fears and insecurities

I’m so scared because you never shut up about how much you love me, but my brother’s best friend couldn’t shut up either about how much he loved his girlfriend, and now 2 years later he finds himself looking at other girls in nightclubs. He’s getting tired of her eventually, and the saddest part is that she’s still into him.
For now you never let go of my hand when we’re in nightclubs, and you don’t want to dance with anyone but me, but I’m so scared that one day, 2 years from now, you’ll leave me alone on a seat, and your eyes will imperceptibly scan the crowd in search of other prettier, skinnier, funnier girls.
You will get tired of me eventually, and the saddest part is that, I’ll still be into you.
—  Let’s not end up like this
Oversharing Asks

(Disclaimer: These questions are very personal and may touch on sensitive subjects; you may want to look over them before reblogging. You can strike out or totally delete questions you don’t want to deal with.)

  1. Who hurt you the most?
  2. Who have you hurt the most?
  3. Who do you miss the most?
  4. Who do you want out of your life the most?
  5. Who had the biggest positive impact on you?
  6. Who had the biggest negative impact on you?
  7. Who do you wish you could be honest with?
  8. Who have you harbored (any kind of!) secret feelings towards?
  9. Who would the world be better off without?
  10. Who do you wish you’d treated differently?
  11. What was the worst day of your life?
  12. What’s your greatest fear?
  13. What’s your biggest insecurity?
  14. What’s your biggest regret?
  15. Describe your ideal world.
  16. Describe your personal hell.
  17. What’s a hopeless dream you’re still holding on to?
  18. What’s the most embarrassed you’ve ever been?
  19. What’s the angriest you’ve ever been?
  20. What’s the saddest you’ve ever been?
  21. What’s the most scared you’ve ever been?
  22. What’s the most hopeless you’ve ever felt?
  23. What’s the most frantic you’ve ever felt?
  24. What’s the bravest you’ve ever felt?
  25. What’s the best case scenario for your future?
  26. What’s the worst case scenario for you future?
  27. What’s the most physical pain you’ve ever felt?
  28. What’s the most emotional pain you’ve ever felt?
  29. Describe a time you felt like a hypocrite.
  30. Describe a time you felt like a traitor.
  31. Describe a time you felt like a hero.
  32. Describe a time you felt inhuman.
  33. Describe a time you felt like a failure.
  34. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?
  35. What are you proudest of?
  36. What’s your relationship with your family like?
  37. What’s your relationship with religion like?
  38. Talk about someone you’ve lost.
  39. Talk about someone who abandoned you.
  40. Talk about a desire you have that scares you.
  41. What’s something you wish you were capable of?
  42. What’s something you’re afraid that you’re capable of?
  43. Describe the kind of life you wish you’d been born into.
  44. Describe your worst heartbreak.
  45. Describe your worst disappointment.
  46. Have you ever taken a fall for someone?
  47. Have you ever forced or let someone take a fall for you?
  48. Have you ever done serious physical harm to someone?
  49. Have you ever done serious emotional harm to someone?
  50. Have you ever self-harmed?
  51. Have you ever attempted suicide?
  52. Have you ever stolen something?
  53. Have you ever cheated on someone?
  54. Have you ever been cheated on?
  55. Have you ever taken revenge on someone?
  56. Have you ever seriously considered killing somone?
  57. Have you ever betrayed someone who trusted you?
  58. Have you ever experienced something supernatural or unexplainable?

there is nothing stopping anyone from playing monopoly like a roleplay tabletop game besides, perhaps, individual fear or insecurity of the unknown. but you can completely do that. there is nothing in the rulebook saying that the dog game piece is not a modern domesticated orc. mostly because there is no rulebook for this but i’m making it up now and i guess that’s how it is around here. you have your map. you have your campaign concept. and is not the banker performing a role. is that not.. a dungeonmaster performance i ask u.. why are we afraid to open our hearts to the concept of dnd monopoly 

it’s her attention to detail that makes mary so sinister….the way she repeatedly made comments to john about him being So Perfect and Too Good For Her and An Angel etc etc (while knowing or suspecting he was having an affair?) just to make his guilt build and build and then to spew all of that out as she “dies” so he’s left with that immense guilt is so cruel. it reminds me of how she would make little comments to sherlock about the wedding and psych him out and play off of his fears and insecurities about john leaving him. the way she handles john and sherlock and gets into both of their heads is what makes her so ruthless.

Aries Moon worst fear: Being stuck in one place, a lack of a challenge with their career and lovers.

Taurus Moon worst fear: Financial insecurity or general instability in life.

Gemini Moon worst fear: Being stuck in boring or bad relationships, including friendships. A lack of variety in life.

Cancer Moon worst fear: Being betrayed by someone or a huge lack in loyalty.

Leo Moon worst fear: Being forgotten about or not noticed/recognized for their identity, skills, or accomplishments.

Virgo Moon worst fear: Not being useful or purposeful.

Libra worst fear: Being disliked or unloved, being alone.

Scorpio Moon worst fear: Being left vulnerable.

Sagittarius Moon worst fear: Being trapped or stuck in a rut.

Capricorn Moon worst fear: Instability in life and failure.

Aquarius Moon worst fear: Never finding their tribe, a huge lack of acceptance.

Pisces Moon worst fear: Lack of escapism in their life, too much stress and not enough time to recharge.

How to Deal with Critical People

1. Recognize that their words and attitudes say more about them than they do about you.

2. Try to see why it bothers you so much. Are they highlighting your fears, your insecurities, your low self esteem and your low self-worth?

3. Don’t ask for their opinions, their feedback and their views. If you want to know the truth, ask someone you really trust.

4. Don’t look for validation, or expect them to be kind. You know they’ll never praise you, and they’ll never build you up.

5. Don’t react to what they say or take discussions any further. It’s best to just ignore them and to NEVER take the bait.

6. When someone’s being critical make sure that you spend some time with someone who can see your worth, and loves you as you are.

  • Wally West: Was almost not released from Doctor Fate's helmet because Nabu knew he was worthy, uses denial as a coping mechanism because he can't handle confronting his problems because they cause him pain, chooses not to believe in magic because he can't stand accepting something he can't control and science is the only thing he can trust, was trusted enough by Dick that he revealed his and Bruce's identities, was the first one who escaped from the nightmare in Face Your Fears, is insecure because he thinks he's not good enough to be Flash's sidekick, protected Artemis in Bereft even after she said she'd probably been sent to kill him, the volcano that Red Volcano activated in Humanity would have destroyed the world had Wally not used his immense intelligence to figure out a way to save them, sacrificed his birthday to save a young queen by running a donor heart cross country, realized that the best birthday gift he could have ever gotten was seeing her smile, uses humor and bad flirting because he has a fear of rejection, FREAKING GOT HIMSELF STUCK IN THE SPEEDFORCE TO SAVE THE WORLD AND NOW EVERYONE THINKS HE'S DEAD, AND HIS LAST WORDS WERE TELLING BARRY TO MAKE SURE ARTEMIS AND HIS PARENTS KNEW HE LOVED THEM.
  • Also Wally West: I'll bet you I can eat that whole pizza in two bites

I miss you constantly
I need you all the time
I want you every day

I want to kiss you
I want to trace your collarbone with my lips
I want to feel you absent mindedly tickle my arm as we cuddle on your bed
I want to experience the arguments
I want your bad with your good
I want you
I want to fall asleep as you play with my hair
I want to hear you laugh when I run my fingers up and down your body
I want my name to sound like music in your ears
I want to be the reason you smile a little brighter
I want you
I want you to tell me your fears, ambitions and insecurities
I want to make lifelong memories with you
I want to love you for a long time
And fucking hell
I want you

2x08 coda because so much happened and my boys need to talk 

Once the others have finally poured out of his home, taking at least part of the nervous energy still lingering against the walls with them, it takes Magnus a few seconds to locate Alec and he feels a twinge of anxiety when he realizes that he’s left the safety of the loft in favor of the balcony. Even knowing he’s undone the spell that allowed his guests’ greatest fears and insecurities to fester, the thought of Alexander alone up there makes him vaguely nauseous, images of Alec’s graceful fall too fresh in his mind, too painful still, for him to bear it. 

If he had been a few seconds late… 

But Alec is nowhere near the ledge now. He’s sitting on the sofa, forearms resting on his thighs and head in his hands, fingers tensed and angry where they’re gripping his hair. 

It’s been a long evening for all of them, upsetting at its best and terrifying at its worst, and Magnus wishes there was an easy way to approach this, a simple phrase that could make it all better for both of them. 

He makes his way the couch carefully, steps loud enough to alert Alec of his presence, before letting his body drop heavily next to him. He links his fingers together between his legs, resisting the urge to touch Alec, to force him to look up so he can try and read his face. Instead, Magnus presses his thigh against Alec’s in what he hopes is a comforting manner. So much happened in so little time and he has no idea where he should even start.

He’s still trying to figure it out when Alec speaks first.

“I’m not going to let anything happen to you,” he says fiercely into his hands.

“Alec-” 

“I’m not,” he repeats and Magnus knows what’s hiding underneath, the guilt and anger of all the times Alec has felt he failed the people who matter the most to him.

“Hey,” Magnus says instead of replying, putting a careful hand on Alec’s body, adding a hint of magic to his touch, warmth and safety against the broadness of his back. “I know what you’re trying to say but that’s not on you.” 

“Yes, it is,” Alec argues, body tense like the string of his bow. 

“It’s on all of us,” Magnus argues, keeping his voice calm despite the anger boiling in his veins. “Shadowhunters, Downworlders…. we’re all going to pay for Valentine’s actions if he’s not stopped.” 

He still can’t quite believe Clary kept her secrets for so long when they all should have been working together to stop Valentine’s plan. 

“I know,” Alec replies, leaning into Magnus’ body for a second before taking his hands off his face and straightening his back. “I know that, but that’s not…” he sighs, frustrated. “That’s not what I meant.” 

It’s been a long time since Magnus has been on the other side of such fervent protectiveness and he shivers a little at the intensity of Alec’s determination, mind flickering to the charm he now carries everywhere. 

“The thought of losing you…” Alec continues, closing his eyes and shaking his head like he’s trying to convince himself that saying whatever he wants to say is okay, is allowed. “I just found you,” he says softly, trying again. “And thinking about what might happen to you…. it’s just… unbearable.” 

“Well now you know how I felt, seeing you out there,” Magnus replies seriously, gesturing towards the ledge, heart beating faster at the sound of Alec’s sincerity. “And I think you know I can easily take care of myself.” 

“I know,” Alec sighs. His eyes wander to the ledge for a second and he grimaces, clearly uncomfortable at the thought of talking about it, but aware that he can’t say nothing, that Magnus won’t be satisfied by that. “I’m sorry if I scared you,” he whispers. “The spell messed with my head, it’s true but I.. I don’t… I don’t want to talk about Clary or Jocelyn. Please.”

Magnus waits for a second, looking into Alec’ anguished face, his closed eyes and defeated posture, and he wishes he could drop it, he really does. 

“You’re not weak Alexander.” 

Alec flinches, trying to move away from Magnus’ body but he’s too quick, moving both of his hands to grip Alec’s shoulders. 

“Letting a demon in,” Magnus whispers directly into Alec’s ear, “feeling consumed by guilt… even failure; none of those things make you weak.”

“Magnus,” Alec begs shakily. 

There are things magic can’t fix, memories that burn deeply within Alec’s core that only time can soothe and no matter how powerless Magnus feels, he has to accept it. 

“Okay,” he whispers before kissing Alec’s shoulder, right next to where his thumb is still digging into the flesh. He lets go slowly, starting to move away from Alec when he feels him grabbing his hand. 

“Thanks,” Alec says, voice small but grateful. “And I’m sorry about tonight.” 

“That wasn’t your fault.” 

“I mean about my mother… and Max,” Alec says with a gulp, eyes wide and sad.

Magnus smiles softly. “I knew what to expect from Maryse when I agreed to throw this party, Alexander. And Max is just a curious child.” 

“Yes but…” Alec hesitates for a second before inhaling deeply and exhaling. “I’m still sorry if he made you feel uncomfortable,” he says after a few seconds, reaching up to stroke Magnus’ temple with a few calloused fingers, stopping in the corner of his eye. 

Magnus feels his smile slipping and he wishes he could hold on to it, wishes he could pretend for a few more seconds, but he feels exposed, cracked open, and Alec has already taken a peek at the rawness inside. 

“I’m more worried I made you uncomfortable,” Magnus admits in a small voice. 

“What?” Alec frowns, looking sincere and offended and isn’t that the most incredible thing. “No, no. You could never make me uncomfortable,” he says vehemently. “Not for that,” he adds softly, leaning in to press a tender kiss in the corner of Magnus’ eyes. 

Magnus leans into the touch, appreciating the warmth of Alec’s body against his, the warmth of his reassuring words. 

“A lot of people have been,” he admits and he wasn’t planning on saying that until it slipped right out of his mouth. He can feel Alec exhale against his skin, heated and tickling. 

“I can’t imagine how,” Alec replies and Magnus turns his head to face him, letting the glamour drop easily. Alec gasps in response, a tiny thing that doesn’t sound disgusted or overwhelmed. “You’re so…” he smiles, cheeks reddening. 

“So what?” Magnus asks, curious now that Alec’s face is painted with embarrassment. 

“Kind,” he replies like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

“Oh,” Magnus says in a small voice and he has been called many things in his lifetime but he’s rarely been called kind, even if he’s always tried to be.

 “Clever,” Alec continues, hazel eyes bright with intensity. “Beautiful. Powerful.”

“Alright,” Magnus chuckles, putting a hand on Alec’s chest to try and stop him.

“I just mean…. that it’s another part of you and there’s isn’t a part of you I haven’t liked so far.” 

“Oh Alexander,” Magnus teases, a hint self-deprecating, “that will come.” 

“And I’m looking forward to it. To get to know all the parts of you that fit with me and all the parts that don’t… and all the ways we’re gonna work to be together despite those.” 

Alec clears his throat and lets his gaze wander to where their legs are still touching. He starts fidgeting like maybe he didn’t mean to reveal this much and Magnus is almost glad that he broke their eye contact because it gives him the time to blink a couple of times and stop himself from crying. 

There are so many things that Magnus could say, so many feelings intertwining in his chest. Instead, he grabs the lapel of the suit he carefully chose for Alec and drags him into a bruising kiss, swallowing the way Alec sighs and moans so beautifully. 

They’re still pretty lucky, despite it all. 

I’m going to lose you
and I’ll never be the same again.
I don’t find someone else to take your place,
there’ll be a bitter taste on my tongue when I say your name.
I’ll feel physically sick
when I don’t remember your laugh or the sound of your voice
that makes me feel whole and at peace.

I’m going to lose you
and I’ll hate myself for it
because I let you slip away like you meant nothing.
You’re going to hate me,
you’re going to get sick of me
and I’ll act like I don’t care
but I’ll be drinking to forget,
and crying oceans into my pillow.
There is no me without you.

I’m going to lose you
but I’ll love you forever.
I’ll allow you to live happily without me
because I’m not easy.
It’s hard to talk to me
and you’ve always deserved better.
I’ll always remember every hour,
every minute
until I eventually forget.
It’ll be hard however,
I figure I’d need to be dead to get you out of my head.

—  sans forever