fear of acceptance

It’s funny how personal stimming can be. This is my best imitation of one of my mom’s favorite stims, which she highly recommends for self soothing.

It doesn’t work for me at all. Doing it feels forced, not like my own stims, which feel like breathing.

And yet I’ve “tried out” other stims and had them seamlessly integrate themselves into my body language and sensory diet.

Every autistic person is unique. If your stims don’t look like the “common”/expected stims, it’s okay. You’re okay, and you’re still autistic.

If your stims are exactly what you’ve seen in scaremongering videos, articles, and blog posts, it’s okay. You’re okay, and you’re not a freak, annoying, or a tragedy.

If you’ve started stimming more or differently since finding out you’re autistic, or picked up stims from other people, it’s okay. You’re okay, and you’re not faking.

Happy Autism Acceptance Month. You’re okay, and you are loved.

(reblogs encouraged)

i honest to god don’t think we acknowledge pidge’s incredible accomplishments enough

i mean

y’all this poor child is fifteen

she is only fifteen and she is fighting in a war and has come close to death multiple times

not to mention she has absolutely zero contact with her father or her mother or her brother or any of her family members

and even through that

she has done the following things:
-figured out alien technology she’d never seen before in three seconds to rewire an enemy drone
-modified a giant war machine that has abilities that science itself can’t explain
-faced multiple, incredibly skilled soliders that probably had centuries of experience all by herself when they had orders to kill her and won
-basically saved the entire universe’s fate by herself with the help of a drone and a few mice (like…what were they gonna’ do without voltron if sendak had succeeded in getting the lions to zarkon??? PIDGE JUST SAVED COUNTLESS LIVES HERE PEOPLE)
-created a program to translate galra text even though she has never learned the galran language
-created a beacon to alert the castle to her location out of literal garbage
-saved the entire team by absolutely wrecking the cube
-hacked into a galra drone that had security against interrogation and got it to answer her questions
-oh yeah and going back to that beacon she literally saved coran’s life. like he would have just disappeared if she hadn’t done that. 
-hacked into the security of what was basically space alcatraz??? like it’s literally one of the highest security prisons the galra have and she just hacked into it’s system like it was no big deal???
-was willing to risk death in order to get information on her family’s whereabouts (like seriously if shiro hadn’t pulled her away she’d be flat out dead)
-struggled with the fear that her friends wouldn’t accept her for who she really was but was still brave enough to tell them (like honestly we don’t acknowledge this one enough. it’s fucking terrifying to think that you won’t be accepted by your own friends but pidge was still brave enough to own who she was and tell them. i honestly think this is one of the bravest things she’s done and no one talks about it.)

not mention that before she was even in space she was able to sneak into a high security facility twice to get information on her family even though he’d already been threatened to never go back and could’ve gotten into serious trouble

pidge has been through so much pain and suffering that a fifteen year old should never have to experience and yet she still pulls through it and is an absolutely badass hacker and defender of the universe.

in conclusion: pidge is fucking incredible. 

- i was deeply inspired by the video troye made a few months or so ago so i decided to make this.. there are so many brilliant young adults that are spectacular role models for young children. There are also many wonderful opportunities for young kids to make and impact for the future, along with years to come. thank you, @troyesivan, for not only helping me out as a young LGBT+ kid in a fast growing community, but so many others as well. - 

Saturn can be difficult to generate satisfaction or ‘good feelings’ out of. Often the tasks we set with Saturn are admirable goals. But Saturn turns these dreams into concrete and resulting expectation. This is an area of life where failure is not an option. It can make the resonance very harsh and create obstruction through our own fears and self destruction. Saturn accepts nothing less than accomplishment. And when we accomplish his outstanding feats, we are not immediately gratified or rewarded or celebrated. Life seems to go on as normal, all the work we have done seems invalid, so much energy, effort, and pain expressed to feel nothing? I guess that’s the ‘expectation’ quality of Saturn. It’s the internal vision of greatness. Saturn knows our true potential beyond the self consciousness, complexes, and worry. The area of life where Saturn touches can feel like a non negotiable contract.

Saturn in the 1st house: Forced to constantly challenge ferocious critique from the ego, trapping the spirit in caged form, the individual can be forced through isolation and rejection and heartbreak to wake the inner alchemist. Saturn in the 1st is the late bloomer. It takes many years for the ancient spirit to come to grips with its human attributes 

Saturn in the 2nd house: Life, stability, and security can remains in constant fluctuation or threat. It can seem like no matter how hard the individual works, saves, or commits themselves they never catch a break. It can feel as if they are forever sacrificing their own self pleasure 

Saturn in the 3rd house: The individual must pass their exams. And they must do exemplary well - even if it’s not their subject of choice. Saturn in the 3rd has to fight a difficult battle with their own minds and generating focus, self belief, and confidence, academic failure is spirit destroying. And no matter what the score, the forbidding voice in the back of the mind, ‘you should have studied more’ 

Saturn in the 4th house: There can be a constant fight for security, stability, and safety. The individual charters through haunting inner territory to find the lost inner child. And it can seem like no matter how hard they try to nurture the inner child she is unwilling and traumatised, intense inner work is done with Saturn in the 4th and there is typically no one there to see it 

Saturn in the 5th house: The individual wages a battle on the ego, but the swords are raised by the ego. The expression of personality is pressured and bound by insecurity but forced into blinding light to perform a script that seems alien 

Saturn in the 6th house: Honourably committed to larger-than personal causes, the individual works tirelessly in the background, offering heart, mind, and talent to everybody in need of assistance. But they rarely receive commendation or recognition, the work is laborious and thankless 

Saturn in the 7th house: Relationships are commonly demanding, challenging and seemingly unforgiving. The individual may be forced into partnership with intensely difficult or critical people, those who echo their critical inner thoughts out loud as insult and become more isolated as a result, forced to wade through shadowy projections 

Saturn in the 8th house: The physical form and ego grips the spirit in stranglehold, the reticence to enter non physical states such as through meditation, union, enlightenment can be inhibited by the unrelenting fear of ‘letting go’. Often the individual will be expected to manage other people’s resources

Saturn in the 9th house: Achieving academic, theological, philosophical accreditation is vital. The individual faces exceeding pressures undertaking higher education and getting their works out into the world. When they finally graduate, publish the book, or learn the reading there is little or no credit from Saturn 

Saturn in the 10th house: The individual is forced to stare down intimidating and discouraging authority to achieve the remarkable vision set by Saturn. There is pressure to leave an imprint in the world, but the world is unwelcoming 

Saturn in the 11th house: An outsider pretending to be one with everyone, or so they think. The individual is forced to acquire, withhold, and release sacred and higher wisdom that can be mocked or branded by an unready society, the individual must continue to share their truth regardless of its loneliness 

Saturn in the 12th house: There is a powerful contract written in the theme of sacrifice and salvation. The individual’s duty to the collective are severe, the development of spiritual awareness and gnosis can sweep the individual into madness like a riptide. There are intense, invisible obligations undertaken for the spiritual nature of humanity

-C.

CASTIEL AND HIS SACRED OATH - 12x10, 12x12, 12x23

This scene here. This split second glance is so so important. I don’t know why people aren’t talking about it (I couldn’t even find any gifs of it and had to take pictures coz I’m computerly incompitent). But I wanted to give my own analytical response to this millisecond glance, because I think it demonstrates properly why Cas has never done anything about his feelings for Dean. 

First, some context from my behalf: I always assumed Cas had never admitted his love for Dean for one of two reasons, 1) he was an angel, therefore not quite understanding his feelings himself - perhaps confusing them with familial love, Dean style. Or 2) he was afraid his love may not be reciprocated. But after watching 12x10, 12x12 and 12x23, I can thoroughly rule out reason 1. 

Now, I’ll be talking a lot about 12x10 as that ENTIRE EPISODE and THIS LOOK are so closely correlated. 

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Fallout OC Questionnaire

Whether your OC is a Lone Wanderer or Sole Survivor, these questions can be asked by others to know more about them! Or simply be used as a guide to further develop your character. Ask away, luv!

  1. Which Fallout game are they from?
  2. Which faction(s) did they join and which did they destroy? Why?
  3. What is their S.P.E.C.I.A.L.?
  4. Give us a summary of their backstory.
  5. What’s their full name and does it have a meaning? Do they have any nicknames and how did they get em?
  6. What’s their sexual, romantic, and gender orientation? Do they feel comfortable telling other people?
  7. Do they have any mental illnesses? How do they cope?
  8. Do they have any medical conditions? Is medicine/ treatment available for them?
  9. How much do they care about their outer appearance? What’s their “beauty routine”? How often do they shower/ bathe?
  10. What do they fear the most?
  11. They’re biggest flaw? Do they recognize it as a flaw?
  12. What are they most insecure about?
  13. What Wasteland threat do they fear the most? (ex. Deathclaws, super mutants, raiders)
  14. What’s their zodiac sign or which one do you think they relate to the most? What are their placements (if you know them)? (ex. Aries sun, Taurus moon, Aquarius Venus)
  15. What’s their Myers–Briggs Type? (ex. ENTP, ISFJ)
  16. What Harry Potter house would they be in? (ex. Gryffindor, Ravenclaw)
  17. Which Pokemon Go team would they choose? (ex. Instinct, Valor, Mystic)
  18. Out of the nine forms of intelligence (rhythmic, spatial, linguistic, mathematical, kinesthetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, naturalistic, and existential) which one(s) are they really good at and which one(s) is(are) their weakest?
  19. What natural alignment are they? (ex. Lawful Good, Chaotic Evil)
  20. Do they have any hobbies? What are they?
  21. Do they have a favorite holiday? How do they celebrate it?
  22. What’s their favorite season?
  23. Do they have a temper or are they level headed?
  24. Do they express their emotions freely or hide their true feelings?
  25. Are they a leader or a follower?
  26. How do they come off to others? What first impression do they usually make?
  27. Do they prefer to travel alone or with company? Who have they traveled with if any? Current companion if any?
  28. Would you describe them as selfless or selfish? Does it depend on the situation?
  29. What do they find most attractive in others? Name at least one psychological and physical trait. (doesn’t have to be romantic attraction)
  30. Do they flirt often? How easily do they fall in love?
  31. What’s their love life like? Are they interested in anyone or in a relationship?
  32. Do they prefer to solve things diplomatically or using violence?
  33. What is their combat style? What range do they prefer? Do they sneak?
  34. What weapon(s) do they always carry with them?
  35. Their most prized possession?
  36. Their thoughts on power armor?
  37. Favorite armor/ outfit?
  38. How’s their aim? Do their hands shake while pointing a gun?
  39. What are their thoughts on having to kill on a daily bases in order to survive? Does it take a toll on them? Or do they shake it off rather easily?
  40. Thoughts on death if any? (ex. Fear it, accept it)
  41. Do they move around a lot or prefer to have a place to call home?
  42. What’s their favorite location?
  43. Their opinions on ghouls, feral and not feral?
  44. Do they scavenge for their supplies or simply buy them?
  45. Are they the type to get distracted and go off to an unknown nearby location or do they stay on track?
  46. How do they sleep? Are they picky about where and how or can they sleep basically anywhere?
  47. What’s their favorite radio station and song? (post-apocalypse)
  48. What’s their favorite post-apocalyptic food? Are they a picky eater? Do they know how to cook?
  49. What’s their favorite beverage? Do they drink alcohol?
  50. Do they have any tag skills?
  51. Anything they like to collect? (ex. Unique weapons, Bobbleheads)
  52. Are they good at disarming traps or do they constantly miss them?

(Add other questions you want to be asked if I missed any)

  • Pluto in the 1st: actual self lies in the unconscious. goes through many deaths before they reach who they truly are after many life lessons. may feel resistant in revealing true self for others due to extreme levels of intensity and hyperawareness of undercurrents. afraid to probe into the psyche of others for fear of rejection to higher powers
  • Pluto in the 2nd: self worth lies in the unconscious. learning “the hard way” through compulsive spending or issues with their own fortune. you may deny your right to transform your financial situation through the use of your personal resources and values, thus allowing self-destructive tendencies from Pluto to eventually consume factors of this house and Self. by expanding your resources you find healing
  • Pluto in the 3rd: mindset lies in the unconscious. through spells of depression, anxiety and envy, they experience transformation in how they perceive their environment, you may deny communicating with others about your perceptions of reality due to harshness or the subconscious need to suppress your intuitive gifts with others, for the subconscious urge to not let go of what is yours
  • Pluto in the 4th: emotional security lies in the unconscious. by putting down their walls and letting others in and allow themselves to trust others, they find emotional security within themselves, through using your emotional probing into others, you can aid them in finding emotional security through themselves as well
  • Pluto in the 5th: creativity lies in the unconscious. after facing their own demons, purging unhealthy attachments to the ego expression, and discovering what power they are innately possess when they contact directly to Source, they discover where their true creativity learns, and learn to create what they've always wanted to
  • Pluto in the 6th: true perception of personal reality lies in the unconscious. after experiencing regeneration and transformation where daily life is concerned, through habitual or ritualistic behavior, through compulsive mindsets and mannerisms, their true motive is discovered, and their direction changes course for a more powerful existence, through using their intense perception of order and deeper awareness and helping others recognize their own inner powers as well
  • Pluto in the 7th: true capacity for interpersonal relating/relationships lies in the unconscious. by releasing unhealthy relationship patterns, learning to release one's own power rather than projecting it onto others and being overpowered by others in relationships, they discover their own innate power and worth, and inner strength for building positively transformational relationships with others, and ultimately leads to transforming the lives of others through helping them recognize who they truly are
  • Pluto in the 8th: fear for other's motives lies in the unconscious. your paranoid perception of the motives of others are invasive to your emotional state. by suppressing your ability to bring others into deeper states of self-awareness, you lose out on deeper, more intimate bonds in your close relationships with others
  • Pluto in the 9th: fear of breaking set molds lies in your unconscious, and holds you back from openly sharing your inner truths and beliefs with others. you may not be aware of what an influential force and being you are, and what you think can manifest into reality very easily for you. mantras and affirmations are important for these people to follow. by not allowing yourself to share your beliefs and policies with others, you deprive others the chance of not doing the same
  • Pluto in the 10th: true authority lies in the unconscious. we slowly make our way to the 10th house, climbing through life's obstacles in order to set our final course for ourselves in life. you may settle for less because of your innate fear of allowing yourself to be vulnerable, even just to yourself. by not being raw and honest with where you want to go, you'll never get there
  • Pluto in the 11th: innate fears of rejection and spreading the truth lie in the unconscious. you may not speak out on issues that occur within group situations or friendships that you feel are out of alignment with who you are as an individual or what you seek out of life, and your goals you want to manifest. you fear not being accepted therefore you contain your truths and words for the sake of others. when you purge these unhealthy mechanisms, you rise above those you thought you wanted to associate yourself with
  • Pluto in the 12th: repressed images and words from Source are found in the unconscious. you fear you will lose spiritual security within yourself if you bring it out into the open and share it with others. let go of spiritual possessiveness. you have experience with large, unseen forces found in other realms; you are easily contactable for these things. paranoia can arise through not letting the truth emerge. disconnection between the self can begin. through surrendering to the power of Source, you become the strongest version of Self
Erinnerst du dich, wer du warst, bevor die Welt dir gesagt hat, wer du sein sollst?

I am stubborn
I lie sometimes
I can be immature
A little attention seeking
I can’t save up
I spend money like it grows on trees indeed
I have big dreams
I don’t exercise
But I run a lot in my dreams
I have nightmares usually
Not so scary, more of really creepy
I take a while to say goodbye
And even longer to mean it truly
I don’t use a lot of punctuation
I take overthinking to the next level
I stare at words and wonder if they exist
Sometimes I stare at myself and wonder if I really exist
Then I jump and dance
When I pant and gulp down water
I hear my breathing and know that I am trying

Why We Need to Appreciate Padmé Amidala

In spirit of #SWisagirlthingtoo making its way around Twitter, I thought now would be the perfect time to make a post I’ve been wanting to write for a while. Star Wars up until recently has not given much attention to its heroines, perhaps with the exception of the iconic Princess and General Leia Organa. It is incredibly sad that it has taken this long for the franchise to realise that characters such as Leia, Padmé and Rey (as well as the many animated heroines we have met such as Ahsoka and Hera) have been and will forever continue to be definitive factors in the way many girls have and will grow up.

When it comes to Star Wars, I loved Leia and I love Rey, but they are both not the heroine I connected with. I connected with former Queen and then Senator Padmé Amidala from the highly criticised (although increasingly less so) prequels and then again in the animated series, Star Wars: The Clone Wars. Any Padmé fan knows that loving her as a character most often means you’ll often be told that in the end she did ‘nothing but cry over Anakin’ or is in no way comparable to her daughter, you’ll find it frustrating that no reference is made to her at all following Episode III and you’ll know that she has little to no presence in merchandising even when you are more than willing to throw coins down Disney’s way for her.

But Padmé deserves to overcome all of the above. Padmé constantly has to battle against both what people expected her to be (arguably a Leia clone) and the often restrictive and limiting definitions of what makes a “strong female character”, especially in pop culture. Regardless, here is why Padmé is such an underappreciated and amazing character.

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I remember when I was 12 “I Kissed a Girl” came out. It was one of the biggest songs of the year and it left me so utterly confused. Was it okay if I wanted to kiss a girl? Would people know that I might to kiss girls if I sang it? Was wanting to kiss a girl about sex?

The general outrage from some parents, including my own, about the lyrics of the song and the video terrified me even more. It made something that was already confusing and scary for me feel even more sinister and wrong. I grew up hearing the word gay being thrown around as an insult. I knew that some guys like guys and some girls liked girls, but barely knew what “that’s so gay” was actually supposed to mean except that it was an insult and the idea of homosexuality was taboo. I was scared, alone, and resigned to ignore my feelings.

I remember so many of my friends changing the lyrics to “I Kissed a Boy” and it made me feel even more confused. They talked about kissing boys and holding hands and I realized that while I didn’t want to do those things with boys, I wanted to do them with girls. But kissing girls was supposed to mean having sex with girls. And at 12, I wasn’t interested or ready to think about that. I just wanted to hold hands and kiss someone who liked me too like my friends. Liking girls seemed like this inherently sexual thing.

One of the things that bugged me when “In a Heartbeat”, was announced was the response that some individuals had that the characters were too young. As if 12 year olds having their first crush was inherently sexual as long as it wasn’t heterosexual. It was something that plagued me for years, the idea that liking someone of the same gender or not of the “opposite” gender was always supposed to be exclusively sexual and couldn’t be romantic or involve feeling no matter what age you were. Those feelings would never be anything but
al deviancy whether you were a kid or an adult. That romantic and platonic relationships for people who were gay would always be exclusively sexual in some way.

The response of the filmmakers to immediately shoot down those critics and the finished short film gave me something I’d been missing as a scared kid. “In a Heartbeat” captured both the innocence of a first crush and the fear not being accepted by others because it was “wrong”. It was simple in the same way it was complicated. It wasn’t just about a middle school crush. It was about normalizing and not sexualizing being gay. That finding that you might not be straight or that you have feelings for someone of the same gender isn’t inherently sexual. Why should kids having crushes or those feeling be sexualized that way because it’s not heterosexual? Having your first crush and discovering having romantic feelings for someone is scary. And it’s scarier realizing that there are people who think it’s wrong or internalizing the idea of it being wrong, of you being wrong. And it’s terrifying. But there isn’t anything wrong. It’s not any more sexual. It’s normal. And there’s hope that people will accept you and your feeling.

This is just a bunch or rambling but I feel very strongly about this short film and it means so much to me now as an adult.

Fear Toxin For Dummies!?

Scarecrow hates this guy! As our expert divulges the top 10 ingredients that supposedly are in Fear toxin and how you can literally make it in Walmart.