fears and insecurities

The 10 Elements of a MAIN CHARACTER

To all the writers who have ever been told “Your characters have to be three dimensional!” or “They should be well-rounded!” and just felt like saying: “What does that even MEAN?! What goes into a 3-dimensional character? Specifically? And how do you go about creating one?!”

Good news. There’s a way. 

Great main characters – heroes, protagonists, deuteragonist, whatever you want to call them – have ten things in common. Ten things that are easily developed, once you know what to create within your character. So no one will ever be able to tell you “needs to be more three dimensional!” ever again. Ha. 

1) Weaknesses: Main characters should be flawed, but I’m not saying this because it will make them more realistic (though it will) – I’m saying they need to be flawed because if they’re not, they shouldn’t be a main character. Story is another word for change, or more accurately, character growth. Not character as in “fictional person”, character meaning “heart and soul”. Story is someone’s character changing, for better or worse. Main characters at the beginning of the story are lacking something vital, some knowledge of themselves, some knowledge of how to live a better life, and this void is ruining their lives. They must overcome these weaknesses, if they’re going to become complete, and reach a happy ending. There are two types of weaknesses: Psychological and Moral. Psychological ones only hurt the main character. Moral ones cause the main character to hurt other people. Easy.  

2) Goal: Characters exist because they want something. Desiring something, and the fight against opposition for that desire, is the lifeblood of story; and because character is story, it’s also desire that can breathe life into words on a page, and begin the process of creating a real person in a reader’s mind. It’s this ‘desire for something’ that sparks that first connection between reader and character. It makes us think “Well, now I have to find out if this person gets what they want.” This is a powerful link. (How many mediocre movies do we suffer through, when we could easily stop watching, because we’re still trapped by that question of “what happens?”) So if this is powerful enough to keep people watching an annoying movie, imagine how powerful it can be in an excellent story. 

Like in Up, the goal is to get the house to Paradise Falls.

3) Want: If the main character wants something, they want it for a darn good reason. Usually, they think that attaining the goal will fill the void they can sense in their lives, the deficiency they can feel, but don’t know how to fix. And they’re almost always wrong. Getting the goal doesn’t help anything; which is why, while pursuing that goal, they discover a deeper need that will heal them. Which brings us to …

4) Need/Elixir: Main characters are missing something, a weakness in their innermost selves is causing them to live a less-than-wonderful life. Through story, these main characters can be healed. Once they discover what’s missing, and accept it, and change the way they live to include this truth they’ve uncovered … they’re healed. Learning this truth, whatever it is, forms the purpose of the story for the main character. The reader, and the character, think the story is about achieving that big tangible goal the premise talks about; really, underneath it all, the story is about someone achieving a big intangible truth, that will ultimately save their life and future. Often, this need is exactly what the character fears or professes to hate. 

Like Finding Nemo, where Dory states exactly what Marlin needs to learn. 

5) Ghosts: 

Not this kind of ghosts.

Ghosts are events in your character’s past which mark the source of their weaknesses and strengths. Because these happened, the character became who they are. All we need to know about backstory are these moments, because who the character became is all we care about. There’s really only one ghost you absolutely need: the source of their moral and psychological weakness. Something happened that knocked the character’s world off kilter, and everything from that moment onward has been tainted by what happened. This moment haunts them (hence the name), and holds them back from uncovering that need that will heal their weaknesses. Pixar are masters of this: the source of Carl being stuck in the past, curmudgeonly, unable of loving anyone new? Ellie dying; his ghost. In Finding Nemo, the source of Marlin being suffocating, protective to the point of being harmful, possessive, and fearful? His wife and 99% of his children being eaten in front of him; his ghost. 

6) True Character: These are the strengths, values, convictions, fears, faults, beliefs, worldview, and outlook on life that make the main character who they truly are. 

7) Characterization: This is everything on the surface of a main character. The way they look, talk, act, etc. All of this originates from those deeper elements of their being, the strengths, values, ghosts, weaknesses, needs, that make them who they truly are. So often, you can think of this as a facade they’re projecting, a way to shield the the truth about themselves, how they wish to be perceived. The story, and the other characters, are slowly going to see deeper than this characterization, revealing more and more of the reasons it is the way it is. 

8) Arc: If the character is going to change from “Incomplete Person” to “Complete Person” there’s going to be a journey they go on to make that possible. The external story, the pursuit of that big tangible goal the premise is about, is causing an inner journey to take place. What they have to do in pursuit of that external goal will apply pressure to those weaknesses, and pressure causes change. This process has seven steps, but if I write it all here this post is going to be obscenely long. So I might wait and give this its own post.

9) Changed Person: Who is the character going to be at the end of this story? They better be different, or else the story didn’t work. How do they show how different they’ve become? What is the moral choice they make, that spins their trajectory from “the future doesn’t look so great” to “happily ever after”? This should be known right away, maybe even before anything else is settled about the character. This gives a distinct end goal, a way to work backwards, a destination in mind that you can navigate towards.  

10) Fascination and Illumination: The surface characterization, and the brief glimpses of the true character underneath create curiosity in the reader/audience. What the character says, and the implied subtext beneath the dialogue, creates a puzzle the audience wants to solve. Actions they take work the same way; if the writer indicates there’s deeper motivation behind why a character behaves in the way they do, we buy into solving that mystery right away. We can’t help it. “Who are you really? Why are you the way you are? And how is that going to effect the story?” These are all the unspoken, almost not consciously acknowledged, questions that fascinating characters provoke. Searching out meaning, connecting the dots to find the truth – we can’t resist this. We’re not fascinated by tons of backstory and exposition about a character; we’re fascinated by story, by mystery, by the technique of withholding information and having to interpret and hunt out the truth on our own.  So gradually, the story and the characters will force that character to reveal a little more, and a little more, until we have a complete picture of who this person is. Crucial that this information isn’t told up front. Gradually illuminate it. It’s just like getting to know a real person. 

So how does this work in a real character? Let’s take a look at Flynn Rider/Eugene Fitzherbert, because almost everybody has seen that movie. 

Moral Weaknesses: He’s selfish. He’s a little greedy. He’s a little rude. He uses his charisma and bravado to keep people at a distance from the real him. 

Psychological Weaknesses: Insecurity, fear of vulnerability, feels like the real him (Eugene) would be unwanted, unlovable, and have nothing – just like when he was an orphaned kid. Also, he doesn’t know who he wants to be, what he wants to live for. 

Goal: Flynn wants to get that crown. So he has to get Blondie to see the floating lights, so she’ll give it back to him, and then they can part ways as unlikely friends.  

Want: Why does he want the crown? What does it mean for him? He actually states it (reluctantly) in song: “I have dreams like you, no really. Just much less touchy feely. They mainly happen somewhere warm and sunny. On an island that I own, tanned and rested and alone. Surrounded by enormous piles of money.” He senses there’s something off in his life, something is missing. But he mistakenly believes this missing piece is money, which will allow him to buy a lonely island, where he can live out his days as Flynn and no one will ever know Eugene. 

Need: “All those days chasing down a daydream. All those years living in a blur. All that time never truly seeing, things the way they were. Now she’s here, shining in the starlight. Now she’s here, suddenly I know. If she’s here, it’s crystal clear, I’m where I’m meant to go.” He wants a crown … he needs to fall in love with Rapunzel. He needs to love something more than himself, and find out that love isn’t something to fear and push away. He needs to abandon the 'Tales of Flynnagin Rider’ ambition, and get a more worthwhile, new dream. 

Ghost: The source of all of his weaknesses can be linked to his “little bit of a downer” childhood as an orphan. Interestingly, he isn’t aware of another facet of that ghost, and Rapunzel points it out to him. “Was he a thief too?” she asks. He looks taken aback, before answering “Uh, no.” Something’s gone wrong. The choices he’s making are not living up to that original role model.  

Characterization: Flynn’s charming, funny, smart, charismatic, and arrogant (in a somehow charming sort of way). He’s also rude, contemptuous, and sarcastic. All traits that help him keep up that 'swashbuckling rogue’ facade, and push people away from the real him. 

True Character: Underneath all that, he’s a Disney prince. That pretty much sums it up.  

Changed Person: “Started going by Eugene again, stopped thieving, and basically turned it all around.” He started the story as the guarded and evasive Flynn, he ends as the selfless and thoroughly-in-love Eugene. 

Fascination and Illumination: Imagine if everything about Flynn had been told, right up front. We know he’s an orphan, we know he’s upheld a fake reputation, we know he’s a kind and loving guy underneath it all, we even know about his “tales of Flynnagin” childhood dream. You know what happens? We like him … but we’re not interested in him. There’s nothing we need to find out. There’s no curiosity. And if there’s no curiosity, and nothing being illuminated, your story’s not going anywhere. So instead, we find out – alongside Rapunzel – more about Flynn as the story progresses. And that is how it should be. 

So!

Developing characters in this way, I’ve found, really reduces worries about how “well-rounded” and three dimensional I’ve made them. They feel real to me. And besides helping me create characters, this ten element technique has also let me analyze characters I like, which is strangely fun. It’s a great way to figure out why a character works, what causes them to be so effective, and how you can go about creating them yourself. 

Yeah, I’m a bit of a nerd. 

But if you want, try it out. Develop a character. Analyze a character. You might find it as useful/fun as I do.

I’m so scared because you never shut up about how much you love me, but my brother’s best friend couldn’t shut up either about how much he loved his girlfriend, and now 2 years later he finds himself looking at other girls in nightclubs. He’s getting tired of her eventually, and the saddest part is that she’s still into him.
For now you never let go of my hand when we’re in nightclubs, and you don’t want to dance with anyone but me, but I’m so scared that one day, 2 years from now, you’ll leave me alone on a seat, and your eyes will imperceptibly scan the crowd in search of other prettier, skinnier, funnier girls.
You will get tired of me eventually, and the saddest part is that, I’ll still be into you.
—  Let’s not end up like this
Oversharing Asks

(Disclaimer: These questions are very personal and may touch on sensitive subjects; you may want to look over them before reblogging. You can strike out or totally delete questions you don’t want to deal with.)

  1. Who hurt you the most?
  2. Who have you hurt the most?
  3. Who do you miss the most?
  4. Who do you want out of your life the most?
  5. Who had the biggest positive impact on you?
  6. Who had the biggest negative impact on you?
  7. Who do you wish you could be honest with?
  8. Who have you harbored (any kind of!) secret feelings towards?
  9. Who would the world be better off without?
  10. Who do you wish you’d treated differently?
  11. What was the worst day of your life?
  12. What’s your greatest fear?
  13. What’s your biggest insecurity?
  14. What’s your biggest regret?
  15. Describe your ideal world.
  16. Describe your personal hell.
  17. What’s a hopeless dream you’re still holding on to?
  18. What’s the most embarrassed you’ve ever been?
  19. What’s the angriest you’ve ever been?
  20. What’s the saddest you’ve ever been?
  21. What’s the most scared you’ve ever been?
  22. What’s the most hopeless you’ve ever felt?
  23. What’s the most frantic you’ve ever felt?
  24. What’s the bravest you’ve ever felt?
  25. What’s the best case scenario for your future?
  26. What’s the worst case scenario for you future?
  27. What’s the most physical pain you’ve ever felt?
  28. What’s the most emotional pain you’ve ever felt?
  29. Describe a time you felt like a hypocrite.
  30. Describe a time you felt like a traitor.
  31. Describe a time you felt like a hero.
  32. Describe a time you felt inhuman.
  33. Describe a time you felt like a failure.
  34. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?
  35. What are you proudest of?
  36. What’s your relationship with your family like?
  37. What’s your relationship with religion like?
  38. Talk about someone you’ve lost.
  39. Talk about someone who abandoned you.
  40. Talk about a desire you have that scares you.
  41. What’s something you wish you were capable of?
  42. What’s something you’re afraid that you’re capable of?
  43. Describe the kind of life you wish you’d been born into.
  44. Describe your worst heartbreak.
  45. Describe your worst disappointment.
  46. Have you ever taken a fall for someone?
  47. Have you ever forced or let someone take a fall for you?
  48. Have you ever done serious physical harm to someone?
  49. Have you ever done serious emotional harm to someone?
  50. Have you ever self-harmed?
  51. Have you ever attempted suicide?
  52. Have you ever stolen something?
  53. Have you ever cheated on someone?
  54. Have you ever been cheated on?
  55. Have you ever taken revenge on someone?
  56. Have you ever seriously considered killing somone?
  57. Have you ever betrayed someone who trusted you?
  58. Have you ever experienced something supernatural or unexplainable?
3

Hey everyone.
So there’s a lot going on in the world right now that really sucks and puts many of us in danger. I wish I had a plan or the right words or something to offer to ease your fears and to make what’s happening less scary. If there was anything I could do in this moment to protect you and those you love, I would do it. If only the world were so simple, right? I think most of us would do whatever we could if it was accessible and not in the hands of bigots and politicians who hate the people that make up their country.

As you move through the world, this coming year and for the rest of your life, there will be people who mistreat you and who don’t respect your humanity. While this happens, and happens to many of us, it’s essential that you remember that this is NOT a reflection of what you deserve. This is not a reflection of your worth as a person or an indication that you are less than anyone else.

These moments are the fights that lead us to a better world. Our collective struggle is the foundation for creating a world where those who come after us will not have to wage the same battles on the same scale.

And while there are those who are complacent in our suffering and active in our oppression, keep your sights set on your fellow community members and those who ally themselves to our cause. If anything, today shows us how many people recognize the villainous actions of those who act against us. If anything, this slight step backwards will tip the scales in our collective resolve and communal strength.

We must armor ourselves in love, in the virtue of equality, and in each other.

Please reach out if you need to. Find people you trust and share your fears and your insecurities. Find your allies.

And please don’t forget that the fight isn’t over. Love always wins.

#ProtectTransKids

Don’t get me used to receiving texts from you every single day.
God knows I absolutely love it, but I’m so psycho that if one day you do not text me for some reason, I will automatically start eating my insides thinking you either don’t wanna talk to me ever again or you’re lying in agony in some hospital bed
—  Insecurities
Saturn in the Houses: our deepest fears

Saturn in the 1st- fear of not being enough, not strong or bright enough, fear that others will not know who you are. fear of losing your essence
Saturn in the 2nd- fear of losing what you cherish the most & fear of losing touch with reality. fear of insecurity, instability and inconsistency
Saturn in the 3rd- fear of not being able to move, explore, live. fear of being idle, silenced and alone. fear of not having contact with others
Saturn in the 4th- fear of being unloved and of not belonging anywhere. fear of being utterly alone, emotionally. fear of not having a safe space to go to 
Saturn in the 5th- fear of not being able to create, dance, write, sing. fear of having your talents overlooked, fear of not being original enough.
Saturn in the 6th- fear of the unexpected, uncontrolled, untested. fear of losing your daily routine. fear of imperfection, low standards, degradation
Saturn in the 7th- fear of being alone, fear of unsafe relationships. fear of rejection, never settling down, being incomplete, not finding your soulmate
Saturn in the 8th- fear of letting go of control, opening up, giving in. fear of sharing too much, too soon, too recklessly. fear of (superficial) intimacy 
Saturn in the 9th- fear of having wrong beliefs, values or morals. fear of not asking the right questions, or not questioning things enough
Saturn in the 10th- fear of disappointing others. fear of not keeping up with your responsibilities and duties. fear of being powerless and invisible
Saturn in the 11th- fear of failing humanity. fear of having all your dreams and aspirations remain unrealized. fear of not fitting in, of being ostracized 
Saturn in the 12th- fear of exposure, confrontational situations, being out in the open. fear of disappearing into oblivion, fear of being nothing
-crystal melbourne | within the zodiac | “where’s my saturn?”

  • Wally West: Was almost not released from Doctor Fate's helmet because Nabu knew he was worthy, uses denial as a coping mechanism because he can't handle confronting his problems because they cause him pain, chooses not to believe in magic because he can't stand accepting something he can't control and science is the only thing he can trust, was trusted enough by Dick that he revealed his and Bruce's identities, was the first one who escaped from the nightmare in Face Your Fears, is insecure because he thinks he's not good enough to be Flash's sidekick, protected Artemis in Bereft even after she said she'd probably been sent to kill him, the volcano that Red Volcano activated in Humanity would have destroyed the world had Wally not used his immense intelligence to figure out a way to save them, sacrificed his birthday to save a young queen by running a donor heart cross country, realized that the best birthday gift he could have ever gotten was seeing her smile, uses humor and bad flirting because he has a fear of rejection, FREAKING GOT HIMSELF STUCK IN THE SPEEDFORCE TO SAVE THE WORLD AND NOW EVERYONE THINKS HE'S DEAD, AND HIS LAST WORDS WERE TELLING BARRY TO MAKE SURE ARTEMIS AND HIS PARENTS KNEW HE LOVED THEM.
  • Also Wally West: I'll bet you I can eat that whole pizza in two bites

Aries Moon worst fear: Being stuck in one place, a lack of a challenge with their career and lovers.

Taurus Moon worst fear: Financial insecurity or general instability in life.

Gemini Moon worst fear: Being stuck in boring or bad relationships, including friendships. A lack of variety in life.

Cancer Moon worst fear: Being betrayed by someone or a huge lack in loyalty.

Leo Moon worst fear: Being forgotten about or not noticed/recognized for their identity, skills, or accomplishments.

Virgo Moon worst fear: Not being useful or purposeful.

Libra worst fear: Being disliked or unloved, being alone.

Scorpio Moon worst fear: Being left vulnerable.

Sagittarius Moon worst fear: Being trapped or stuck in a rut.

Capricorn Moon worst fear: Instability in life and failure.

Aquarius Moon worst fear: Never finding their tribe, a huge lack of acceptance.

Pisces Moon worst fear: Lack of escapism in their life, too much stress and not enough time to recharge.

Things you shouldn't say to the Signs
  • Aries: "Simply follow the rules" / Aries often feel a deep need to explore and wander and do as they please, & these urges come in waves they can't control.
  • Taurus: "Change your ways" / Taurus have come a long way to build who they are, and will not easily adapt or adjust their identity for no good reason. Accept it.
  • Gemini: "Stay still" / Gemini is known for their (nervous) energy and involuntary restlessness. Drumming fingers, tapping, fiddling. There's so much to contain.
  • Cancer: "Stop caring" / The Lunar baby, Cancer, is filled with emotions at all times. Without feelings, the Cancer feels empty and devoid of life. Soulless.
  • Leo: "You won't make a difference" / Leos were born to be warm and bright, to cherish and be cherished. So remember them for all the warmth they always give us.
  • Virgo: "No need to try your hardest" / Virgos are never satisfied until they've done their best. No matter what they're doing- their work is a piece of them.
  • Libra: "You won't understand" / A Libra will often try to connect with you, converse and reach out. Almost like a reflex. Don't shut them out. They'll understand.
  • Scorpio: "Just let it go" / Scorpios hold on tight to the things that make them feel complete, and wanted, and not broken. They need time to heal- and that's OK.
  • Sagittarius: "Sugarcoat it a litle" / Sagittarius are often tremendously in love with the idea of truth. They search for it everywhere- specially within their words.
  • Capricorn: "You're a disappointment" / Their work-orientated mind and pragmatic energy are fueled by deep rooted insecurity & fear of not being or doing enough.
  • Aquarius: "Do it my way" / The person who wanted to do something but won't anymore because you told them to is an Aquarius. Close the door, they'll tear the wall down
  • Pisces: "You can't save the world" / Nothing hurts a Pisces more than being powerless when it comes to the suffering of others. They'll never give in to indifference.
What’s holding me back? Guilt. Feeling unlovable. Feeling lovable but only to an extent, only on the surface. A lot of insecurity. Fear of how I come off to others. Fear of not being a lady or not being girly enough. Wondering if they think of me as often as I think of them. Wondering if he remembers as much about our relationship as I do. Fear of my future and not having found my passion just yet. Fear of failure. Regret. Self-doubt. Major trust issues. Lack of self-worth. Not being able to believe that I’m deserving. Worry. Constant anxiety about my family and their hardships. Constant. Fear. What’s holding you back?
We are the passionate ones, the tortured ones.
We’re the ones who give everything we have when we love, the ones who drain ourselves, who bleed ourselves dry for the other person.
We will feel our stomach drop if he glances at another girl, even if it was just for a half second.
We will smoke 3 cigarettes in a row if he takes a little bit longer than usual to text back, even though we know he’s busy.
We will lose sleep if an “I love you” or a “goodnight” text remains unanswered, even though he just told us he was exhausted and probably just fell asleep before being able to type a word.
We are the craziest, most insecure bitches you’ll ever meet, but if one of us falls in love with you, I swear she will love you like no one ever has and ever will.
—  The Psycho Squad
Voltron Symbolism: Lance Edition

Most people never see beyond the surface of the ocean. They only see where light touches the surface, where the fish and ecosystems are colorful and plentiful. While the surface can be considered showy with its bright colors and life, it is also warm and welcoming.

Most people never see what lies in the ocean’s darkest depths. They never see the creatures of peculiarity living in darkness or feel the frigid temperatures and the burdening weight of the ocean above. Many creatures there are like demons as their hunting methods are vicious and unrestrained and the coldness and pressure is crippling.

Lance is the ocean. He is loud and showy sometime to the point of it being obnoxious, but warm and welcoming. He has layers, each showing a darker bit of his personality. Lance’s darkest depth are the creatures that prey on his fears. His insecurities can feel like the weight of the world. But like the ocean, Lance is not alone. He has friends and companions with him, and all he has to do is reach out.

A thought I had talking to a friend of mine, but:

Suppose that, yes, the Lions and their paladins share virtues, strong facets of their personality, and it makes sense this is how the Alteans describe them because they see the Lions in a rather reverent light.

But considering the nature of the paladin-Lion bond, that kind of immediate, visceral spark of empathy…

What if that’s not what they look for in their paladins at all? Red doesn’t sit back and say “that one, that’s a fighter, he’s Courageous and therefore I want him, he’s Worthy.”

What if what they look for, what they find in their paladin that makes that connection happen… is roughly, shared pain? Fear and uncertainty and insecurity. And the Lions look into the paladins and see shards of themselves, that just hurt for how closely they can understand how that feels.

Maybe Pidge is inquisitive and Pidge is determined and clever and so is Green but what Green sees first is someone who’s lonely. Someone who’s scared. Someone whose wonderful loving family evaporated suddenly who is not feeling quite determined or clever enough to make it in this big scary universe, who wants to find her family, who thinks she can but gosh she’d really love to have a friend along for the ride, someone who understands what that feels like so she doesn’t have to explain (and she’s bad at explaining)

And Green was buried on a foreign planet not knowing if Zarkon was coming for them, knowing the other Lions were out there but utterly unable to reach them, trying as much as she can, but she can’t find a new paladin on this planet, all of her leads wither up without anything to reap from them.

Because it’s easy to look at the outside and say “these are exceptional people. These are magnificent and fearsome beasts” but that kind of deep honest connection Voltron seems to run on isn’t something cultivated by anything so distant and empty as a concept of worth. The Lions aren’t artifacts that choose the righteous. They’re people and while people are drawn to others they share things with- interests, inclinations- I’d argue there’s an inclination in people to seek solidarity in the face of pain and loss. And the Lions, given what we know of their situation before the show, have every reason to feel hurt.

And isn’t that what we see, out of each of the paladins? Before the show starts… they all have their private ghosts. Their private worries. Lance whose biggest accomplishment feels like it doesn’t count because it was Keith’s slot in the fighter class, he’s just a replacement. Hunk who can’t be confident and enjoy his own area of expertise because everything’s shaking and moving and oh god he’s not ready for this. Pidge who gives up so much to find her family but can’t because the smoking gun, the information she needs- is not on Earth and she’s tense and defensive and shutting everyone out. Keith who’s living alone in a tiny little shack in the middle of nowhere with no one checking in on him or possibly even talking to him. Shiro, alone, imprisoned, and scared not even knowing if alienating his only friend was worth it and saved someone.

Scattered, vulnerable, endangered. Outmatched by their opponents. Not living up to everything they can be.

Just like the Lions themselves.

things i loved in the clip
- the boy squad supporting evak
- isak having the confidence to go up and sing/show PDA in front of everyone
- sweet sana and chris moment
- sana’s happy face when the balloon squad showed up
- eskild
- the whole bar singing with evak

things i never want to see again
- sana getting dealt 3 blows in a row and ending up heartbroken
- noora/yousef in any romantic capacity
- isak getting punched/hurt
- even’s fearful/insecure face when the balloon boys showed up
- vilde/magnus (just no)
- wilhellm mentioned (hard no. not ever)
- girls pitted against each other for the sake of drama
- love triangles
- russebuss talk (probably too much to wish for)
- everyone walking away from sana/stabbing her in the back
- negative implications about the balloon squad without giving any answers
- noora being outright vindictive/malicious

notes on family relationships

sun in the 12th has difficult relationships with the father, could have grown up without one. Denied proper relationship with the father due to his absence. moon in the 12th indicates a hard time connecting with the mother emotionally, the mother could have been an absent figure in their life.

sun/Saturn aspects can experience a cold, distant or absent father/dominant parent. Burdened with expectation from the father/dominant parent, and grow to fear failure. Has many fears, insecurities, and criticizes themselves harshly as well as inhibits themselves due to treatment of the father/dominant parent. A sensation of infinite pressure. There is typically a strained relationship with the father/dominant parent. 

As Isabel Hickey states, there is a “Tendency to aloneness in any aspect of the Moon and Saturn.” from childhood the emotions are restrained and emotional validation is rejected by the parent/s. Liz Greene describes moon/saturn aspects as restricted, inhibited and withdrawing, also stating these people have difficulty with emotional expression. Saturn in the 4th/10th, as well as Capricorn moon have trouble relating to the parent figure who raised them, and typically perceive themselves as unloved from childhood. Can grow up uncertain, shy and cautious with survival-instinct tendencies, an impulse to fend for themselves. Strained relationships with the parent/s. In all instances, there is a cold upbringing

mercury/gemini in the 12th has unclear relationships with the immediate family, their minds are on different wavelengths. Relationships with the siblings (if applicable) are distant. Ruler of the 3rd in the 12th can have a similar effect, or mercury in close adverse aspect to neptune 

chiron in the 4th is typically wounded by the family & past, this can cause emotional distance that may result in physical distance (such as moving away from family). This placement is often the “black sheep” of the family and the individual perceives themselves as misunderstood, not belonging

Uranus in the 4th feels distant from the family, like they don’t belong. Howard Sasportas describes this placement as “often feels like a stranger in a strange land, curiously wondering how it ‘ended up’ in that particular family”

Neptune in the 4th indicates unclear and/or secretive upbringing and family life. There is compassion, but it is misled and sometimes blind. Often points to a father who abused drugs. Or mother/father who is emotionally absent, unstable or manipulative. This can cause vague, misunderstood or absent relationships with the parent/s

Scorpio moon is easily hurt, can have a perception of betrayal from the family/mother. Tends to hold onto toxic feelings due to the treatment of the mother. Pluto in the 4th can indicate a power struggle in the family life. The childhood was mistrustful and on edge due to hidden agendas surrounding the family life