fear state


So… what keeps you awake at night on the worst of days, guys? You know, besides, rollercoasters, fish and… chinese fingertraps?”

Song: Safe and Sound as sung by Sam Tsui
I like experimenting with characters and finding out what makes them tick, or what could. Besides the fears stated above that we are all familiar with, I have my own take on what Milo, Zack and Melissa fear the most. Too long to post here, but maybe one day I’ll go in more detail with a comic or something. It’s certainly something I would love to share with everyone ^^ For now, have these :)

Some thoughts on Paperhat

After watching everything that’s been released thus far, I’m really starting to think that Black Hat’s minions/friends aren’t like, living in a constant state of fear- yes, even Flug

Also like, all of Flug’s inventions work the way they’re intended just not in the way Black Hat is trying to use them; maybe save for the defense system but with a project that big anyone would forget.

A lot of times Black Hat is like, just fucking with them. I.e. his organ, the picture, 5.0.5’s ice cream, getting back at Demencia for making a stupid mask/stealing his clothes

Like, Demencia has the capacity to be afraid of him, so she’s not immune to it which kind of leads me to believe that Flug’s natural state is high anxiety. Black Hat definitely makes it worse, but I don’t think he’s the root.

It’s a little harder to tell in the eng version but the Spanish version makes it seem clear enough. I’ve never met someone that didn’t use that term of endearment to someone they weren’t fond of. Like when you’d get hurt as a kid and ur mom would come over like pobrecita. It spans out a lot in my family, though I can’t speak for anyone else, you really care for the person enough to give them basically a pet name.

It bespeaks a closeness between Flug and Black Hat that hasn’t been explicitly elaborated on. Also there’s that picture that was floating around in Black Hat’s office that he and Flug are in that looks pretty fancy.

If Black Hat didn’t want Flug there he wouldn’t be. There’s also the fact that it’s framed.

When they were all fighting over the Medusa device they were ALL bickering like children. Like I said earlier he does freak Demencia out when he yells at them to stop.

Unless there’s something saying differently that I haven’t seen yet? This is all just a personal observation, like, whatever floats your boat, my dude. Black Hat could be acting more menacing over video bc he’s a demon weapons dealer and humanizing himself to his clients might lower sales.

It’s all just speculative, but I think it’s going to be observations for future fanfic. So don’t fucking come for me omg


That Close Call Back in 1995 — The Norwegian Black Brant Incident,

In the past 60 years there have actually been several incidents where the world was almost plunged into a nuclear holocaust.  Many of these incidents were purely accidental, caused by things like radar blips resulting from flocks of geese or faulty early warning detection satellites. One of the most interesting close calls occurred in Norway, and is unique in that the incident happened in 1995, after the end of the Cold War.

On January 25th, 1995 a team of Norwegian and American scientists launched the Black Brant VII rocket from the Andøya Space Center in Norway. The purpose of the rocket was to collect scientific data on the aurora borealis over the Arctic Ocean. The rocket reached an altitude of 903 miles and eventually splashed down in the ocean off the coast of Svalbard. At the time most of the world believed the rocket launch was a routine test that occurred without incident. However, little did anyone know, the Russians nearly shit their pants over it.

The rocket traveled over an air corridor that stretches from minuteman III rocket sites in North Dakota. The scientists notified 30 countries, including Russia, of the launch, however the Russian government failed to pass on news of the launch to the Russian President and to the military. Russian early warning radar systems in Murmansk detected the object, which had a similar speed and flight pattern to that of a US Navy Trident missile. Immediately Russian High Command went on full alert, fearing the United States was launching a nuclear missile. While a single missile launch may not seem much of a threat compared to thousands of missiles in an all out nuclear strike, one possible scenario that the Russians feared was that of a high altitude nuclear detonation used as a prelude to all out nuclear war. A nuclear warhead would be detonated high in the atmosphere over Russia, and the resulting electromagnetic pulse would knock out the electrical grid, communications grid, and radar over a large portion of the country, leaving Russia completely vulnerable to an all out attack.

The full alert initiated by the rocket launch went all the way up to Russian President Boris Yeltsin. The Russian nuclear briefcase containing command codes was opened, the only time in history a nation’s nuclear briefcase was ever opened. This was especially scary because Boris Yeltsin had a reputation for being a hard drinker. Yeltsin’s alcohol problems were so bad that he was often drunk in public, at one point allegedly being found wandering the streets of Washington D.C. half naked after a particularly hard bender during a diplomatic visit.

As luck would have it, Boris Yeltsin was perfectly sober on January 25th, 1995, and thus he made a very wise decision to not retaliate but take a wait and see approach. Soon, it was realized that the rocket was traveling away from, not towards Russia, and thus was not a ballistic missile being fired at Russia. 24 minutes after launch, the rocket returned to Earth harmlessly. Disaster had been averted once again.

What is especially disturbing about the Norwegian rocket incident was that it occurred in the 1990′s at a time when Russian - American relations were at a peak. This wasn’t the middle of the Cold War, this wasn’t the Cuban Missile Crises with Nikita Khrushchev shouting “we will bury you!” while slamming his shoe on a podium. This was at at time when there was absolutely no reason to go to nuclear war. It just goes to show that in the modern nuclear age, even at the best of times civilization hangs on a very fine thread. 

Act 4: Trolls as Manifestations

Homestuck gains complexity through iterations, in plot, setting, and character. As the tutorial character, John’s actions are straightforward and relatively easy to follow, which sets the stage for grander installments. John’s plain house and Dad are followed by the increasingly complex circumstances of his friends. John’s ability to combine items across captchalogue cards (1917) is a primer for combining items via alchemy. If a rule is introduced through John, subsequent iterations of the rule will be more grandiose.

So, an observation: John is afraid of heights. When John slips on a staircase, he flips out (2460). When he nearly launches himself into the abyss with the Pogo Hammer, he has to take a nap before he has calmed down enough to continue (2537). Immediately following both moments of vertigo, massive ogres begin to climb toward John’s house (2461, 2542). The eventual fight with the ogres begins after John looks over the roof of his house, into the abyss (2562-3).

All of this suggests that Sburb is reacting to John’s emotional state (fear) to produce in-game content. This is further suggested by a peek we get at some of Sburb’s internal processes (3419):

Here, we have reference to terminology associated with Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud. The terms suggest that Sburb interacts with the ideas in the kids’ subconscious minds (archetypes) and brings symbolic representations of these ideas into conscious reality (manifests the ideas). Like, pipes are Johns’s dad symbol (1974), so LOWAS is covered in pipes as a subconscious reminder of his dad. Or, Dave is surrounded by dangerous sharp objects in his apartment, so LOHAC is full of grinding metal gears to subtly (?) remind him of his awful, awful home.

Even before we reach the kids’ planets though, John’s encounter with the ogres asserts Sburb’s dream-like nature. The “hyper flexible mythology” of Sburb  is essentially the same as Freudian dream logic – Sburb caused John’s latent fear of heights to manifest as real, punchable monsters.

But if you look through Homestuck for things that materialize due to emotional events, it doesn’t stop with imps and monsters. It also includes the trolls.

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Not Your Sidekick by C.B. Lee

Welcome to Andover… where superpowers are common, but internships are complicated. Just ask high school nobody, Jessica Tran. Despite her heroic lineage, Jess is resigned to a life without superpowers and is merely looking to beef-up her college applications when she stumbles upon the perfect (paid!) internship—only it turns out to be for the town’s most heinous supervillain. On the upside, she gets to work with her longtime secret crush, Abby, who Jess thinks may have a secret of her own. Then there’s the budding attraction to her fellow intern, the mysterious “M,” who never seems to be in the same place as Abby. But what starts as a fun way to spite her superhero parents takes a sudden and dangerous turn when she uncovers a plot larger than heroes and villains altogether.

Far From You by Tess Sharpe

Nine months. Two weeks. Six days.

That’s how long recovering addict Sophie’s been drug-free. Four months ago her best friend, Mina, died in what everyone believes was a drug deal gone wrong - a deal they think Sophie set up. Only Sophie knows the truth. She and Mina shared a secret, but there was no drug deal. Mina was deliberately murdered.

Forced into rehab for an addiction she’d already beaten, Sophie’s finally out and on the trail of the killer—but can she track them down before they come for her?

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Whenever it seems the world has beaten you down...

A Gryffindor is going to pick you back up. They are the house of courage and bravery, and refuse to let anyone live in a state of fear and resignation. Their love may be tough, and brutally honest, but they will say what you need to hear to get you back on your feet. Even if it hurts. 

A Ravenclaw is going to find ways to make your life easier. Chances are, they’ve devised a plan that’s going to get you out of whatever rough patch you’re in. They can be the best problem solvers there are, and they will think of a million different ways to make sure that you never get in that situation again. They will dedicate their time and energy to helping you improve, so that you can avoid the issue altogether in the future. 

A Slytherin is going to protect you. They are masters at manipulation and cunning, and while you may never realize it, they have gone and dealt with the issue so you don’t have to. They’ll pull whatever strings necessary to ensure that you are OK, and will probably never tell you that they’ve done it. Much like the snake, they will strike out and sink their venom into anything that dare hurt you. 

A Hufflepuff is going to comfort you. They are the ones you turn to when you need your bandages dressed and your bruises kissed. A hufflepuff is going to speak words of encouragement into your life, and nothing but positivity, all while going out of their way to brighten your day. They will think of the little things that will make you smile, and put their all into persuading your happiness. 

  • person: your mental illness is a choice!
  • me: *tries to think back on when I signed up for erratic mood swings, constant fear of abandonment, constant state of panic, irrational thoughts, random outbursts of anger, and the constant need for validation*
  • me: yep, I definitely asked for this :)
Some thoughts on Luke.

I’m sure all of these things have been said, and by people far more eloquent and capable than I, but I felt the need to say them again. Thoughts below are, as usual, heavily Jedi-critical in general but particularly so of Kenobi and Yoda.

Obi-Wan Kenobi tried his damned best to manipulate Luke into believing the things he believed, and into doing the things he wanted him to do. He and Yoda lied to Luke repeatedly, in an attempt to distance him from his connection to Vader and in hopes that he would ultimately reject that connection before he even knew it was there, and kill Vader for them. Kenobi’s first attempt at distancing Luke from Vader was creating a persona for him in some form of “other”. “Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine before he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Jedi Knights. He betrayed and murdered your father.” He’s attempting to plant seeds of hate in Luke, a bias against Vader that Kenobi is hoping will grow so that he can use it to his advantage later on.

And later on it does. Kenobi knows he will become a Force ghost. And he deliberately ensures that Luke is watching when he raises his lightsaber and allows Vader the finishing blow. You can’t tell me that was not a very deliberate and calculated attempt to make the seeds of hatred he already planted in Luke to grow. He succeeds quite well, but things backfire on him when he and Yoda both fail to take into account that Luke’s protective feelings towards his friends will win out over his tenuous new devotion to learning the Jedi ways.

When Luke left Dagobah for Bespin to save Han and Leia, he was disobeying and rejecting the high-minded distant “feelings are bad, m’kay”, that the Jedi of old espoused. Both Yoda and Kenobi ideally would have wanted Luke to adopt that mindset, but also be fueled by some sort of motivation to kill Vader. They tried to have their proverbial cake and eat it too, by presenting Vader as a being worth both hatred and murderous intentions, but also by stating “Anger, fear, aggression. The Dark Side are they.” As if they wanted some sort of insurance policy that if they couldn’t get Luke to do their bidding one way, then maybe some other way would work.

And then Yoda has the balls to tell Luke “Unexpected this is, and unfortunate” when Luke confronts Yoda after Vader has told Luke that he is his father. And even further balls to pretend like his explanation of “that you rushed to face him, that not ready for the burden were you” is even half of a sufficient excuse. Yeah, not ready for the burden. As in, wasn’t sufficiently Jedi-brain-washed enough to be totally a-okay with the thought of murdering his own father that he’s been wanting and looking for his entire life. Yoda would have been perfectly happy having Luke stay to be trained brain-washed further and let Han and Leia die, because I mean, after all, they’re simply nothing more than superfluous attachments and would only get in the way of Luke’s potential Jedi-ness. He’d have been perfectly happy to have extra time to enforce the proper warrior-monk mindset into Luke so that the idea of murdering someone that he shares a deep connection with suddenly turns into something tragically noble rather than shocking and repugnant. Because letting his friends die through purposeful inaction and deliberately killing his father is supposed to purge him of unapproved attachments and fulfill the “last hope” for the Jedi.

Because it’s not the fate of the galaxy’s people in general that concerns Yoda and Kenobi. It’s not even the fate of the Force. It’s the survival of the Jedi Order. They equate the Jedi with all that is Good and Right and Pure, and all else be damned if they can’t survive. Luke was their “last hope” because of his heritage and his power in the Force, and if he failed then they intended to conscript his Force-sensitive sister as a contingency plan. Only Force-sensitive people can be Jedi, after all, and in their mind if the Jedi die out, then nothing good could possibly come out of the rest of the galaxy.

But pinning their plans on Luke backfired. Yoda was right in that Luke was too old to begin the training – he had already learned that his decision to care for and love people in his life and want to protect them meant more than any vague and distant dogma, meant more than some will of or balance to a mysterious and impersonal Force. No amount of Yoda spouting “you must unlearn what you have learned” could recondition Luke.

Ultimately, when confronted by Emperor Palpatine on the second Death Star, Luke throws away his lightsaber – the symbol of the Jedi, the symbol of their authority and power. The same symbol that Obi-Wan Kenobi had chastised Anakin Skywalker about when he told him “this lightsaber is your life”. And immediately after he throws away his lightsaber, he claims, proudly, that he is “a Jedi, like my father before me”.

I read an awful lot into that line. I see Luke defining the Jedi as something very different from what they were. He doesn’t define it the way the Jedi Council defined it, he doesn’t see being a Jedi as something embroiled in politics or wallowing in dogma and ritual. Luke is reaching for a higher meaning than the Jedi Order we saw of old. He knows very little of the Dark Side, and nothing of the Sith. He’s rejecting the petty generations-long feud between two Force-adhering sects and embracing the only thing he knows and feels right in front of him – that he loves his father, whoever he is and whatever his name, and is willing to die defending him. He doesn’t see “Sith”, he doesn’t see “Dark Side”, he doesn’t see “Destiny” or “Fate” or “Jedi must win at all costs” or even “Maintain some sort of hazily-defined ‘balance’ between two fabricated and inadequately described  sides of one supposed whole”. He just sees someone he has come to care about that he wants to protect.

That’s it. That’s what it boils down to. The higher meaning that the Jedi could never seem to grasp was ridiculously simple, and it took a farmboy with next to no knowledge of the Force and an innate tendency to question authority to bring it out.

The Jedi Order didn’t win the day at the end of RotJ. Luke did. Vader did. And while Kenobi and Yoda seem to enjoy basking in some sort of credit, it was Luke going against everything they ever taught him that actually managed to do anything effective in the end.

I can only hope that the new sequel trilogy won’t stomp all over that. I can only hope that the new generation of Jedi that Luke was training had nothing in common with the Jedi of old, that Luke was sparking something new and simply calling it by an old name. I know my hopes are probably going to be dragged through the proverbial mud if the way Rebels and The Force Awakens are going is any indication, but what else can I do. I’m the most optimistic pessimist I know.


5 Fear-based Habits You Can Drop Today

1. Headlines - the news is designed to keep us in a state of fear by constantly pushing narratives that don’t serve us. These stories fill our subconscious with fear-based imagery which affects the way we make decisions. After a week of not watching or reading the latest news you will notice a huge difference.

2. Gossiping - talking about people behind their backs, making up rumours about them or listening to others talk about them is a fear-based behaviour. Try being honest with the person to iron-out your issue with them or avoid them altogether. The time you spent gossiping is time you could invest in yourself.

3. Following - whether it’s the latest trends, other people’s advice or government officials - following others takes away your power. Create your own life: wear what makes you feel good, find a lifestyle that works for you and do what fulfils you. Follow your heart instead of other people and you will love your life.

4. Excuses - excuses sound best to those who are making them. When you don’t get what you want - try another way instead of giving up and making an excuse. There are no excuses - only justifications for why things haven’t gone your way. Making an excuse is easy - trying again is hard.

5. Opinions - behaving in a way that gives you the validation of others is a fear-based behaviour. If you are relying on someone’s opinion of you to bring you fulfilment - you are then their prisoner. Act in a way that serves and fulfils you - regardless of what anyone else says or thinks about it.

We are powerful beings with limitless potential - fear-based habits impose limitation on us and stop us from living the life we dream of. It will take time to remove these habits completely - but the first step is acknowledging that they’re present.

Fear can only limit you if you let it.

Peace & positive vibes.

Got a specific problem you need help with? Add me on Skype for a free consultation - spoonofconsciousness@gmail.com :)

The Rise And Fall (Bucky Barnes x Reader Series) Masterlist

The ceaseless war on the other side of the ocean is starting to take its toll on the people of Brooklyn. As worldwide conflict is looming over their heads, neighborhoods grow more tumultuous and remain in a constant state of fear. In the midst of the blues, there is James Buchanan Barnes. He is her flash of hope.

Characters: Bucky Barnes.

Ratings: Mature/Explicit (18+).

Warnings: full-blown explicit smut.

A/N: Coming soon! Want to be tagged? Send me a message or comment, and I’ll add you to the list! This is mainly smut, but at the heart of it there is an incredibly sweet and kind love-story. For other stories check out my Main Masterlist.

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