary to go through this process.

If you have any questions, please feel free to send me an ask!


anonymous asked:

PLEASE. DO. NOT. DELETE!!! You're the best daily ot4 tumblr blog now. Honestly, this is the opposite of useless! I love how drama free and nice you are. Regarding people not talking to you...Idk, a looot of people use tumblr but never talk to their favs blog bc they're afraid that they're wont get a reply. So they just scroll down. Take a break if you feel a little bit down now. But please, come back. Some of us really appreciate your work x.

I’ve received so many messages today, you’re all so nice. I know I always say “thank you” but really thank you so much! I didn’t think my blog would affect so many people. I’m glad I can help you all. ♥