fear of the empty

anonymous asked:

I had a crush on this guy for months... Months on embarrassing months, and when the stars finally aligned and my feelings were returned I was over the moon... Until recently. Suddenly the spark isn't there. I'm afraid I built this person up so much in my head that having the reality has been a let down and I am terrified of the truth. I'm trying to ignore it, but the bad days have gotten worse, and I fear this empty feeling will triumph in the end.

my adive is to try seeing the other person and ur relationship without any prejudices, try to see it for what it truly is and if thats not something ur happy with then thats that.. sometimes u imagine things different from how they really are, but in the end ur the only person who knows what u want so try to find out how u really feel !

If we make it through the night, if we make it out alive  ..
You said that you can save me
Don’t hope to ever find me
And I fear I’m too far gone  
.Pray for the dead.
I am the ocean, I am the sea
There is a world inside of me  

Types of loneliness

1. Interpersonal loneliness: This is the result of losing a significant, or intimate, relationship.

2. Social loneliness: This is where a person is on the fringes of a group, excluded from a group, or is actively rejected.

3. Cultural loneliness: This is where a person belongs to a different culture and feels that they don’t fit, or belong, in the new culture.

4. Intellectual loneliness: This is where a person feels intellectually, or educationally, out of synch with their peers, their family or their social group.

5. Psychological loneliness: This is where a person has experienced a trauma that separates them out from others around them. That is, it’s something other people can’t fully understand.

6. Existential or cosmic loneliness: This is an isolating loneliness experienced by a person who is facing death.

The Sun and The Stars {1}

Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 1865

Warnings: none

A/N: New fic! Enjoy xx

Originally posted by khalblogo

Adrenaline. Pain. Fear. It’s all you feel as you sprint through the seemingly empty woods, the loud howling of dogs on your tail sending bolts of panic to shock through your spine. You glance behind you to see the group of men, not too far from you, chasing you and the rage on their faces is unmistakable. You know why. If they lost you on their watch, HYDRA would have their heads. You haven’t felt the fresh air in so long but you can’t enjoy the chill of the night air. All that’s on your mind is escape as you run through the woods, narrowly avoiding the low hanging branches as you sprint. You feel like you’ve been running for days but you know you can’t stop, not now when you’re so close to permanent escape, The thin shirt that never provided much protection sticks to your back from the sweat and the pain in your side from where your handler shot you is bleeding more profusely the faster you run. You don’t have much left in you but you can’t go back. You can’t return to the iron grip of HYDRA.

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Tbpdfw you notice how unfair the fight against your disorder is. Like, bpd destroys you with enormous mood swings, aching emptiness and a fear of literally everything combined with the need to act impulsively and you’re just like ‘ok, skills. Shall I drown my demons by rinsing cold water over my wrists or shall i kick my depressive mood swing by squeezing an antistressball? What do I do?’.

A prominent theme in serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer’s behavioural analysis was his lasting fear and anxiety towards abandonment. His primary motive for murdering his victims was to keep them with him for as long as he wanted, without fear that they would leave him.
Intense fear of abandonment is often associated with borderline personality disorder, a mental disorder recognized by trademark instability in mood, relationships, identity, and general behaviour. BPD is most distinctly experienced with emotional issues including depression, anxiety, episodes of anger, distorted self image, and fear of abandonment. Because Dahmer exhibited this extreme fear of abandonment along with:
-Symptoms of depression relating to BPD; most notably emptiness
-Angry, stoubborn, and uncooperative behaviour
-A dissociation of his identity as a homosexual
-A defense of some of his behaviour through placing blame on his victims,
Borderline personality disorder was a common theme throughout his reports alongside a slew of other possible disorders.

If you have never spent whole afternoons with burning ears and rumpled hair, forgetting the world around you over a book, forgetting cold and hunger–

If you have never read secretly under the bedclothes with a flashlight, because your father or mother or some other well-meaning person has switched off the lamp on the plausible ground that it was time to sleep because you had to get up so early–

If you have never wept bitter tears because a wonderful story has come to an end and you must take your leave of the characters with whom you have shared so many adventures, whom you have loved and admired, for whom you have hoped and feared, and without whose company life seems empty and meaningless–

If such things have not been part of your own experience, you probably won’t understand what Bastian did next.

You wanted me all to yourself. You wanted to own me. When I tried to live my life, you tightened your chokehold on it. Living for anyone but you was wrong. Trying to please anyone but you was wrong. So I didn’t, I tried to be right according to what you wanted. I told you where I was going and if you didn’t want me going I didn’t go. Out of fear, I poured all of my love into you until I was empty. When I had nothing left to pour, I carved out the insides of my heart to satisfy you. I gave you all of me, yet always felt like I was never enough. I was a helpless bird that knew about life outside of the cage but was taught not to want it. I was taught that it was wrong, but in the end, it wasn’t wrong. You were.
—  Maxwell Diawuoh, Request: A girl breaks up with her girlfriend due to being isolated by the relationship and fear from saying/doing something—anything “wrong” such as hanging out with a friend or forgetting to tell them they’re going to a store. And the feeling of never being enough and feeling helpless/hopeless.
ptv album aesthetics
  • Misadventures: stars at night. sitting on the ground and staring at the sky. running through rain. numbness. smudged mascara. bruised knuckles and bloody hands. fistfights. drops of blood on guitars. VHS tapes. running away from home. old letters. sadness.
  • Collide With the Sky: broken glass. the sea at dawn. snow. the sound of rain hitting a window. picking fights. black sweatshirts. school wall grafitti. sitting on the bed in the middle of the night. insomnia. the forest. dying flowers. cemeteries.
  • Selfish Machines: lying. running showers. breakups. candles. drinking too much. possesive behaviour. fear of being left behind. angst. blood in water. an empty house. watering eyes. screaming ot of frustration. helplessness.
  • A Flair for the Dramatic: romeo and juliet. a crying bride. dried flowers. crying children. speechlessness. self-depreciating humor. frustration. broken porcelain. losing control over your anger. pocket knives.