fear gods


“I have told you already to stop doing this!” Leo would have shouted if Forrest hadn’t been napping in the next room over. The phone pressed tightly against his ear as he listened to the excuses on the other end.

Why did his family refuse to respect his wishes? Refuse to acknowledge the fact that he wished to make it on his own without their help. Without their blood money. He loved his siblings dearly but he wanted distance. Wanted a fresh start with his son. One that didn’t involve living in fear or doing God awful things.

He couldn’t put through Forrest through that life. It was why he had to get away. But someone didn’t seem to understand his wishes.

“Xander, I am tired of playing this game. Stop putting money into my account or I’ll change it again.” Though what good would that do since his brother always seemed to find a way to locate whatever bank Leo switched to?

I feel like now that I realized/convinced Flare that all the abuse was never our fault, reading up on abuse and stuff didn’t at all help escape it. What I feel like is helping right now is listening to gods be gods. Encouraging choice. Enough about fear. Fuck fear. 

We are gods. So let’s get. The fuck. Out. Already.

No gods, no masters. 

Lyke just go. You don’t need permission. You don’t need to precaution. The worst thing that can happen out there is already better than what happens in that abusive house, y’know?

Lyke I spend a lot of time worrying about right and wrong. Even though I know there’s not right and wrong. But I’m still, despite everything I ever worked towards, stuck in the “Everyone should act like me, therefore I should act like I want everyone to act.” But it’s lyke that’s not true. At all. Everyone is different. The only way I shouldn’t act is in a way that’s detrimental to us, or if it’s abusive like them. Everything else is free game. And hey, how do I not act like them? Teach people in a construct manner, stay consistent and honest within myself, and realize that no one else is responsible for my state of mind other than me. 

Everything else is free game. 

I’m free. 

That’s it. Those are the rules. No strings attached. Sustainable, unsustainable, I’ll worry about all that when I care. I don’t have to care right now. It’s not my responsibility. Yes, I still want to take care of this dumb world. But it’s not my job. My job is to take care of us. If I don’t do that, then nothing I desire to happen will be in my control. And my choice is that I want it to be in my control. Because I’m the only one I can count on. And there we go. 



That’s all I ever wanted to be.


People see me with sab and have no idea how fluid sab is or how bi I am but on the outside were just an innocent god fearing heterosexual couple don’t mind us



I’m out on my own…
   It’s too hard.
     I’m on my own…
       It’s too hard.


       And we will keep you,
     We will keep you little one,
   Safe from harm.
Like an extra arm, you are a part of us.

A failed physician. A failed son. A God-fearing man. The Good Doctor decides to leave England after failing his physicians program, leaving behind his strict but loving parents, for a life in New York. Here, he completes a degree in dentistry. His peculiar methods and personality result in him unable to get a job post-graduation and he is resigned to dirty, underpaid back-alley work for impoverished New York citizens. Here he stays for two decades.

The Good Doctor is close to returning to England and his elderly parents when The Companions bring an injured Clarence to his doorstep. He forms a relationship with them, and Clarence offers him the chance to travel Westward as their physician. He is conflicted and longs to return back to the country he loves so much, but in the end decides to join.

( Full lyrics beneath the cut. )

Keep reading

Is any vent I make Ernest? Or are they all just subconscious ploys to get people to still worry and think about me

Dear god I fear being forgotten

I’m already often excluded

I’m used to being replaced

But I don’t want to be forgotten




  1. 1.an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.synonyms:terror, fright, fearfulness, horror, alarm, panic, agitation, trepidation, dread, consternation, dismay, distress;


  1. 1.be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.

what do you Fear? Do you Fear being left alone at the alter or the love of your life dying before you do? Do you Fear things that have nothing to do with love? Do you Fear that you will die and have so much potential that was not applied to your Earthly life? Do you Fear letting you parents down or your others that mean the world to you? Do you Fear God refusing grace when you reach the gates of heaven? Do you Fear the wrinkles or the process of aging? I want to know what things make your skin crawl with uncomfortability and pain

I want to know what shakes you to your core. What makes your blood boil or better yet, stand still. I want to watch your eyes widen as you talk about the things you never want to happen. I want to lay my head on your chest and listen to you breath in and out, waiting for the pin to drop. Waiting for your heart to start working overtime just to pump blood to all of your extremities and your mouth. Your muscles. I want to watch as they trip over each other as you stammer the words and the possibilities you never wanted to validate by sharing them with another person. But I want to be that person

I want to be the person you share your Fear of moments with. I want to be the person who kisses all of the Fears you have ever thought about into imaginary friends. I want to be there when Fear confronts you, holding your hand and looking you in the eye, letting you know that I am not going anywhere. I want to hold you in the closest relation possible to my heart and mind. To offer you compassion on your Fears, to offer you logic when your mind is clouded with Fear’s possible future. 

I also Fear your strength for me. 

I want you to know that Fear already has a hold on my heart.

 I Fear dying before my potential is filled. I Fear dying before changing a child’s life. I Fear children, how they look at me and what they see when I am in front of them pretending to have it all together. I Fear dying before the love of my life. I Fear letting my family down. I Fear not loving what I am doing. What I Fear the most is Love. I am Terrified of Love. The grasp it could have on my heart and my mind. How it could change my logic and my compassion for someone. I Fear change. I Fear depending on someone else and letting people in. I Fear that when you Love someone you have to let them in and I am Terrified of that action. Letting you know all of the bumps and bruises of my life. Knowing where the shadows are still comfortably living. I am Terrified of all of the monsters I have made thinking they were imaginary friends, looking out for my best interest. I Fear you meeting my monsters and deciding I am too much for you. I Fear not being enough for you. I Fear not being enough for myself. 

I Fear being controlled by a someone that is not a someone but a something.

 But the difference from before is that I want to stare Fear in the pupils and grab your hand, gliding past it, never giving it the validation that it was there in the first place. I want to look at you and only seen a warm of brown eyes and a baseball capped rim smile. I want to wake up in the mornings and shake off the fear that this might be the last time I wake up next to you. I want to dive into the dreams and ideas of waking up with you in 5-50 years. I want to melt into the possible blankets and children that would bless our home. I want to close my weary eyes and sink into the terrifying realization that you are not going anywhere. I want to look forward to the long days at school, knowing you would be the one I decompress with at night. I want to come home and slip on my socks and your shirt and fall onto our couch. I want all of the little things. I want a good life with you. I want a life where I am not being controlled by Fear. I want to give up on Fear to put Hope and Trust in you. 

But then I have Fear talking in the back of my mind : 

“this has never worked out for you before. They always leave. You always push them too hard. They never try. You’ve told them that you push but no one ever seems to push back hard enough. He will be the same. You’ve known him for a while but really what does he know about you? Nothing. This will just turn into another heart break or another awkward encounter at the bars. He will open his heart to you. You will destroy it. It’s what you do. You will watch as you break his heart. The worst part about it all is that you know the outcome but you still proceed with the process.” 

We are in a transitional phase of awakening. In order to overcome the narcotic-like denial state that has led to our pathological obedience, we must look to our biochemical informational signals that set in motion the response patterns of our subconscious co-operation with the mortal consensus. The fear-based dualistic frequency field of the present paradigm continues to find a mirror resonance biochemically within the neuro-transmitters in the Human brain and the mutant state of the endocrine system that supports their manufacture. The vibrational frequency of shame and guilt and the deep sense of spiritual betrayal and abandonment instigated by the false definitions of Source that exist within all religions indoctrination, create their own body chemistry. The subjugation of the spirit experienced as a result of separation from creation creates a collection of bio-signalling components that together create the ‘death hormone’. One of the definitions found in any traditional English dictionary for ‘religious’ is ‘God-fearing’. Religious archetypes instill primal reference points that not only dictate our mental belief systems and our emotional response patterns, but also determine the ratio of neuro-chemical transmitters that trigger the deterioration of the endocrine system and the superstructure it supports.

Today’s Devotion:

Because we have these promises, dear friends, let us cleanse ourselves from everything that can defile our body or spirit. And let us work toward complete holiness because we fear God. Please open your hearts to us. We have not done wrong to anyone, nor led anyone astray, nor taken advantage of anyone.

Mga minamahal, sapagkat ipinangako sa atin ang mga bagay na ito, alisin natin sa ating sarili ang lahat ng nakapagpaparumi sa ating katawan at sa ating espiritu. Sikapin nating mamuhay nang may ganap na kabanalan at paggalang sa Diyos. Bigyan ninyo kami ng puwang sa inyong puso. Kailanma'y hindi namin pininsala, siniraan o pinagsamantalahan ang sinuman sa inyo.

—  2 Corinthians 7:1-2 (NLT Version)
2 Mga Taga Corinto 7:1-2 (MBB Version)

there’s a somewhat controversial hypothesis that people with depression have a more realistic view of the world (which i don’t really buy because how the hell do you test that? any experimenter trying to objectively assess how “realistic” someone’s perspective is is working within their own notion of “realistic”) but you know it does seem like depression means being free from those illusions of optimism and competence and control. BUT what if thinking you have a more realistic view of the world is just another form of illusory superiority??? fortunately (?) i feel very aware that my thinking is distorted like there’s ten meters of ice between me and the rest of the world. but it would explain why people seem so arrogant to me not necessarily stuck-up but just like bizarrely sure of themselves like where is your self-doubt where is your sense of powerlessness and humility where is your fear of god

24th February >> Daily Reflection for Roman Catholics on Today's Mass Readings on Friday of the Seventh Week in Ordinary Time

Lectionary: 345

Sirach 6:5-17
Psalms 119:12, 16, 18, 27, 34, 35
Mark 10:1-12
Praying Ordinary Time

Weekly Guide for Daily Prayer

One evening while chatting with my law school roommates, Pete asked me how many friends I thought I had, and I told him I probably had 25 or more. He was amazed and replied, “I always thought I would be fortunate if I had three or four people I could count on as my friends.”
Now Pete was a well-rounded guy and I was surprised to hear of his low expectations, but then he went on to define just what friendship meant to him. For Pete, a friend was exactly the person described in the first reading from Sirach, “our confidant, a sturdy shelter, a lifesaving remedy, one who fears God and acts accordingly.” After hearing Pete’s description of what a friend was, I realized that I had lots of acquaintances, but I wasn’t really sure how many friends I truly have.

When you read today’s passage from Sirach, did your mind drift and did you start to think about the people you work with, your neighbors, classmates, old and new, or people with whom you serve on committees? Did you consider each a friend because you know their favorite team, the name of their spouse or pet, you have had an occasional lunch with them or you signed up to buy Girl Scout cookies from them? But are they your confidant, your sturdy shelter? In times of distress and worry, are they one of the first people you reach out to for advice and comfort? Maybe not. I venture to say that for most of us, Pete was right. Our spouse and one or two really close friends are likely the ones we will reach out to when the chips are down and we need the advice and comfort of someone, someone we really trust. But fortunately we all have one more friend we can count on through thick or thin—Jesus.

I grew up in a Lutheran home and on Saturday nights, while my dad was waiting for my mom to get ready to go out, he would play the piano and then lower his voice to mimic the great Tennessee Ernie Ford and sing What a Friend We Have in Jesus. The lyrics to the song probably say it best and just how important Jesus is as our friend and how comforting it is that he is called our “friend” vs. our ruler or judge. This makes it so much easier to be truly honest with Him in our thoughts and prayers. Like a true friend, there is no need to be guarded in what we say to Him, out of fear of retaliation or condescension.

So when someone asks you who your close friends are, be sure to include the one who will always, come rain or shine, be at your side – Jesus. Here are the lyrics to the song.

What a Friend We Have in Jesus
What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry, everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry, everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he’ll take and shield thee; thou wilt find a solace there.

If you have never heard the song, click on this YouTube link and enjoy.

by Steve Scholer
Creighton University’s Relations

I just had a dream where i refused to stand up for the pledge of allegiance (like my ass would in the current day) and my heart rate increased sooo much o my god my fear of conflict just went 😦

then in the dream a teacher (not my own) confronted me for it and i was like !!i’m exercising my right to free speech!! and they were like well you still have to stand unless you have a reason to not stand and then i was about to say “that’s preposterous” but I woke up bc my heart rate had increased in real life too and it’s still…racing…

my fear of conflict is so bad that my dream conflict stress leaked into real life

power-of-order  asked:

"So Izanami, if you're the goddess of death, does that mean that you know exactly when one's life will come to an end or is it simply more of a matter of ruling over the afterlife? Or perhaps something else entirely?"

   “Ahhh, finally… Some really interesting questions… Much appreciated.

   “My core job and reason for continued is existance is the latter; I simply must be a leader- an overseeer- of Yomi. I ensure what needs to be done, is done. It’s bringing souls to my domain entirely, dishing out punishments for those who’ve gone too far… I also oversee most demons and imps, though their loyalties vary; not all are mine. Still doesn’t mean most don’t stop when I tell them to.
   “You’ll find fewer god fearing creatures more than an imp in a presence of one of the creators of the very would they dwell on.

   “Now, as for seeing the end to one’s life… I can. However, in an effort of power balance, it’s my workers, the Shinigami, who can see every potential of death for a being. I see the death on the path they’re on now. For example… Everything you’ve done has kept you alive up until this point, right? Well…maybe you were supposed to die earlier. Ever consider that?

   “If you were meant to die in say…a week, I’d see it. But let’s say some force of luck values you; death averted. Well, now your time of death changes. You’d be surprised how many are supposed to die, but something like luck or dumb luck of their own saves them by the seat of their pants.
   “Shinigami can see all variations and choices of death you’re likely to be mauled by; I see the time limit…and the way of death on that route- by seeing number alone- let’s me know what with cause that death.

   “And that is what I’m about, Mister Kisaragi~”