fearthed

There’s beauty to her madness
The fire behind her eyes doesn’t seem as intimidating anymore
There’s a sense of softness to them now

There’s beauty to her fear
The worry held behind those eyelids seems to be falling away
There’s a sense of peace to them now

There’s beauty to her sadness
The tears that threaten to spill from her eyes are starting to dry
There’s a sense of joy to them now

There’s something behind those eyes
That’s kept behind lock and key
There’s something behind those eyes
That just seems that little bit out of reach
There’s just something behind those eyes
That she doesn’t want others to see

And I’m going to find just what that is.

anonymous asked:

Hey um sorry if this is like uncomfortable in any way you don't have to respond if requestes aren't open but could you do Saeran Jumin and Zens reaction to visiting MC finally returning home after a Suicide Attempt I got out of the hospital for one a few days ago and I don't know I just want to know what they would do sorry if this ever made you uncomfortable or anything or if I have bad English its not my first language

Of course, I’m sorry this took so long, and I hope that you’re okay. I would never shy away from doing this, I know it’s important not to shy away from topics like that, and no your English is great. My first language was French so I understand. I hope that you like, and I hope that you’ll be okay, sending you all the hugs!!!!

Zen

  • He had freaked out when he had gotten a call on the phone saying you had tried to hang yourself when he was at work
  • Jumin had come to drop something off and found you
  • Zen had never been more grateful to him, something that never happened
  • When he saw you he had to admit that he wanted to treat you like glass
  • But that wouldn’t be good
  • The doctors said you had to work on getting out of your tunneled vision, where the whole world seems unworthy it all
  • You knew there was another choice, but at the same time you didn’t, you couldn’t get the voices out of your head, everything bad anyone said about you
  • When he saw you you were still sedated heavily
  • You weren’t really yourself, but something about Zen triggered you
  • Maybe it was just the timing, but you broke down
  • All the emotions inside you were coming out, washing through you like the tears running down your face
  • He hugged you, and you clutched him
  • “I-I’m so sorry, I, I feel like I can’t, please.”
  • He held you a stroked your hair softly, listening to your sobs, realizing how lucky he was to still hearing you speak
  • After you were put on medication, and a weekly therapist was appointed to you
  • He goes to you to everything, helps you administer the meds
  • He knows that sometimes you feel smothered
  • But he also knows that you understand his fear
  • The fact that you might not be here with him scares him
  • And he remembers that every night
  • At night when he holds you close and remember what you told him about the voices
  • There always music on, soft classical violins drift down the hall
  • Anything to help you remember you are worth something in this world
  • That there is some light in this world, and it’s worth fighting for
  • SorrynotsorryIloveLOTRfightmeLegolasisbae

Jumin

  • How did you manage to get that far?
  • What were the guards doing?
  • It didn’t matter when he was speeding towards the hospital
  • He was terrified that they wouldn’t be able to flush out the drugs
  • Seven was constantly talking to him through the phone, and Jumin needed that
  • He could feel himself sweating, his pulse hammering through his shirt
  • How hadn’t he noticed?
  • How….
  • When he got there and saw you lying on the bed, eyes opened looking at the door he felt like sobbing out of gratitude
  • You look at him tired, and he sits there, waiting for you to get your bearings
  • Eventually you tell him what you were thinking, about how you hated yourself, hated everything, hated how you looked in mirror
  • Listening to all these fears makes him so worried
  • And angry that he didn’t notice this before
  • You’re scheduled for your first therapy session a week later, and Jumin insists on going with you, and making sure the therapist is a good one
  • Gets annoyed when you have to repeat what you feel like multiple times
  • But it seemed to work
  • You slowly start getting better
  • He keeps a constant eye on you now, scared every time you go to get an Advil, at first when you go out to take a walk
  • Made Seven track he you he’s sorry
  • Clutches you tightly whenever he can
  • How he couldn’t figure it out is one of his secret shames, and he’ll never let it happened again

Saeran

  • You two were both not doing good
  • But his own health was abandoned when you ended up in the hospital, he had found you in the bathroom, surrounded by blood
  • Stayed with you the whole time
  • His brother had to drag him out when the doctors insisted on taking some tests
  • What if something happened?
  • You feel ethereal when you get out
  • They saturated you with some sort of sedative, and that scared him
  • He’s constantly spying on you
  • He became a bit stalker-y tbh
  • You had to tell him to stop, that you would tell him when something was wrong, you promise
  • He trusted you
  • Constant affection
  • A reason for your suicidal thoughts and actions was feeling of self worthlessness
  • He made sure you never felt worthless
  • Whenever someone criticized you he clutched you tightly, and told you they were idiots, and that you were an amazing person
  • They didn’t deserve your time
  • Sometimes at night he’ll think about what happened had he not arrived
  • It’s something that makes him go to therapy with you
  • He needs to be there for you, more than he was before

I hope you like!! Again sorry for being gone, stupid power outages!!>_< Sorry for complaining and scapegoating, anyway I hope you liked, and again sends you all the hugs and rainbows!!! May unicorns rain down happiness on you!!!

Struck By Me

In a state of war
peace is just a word
that I can’t find it’s meaning
I’m always fighting
And it’s like I’m always getting struck by lightning 

Although they say that lightning won’t hit a place more than once
It’s hitting me in the same spot  for months 


separating me from within
Burning me alive without a sign in my skin
Leaving me confused
And emotionally bruised

leaving me 

Waiting patiently

for its next hit
Waiting for my mind to screw me again
And all I can do is…. breath and sit

A closed circle 
I’m running around it
The more I think
The more I fear
The more I lose the  trust in me

anonymous asked:

Which ACD books would you suggest for an ACD canon newbie?

If you wanna start chronologically, the Baring Gould timeline works well. Rather than the publishing date timeline. So you can start like this. First the cases without Watson.

  • The Adventure of the Gloria Scott   
  • The Adventure of the Musgrave Ritual  

Then from the first meeting to Watson’s first marriage.

  • A Study in Scarlet    
  • The Adventure of the Speckled Band   
  • The Adventure of the Resident Patient   
  • The Adventure of the Noble Bachelor   
  • The Adventure of the Second Stain   
  • The Adventure of the Reigate Squires  
  • A Scandal in Bohemia   
  • The Man with the Twisted Lip   
  • The Five Orange Pips   
  • A Case of Identity   
  • The Red-Headed League   
  • The Adventure of the Dying Detective   
  • The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle   
  • The Valley of Fear
  • The Adventure of the Yellow Face
  • The Adventure of the Greek Interpreter

Of course there is more.But I think this will be enough for the start. :D. Happy reading!

anonymous asked:

4,7,8,10,13,29,32,31,14,20,27,28 Kentin and Armin uwu

(Sorry for lack of posts recently, I’m dealing with some pretty screwed up drama right now and I’ve been in such a bad mood the past four days omg. Anyway, I added a few numbers for Kentin because some other anons requested a few numbers that weren’t listed so why not kill two birds with one stone right?)

Kentin

2: If they like reading, and if so their fave book

He doesn’t read often because it’s hard for him to find a book that he really likes. But he does have a favorite, and that would be Gregor the Overlander, the main character is inspiring to him. (guys seriously read the book it’s so amazing omg it’s got like 5 parts and I cried it’s by Suzanne Collins so if you liked the Hunger Games you’ll love this even more in my opinion)

4: Their favorite way to waste time

Kentin likes to either work out or bake. If he has absolutely nothing to do he goes for a run, and if that’s not possible he likes to bake cookies, brownies, cake, etc. He’s also fairly good at decorating cakes!

5: Their favorite type of music

He likes soft music like this, and sometimes he’ll am to the occasional pop song.

7: Their happiest memory

His favorite memory is from military school, he made a really good friend while he was there and they bonded like no other. They kept each other going through all of it and they were there for each other when no one else was. This is his happiest because he finally made a friend that he didn’t feel like was only there because they pitied him or anything.

8: Their most embarrassing moment

In the game it’s mentioned that he got bullied before, so back in middle school or something he got his pants pulled down in front of everybody by this jerk that was constantly pestering him. He’s still planning his revenge.

10: Their best childhood memory

When he was little his dad used to carry him around on his shoulders all the time and run around the house. His dad would also let him put on his military clothes, and he would teach him some cool fighting moves.

13: Their biggest regret

His biggest regret is letting other people take advantage of him and taking what others say too seriously. He still has problems with this but it was really bad before and he just wants to let people know they can just run him over anymore

14. Their biggest fear

The boy is afraid of heights y’all.

16. Their calming techniques

When he’s really nervous about something he likes to isolate himself from everyone else and sit down, taking really deep breaths. He counts to 3 in between every intake. When he’s really pissed off this doesn’t work well so he goes to a gym and finds a punching bag, or he goes for a really long run.

17. How they cope with nightmares

He doesn’t really do anything to make himself feel better, he just kind of lays there and stares at the ceiling until sleep takes over again but if it was that bad then if he can he might just go for a walk, even though it’s like 3 AM

20. If they collect things, if so what

I don’t see Kentin being a collector of anything but if he did he might have been one of those kids that try to collect all the boy scout badges (he was in boy scouts you can’t tell me otherwise)

27. How they sleep

He’s a very touchy person if that makes sense, so he needs to be holding on to something. If you’re with him then he likes to hold you in his arms and spoon, or lay his head on your chest like he’s a little kid. If he’s alone he has a pillow next to him and holds onto that with one arm, while his legs are sprawled out.

28. How they hug

His hugs a very warm and affectionate, no matter who you are. He doesn’t just hug anyone so when he does, it’s the nicest, cuddliest hug ever. He wraps you up in his arms and hold you tight, with his chin at the top of your head. If you’re just a friend, he does the same thing but he doesn’t do the chin thing and he doesn’t hug you as tightly.

29. How they express love

Did this in a previous post~ here.

31: If they found out they only had one day to live

He would spend it with Candy, and his family. And just try his best to keep them in high spirits. Later he’d like make an announcement to anyone who bullied him and tell them off like he’s always wanted to do, letting them know that he’s better than all of them. (I really dislike this number it’s so hard to come up with things for it omg)

32. If they were faced with a genie what they’d use their three wishes for and why

Wish 1. To become more confident in himself, because he hates how insecure he is

Wish 2. To be successful, all he wants to do is live a happy and stable life, and he wants his dad to be proud of him no matter what he chooses to become.

Wish 3. The formula for Nutella, he loves that stuff man.

(I just don’t see him wishing for materialistic things tbh)

Armin

4. Their favourite way to waste time

If he’s not playing video games of course, he really finds joy in taking those stupid Quotev quizzes, like “Which character are you?” and he likes making quizzes for the games he plays.

7. Happiest memory

You know what I have no freaking idea man…. I would say when he was adopted but we don’t even know the full story behind that sooo. And that’s also pretty basic… I’ll edit this part later if I think of something

8. Most embarrassing moment

Okay you know what, I didn’t intend for this to be NSFW so sorry if this isn’t what you wanted to read but I whole-heartedly believe that he has been caught more than once jacking it off to some porn site by his mother or brother. His dad just knows to knock from now on but the other two don’t listen.

10. Their best childhood memory

When he was younger he and his brother used to pull pranks on people and switch places. I headcanon Alexy has naturally black hair so this was before he decided dye it, and no one really paid attention to their eye color until their mom found out what they were doing and called them out on their bullshit.

13. Their biggest regret

Hmm, well I don’t really know honestly. Maybe he regrets not going out as much as he should have. They never really spoke about their school before they arrived to Sweet Amoris (or did they, I can’t remember) so maybe he didn’t really have a lot of close friends since he’s like, low-key an introvert? So he just wishes he go out there more I guess.

14. Biggest fear

Low-key afraid of bugs but would never admit it. Also really afraid of losing his twin, I feel like they had separation anxiety when they were younger (me and my younger sis had that too omfg I used to cry whenever she wasn’t with me)

20. If they collect things, if so what?

He likes to collect figurines of characters for his games and shows. He’s probably a walking dead fan so he has all the figures of almost every character.

27. How they sleep

He’s always sprawled out all over his bed, lying on his stomach but occasionally his back. Don’t expect him to cuddle with you all night because he gets extremely hot while he’s sleeping so the most he’ll do is putting his leg on top of yours. He also cannot sleep without a blanket, so if it’s hot he’s the “one leg out” kind of guy.

28. How they hug

His hugs are very tight and welcoming, they make you feel comfortable because it’s just so nice. He kind of lifts you off your feet a little bit just because. They are also unexpected sometimes, like he’ll just run up on you screaming your name and tackle you with a bear hug

29. did this already for all guys~

31.If they only had one day to live how would they spend it?

 He would spend the day with his family and really close friends and wouldn’t complain one bit if they forced him to go outside. He’d actually want to go out somewhere this time, to make them happy. He wants to let them know how much he loves them all. “Alexy, I know you hate my clothes but I’m leaving my wardrobe to you, you’ll make good use out of it.” He’d probably try to drag everyone to a comic con if he could.

32. Genie, what would they wish for and why.

Wish 1. To be a professional game tester, because that’s what he does all day anyway so why not make money off of it?

Wish 2. For his brother to become whatever the heck it is he wants to be, he wants his bro to be happy y’all. 

Wish 3. For all other kids who are currently in foster care or anything to find really amazing parents who love them no matter what, so they can be happy

tarot card meme
send my muse one of the following..
  • The Fool: Something they’ve always wanted to try
  • The Magician: Something they’re very good at
  • The High Priestess: One thing they wish they knew
  • The Empress: A woman they really admire
  • The Emperor: A man they really admire
  • The Hierophant: Something they believe in
  • The Lovers: A person who makes them very happy
  • The Chariot: A place they’ve traveled or would like to travel to
  • Strength: Something they struggle with
  • The Hermit: Favorite way to spend a day alone
  • The Wheel Of Fortune: Something they wish you could change
  • Justice: A decision they wish they could do over
  • The Hanged Man: A time when they wished someone would listen to them
  • Death: Someone they really miss
  • Temperance: Their ideal day
  • The Devil: Who they talk to when dealing with big issues
  • The Tower: Something that changed their life
  • The Star: Someone they consider perfect
  • The Moon: Something they fear
  • The Sun: Their happiest memory
  • Judgement: Their favourite song(s)
  • The World: Their dream job
  • The Criminal: Custom questions

Quite possibly my favorite part of the entire series as I have read it thus far.

In which the Wampa, after delivering a speech plucked straight from the “play within a play” of Midsummer Night’s Dream fame, performs the most hilarious referential stage direction of all time, borrowed from A Winter’s Tale.

(Text under the cut)

Keep reading

Hellbound

inspired by @the-flame-and-hawks-eye​‘s wonderful Hellbound AU


Alright - so I started this song a while back, and left it due to lack of whatever. So recently I went and reread some of the newer chapters and bam, I finally finished it.

Shay - you’ve created quite the world. Thanks for being such an incredible person and huge inspiration for so many people.

lyrics under the cut

Keep reading

Made with SoundCloud

anonymous asked:

Which books/documentaries about Columbine are good, and which ones are bullshit that I should avoid?

Books:

No Easy Answers  by Brooks Brown
Brooks was friends with Dylan and Eric so he’s the closest insider look we’re going to get from a ‘ground zero’ perspective.  Brooks was close childhood friends with Dylan. What was Dylan like as a kid up until seventeen? Explored here.  ‘Nuff said. One glaring mistake in his book that I discovered recently from rereading was that he was completely off on his timeline as to when his issues began with Eric, the windshield incident and all the rest.  Oopsy. 

Columbine: A True Crime Story by Jeff Kass
Best non-biased and lots of good detailed factual, background informational nuggets.

We Are But We Aren’t Psycho by Tim Krabbé

(unfortunately STILL only in Dutch but thedragonrampant was kind enough to translate some chapters for us

Avoid: Columbine by Dave Cullen for it’s glaring inaccuracies  ;) 

Documentaries:

A good youtube channel site to check out for restored documentaries, news footage, etc. is

Cleaning Columbine.

What you can’t find there you can do a general search on youtube for any of these titles:

Zero Hour

- is probably the best in terms of a ‘recreation documentary’ but there’s a lot it that’s glamorized and not quite factual to the letter.  This gives an overall gist of the entire event and in a ‘nut shell’ how everything unfolded.

Fictionalized accounts:

Zero Day

This was fascinating watching it for the first time as I had just gotten into Columbine. In retrospect, having seen it twice, I realized they never really went into any legit reasons as to why they were planning it - which is kind of important, imo. No signs of why they hated the school or being harassed and no demonstration of that either.  Essentially, Zero Day was another one of the shaky handicam, low budget flicks and a gratuitous sneaky vehicle for the director to show us approximately how he felt the E & D’s Basement Tapes might’ve looked like.  The attack was largely lame “Andre, Andre, Andred.. pick up the phone!” ad nauseam   Whyyyyyyyy.  Last fifteen minutes played out so amateur.  It’s ridiculous how this scene gets confused for Columbine on youtube too. 

These are decent overall:

The Columbine Killers

The Lost Boys 

The Final Report

Spree Killers: The Columbine Killers  (Someone said there’s too much Dave Cullen in this one. I don’t recall it all that well but it is one of the newer docs. So, tread carefully with this one for information skewed from Cullen’s PoV.)

Columbine: Understanding Why
(this one was removed off youtube for copyright infringement. It’s sometimes on Netflix otherwise you can poke around on the web or look for a torrent of it.) A team of ‘experts’ explores why they did what they’d done. It’s interesting but I think the so-called ‘experts’ are plodding in their deductions and most of us here have a much better grasp of the boys’ psyches. ;)

Columbine: City of Fear

The Thirteen Families - spends time with the victims and victims families. Very well done. Have tissue handy.

Ambassador of Kindness.

 The background music and telling of this doc comes across hokey but I found it to be one of the better docs on Rachel Scott and without religious propaganda inserted into it at every turn.  It’s a play-by-play of her journal quotes leading up the event which are uncannily prophetic suggesting that Rachel somehow intuited that she wouldn’t live long and that her purpose was meant for something greater. The doc suggests that Columbine was very much a spiritual happening not one of any religious denomination’s claim.  In depth interview segments of Nick Baumgart and Brooks Brown regarding Rachel.

I’ll add more to this post if I can think of anything else…

Serenade Me

Summary: Reader is a singer that works in Ruby’s nightclub. Ruthless gangster John Winchester comes into the club one night and takes an interest in her.
Characters in this chapter: Female Reader, John Winchester, Ruby, Benny Lafitte, Ash, Rufus Turner
Word Count: Around 1.6K
Warnings: Not really any that I can think of right now….
Author’s Note: Good or bad, please let me know what you think. Rum and Coca Cola by The Andrews Sisters.You Had Plenty Money 1922 by Peggy Lee video is Jessica Rabbit singing.
WIFEY TAG @leviathanslovedick
@deansdirtylittlesecretsblog@rizlow1@manawhaat@oriona75@emmy-winchester@spnfanficpond@aprofoundbondwithdean@mrswhozeewhatsis@beakaleak32@whatdoyouthinkmyjobis Anyone else?

It was another late night with the usual crowd at Ruby’s. While Ash plucked the guitar and Rufus worked the drums, you took your place behind the microphone. More than several men gave excited shouts; some of which were quickly shushed by their dates.

The women were there to hear you sing. The men, on the other hand, were there to watch you sing.

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Keep reading

Al-Mu'min                                    المؤمن

Al-Mu'min (المؤمن) is the name of Allah SWT that means The Remover of FearThe Giver of Tranquility, and The Source of Faith. 

Al-Mu'min (المؤمن) is:

  • The One who faithfully bestows the gifts of peace, safety and security
  • The One who grants freedom from fear
  • The One who illuminates the heart with faith

And to Allah belong the best names, so invoke Him by them (7:180).

The Fall of Constantinople 1453 AD
Part 3 - Prophecies Fulfilled 

Suggested by haruspicus, kirkendauhl, deer-chaser

Part 1 - Backdrop - LINK
Part 2 - Basilic, the Turkish Super Cannon - LINK

SIDENOTE

Mehmed II and Caliphs before him had many titles like Sultan-i Rum (“Ruler of the Romans”) and Sahib al-Rum (”Master of the Romans”), being that the earlier Seljuk Sultanate of Rum (1077–1307) and later Ottoman Empire (1299–1923) sat upon land which had once been long held by the Romans. After the Capture of Constantinople Mehmed II declared himself Kayser-i Rum (“Caesar / Emperor of the Romans”). The Ottomans were often called Rumiyun (“Romans”) by their eastern Muslim neighbors. Though thought to denote just those ruling in Anatolia the term ‘Sultan-i Rum’ was meant to extend to the broader non-Muslim world to the west of Anatolia too, it was less geographical and more so referred to Sultans who ruled over non-Muslims. 

Ottoman Fleet instills Fear

The Byzantines would spend night and day in fear of an impending naval assault.by the Turks, this anxiety would persist for more than a month until the captured of the city.

Fatih Sultan Mehmed’s Land Transport of The Ottoman Navy from Galata into Golden Horn by Fausto Zonaro (1854–1929).

“On the twelfth of April, the Turkish fleet arrived at the harbor of Constantinople“ 

“- came to anchor at the anchorage called ‘The Columns’, two miles from Constantinople on the Black Sea side, and anchored in that place with many vehement cries, and sounding of castanets and tambourines, so as to fill our fleet and those in the city with fear.”

“And so a system was arranged to prevent our; enemies from making a sudden attack by night or by day, and it was decided to keep two men in turn on the walls of Pera, to take note if the Turkish fleet began to move towards ours; and if these watchmen saw a single fusta or galley or bregantino move or signs of any fusta being about to do so, at once they came to tell the captain of the galleys from Tana, because he had been put in charge of the harbor.”

“When news was brought to him of the movement of any ships, at once the captain had the battle trumpet sounded, and everyone sprang to arms, ready to join battle; and those on board the ships which were by the boom stood to their arms also, and we waited every hour for the Turkish fleet to come to attack us.

So each day we were in this difficulty, and in great fear, as I have said previously, having by day and by night to stand to our arms, and yet their fleet never moved, or if a galley did move, it went in the direction of Anatolia, or towards the mouth of the Black Sea, to go to their newly built castle; and their fleet never came to attack us, but made us stand to our arms from fear of them, from the twelfth of April until the twenty-ninth of May, all day and all night.”

Brave Janissaries

“- even if some of us should die, as in natural in war, and meet our destined end, you know well from the Qu’ran what the Prophet says, “that he who dies in battle shall dine whole in body with Mahomet, and drink with him in paradise and he shall take his rest in a green spot and fragrant with flowers, enjoying the company of women and virgins and he will bath in gorgeous baths. All these things he will enjoy in that place by God’s favor.” - Mehmed II

Drawing of a Janissary by Gentile Bellini (15th-century)

The brave Janissaries would rather die than leave the body of a comrade at the gates of the city.

“From the twelfth day of April until the eighteenth day of the same month there was little movement by sea or by land, except the usual bombardment by day and by night, and some skirmishing which the Turks engaged in regularly with those on the walls of the city. They found the Turks coming right up under the walls and seeking battle, particularly the janissaries, who are soldiers of the Turkish Sultan; none of them are afraid of death, but they came on like wild beasts, and when one or two of them were killed, at once more Turks came and took away the dead ones, carrying them on their shoulders as one would a pig, without caring how near they came to the city walls.

Our men shot at them with guns and crossbows, aiming at the Turk who was carrying away his dead countryman, and both of them would fall to the ground dead, and then there came other Turks and took them away, none fearing death, but being willing to let ten of themselves be killed rather than suffer the shame of leaving a single Turkish corpse by the walls.

On the 22nd of April the Turks used rollers that were coated in fat to drag their ships across the hill to the basin of Pera within the harbor of Constantinople, 72 ships made it across. In fear the Christians planned to set the Turkish fleet ablaze but the Genoese of Pera warned Mehmed of this plot and so on the 28th the Venetians set their plan into motion. The Venetians, unaware of the betrayal of the Genoese, went forward and failed terribly. On the 1st and 2nd of May, “The city was in great distress because of a growing lack of provisions, particularly of bread, wine and other things necessary to sustain life.”. On the 5th of May the Turks placed a cannon on the hill of Pera and caused great damage to the Christian fleet for days.

Byzantine Prophesies

1 - The statue of Constantine the Great’s hand points eastward, the column is inscribed, “From this direction will come the one who will undo me.”

“- the first prophecy made by Saint Constantine, who is on horseback on a column by the Church of Saint Sophia of this city, prophesying with his hand and saying, “From this direction will come the one who will undo me,” pointing to Anatolia, that is Turkey.- Nicolo Barbaro

2 - Cardinal Isidore wrote to the Pope that,
“Just as the city was founded by Constantine, son of Helena, so it is now tragically lost by another Constantine [XI], son of Helena.”

“Another prophecy which he made was that when there should be an Emperor called Constantine son of Helen, under his rule Constantinople would be lost,“
- Nicolo Barbaro

3 - There was a lunar eclipse days before the fall of the city
“and there was another prophecy that when the moon should give a sign in the sky, within a few days the Turks would have Constantinople.” - Nicolo Barbaro

4 - Monk Gennadios Scholarios said that the city would fall the same month [May] it was founded back in 330 AD by Constantine the Great.

“On the twelfth of May at midnight there came to the walls of the palace fifty thousand Turks well ordered, and these Turkish dogs surrounded the whole palace with fierce cries according to their custom, and with sounds of castanets and tambourines; and on this night they made a strong attack against the walls of the palace, so that the majority of those in the city thought that night that the city was lost.

15th century Ottomans - Art by Angus McBride
Osprey - ‘Men at Arms’ series - Armies of the Ottoman Turks 1300-1774

But our merciful Lord Jesus Christ did not wish that the city should be lost so cheaply that night, and also God wished the prophecy to be fulfilled. This prophecy was made by Saint Constantine, the first Emperor to hold Constantinople, and he prophesied that Constantinople should never be lost, until the moon rose darkened when it was at the full, that is, lacking the half of it; so the present time was not that at which the city was to be lost, although it is true that its destruction and the loss of the empire which belonged to it was drawing near.”

Failed Tunneling

On the 16th of May the Turks rushed towards the enemy harbor where the Christians had mistaken them for allies but they were discovered and both sides exchanged fire and until the Turks were chased off. On this same day the Turks were found to be digging a mine under the walls of the city and the Christians quickly did the same in an attempt catch and disable them.
[The following occurred quite often on many occasions]

“At once a search was made throughout the city for all the men experienced in mining, and when they were found, they were sent for by the Megaduke, who had them dig a mine inside the city, to find the Turkish one, and one tunnel met the other in such a way that ours found theirs, and our men were prepared for this, and quickly threw fire into theirs and burned all the props supporting it, so that the earth collapsed on top of the Turks and suffocated those who were in the mine or they were burned in the fire.”

Tower, Bridge and Cannon 

On the 17th of May the Turks attempted another naval assault only to be met with a flurry of 70 shots. On the eighteenth of May the Turks had constructed in less than a night, a tall and seemingly impregnable tower which stood taller than the walls.

Walls of Constantinople 

“- on this day the Turks shot a great number of arrows into the city from the place where the tower was, firing them, it seemed, from sheer high spirits, while our men were all very sad and fearful.”

On the 19th of May the Turks constructed a bridge (made up of barrels tied together and long beams to fasten them) to connect the harbor of Pera to Constantinople, they planned on stretching this bridge across the harbor when they attacked because if left out in any other situation then the enemy cannons would’ve destroyed it with ease [This ended up never being used]. Now remember that in all this time that has passed the Turks have been pounding the city walls with cannon fire since the beginning of the siege, the inhabitants of the city were working throughout this period repairing the walls with earth, barrels, etc.

“The cannon were very large, but one was of exceptional size [the Basilic], throwing a ball twelve hundred pounds in weight, and when it fired the explosion made all the walls of the city shake, and all the ground inside, and even the ships in the harbor felt the vibrations of it. Because of the great noise, many women fainted with the shock which the firing of it gave them. No greater cannon than this one was ever seen in the whole pagan world, and it was this that broke down such a great deal of the city walls”

Prophetic Moon

On the 21st and 22nd more Turkish tunnels were found and destroyed, at night there came an ominous sign for the Christians.

On this same day, the twenty-second of May, at the first hour of the night, there appeared a wonderful sign in the sky, which was to tell Constantine the worthy Emperor of Constantinople that his proud empire was about to come to an end, as it did. The sign was of this form and condition: at the first hour after sunset the moon rose, being at this time at the full, so that it should have risen in the form of a complete circle; but it rose as if it were no more than a three-day moon, with only a little of it showing, although the air was clear and unclouded, pure as crystal. 

The moon stayed in this form for about four hours, and gradually increased to a full circle, so that at the sixth hour of the night it was fully formed. When we Christians and the pagans had seen this marvelous sign, the Emperor of Constantinople was greatly afraid of it, and so were all his nobles, because the Greeks had a prophecy which said that Constantinople would never fall until the full moon should give a sign, and this was the reason for the fear which the Greeks felt. But the Turks made great festivity in their camp for joy at the sign, because they believed that now victory was in their hands, as in truth it was.

The Fall

On the 23rd they found yet another Turkish tunnel and set it ablaze, the two men who were in charge survived this inferno but were captured.

“These two men were tortured by the Greeks and made known the whereabouts of the other tunnels, and after they had given this information, their heads were cut off, and their bodies thrown over the walls on the side of the city where the Turkish camp was; and when they saw these Turks thrown down from the walls, they were very angry, and felt great hatred for the Greeks and for us Italians.”

On the 26th and 27th of May Mehmet had large fires set in the camps to encourage his men for the great assault on the city that was soon to come. On the 28th Mehmet had his men in full alert and ready at their posts for tomorrow they would see the fall of Constantine, the Turks brought about 2,000 long ladders to the walls and on this night much greater fires were lit.

Now we’ve come to the final day of the siege of Constantinople, the day that would have great impact on history. On the 29th of May Mehmet divided his army up into 3 groups (of 50,000 men each) and prepared to enact his plan. 

The first was made up of Christians held against their will who were used to place the ladders against the walls but the ladders were thrown back leading to the death of some, others dying from the stones that were thrown down to them. Those who survived attempted to escape but were killed by the Turks, it is believed by some that they were sent in first because the Sultan preferred the Christians to die before the Turks, he wished to tire out the city and because after catching sight what happens to those who flee would inspire those who came next.

The second group was made up of peasants who after seeing what happened to the Christians, fought bravely but at attempting to put ladders up against the walls they too failed. Cannons and crossbows fired off at the Turkish camp “killed a tremendous number”. 

The third group was made up of Janissaries and upon the second’s failed attempt they followed, fighting “not like Turks but like lions” met the weak and tired defenders of the city. The great Basilic cannon hit the partially repaired wall, knocking it down into the ground and setting loose a cloud of dust and smoke from which about 300 Turks poured through but the Greeks and Venetians fought them off, killing most. Another shot from the great Basilic cannon was fired and under the cover of smoke another rush of Turks made it through the walls and overwhelmed the Christian forces (though many Turks fell to stones dropped from the walls above).

Upon seeing this, the Genoese Captain of the forces who was named Zuan Zustignan fled the city on ship while crying out, “The Turks have got into the city!”, although this was false, being that the city had not yet reached, many hearing this fled to the ships as well. After an aggressive struggle, the Turks entered the city and killed men, women and children.

All the while the Turkish Navy under Zagan Pasha (2nd vizier) made attempts to take the harbor but were driven back until they saw that the city was taken and so they disembarked and sought to plunder the city along with the rest of Mehmed’s force. Churches and monasteries were plundered and the inhabitants were captured for the purpose of being sold into slavery, some are said to have killed themselves rather than becoming victims.

“The blood flowed in the city like rainwater in the gutters after a sudden storm, and the corpses of Turks and Christians were thrown into the Dardanelles, where they floated out to sea like melons along a canal. No one could hear any news of the Emperor, what he had been doing, or whether he was dead or alive, but some said that his body had been seen among the corpses, and it was said that he had hanged himself at the moment when the Turks broke in at the San Romano gate.“

After the City Was Captured 

Entry of Mehmed II into Constantinople by Jean-Joseph Benjamin-Constant (1845–1902)

“On the third day after the fall of our city, the Sultan celebrated his victory with a great, joyful triumph. He issued a proclamation: the citizens of all ages who had managed to escape detection were to leave their hiding places throughout the city and come out into the open, as they were remain free and no question would be asked.

Although most would assume that they renamed the city Istanbul, that didn’t officially happen until 1930.  Istanbul was the common name for the city used in conversation by the Turks but in official circumstances (text, coins, etc.) the name Constantinople remained (Kostantiniyye was still in use up to the 19th century) and in 1930 the Turkish Postal Services Law prevented people from using any other name than Istanbul.

SIDENOTE 2

Historical Impact and the Renaissance  

The fall of Constantinople, the Black Plague, the further expansion of the Ottoman empire along with the Islamic Moors of Spain had major impacts in the history of Europe, there was an influx of ideas which are believed by most to have been a major driving force that led to the end of the Late Middle Ages and the beginning of the Italian Renaissance. With Constantinople’s capture and further Turkish expansion into Europe, Western Asia and Africa, the Ottomans had great control over the trade routes which linked East and West. 

Ottoman Empire at it’s greatest extent 

This control of trade routes was one of the leading reasons for Europe’s increased interest in seeking an alternative route; Christopher Columbus to the West and Dom Vasco da Gama (who linked Europe and Asia by sailing from Lisbon, Portugal around Western Africa all the way to India and back). Upon the city’s capture many scholars and artists fled from Greece to Italy, bringing with them ancient Greek and Roman texts as well as refreshing ideas and perspectives on humanism, philosophy and history.

First Voyage of Dom Vasco da Gama

The Black Plague (peaked in Europe 1346-1353) that reduced the population of Europe by one third also had its benefits; a smaller work force led to a greater demand for workers which would be paid higher incomes than before the outbreak, the price of food was much cheaper and the purchase and inheritance of land was increased. Although the majority of Italians were poor there were now easier routes to becoming a merchant, banker, craftsmen or artisan. The Ottomans and the Moors valued knowledge and while over 90% of those in Europe were illiterate these two nations constructed many schools, universities, libraries, and Moorish Spain especially is said to have inspired the creation of the famed Universities of Oxford and Paris (under Abelard).

The improved hygiene of the Islamic world was introduced to Europe in this example by the Moors with; innovative surgical instruments, hospitals with running water, public baths, perfumes, scented oils and the idea of bathing twice a day (Queen Isabella I of Castille is said to have boasted that she only bathed twice in her lifetime, her birth and when she married).

Things I wish I had before coming to grad school: advice from the first semester
  • the ability to talk to faculty without fear
  • the ability to talk to upper-years without fear
  • the ability to talk to my own damn classmates without fear
  • a working knowledge of how to use the projector in any room, including possessing all the cables and adapters
  • a DropBox account
  • competence in using graphing and figure making software
  • an already-established online paper filing and bibliography system
  • my own laser pointer for presentations
  • an already-established habit of working out in the morning
  • a savings account
  • a lighter weight laptop or tablet
  • an already-established habit of backing up data into folders and external hard drives
  • my own safety glasses

Personal anxiety aside, I think a lot of the technical/professional things on here are things that I never really thought about needing in undergrad! Having these things and skills already will give you a huge edge when it comes to confidence, competence, and professionalism.

anonymous asked:

Could you do something for RFA+V+Saeran with a MC who has BPD? If you're uncomfortable with this ask it is okay to say no. I appreciate it anyway. :)

i really hope i can do this request justice ^^

Yoosung

  • for a long time he thinks MC just wants to leave him
  • the MC he knew in the messenger was nothing but kind and sweet…
  • but ever since he started going on dates with them, they’ve been really standoff-ish
  • not answering his calls or texts, being irritable on dates…
  • lashing out at him…
  • he just doesnt get it
  • Yoosungs cried himself to sleep for the past three nights
  • he’s just waiting for MC to up and leave him
  • one morning him and MC got coffee together
  • they seemed to be acting like their usual sweet, happy self
  • until the moment the two sat down at a table
  • suddenly they were sullen and acted like they didnt want to be there
  • “do you hate me?”
  • Yoosung didnt plan on saying that it just sort of slipped out
  • MC sighs and buries their head into their hands
  • “i dont hate you, Yoosung, i just forgot to take my meds this morning”
  • they explain borderline personality disorder to him
  • “it was so easy to act a certain way over the messenger but now that we’ve met…”
  • MC starts tearing up
  • “…its just hard to keep this hidden…”
  • Yoosung grabs MC hands from across the table
  • “i promised i would take care of you and i meant it”
  • Yoosung wasnt the same child MC met in the messenger
  • he wanted to take responsibility for them
  • Yoosung right then and there offers to move in with MC
  • he can make sure they stay on their medication, and make sure they get to their therapy appointments safely
  • Yoosung matures so much through learning to love the real MC, personality disorder and all

Zen

  • at first him and MC just fight
  • he doesnt want to, but MC seems like all they want to do is fight
  • even him being held back late at rehearsal is enough to set them off
  • he needs relationship advice but lets face it, he’s the one the RFA would be going to for relationship advice
  • but that day it was bothering Zen more than usual, so he entered the chatroom to see if anyone was there
  • they only other person logged in was Seven…
  • ZEN has entered the chatroom
  • he wanted to ask for help but if they talked about MC in the public chatroom it would seem like they were gossiping
  • so he decides to message Seven privately
  • he talks about how MC will be sweet at some times, but then aggressive at others
  • and some days they’ll practically worship him and others they’ll act as if he’s as insignificant as a single grain of sand
  • Seven does some research
  • “Zen, i think MC might have BPD”
  • “…BPD?”
  • “borderline personality disorder”
  • that night, Zen spends hours and hours researching BPD
  • he didnt know anything about it before, but he reads stories and looks into medical treatments and what places he could bring MC to locally that would help
  • the next time him and MC meet up, he brings it up
  • they admit to having it, but said they were too afraid to tell him or even seek treatment
  • Zen wraps MC up in the tightest, warmest hug you can imagine
  • “i love you”
  • “i love yo-”
  • “i’m not finished. i love you more than i’ve ever loved anyone. when i was confused and hurt you were my light. you helped me and…now it’s my turn to help you”
  • Zen gets MC the help they need. he schedules the doctors appointment. he helps pay for therapy and medication
  • he is with them every step of the way, holding their hand
  • Zen never gives up on MC

Jaehee

  • Jaehee thinks a coffee and a good snack will fix any bad mood
  • but she doesnt realize that whats going on with MC is more than a bad mood
  • she’s really confused by their behavior at first
  • she doesnt take the harsh words to heart, but feels really worried when day after day, MC seems…upset
  • it wasnt until MC left their pills on the counter that Jaehee found out about it
  • “topiramate..?”
  • she read aloud the name of the medicine
  • she then sat down to try and find out what the medication was for
  • mood stabilizer….often used for borderline personality disorder…
  • MC…has BPD?
  • Jaehee waited for them to come home
  • “Jaehee! i’m home!”
  • “oh, MC, we need to talk about something…”
  • she held up the abandoned pill container
  • MC starts apologizing, saying they shouldnt have kept it from her
  • but Jaehee just smiles and hugs MC
  • “you dont have to apologize, i’m just glad youre getting the treatment you need”
  • the most important thing to Jaehee is MC’s health, physically and mentally
  • so after that it becomes Jaehee’s #1 priority that MC take their meds on time and make it to every therapy session

Jumin

  • since MC started acting differently, he lives everyday in fear
  • the way they act makes it seem like they could up and leave at any moment
  • he does something new for them everyday, whether it be buying them something new or cooking something for them or treating them to something special in general
  • he just needs them to stay
  • one night him and MC are laying in bed together
  • they were trying to sleep when MC suddenly hears faint sniffing noises
  • they sit up and turn on the lamp on their night stand to reveal that Jumin was crying
  • “Jumin, whats wrong?”
  • he sits up, wiping a tear away from his eyes
  • “are…are you going to leave me? i cant sleep because i’m afraid youll leave in the night”
  • he buries his head into his hands and mutters through sobs
  • “please dont go, my love…”
  • Jumin feels the warm embrace of MC, though all he can see are his palms
  • “i’m not going anywhere, ever. i promise”
  • Jumin asks why they’ve been acting so short with him
  • did he do something wrong?
  • “no, no, its not you. ive been trying to work through my mental disorder lately…i guess its not going well”
  • “mental disorder?”
  • “yea. i have BPD”
  • the very second those words leave MC’s mouth Jumin gets up to schedule a doctors appointment
  • he finds the best medication, the best treatment money can buy
  • he is going to make sure that his angel gets the help they need

707

  • Seven notices right away
  • when he stays with MC, they’ll act like he’s the love of their life one day and then the next day yell at him for hurting them so badly
  • Seven is very understanding
  • he’s no stranger to mental illness
  • whenever MC becomes irritable he reminds himself that its their BPD talking, not them
  • as Seven falls deeper and deeper in love with MC, he wishes more and more that they would seek help
  • it gets to a point where MC refuses to eat, and doesnt sleep very often either
  • he ditches work to cook for them but they wont eat his food at all
  • one day Seven sits down with MC to have a serious talk with them
  • “why arent you eating, sweetheart?”
  • “i dont wanna”
  • “do you think…maybe its your BPD messing with you again?”
  • “i dont know”
  • Seven sighs and holds MC’s hands
  • “if we could just go see a doctor…”
  • they instantly rip their hands away from him and stand up
  • “no way! you wanna send me so some shrink?! fuck that!”
  • Seven looks up at them, pleading
  • “i dont want to send you to a shrink, i want to help you”
  • “why do you wanna help me so bad anyway? just leave me alone”
  • Seven stands up, moving closer to them
  • “because you helped me. you helped me feel happy again. you helped me feel warm again. you helped me remember what it was like to feel important, to feel loved”
  • he hugs MC
  • “this is me loving you the way you loved me”

V

  • he is not going to make the same mistake twice
  • V recognizes MC’s behavior even before they admit to having BPD
  • they hid it from him because they were afraid that after Rika, he would leave them if he found out about their illness
  • V smiles at MC, grabbing their hands and kissing them
  • “you wont get rid of me that easily”
  • V is no fair-weather friend
  • he’s standing by MC no matter what
  • not standing over them, but standing right next to them
  • he’s ready to be encouraging, not responsible
  • they need help, professional help
  • it takes a few months before MC is willing to receive the help they need
  • V waits for them, knowing that you cant help someone if they dont want it
  • during those months he sticks with MC through everything
  • every mood swing, every aggressive outburst, every job they cant get
  • at one point, MC begs V to leave them
  • but he wants to see this through, he needs to see this through
  • when they finally agree to go to the doctor with him, V cries
  • its really happening
  • his angel is going to get real, professional help
  • maybe now they can be happy with him

Saeran

  • him and MC have never had a perfect relationship…
  • but since they’ve been together more, its non-stop fighting
  • MC will get angry over the smallest thing or suddenly accuse Saeran of something he never did
  • and he’s developed a habit of being very defensive, so they usually just end up arguing
  • neither one wants to back down
  • it often escalates to yelling
  • but one particular night when they’re fighting again, MC starts crying instead of spitting back at him harshly like they usually do
  • they fall down to their knees, sobbing
  • Saeran instantly sits beside them, apologizing
  • he wraps his arms around MC as their body shudders
  • “you d-dont have to apologize, this is all my fault”
  • “no, its not your fault at all. its mine”
  • he holds MC tightly
  • all he wants is to be with them
  • all he needs is to be with them
  • why does he keep fighting with them? why is he like this?
  • “no, its me. its my personality disorder…”
  • Saeran closes his eyes, hugging MC so tightly his body starts shaking a little
  • “i dont give a fuck about a personality disorder”
  • MC pushes him away, eyes red from crying
  • “wh…what are you saying?”
  • Saeran has to hold back tears himself
  • “you loved me when i thought no one else would. i was in hell and you came down, grabbed me by the hand, and pulled me out”
  • he shut his eyes tightly
  • “you told me you loved me when i thought i would never hear those words again…” 
  • Saeran would do anything to stay with MC
  • he doesnt care about the mood swings or the aggression
  • he’s going to get them help, and he’s going to hold their hand
  • just like they held his

THANKS FOR READING AND HEY!!! THANKS FOR 3000 FOLLOWERS! I CANT BELIEVE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS SHIT SO MUCH! :) ILYYY