fear food

The brain does weird things when you deprive it of food.

And I don’t mean just calorically. Even if you’re eating 2000, 3000 calories a day in recovery, if they’re all safe, you’re still going to be obsessed with food and what you “can’t” have.

(AKA a friendly reminder to challenge yourself today.)


Double chocolate? Night snack??

Last night I had a complete meltdown after dinner because I was hit with urges from all angles and realised that so long as I’m stuck in this monitored eating business, I can’t act on them. Which I know is a good thing, but im so wrapped up in my ED that I feel like I need to ease out of it. So my cousin whom I’m staying with found me sobbing on my floor, and we had a 2 hour conversation where I opened up EVERYTHING. and I mean everything.

She agreed that it’s ridiculous how little the professionals are paying to my mental needs and said that I need help- I get that my physical health isn’t great but I can’t actually start proper recovery again until I’m not having panic attacks over pieces of bread if that makes sense? So we’ve devised a plan. Today we were out all day at her upholstery workshop (where I spent 7 hours on this watercolour of my sister), and instead of bringing a full packed lunch, we bought topper ware boxes of little snack things. Slices of ham; a chopped up protein bar; grapes; crackers etc. I think I ended up eating more pre-dinner than I have in months, and I wasn’t in such physical pain and the ed voice was less loud. I almost finished dinner and I had this small bar afterwards. The voice is getting a little louder, but I have eaten today. I feel like this is going to work a lot better

Kinda positive I guess 😊

anonymous asked:

I ate a big fear food a couple days ago, and I felt like shit for awhile after I did, but now that it's been a few days and I'm more removed from the situation I feel better + a little bit proud of myself

!!! that’s really exciting i’m really happy to hear that! that’s always such an exciting feeling. it’s nice to win foods back from your ED.

Cheat days are not the end of the world. 🌍

Hey, you. ♥
Indulgence is not a crime, Your progress won’t be undone in one day. You’ve worked so hard for so long and you deserve a little enjoyment. Yeah, you’re going to feel a little bloated in the morning but don’t be upset. Grab a bottle of water, eat some fresh fruits and veggies and relax. You don’t have to explain yourself or punish yourself for sharing smiles and fear foods because in that moment you weren’t scared of anything. Letting go every now and then doesn’t just feel good, it IS good. It’s good for you to realize that not everything has repercussions on the scale or off the scale. You’re beautiful as you are. ❤

my fear foods and safe foods

aa i wonder if i should post my meals here? i probably still havent been getting adequate intake neither it looks good meals as other
bloggers but carrying on… a list of my fear and safe food, this is for my goal at recovery record.
first, my fear foods, some of those i have to eat, some i absolutely forbid myself.

  • butter
  • cooking oils, olive oil
  • meat in general except chicken and fish
  • any kind of fried foods, deep fried especially and absolutely terrify me
  • mayonnaise
  • chocolate
  • normal milk
  • ice cream
  • cakes
  • fast food
  • soda, coke
  • rice
  • potatoes
  • avocado, mangoes(i have them sometimes though because they have many nutrients.)
  • bacon
  • butter toffees
  • peanuts
  • breads
  • cheese, (in bread, pizza)
  • pizza

now my safe foods!

  • most fruits especially papaya, plum, pineapple, banana, nectarine, grape, pear.
  • most vegetables, especially yams, cauliflower, broccoli, chayote
  • sashimi, sushi (except for those with fatty fishes like tuna.)
  • also lettuce, cabbage, integral breads.

There is probably more to those, might update later. see you