fear doubt

Take Your Gatekeeping and Shove It.

So, this past weekend, I took my 11-year-old daughter to SuperCon to meet her favorite actor (and favorite Doctor), Peter Capaldi.

She wore a little blue TARDIS-decorated dress and some Doctor Who pins, and she nearly cried with joy when Capaldi greeted her for the photo op. He was a consummate gentleman and such a sweet and enthusiastic person.

An hour or so after the wonderful photo op experience, she and I were sitting at a table in the food court area.

A burly, older man plopped down nearby.  He looked at my little girl’s outfit, smiled, and said, “Do you even KNOW anything about Doctor Who?”

WTF, dude?

I was too stunned for a second to even respond, so he started right in with the ‘quizzing.’

“Who are the Doctor’s biggest enemies, and what planet does he come from?” this stranger asked.

Now I had moved past shocked and right into indignant/angry/protective mode.

“I don’t want her to be quizzed on something she loves, because I don’t want her thinking she has to prove ANYthing in order to be a fan,“ I told him.

Looking at my daughter, I said “You don’t owe strangers explanations or information, ok?“  She said OK and looked relieved.

Still he pressed on, patronizing grin and all: “Oh, I just want to be sure parents are raising their kids right.” Then he turned to my daughter again and asked “Who was the first Doctor, then?”

I cut him off right there. “No. I don’t want her quizzed. At all.”

Dude blinked in disbelief, sighed, and left about a minute later.

“Thanks,” my daughter said. “He was making me feel awkward.”

I held her hand and looked into her eyes. “Some men think they can have power over you by making you prove yourself. You never have to do it. They’re just insecure and pitiful, so they want to make you feel like it, too.  It’s not only about fan stuff, and it’s not always just men, but be careful not to fall into that trap, ok?”

That crap isn’t harmless fun. It sets up a pattern of approval-seeking, self-justification, self-doubt, and fear of exclusion that is very dangerous for children (particularly girls).

Fuck that.

TL;DR:  Do NOT come at me, my little girl, or anyone in my vicinity with your condescending, gatekeeping bullshit.

The next time, I won’t make the mistake of even TRYING to be polite.

Originally posted by tum-binha

Beauty and The Beast, a summary:

Belle realizes that the person everyone thinks is a monster is actually a decent guy.

LeFou realizes that the person everyone thinks is a decent guy is actually a monster.

11 writing problems and solutions

Writing is a craft. It takes time for anyone to learn and improve. But there are some shortcuts you can try, maybe adapt to your own needs. Here are 11 writing problems and their solutions, or hacks.

Too many ideas syndrome

Problem: You have too many equally good story ideas and can’t pick just one to write.

Solution: Select your top 3 favorite stories and write the first scene of all three. If you can’t decide, write the first chapter. The right project will be easier to work with, you’ll have fun writing it, you will be daydreaming about the story, you will love the characters. So, give away three chances instead of one.

Originally posted by gypsyastronaut

Outline spoiling the fun

Problem: Whenever you outline a story idea, it completely spoils your will to write it. The mystery is gone.

Solution: Instead of outlining the whole story, just make a clear goal on how your characters should end. Will they succeed? Will they fail? Will they be happy? Will they find redemption? Will they be wronged? Decide how your story should end and explore the plot as you go. Remember, no one will read your first draft, so just write.

Lost midway

Problem: If you are a pantser, you might get lost in the middle of the story, especially after the first plot point.

Solution: Give your story an ending. If you know where your characters will end up, you’ll have a better understanding of which routes to take. Always keep in mind how the story will end. Use it as the beacon of a lighthouse to guide you through stormy waters.

Creative block

Problem: You don’t have story ideas. Or nothing you have so far excites you enough for a novel.

Solution: Read a book or watch a movie completely out of your genre. This works like magic, I promise. I’m not a sci-fi person, but Akira has given me more story ideas than any movie and book from my own genre.

Originally posted by sunio

Writing anxiety

Problem: You are scared of writing, scared of starting a new story, or just scared of not doing a good job.

Solution: Write a fanfic. No one expects a fanfic to be a masterpiece (although many are). Fanfics are done for fun and for passion. So, write your book in fanfic format. You can even use fandom characters and aus in the process. When the story is completed, change back to original characters.

Editing as you write

Problem: You keep going back to previous paragraphs and editing instead of moving forward with your writing.

Solution: Write your novel by hand. This might sound like a lot of work, but it’s quite the opposite. The white screen of the computer urges you to review, to make it perfect, academic like perfect. The paper however, brings you back to the craft, to the urge of filling lines and pages. Handwriting also gives you the opportunity of sketching and doodling. 

Originally posted by kyoka-sui-get-su

Procrastination

Problem: Tumblr. Youtube. Email. Netflix. Bathroom. Fridge. Bed.

Solution: Go offline. Turn off your wi-fi. Use a device without internet connection. Or, if you keep fooling yourself and turning the internet back on, write your novel by hand. Give yourself a daily hour of internet, but live offline. And if you take unnecessary trips to the fridge or the bathroom, try the pomodoro technique.

Lack of plots

Problem: Nothing relevant is happening, your story looks kind of boring. Or the main plot is too weak for a whole novel.

Solution: Take a few days off. Just relax. When you are ready to go back, read what you have written so far. Maybe you were just tired. But, if the story really sucks, go back to basics. Ask yourself two questions. What type of story am I writing? How will this story end? Follow the answer like a map. Change what needs to be changed, even if you have to delete the whole progress. If you lack plots, don’t add fillers, just go back to basics.  

Weak main character

Problem: Your character lacks personality, voice and/or visuals.

Solution: Give your main character three things. An external battle. An internal battle. And an unique feature. The external battle is their goal, what they want to achieve, what they dream about. An internal battle is their fears, traumas, doubts, mental issues, prejudices and triggers to overcome. An unique feature is what sets them apart from other characters, maybe they have piercings, or tattoos, or pink hair, or lilac eyes, maybe they wear neon boots, or a mask, or mittens, maybe they are left-handed, or blind, maybe they have a scar, or a birthmark. Every amazing main character has external battles, internal battles and unique features.  

Originally posted by takeruandcaterpillars

Depression

Problem: You have no will to write. The passion is gone. You feel empty.

Solution: If you don’t have access to medical help, reading is a good way to reevaluate your career and regain your passion for the words. Read lots of books. Don’t worry about writing, just read. Lose yourself in fictional adventures. Read sci-fi, romance, horror, fantasy, crime, family saga, classics, foreigner fictions, fanfics, shorts, poetry. Immerse in literature. Literature can save lives.  

Strange dialogues

Problem: Dialogues seem too formal, or too much like the narration, or characters lack individuality.

Solution: Read your dialogues out loud while acting as your characters. You can find a quiet empty room for that. Be an actor. Go for the emotions. Record your acting sections, after all, you might improvise at some point.    

Originally posted by gmt1999

I just got back from a BBQ with a lesbian social group and let me just say

never ever think that it’s too late. 17 or 21 or 25 may feel old, but today I met a lady that realized she was a lesbian at 45 – after marrying a man and having three kids. now she has a girlfriend, and she manages a brunch group with other lesbians.

it’s easy to feel like you’ve lost so much time to self doubt or fear, and it’s okay to mourn that lost time. but it’s never too late to find happiness in who you are.

You were born from the earth. You must water yourself with love and compassion, feed your soil with learning, pick out the weeds of doubt and fear, allow yourself the sunlight of quiet contemplation.  You can’t just sit and wait for flowers to grow; tend to yourself, and watch how quickly you flourish. 

8th/12th* House: Fears and Anxieties
  • *Planets are in regard to what is in your 8th or 12th house!
  • Aries: Fear of Pain / Physical Intimacy.
  • Taurus: Fear of not meeting standards. Lots of eating disorders lie here (especially when dealing with 12th house).
  • Gemini: Social Anxiety.
  • Cancer: Fear of Emotional Intimacy.
  • Leo: Stage Fright.
  • Virgo: Fear of Doctors/Hospitals. May also have fear of Physical Intimacy.
  • Libra: Relationship Anxiety. Fear of losing their morals.
  • Scorpio: Paranoia, and even Schizophrenia in 12th. (However, this just points to a possibility, and is in no way a definite. It would just "up the possibility" of having it, not unalike to the genetic trace).
  • Sagittarius: Fear of Commitment. Fear of Restriction.
  • Capricorn: Fear of Emotional Intimacy. Fear of Poverty. Fear of those in Authority. (Which often drives them to be wildly successful!) (Last is more 8th-Specific)
  • Aquarius: Fear of Loneliness. Self-Doubt. Fear of not leaving an impact. Fear of, in their own minds, being "worthless".
  • Pisces: Fear of "Loss of Innocence". (Usually these people are scared of Physical Intimacy, Gore, and other "demoralizing" things).
  • Sun: Stage Fright.
  • Moon: Fear of Emotional Intimacy.
  • Mercury: Social Anxiety.
  • Venus: Relationship Anxiety.
  • Mars: General Anxiety.
  • Jupiter: Fear of losing something, anything / Fear of missing something once disposed of.
  • Saturn: Chronic Anxiety.
  • Uranus: General Anxiety.
  • Neptune: Paranoia/Anxiety. Often more geared towards creating the Worst Case Scenario.
  • Pluto: Paranoia.

its funny, the more you get to know other lesbians & their stories you realize how little you actually knew before about lesbians inner lives. the self-doubt, fear, loneliness, etc. we completely lack a common knowledge of what a lesbian existence feels like beyond the basic “attracted to women” part. i’m still surprised when i talk to someone and we share experiences and feelings like that, because i thought i was alone in my experiences for so long

Friendly reminder that literally everything in life is in your hands and you have the time to sort things out to prevent future issues or fix issues that have arisen. You’re the one who can sign up for programs, you’re the one who can block social media sites when you’re studying, you’re the one who can delete Instagram because you think it’s a source of negativity, you’re the one who can take free online courses, you’re the one who can drag your ass out of bed 30 minutes earlier than you usually do to go for a run, you’re the one who can use duolingo every day to learn a new language, you’re the one who can brave the morning cold to sit on your balcony or outside your place or on the curb or on a bench and draw the sunset, even if you think you’re not very good. So stop feeling angry at yourself for not making the small decisions that add up to create a better you, in more ways than one. Who cares if you’re not the best artist and dropped visual arts as soon as you could, who cares if you haven’t run in two years and never moved on from your high school athletics carnival, who cares if you’ll lose the great feed you set up, who cares if people will think you’re a bit of a nerd for taking coding courses or going on Hogwarts is Here, who cares if people will scoff as you tell them you’re learning an odd obscure language and question you. So ignore the stupid voice in your head, and the voices around you, don’t let fear, self doubt and laziness screw with the things you know you’ll benefit from. It’s in your hands, so act like it.

Guys My Age (2)

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Words: 4K

Warnings: SMUT. NSFW gifs. 

Summary: You’re playing truth or dare with the Avengers when Nat asks you when the last time you got laid was  and Sam dares you to pick a song that perfectly grasps why you haven’t had sex in so long.

A/N: Enjoy the smot. And please use protection people. Better safe than surprised. I think this is dirtiest fic I’ve written so far.

Permanent tag list: @meganlane84

Part 1

Keep reading

A long list of things that everyone deserves to hear:

-You are precious, priceless and extraordinary. In a hundred million galaxies, you will never find another.

-Crying is not a sign of weakness.

-You’re beautiful in so many ways.

-You are allowed to be angry, upset or scared about your current situation. Just never let go of the idea of a brighter future.

-“Sometimes it is better to be kind than to be right. We do not always need an intelligent mind that speaks, just a patient heart that listens.“

-Your negative days don’t make your good days any less valid or important.

-Forgive yourself for yesterday’s mistakes. Walk forward with your head held high; today is a new day.

-You don’t deserve the harsh words that you tell yourself.

-Reminder that you have friends that love and care about you in the world! We are all here for you!

-You deserve love, peace, happiness and hope.

-You are good enough.

-Be honest with yourself.

-You are made of stardust. You are a part of this universe.

-Find the beauty in the little and simple. Small acts and gestures shine brighter than the sun.

-“Bravery is not the absence of fear. Bravery is feeling the fear, the doubt, the insecurity, and deciding that something else is more important.”

-You are precious, loved, strong and supported.

-You are worthy of all the love and happiness that the world has to offer.

-Dream big.

-Worrying is toxic. It is what it is.

-People that come in and out of your life are not worth the stress. You are your top priority.

-Shoutout to you! You’re doing the best you can, and it is greatly appreciated!

-You’re a gem. What a wonderful mind you must have.

-Hang in there. I’m so proud of you.

The case of Lars.

I’m actually really happy there are many posts out there “defending” Lars. Not because I particularly like him, but becase he IS the most realistic human on the show.

Personally, I strongly dislike Lars, and I get why people do as well: He’s a self absorbed, egoist and extremely insecure person governed by his own fears and, so far, he hasn’t even proved to be somewhat useful in the face of adversity, like Sadie has.

BUT- and it’s a big but- I know why I dislike Lars so much, and it has to do with the theory I have that regarding certain things, we despise on others those traits we also have, and hate about ourselves. The reason I don’t like Lars- and maybe the reason some of you don’t, either- is because he is SO desperately, intolerably human, that he embodies the sheer vulnerability we all have and despise in ourselves.

Originally posted by sadiebarrigaofficial

In a narrative, the spectator is supposed to empathize with the protagonist, and we perform that role gladly: Wether it’s the sassy anti-hero that unconventionally saves the day; the righteous hero whose bravery and determination will outcome every obstacle; the antagonist that outsmarted everyone and won the game, we are expected to look at them, live through them, and ultimately, identify with them, therefore attributing those desirable traits to ourselves. Are you more a Snape, or a Harry? Which Crystal Gem are you? Which Madoka Character represents you best? In all of those, we can- and want- to believe we are as smart, as brave, as cunning and as strong as those figures, when adversity strikes, we can hold our own and we can win, because we are that great.

Lars…reminds us that is NOT the case. Lars is a human and a troubled teenager, and so he displays the angst the teenager mind goes through (especially if he interpret him as a trans character, just IMAGINE the amount of angst that adds). He doesn’t have any special powers, he’s not trained in anything that can help him, he goes to extensive- and somewhat ridiculous- lenghs to conceal the good things he DOES have going on for him, and if you’re perpetually starving to be something you are NOT (popular, traditionally cool), and negating what you are, it’s no surprise that most of the time you are going to be paralysed by fear, frozen with doubt, and with your sense of self worth downer than The Cluster.

Lars is insecure of himself and he remind us how we would most likely act in the face of true fear: one- some say the- most human fear, the fear of death. Lars shows us the self preservation instinct that would likely govern us in the situations the show presents, and we also shows us how powerless we could feel, how hard we would struggle before actually jumping to the unknown. We are, after all, only human.

Originally posted by rockstarhazel

That’s why I think Lars being in the show is so important, he doesn’t only offers a powerful contrast and mirror to the spectators, he’s the one that represents the most raw potential of growing. Lars’ arch can be develop to what Rose woud most admire: A human being. Troubled by his own thoughts, constantly struggling with himself, but constantly learning, constantly evolving. Just like us, mere mortals, do.

But you know, it’s fantasy and nobody wants to admit that, even to ourselves.