fear the nose

2.27

On some disgusting shit,
I never noticed how you enjoyed making me feel ugly, unwanted and unworthy. Smelling my fear and my fresh. Your nose felt cold against my warm skin.

Only because you wanted to share your sadness when I wanted to pull you out of it. I’ve got enough reasons to cry, why become another? First your smile, then you break.

Our private shadowy conversations crawl into my subconscious. I lace your words with intentions that you never murmured. Love sounds right in your vibrato. The word slithers from your tongue to my heart.

Oh, the friends I’ve lost to hold you with weak fingers. A mouse dangling at the lips of a lion. Blow me, baby! Watch me spin in your fingers, grip me so gently but with power. The weight you’ve got on this pet shackles my soul. I can’t lose this. What am I without?

Once and for all, I could slip out your hands! Once and for all. Let me push myself to be free of you. Where can I run where you won’t find me? Think fast, be nimble.

Offer me an exit. Show me the way out. I screamed into deaf ears until I realized how easily I could slip. I ease from your grip and run faster than me regretting telling you “Cum in me” Dont look back. Don’t look back. Don’t…I look, then I noticed the other mice.

His hunger wasn’t for me.

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Move on, leave, run away, escape this place… but don’t forget about me, about us, about this town. Always remember where you come from so you can appreciate how far you’ve come.
—  c.j.n.