fearless february

anonymous asked:

hey Freya! How are do you manage to always feel excitement for life? I understand if you don't want to answer this question but, i just feel very uninterested for everything? and you're someone I look into so much because you always seem to know what you're doing and where you want to be in life...

Hello lovely person! It’s a difficult question but I want to answer. I know the feeling that you are experiencing but it was more that I didn’t have much motivation, even though I was interested in things.

It’s sad for me that you aren’t interested in anything, because as a young person there should be so much awe and hope and wonder for all the possibilities, and I am not sure why that is lacking, but perhaps you just need some new experiences.

I was never very good in school at doing things out of my comfort zone but often a challenge that becomes an accomplishment can continue the cycle, and once you have done something different you know that you can face even more challenges.

I have had a good life but I have had small challenges, some personal and some more circumstantial. Year 12 was a challenge in itself, and moving countries when I was a kid was very sad for me because I had to leave my friends and my grandparents. When my first boyfriend broke up with me I couldn’t see anything ahead of me and the world ended, and then was reincarnated when I fell in love again.

When my second boyfriend left me the world ended again for a little while, but I found a secret strength inside me because I knew that if I had experienced it once I could do it again, and I had learnt to trust myself and my special ‘knowing’ of who I was recharged me with an odd sort of fearlessness.

Some time in February this year something strange happened to me that I can’t explain, but something really clicked, and that fearlessness became definite. Around that time I had started this meditation/reflection right before I went to sleep when I would think carefully chronologically backwards on all the events of my day and how I reacted to them, and without being judgemental or rude to myself I would think about how I could have done it better.

From that reflection I get a kind of anticipation for the next day, because I know that tomorrow I will be a little bit wiser, and the things that I do will be new. I am not scared to feel things anymore, even if I am angry or sad, and once you get over that you realise that you will always be ok.

I wake up in the morning interested in what sort of connections with people I will have, or if the world will offer me some sort of beauty, which it never fails to do. I am a human being so naturally I just like to be.

I hope maybe I gave you a bit of insight into how I make 'it’ work for me. We all have our own tactics for making sense of our mysterious existence. If that mystery isn’t enough to keep you excited for the rest of your life I am not sure what will!!

Love Freya