fear and loving in new jersey

musical things that are just constantly in my head

book of mormon

-hello, my name is jESUS CHRIST you have a lovely home
-oooOOOOo steve blade
-find the box that’s gay and CRUSH IT okay?
-just go BAP
-the fear that i might get cancer too [nervous laughter]

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Stand Up Fucking Tall

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Summary: Request fic for @mcr-scenester-plur.  “transboy!reader and bullets!gerard? (pre-t reader)”

“Shit, I need a drink,” Gerard said nervously, pacing the backstage area of the small Jersey club his band was performing at tonight.

“Gee, you’re a great singer, you’re going to be fine,” you assured him. “I’m the one who should be worried about his ‘performance’." 

"You’re not putting on any kind of show, babe,” Gerard reminded. “You’re just outwardly presenting as the man you’ve always been inside.”

“Still,” you sighed. “This one of the first times I’ve worn masculine clothes in public. I haven’t started T or anything. I bet I don’t pass at all. People might say I look weird -”

“And they can go fuck themselves,” Gerard shrugged, downing a shot Mikey had handed him. “Anyone who says My Chemical  Romance sucks can go fuck themselves, too." 

"The difference is, nobody is going to say your band sucks, because your music is amazing,” you protested. 

“You’re amazing, too,” Gerard said softly, pulling you close. “My amazing, brave, handsome, boyfriend." 

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GoT Fanfic: White as Snow (Part IV)

GoT fanfic: White as Snow (Part IV)

Tumblr - JONERYS Appreciation Week

Day 5 Prompt: SMUT

IV Part Short Story Fanfic / Modern Fairy Tale / Modern AU

Ratings: Mature (Part IV)

Summary: A modern Cinderella Story of a child whose world is turned upside down after the death of a parent. This child made to feel inferior, and in servitude to their own family. Will the love of another help pull them out of their darkness.

Read Part I HERE (link)

Read Part II HERE (link)

Read Part III HERE (link)

Read full story on Ao3 (link)

PART IV: Actions vs. Words

++o+ Age 21 ~ Early Fall Semester Junior Year +o++

“Hey, yeah babe, I am about five minutes away,” Dany says into her cell phone, pausing to listen to Drogo be grumpy because he has to wait. “Yup, I will meet you in front of Rockefeller Library, and yes I have your wallet.”

Hanging up Dany controls herself from rolling her eyes as she speed walks across campus.

“Daenerys that is a terrible habit. You weren’t raised to roll your eyes – there is nothing ladylike about it. Do not let me see you rolling your eyes again young lady,” Aerys Targaryen said with disdain to his only daughter when she was twelve.

Dany pushes the memory away, instead thinking about her boyfriend, Drogo is still living with his fraternity brothers even though his presidency ended last year as it was technically his senior year. The lack of privacy in his current housing situation means sleepovers are always at Dany’s off-campus townhome. He forgot his wallet at her place this morning, so she’s bringing it to him now.

It’s the start of Dany’s junior year and although Drogo was able to graduate at the end of last spring, he and his family decided he should stay at Brown one more semester in order to bring up his GPA. He wasn’t accepted into Harvard Law as expected, both his father and grandfather having studied there.

Maybe if he had spent less time at the million fraternity events last year, and studied more, he wouldn’t be in this situation. Dany thinks to herself. Dany learned quickly that being the girlfriend of a fraternity president was a huge time pull. Dany can count on one hand dates that she and Drogo had that weren’t related to his fraternity in some way. Everything from Spring Break, dinners out, university sporting events, etc. revolved around Drogo’s fraternity schedule.

Ugh, Dany scolds herself. She is just grumpy because she doesn’t want to think about the real issue in their relationship. The knot in her stomach returning, sex with Drogo was especially rough last night.

Drogo is a very sensual man who likes to be rough in bed, it is what he needs. He likes to be aggressive, while taking her from behind. It is the only way he can get off, frowning she remembers the couple of times he was willing to at least try to have sex with her differently.

They have tried missionary and even her on top. Both ways she had to beg him to just go at a slow and steady pace, not adding she wanted him to not pound into her like piece of veal. It was disastrous, absolutely disastrous. She can’t even be mad at him, it is not his fault he couldn’t get off. The sex lasted forever and ended up being even more painful for her. Even soft sex is not enjoyable when a woman becomes dry as a bone after an extended period of time.  She cringes remembering how awkward those encounters were, he did at least try. She will give him that. But she saw the concern on his face, he was probably thinking there was something wrong with her too.

The only good news, between YouTube videos and trial and error, she has learned to give the most amazing head. She would never admit it, but anytime Drogo initiates sex she attempts to seduce him into letting her pleasure him with her mouth. Drogo does love a good blow job, but like last night, sometimes he wants to “fuck his woman” the right way. She cringes at how sore she still is as she rushes across campus to give him the wallet that he forgot at her place.

Biting her lip Dany worries about her real fear. That there is something actually wrong with her because doesn’t enjoy sex. She doesn’t even know who she could talk to about this. She has no one really.

Talisa is visiting Robb this weekend and leaving for New Jersey late this afternoon. Since Robb has class the girls will be meeting for lunch after she gives Drogo his wallet. Robb and Drogo are frat brothers, no way she can talk to Talisa about her fears.

As she walks up the steps she sees Drogo laughing and talking with his study group, he waves and runs over to see her.

After thanking his girlfriend Drogo asks her if they can sit on a bench to talk.

“I spoke with my grandfather this morning, and I have a favor to ask,” Drogo starts, holding Dany’s small hand in his and running his fingertips up and down the inside of her palm.

“Okay?” Dany smiles, not sure what his grandfather could possibly need from her.

Drogo smiles with the confident look she has grown to admire, that is one thing Drogo does not lack…self-assurance. “My grandfather thinks that a phone call from your father to the admissions board at Harvard Law will help get me accepted. Will you ask him to do it?” Drogo finishes, looking at Dany expectantly.

As though he just asked her to pass the salt at dinner.

Dany realizes that Drogo hasn’t even met her father, and therefore doesn’t know him…but Aerys Targaryen is not a man you just demand favors from. Frowning instantly she doesn’t even know how to respond.

Dany can’t even imagine asking her father for this favor, picturing the look of loathing on his face at seeing his daughter asking him to help her boyfriend work the system. She knows her father, and how he thinks. It would be disastrous.

“Dany? Why are you making that face? I am not suggesting your dad pay for my law school. It would just be one phone call, I don’t see the big deal!” his voice slightly rising at the end.

Looking across the courtyard to compose herself, Dany sees a group of students playing with a Frisbee.

Jon Snow.

Seeing a young man that has the same shade of black hair, instantly reminds her of Jon. Although his has the soft curl that this other man’s doesn’t.

How ironic, the difference between Drogo and Jon. One man appalled and scorned her for trying to help him while the other is basically demanding she pull strings for him.

Frowning, Dany turns to Drago. “It isn’t that I don’t want to help you, but I know my father…he is not an easy man. Let me think about it please, I am honestly not sure how Father will react. He could even makes things worse for you.”

“My assistant made you an appointment, Daenerys. You will be meeting with our family physician and getting the birth control shot tomorrow. Now that you have this “Drogo” character as a boyfriend, I can’t risk another one of my children dragging our name through the mud. There is a three year shot, that’s the one you will be getting. Make sure you aren’t late for the appointment,” her father said while waiting for her to pass him the bread rolls during lunch on the terrace.

Dany has never bothered to tell Drogo she got the shot, both agreed early on that they would always use a condom. Drogo has a strict rule about it, he won’t even consider it. Which is fine with her.

Drogo scowls at the last part about Aerys possibly making things worse, but he also isn’t going to push Dany too hard. He has learned that she will put up with a lot…until suddenly she has enough and flips out. Breathing in and out to calm himself, knowing he will have his own family to deal with when they hear Dany may be unwilling to do this.

“Okay, thank you for thinking about it,” Drogo kisses her cheek. “I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t really important to me.”

No pressure, Dany thinks to herself. Remembering her lunch with Talisa she says goodbye and runs to meet her at the sandwich shop.


“Oh, Daenerys, I am so glad you were able to meet me for lunch. I love Robb to pieces but sometimes it is wonderful to just have girl talk,” Talisa laughs while sipping her mineral water.

“Thank you for asking me! I love catching up with you,” Dany says sincerely. “Okay, go on. You were telling me about Catelyn’s reaction to Sansa’s new ‘casual’ boyfriend.”

Talisa and Dany have a great laugh, at Catelyn’s expense. At least the woman isn’t being evil to Sansa’s first casual boyfriend. Just her usual meddling self.

“Oh, I am happy to report that I have gotten to know Jon better, he is Robb’s stepbrother,” Talisa explains to Dany before remembering. “Oh, I always forget, Robb mentioned that you and Jon were very close as children.”

Dany nods to confirm while taking a large bite out of her sandwich so she won’t have to talk about Jon. Praying the subject will change soon.

“So, I just couldn’t figure out why Jon seemed to be so aloof, and then it dawned on me – unless a really important event, he won’t go to their family home unless Robb’s mom is out of town!” Talisa blurts as though she is telling Dany about some huge breakthrough. “What irritates me is how tight lipped Robb is about Jon and Catelyn’s relationship.”

Dany nods as though listening to an interesting story. She has not heard a word about Jon Snow since she was at the New Year’s Eve party nine months ago. She even spent some time with Arya this summer when Dany flew into Manhattan to help with the Targaryen High school Internship program. Arya did not mention Jon even once. Nor did Dany ask about him.

“Daenerys? Did you hear my question?” Talisa smiles at her expectantly.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“I was just asking if you knew the backstory with Catelyn and Jon.” Talisa pushes, immediately making Dany feel defensive. Even after all this time, Dany can feel her hackles rising at the thought of someone getting in Jon’s business.

Talisa starts again, “Jon is such a sweetheart. That’s why it worries me that there may be an issue with Robb’s mom, like she may be the problem.”

Dany keeps her face neutral and gives away nothing, also feeling loyalty to Robb. Catelyn is his mom, and Talisa is his girlfriend. This really is a topic for Robb to work out with her.

“By the way, did Robb ever tell you about the first time I met Jon?  Well, Jon spotted Robb and me kissing at a Starbucks. It was before word had circulated about your ‘fake breakup’ to your ‘fake relationship’. Poor Jon thought Robb was cheating on you. And wow, what a reaction! The quiet brooding Jon we know, turned into a wolf right before our eyes.  He was furious Robb was cheating on you, yelling at him about how he was hurting you, and disrespecting you.”

As Talisa continues her story, a sadness washes over Daenerys. Deep down Dany knows that Jon has always cared for her.

It’s too bad he was never willing to actually show those feelings to her.

“I just had to ask, and yes, I will talk to Robb again about this,” she smiles at Dany. “It really is too bad you are with Drogo. Jon has been completely single since last Christmas and he is such an amazing guy. A little on the broody side, but you can tell he has a big heart.”

Numb, Dany just nods. It doesn’t matter.

She is with Drogo.


Jon listens as Arya and Sansa debate what songs to listen to on the car’s satellite radio. He smiles to himself, happy to hear that his sisters have found a peaceful coexistence versus the epic battles that would rage between them.

“How much longer until we get to Penn State, Jon?” Arya asks for the third time.

“Arya, you are the one that wanted to come with me on this campus visit! Stop complaining about how long the drive is!” Sansa hisses at her little sister, already irritated.

“Shut up, Sansa!”

“You shut up, Arya!”

“Girls! I am trying to drive here, I don’t think wrecking a rental car is a great way to kickoff Sansa’s first college visit,” Jon jokes, helping to diffuse the situation. He is happy Sansa set up this tour for the early fall, he knows a drive in the northeast can take three times longer during a snowstorm.

The sisters apologize and agree to enjoy the day, aside from touring campus Sansa has set up a meeting with some students that graduated from her high school to talk about the university.

Jon concentrates on the road, enjoying the silence of the girls while it lasts. He spent a lot of time with Arya this past summer as she was interning for the Targaryens at their Manhattan offices. His internship at a local middle school helping with their summer school program allowed him free time on the weekends. He is still focused on becoming a teacher.

“Jon, I’ve been wanting to talk to you, to apologize actually,” Sansa says nervously looking out the car window. “I figured talking while I have you trapped in a moving car is as good a time as any.”

Jon and Arya laugh at her joke, both separately appreciating the dry humor Sansa has developed in recent years.

“I spent a lot of time thinking about what an ass I was to you. I wish I could change everything,” Sansa’s voice shakes. She feels so guilty for how cruel she was to him as a child, knowing that Jon doesn’t even know half of the things she and mother did to him.

“We were children,” Jon say softly. He is a grown man, he wants to move forward with his life. No longer willing to wallow in his past hurts.

“I was awful, just admit it,” Sansa laughs, Arya snorts from the backseat of the car.

Chuckling Jon admits, “You were occasionally awful. But I’m sure I wasn’t great fun, always sulking in the corner.” Jon tries to lighten the mood, take some of the burden from Sansa. He knows it is not easy to apologize.

Dany, I miss you and I’ll be sorry for the rest of my life for ruining what we had.

Interrupting Jon’s thoughts Sansa asks, “Can you forgive me?”

“Alright, I forgive you,” Jon promises with a smile.

“So now that we have made up, I’ve waited years to ask you about something,” Sansa says, turning to roll her eyes after Arya kicks the back of her seat.

Jon grunts, already not liking the direction this conversation is headed.

“Did you and Daenerys Targaryen ever date?” Sansa pushes.

Jon visibly cringes but doesn’t want to shut Sansa out minutes after they agreed to move forward.

“Um, well that is a hard question to answer. Technically no, we never dated and we were never boyfriend and girlfriend,” choking on the words as they leave his mouth. Although true, Jon knows that there are no words to explain the love he had felt for Dany since they were just children.

“Technically?” Sansa says, noticing that Arya looks sad. “Did she break your heart, Jon?”

“No, absolutely not. Daenerys isn’t to blame. I loved her from the moment I met her, when we were eight years old. And then I messed things up,” Jon says sadly. “She is better off without me.”

They sit in silence for a several minutes.

“You still love her, I see it in your face. How can you not try to fix things with her?!” Sansa cries, not understanding. Sansa has not been in love yet, but she imagines it is the most wonderful thing in the world and she will fight for it when she finds it.

“Sansa, please stop!” Jon groans. “I did try to fix things with Dany. At the beginning of the year, I knew she had just started dating Drogo and I knew I had to try or I would regret it for the rest of my life!”

“Wow, and what happened?” Sansa demands, the suspense killing her.

“I wrote her, I told her that I still loved her and I was sorry for the way I acted. I needed her to know,” he deadpans, staring ahead while driving. “It was too late, I can’t even blame her. She’d moved on.” Locking eyes with Arya, she nods sadly. She knew about his letters and saw how upset he was when Dany shut him down.

Dany has been so kind to Arya over the years, whatever was going on between Jon and Danny, Arya was to stay out of the middle of them. Arya now making it a point to avoid mentioning Jon at all to Dany this past summer when she saw her for work.

“Yeah, sorry Jon…but Drogo is really hot, and really tall!” Sansa admits, as though telling Jon something he hasn’t already thought about a hundred times. Arya is quietly nodding her head from the back seat of the car.

Sisters, Jon thinks to himself. Sighing he remembers waiting anxiously for Dany to reach out to him after getting his letters.

Instead she sent a quick email, telling him it was too late and she needs him to just leave her alone. She has moved on and is happy. She also told him she wished him well in life. God that stung.

The siblings drive the rest of the way in silence, and don’t talk about Daenerys again. Jon is thankful for that.

+++o+ April – NCAA Fencing Championship +o+++

Dany and Arya are walking the streets of Manhattan, at a fast pace. “Arya! What is the big surprise?  And why do we need to walk so fast?! I am not wearing the right shoes to be running through the streets,” Dany laughs, only half kidding about her shoes. Her feet are already killing her.

Arya smiles as they reach the arena, pulling out the two tickets that will get them into Madison Square Garden. Knowing that Dany may resist she grabs her by the arm and quickly ushers her in. Arya was not counting on dinner taking so long, and the last thing she wants to do is miss her own brother’s fencing match. Especially since Jon and NYU are competing for a National Championship.

Dany is utterly confused, she was just at Madison Square Garden a few weeks ago for the Madonna concert. But she isn’t aware of any major headliners this week. Through her family connections she is always offered tickets to the best shows.  

As Arya hurriedly drags her into the seating area from a side entrance Dany realizes with horror what is happening. Arya has dragged her to Jon’s fencing match, the national championship at that!

“Arya! Why did you bring me here without asking me? Jon doesn’t want me here! This is his thing, I don’t belong here and you know it!” Dany hisses as Arya smiles sweetly and pulls her to their reserved seats. Seats that are in the direct line of sight of Jon as he begins his match.

Dany has to admit, she has always enjoyed fencing and had always regretted never having seen Jon compete.

As the match continues it is obvious he and his opponent are closely matched, but Jon is leading in points. During a break for water, Jon seems to be searching the stands. Nodding a hello when he sees Arya and then his eyes widening when he notices Dany sitting next to her.

Dany’s heart races, not sure if he will be unhappy she came. God, she is going to kill Arya for this. His coach begins speaking, so Dany and Jon need to break their eye contact.

As the match resumes, Jon keeps looking towards Dany nervously. Suddenly Jon loses an easy point, his concentration suffering because Dany is here. He is struggling to focus on fencing.

Dany turns her fury to Arya, “How could you do this to Jon? It’s the championships! My being here is not helping him at all.”

Arya shrugs and says, “I can’t help it if he is in love with you and can’t concentrate when you’re around.”

Dany blushes furiously but then gets over it. She cheers loudly for Jon and encourages him to concentrate and win. Arya stands up with her and joins in. Jon waves at them both, calming down.

Jon wins his match and earned his individual first place ranking. Dany and Arya are so happy they scream and cheer.

Although Jon is done for the night, a few of his teammates still need to compete. Jon is ushered off to the side of the arena and Dany watches as Robb, Talisa, Sansa, Rick and Bran race over to congratulate him. They were sitting even closer to the floor.

“Come on! Let’s go see everyone,” Arya calls as she begins working her way down.

“I’ll be right behind you,” Dany says and smiles as Arya excitedly runs off.

Dany looks back at Jon, celebrating with his family. As he should, what a huge accomplishment. She is proud of him.

And then she remembers that she is not part of Jon’s life, she doesn’t belong here. It’s his day. She quietly leaves, walking up the stairs to the main concourse level. She knows Arya will be able to get home with her siblings.

“Dany, wait!” Jon yells, running and catching up to her as she reaches the concourse level.

She is stunned he came after her, “Jon, hi. Um, I’ve gotta go, but I just wanted to say congratulations!”

Jon studies her, seeing how flustered she seems. It is suddenly very awkward between them. Dany gives him a small wave and begins to walk away.

Jon grabs her arm gently, “Dany, please…can I just have a minute. Seeing you again…”

Dany is suddenly upset, seeing him face to face. Hating how flustered she feels. Even resenting him for how much more handsome he has grown over the years. They were just eighteen the last time they talked.

“That’s right. The last time we saw each other was at Robb’s graduation party. You know, where you chewed me out as I cried and told you that I loved you,” Dany says emotionlessly.

Jon bites his lip, stunned. He feels terrible for how he treated her that day. He was hurt, but he was wrong to let his anger drive him to be so mean to her.

Dany regrets her words as soon as they left her lips. This is ridiculous, she is being petty. “Jon, I shouldn’t have said that. The bottom line, I just can’t keep doing ‘this’ with you anymore. We have separate lives, and it works well,” Dany pauses to steady herself. “You should just forget about our past, I have. No hard feelings okay?”

Jon thinks about the letters, she has already asked him to leave her alone. He understands her point and wants to respect her wishes.  

Jon swallows painfully before speaking. “I’ve heard from everyone what a great guy Drogo is, you are such a good person, Dany. You deserve to be happy and be with a good man that treats you well. I am happy for you.”

Dany forces a smile, although she had already broken up with Drogo months earlier she doesn’t correct Jon. He doesn’t need to know, it doesn’t really matter.

Finally Dany speaks, “I want you to know that I loved you my entire life, but I’m done now. We just weren’t meant to be.”

Jon nods, to show her he is listening.

“I really do wish you well, I hope you can see that no matter how people, who were so little, choose to treat you in order to feel big - - you are a wonderful person, Jon Snow,” Dany finishes.

Jon nods, agreeing with her. “I just need to say this, I am so sorry for how I acted during our fight at the graduation party. I would take it all back if I could.”

“I am also sorry for lying to you. I still would have done it, but I wish I had just been honest with you. You deserved that,” Dany reaches out her hand and Jon takes it. Both feeling a spark, both also assuming the other isn’t.

They let go and say goodbye before parting ways. Jon looks back at her as she leaves the arena. She never looks back.

As Dany walks through the streets of the busy city, waiting for her driver to meet her in order to drive her back to Brown, she thinks about her life.

All the money in the world didn’t make her happy. She thinks back to seeing Jon in the arena and being greeted by his siblings that love him. Tears stream down her face, she does love him and is happy for him. But also sad for herself.

++o+ Age 22 ~ Winter Break Senior Year +o++

“Daenerys! You made it, we were so worried about you!” Sansa says as she pulls a frozen Dany into their family home out of the raging blizzard. “Thank goodness Robb’s friend works clearing the snow and was able to get you here!”

Dany trembles as she steps into the Stark home, so thankful they were able to help her. Her car slid into a ditch in the next town over, the blizzard hit sooner than expected and she was not able to make it back to the city. Realizing how close she was to the Starks she called Robb on a whim.

“Glad you are okay, Daenerys. Are you sure you aren’t hurt?! Your car slid off the road?” Robb asks concerned.

“Yes, I hit a patch of black ice. Thankfully I was already driving slowly so it was not a bad accident. I don’t have a scratch. But the police and I decided to leave the car until after the storm passes.” Dany smiles, happy to be there but also trembling with cold and exhaustion. It’s been a very long morning.

“Jon hasn’t been home in months, we put fresh sheets on his bed so you can stay in his room tonight,” Sana says.

“Thank you, is Mrs. Stark here? I should thank her for having me over,” Dany forces a neutral tone. Although she will always despise the woman, her father would lose it if she didn’t use her manners.

“Nope, mother is doing her yearly New Year’s ski trip, she is in Colorado for the week,” Talisa chirps.

“Daenerys, you look pale, what can we do? Some tea?” Sansa offers again.

In the end it was decided Dany really needed to rest, she drank a cup of hot tea, took a quick shower and then crawled into Jon’s bed to sleep. Being so tired she didn’t even take a moment to look around before she fell into a deep sleep. She’d never seen Jon’s bedroom before.


“What the hell do you mean she was in a car accident?!  Where is she? I need to see her!” Jon exclaims, terrified that something may have happened to Dany.

Robb, Sansa and Arya exchange glances. They know that their brother is still madly in love with Daenerys Targaryen, and they doubt he would ever stop.

“We didn’t know you were coming home, we put her in your room. Mother isn’t home, so I’ll get her room ready so that she can move over after she awakes,” Arya says softly.

Jon would rather sleep on the kitchen floor then step foot in Catelyn’s bedroom.

“I need to see for myself that she is okay,” Jon says as he walks upstairs, leaving his siblings to wonder if the pair would finally find their way back to each other.

Jon slips in his room, being the early afternoon the light through the window blinds enter. The room was not completely dark. His heart skips a beat, seeing her peacefully asleep on the bed. Stepping closer to look her over he is relieved to see for himself that she doesn’t appear to have a scratch on her.

Unable to resist, Jon gently runs his fingers across her cheek. She is still the most beautiful woman he has ever known. And he knows he will never meet another that surpasses her beauty.

Dany wakes up, feeling someone touching her cheek. It sends tingles through her body. She gasps, then startled at seeing Jon.

“I’m sorry! They told me about your accident, I had to check on you myself,” Jon says, taking a small step back. Embarrassed to have been caught touching her cheek.

Dany sits up on the bed, endorphins running through her body now that Jon is in the room. She nods in understanding, she is lying in his bed after all.

Clearing his throat, “I wanted to surprise them and come home for a few days. So I took the bus in from the city. I had no idea you would be here, Dany…” his voice trails off.

“And if you did, I assume you wouldn’t have come?” she says, already knowing the answer.

Brooding, Jon looks away sadly. Dany knows him well, he never would have come here had he known that she was here. She asked him to leave her alone.

Realizing he really has no desire to even see her, her eyes glisten with tears but she does not cry.

Jon wants to explain himself, “Dany, it’s not that I don’t want to see you, it’s because - - “

Cutting him off, “Please don’t say anything else. Let’s not fight, I have accepted how things are.”

“And what is that?” Jon asks.

“Let’s see, I have always been the one to try with you. Never once have you tried to fight for me!” she mumbles painfully, hating how bitter she sounds.

His mouth falls open, thinking over their friendship over the years and he knows she has a point. He should have fought for her, been honest with her. “Dany, you are right, I made mistakes, and I just grew up doubting myself…in every aspect of my life.”

She gets so frustrated with Jon, angry tears filling her eyes. “Yes, your life sucked. It killed me all those years to see you hurting, but guess what?! You are not the only person that had problems in life. Although different, I was so lonely growing up. You never asked me about my problems… my drug addict brother, controlling father, all the times I felt so alone.

Jon’s eyes fills with tears, all this time he never was there for her. The person he loved the most. He felt sick.

“I was so stupid, I really thought…” Dany stops, catching herself. She isn’t willing to go there. Not now.

“What? What did you think?” Jon pushes, desperately trying to blink back his tears.

Dany says, “I was just a stupid girl, I convinced myself that you loved me too. But we all know that actions speak louder than words. I see it now, you never cared for me, at least not the way that I wanted you to.  And that is okay.”

Jon eyes flashing with pain while stepping closer to her, “I swear to you, I have loved you since I was eight years old! And I never stopped.”

Dany bites her lip, trying to follow all that he is saying while trying to keep an open mind.

Jon breathes in to calm himself before explaining himself to her. He tells her that he always felt like less. In fact he was raised to believe that. Explaining how he deeply regrets how he acted about the scholarship issue, he hated that she lied but he should never have treated her that way. There is no justification for that. Also admitting to her that moments later, seeing her and Robb posing for pics it made him crazy with jealousy. It also made him think that she did deserve better.  

“I wish I could go back in time and make different choices, but I can’t,” Jon slips her hand into his. “Dany, all I can promise you is that I’m still in love with you and I want to be there for you.”

Dany is torn, she hears him saying the right things, yet she keeps going back to the fact he never tried to fix things! If she and he hadn’t ended up at the Stark house during this blizzard, would he have just let her go? She wasn’t even worth a phone call from him?!

“Jon, I need to be honest with you. I feel like you never once tried to win me back. You never tried to fix things between us. And that hurts me,” she whispers painfully.

A look of confusion appears on Jon’s face, “I hate I made you feel that way, and probably too late, but I did try! I wrote you!”

“What?” Dany asks, genuinely confused.

They hear a commotion in the hallway and then quick, loud knocks on Jon’s bedroom door. Jon is surprised that any of his family would be interrupting them, so he knows it has to be important.

Quickly opening the door to find a very upset Arya standing in the hallway. Arya begins to explain that she went into her mother’s room to begin setting up so Dany could stay there tonight. When she went into the closet to get clean sheets she found something.

Jon and Dany share a glance, both concerned for Arya as she is always level headed and calm.

With trembling hands she holds out a small stack of letters. Jon’s eyes widen with recognition, Arya then begins to cry softly which shocks them both. Arya never cries! The last time Jon saw her cry was when their father died.

“Jon! I am so sorry, I see it now. I really see it. I can’t deny it, mother must hate you so much to hurt you this way,” Arya wipes angry tears off her cheeks, but they keep flowing.

Dany is quiet, not wanting to interrupt this moment between siblings.

Arya gasps out, “I feel sick, and I’m partly to blame too!”

Jon nods his head to dismiss Arya’s fears. He in no way blames his little sister for this mess.

“You wrote those letters while you were still here for winter break, and you begged me to mail them to Daenerys at Brown. I promised you I would mail them myself!” Arya gasps sadly, the pain clear on her face.

Dany’s ears perk up at hearing her name, what is going on?

“But I was busy, so I asked mother to drop them in the mail for me! She promised me she did,” Arya frowns.

Jon looks at the small stack of his letters, he poured his heart out to Dany. Writing out all of the things he should have said to her in person. But she never saw them. Because his stepmother, Catelyn, never sent them. Of all the things this woman has done to him, even the cruel things when he was a child, this one hurts the most.

Jon then noticing the letters had all been opened, he cringes imagining that Catelyn probably read them all. As Jon is lost in his own thoughts, trying to work through his feelings, Dany comforts Arya. Assuring her it is ok.

“Arya, Catelyn is still you mom, and it is normal for you to love her but not understand or approve of her actions. You can still love someone and accept that they are not perfect,” Dany gets tears in her own eyes. “The truth is I had to do the same with my own father long ago.”

Jon’s heart fills with warmth at how incredible and kind Dany is with his little sister.

Arya nods and leaves them. Arya tells the pair that everyone is heading down to basement for a movie marathon so they have privacy to work out their issues.

Jon is quiet and brooding as Dany gives him several moments to think. Then he explains to Dany that he wrote the letters to her when he was home for Winter break of sophomore year. He then walks over to his old laptop, opening his online email and doing a search by date.

Dany is trying to process it all, remaining quiet. She realizes that Jon did try to fix things, it was right when she started dating Drogo. Dany also knows, she would have said goodbye to Drogo in a heartbeat if things could have been mended with Jon.

“I still remember getting this email, it broke my heart. It was January tenth, right after the New Year’s when you started dating Drogo,” motioning for Dany to look at the laptop screen where there is an email that says it is from Daenerys Targaryen.

Frowning at the message, Dany realizes that “someone” sent Jon an email telling him that there was no hope and she also wanted him to leave her alone. Examining the message closely, it was a free yahoo account that anyone could have set up with the user name DaenerysBrownU, Jon had just assumed it was her new email - they hadn’t exchanged emails in a couple of years by that point.

It was genius.

“Jon, may I read the letters now?” Dany asks softly, hoping he will say yes.

Jon nods his head for yes and places them in her hands. He meant every word he penned, she deserves to hear the truth. Even if it is too late now.

“I agreed to make dinner tonight. It’s still early but I can start working on it. I’ll leave you here so you can read them in peace,” Jon kisses her cheek before walking towards his bedroom door to leave. Looking back at Dany and clearing his throat nervously, “Again, I’m sorry…and even if you can never love me again, I will accept it. Being able to have you, even just a friendship again, would mean the world to me.”

Dany nods, not sure how to feel about all of this.

As Jon leaves his bedroom, shutting the door behind him, Dany sits down and pulls all of the letters out of their envelopes. Three letters, it appears that Jon wrote her a little every day for three days.

As Dany reads them she is overcome with emotion. His words are so open and raw.

He tells her about his childhood, the things she didn’t see. The things he never showed her. He also tells her that meeting her at the lowest point in his life played a big role in who he was today. He describes what he thought of her, how kind and sweet she was. How he was amazed upon getting to know her that her inner beauty could be a hundred times more than her exterior beauty.

He was open with her about how he felt about Ned, and that it has taken him years to accept and forgive the father he still adores. But as he became an adult, he saw clearly that Ned was either blind or didn’t care that Jon was treated differently than Catelyn’s children. Jon also accepted his own role, he should have stood up for himself. Even as a child, he should have said something. He took the easy route, to avoid conflict.

Jon then tells her how no girl ever compared to her. She was the person he compared everyone and anyone too. But he also was dealing with years and years of neglect and scorn at home. It made him feel small, while he saw her as strength and perfection.

He admits there was a part of him that even questioned why someone like her would even consider him a friend. But he was too desperate for her attention that even if she had done it out of pity, he needed her in his life. Dany cries reading this, she had no idea he felt this way.

Jon then tells her what it meant to him, to spend time with her as a young man. Realizing how his childhood adoration because a passion he didn’t know existed. He admits that even thinking about her would be enough to make him feel desire, she was the literally the only person he could ever imagine being with.

From the first kiss they shared when they were fifteen, she set the standard for all others. She was his everything.

And then Jon tells her why he was so upset about her lies, he does admit that aside from being so sick of a life filled with lies and half-truths – a large part of it was his injured “pride” and he realized it shortly after. He also felt sick for the way he spoke to her, and he hated himself for walking away from her as she cried.

He regrets ignoring her two emails that she sent in the days following their argument. He had planned to call her, to apologize. He also wanted to tell her right away what happened with NYU and fencing.

And then he found out that she was dating Robb, so shortly after their fight. He is honest about his feelings towards Robb, the brother he had grown to love, yet also so many conflicted feelings because of how Catelyn tried to pit them against each other. Dany saw all of this growing up, it was horrible how Jon was treated.

Dany tries to imagine how she would feel if she had a popular sister, that Jon would date. She cringes, knowing she would lose her mind with jealousy.

He even mentions Ygritte, when he wrote the letters he had just split with her. He is honest about how he allowed this woman to be in charge, and run their relationship. He also admits he was desperate for affection of any kind.

He admits that he did love her to a certain extent, although their relationship was toxic and flawed he did learn a lot about himself. So he has no regrets, maybe only how long he stayed with her when knowing things were not right between them.

And then he promises her, that although he tried to be happy with another, he realized that no woman would ever compare to her or have his heart the way that she always would.

He ends his letter professing his love and begging her to give him a chance to prove himself to her. He knows he has a lot of work to do, and he doesn’t expect anything from her. He just wants a chance to try, because he loves her and he believes that he can make her happy.

Jon ends his letter listing out his cell, address and email address and asking her to please let him know.

Dany puts the last letter back in the envelope, seeing that although all three have stamps and her name and address clearly written - - there is no sign of being processed through the post office. Catelyn never even tried to mail them.

Dany shakes with bitterness, that awful woman. Dany will never forgive Catelyn Stark for all that she had cost them.


Dany goes downstairs to join Jon in making dinner. He looks up nervously as she enters the kitchen.

Dany’s heart is racing as she walks over to him and pulls him into a hug, the tension leaving his body as he pulls her close. They hold each other in silence for a few minutes until Dany can’t wait any longer.

Placing her hand on his cheek, “I forgive you, Jon Snow.” His eyes light up hearing the words.

Dany presses her lips to his as she moves her hand to gently pull on the dark curls at the base of his neck. Jon pulls her even closer, pressing their bodies together as their kisses deepen, their tongues exploring each other’s mouth.

Taking a moment to breathe as she gasps, her knees shake as Jon squeezes her hips and kisses her jaw and neck gently.

“Jon, we have to do better. No more lies, no more hidden resentments, we need to talk to each other. No more secrets between us,” Dany says as Jon kisses lower to suck on her collar bone. Feeling a zing of pleasure in her core, she can feel herself getting wet for Jon. She has never wanted someone so desperately in her entire life.

“Yes, I agree, Dany,” Jon says firmly.

She pushes Jon against the counter and traps him in, their eyes meeting with passion and trust. She considers getting on her knees and taking him in her mouth, then quickly dismissing the idea because they are not home alone.

“Fuck, Dany. When you look at me that way….you are killing me,” Jon says hoarsely while controlling his passion for this beautiful woman that he loves.

Dany nods and presses her body against his, feeling his hard dick against her stomach when she does. She needs to be with him, and now.

“You are right, and I know we can do it. You are still my best friend and the person I want to be honest with. I want to be that for you too,” Jon pledges as the couple smiles and kiss slowly.

“Dany, will you be my girlfriend?” Jon asks slowly, feeling a little nervous.

“Absolutely, I love you, Jon Snow.” Dany says with a huge smile.

“I love you too,” Jon says kissing her.

The lasagna he assembled is prepped and ready to bake. He scribbles a note with cooking instructions and leave it on the fridge for his siblings, dinner won’t be for many hours. They can figure out the rest of dinner.

Kissing his neck and running her hands all over his body as he rushes to clean up in the kitchen. He is groaning as she teases him, touching the large bulge in his pants while kissing his neck. It takes all of their self-control not to relieve the sexual tension they both feel in that moment. Jon would love to take her against the counter and feel her quiver around him.

Finally the lovers run upstairs giggling with anticipation and nervousness. In the hallway Dany grabs Jon’s hand and pulls him away from his bedroom.

“Dany? My room is the other way, where are you going?” he asks with confusion.

She  pulls him to Catelyn’s bedroom and gives him a wicked smile. “I am taking you into her room so that we can make love all night long in her bed. And her shower, and her closet, her dresser, etc.”

Jon’s eyes widen as his jaw literally drops.

“I imagine us, maybe five years from now, we will still be together of course,” Dany whispers seductively in his ear as he nods in agreement, “suffering the company of your wicked evil stepmother at some random family function and we can share a smile, knowing that the first time you came in mouth was while lying on her bed.”

Dany gently bites his earlobe when finished and Jon has to breathe in and out to calm himself.

“I like how you think, my love,” Jon laughs as they enter Catelyn’s room and lock the door behind them.


The lovers smile shyly at each other as Jon pulls Dany into his arms to kiss her.

Holding the other tightly their gentle kisses become desperate. As though afraid their love is too good to be true and could end at any moment.

“Jon, can we go slowly?” Dany hates thinking about Drogo in this moment, but her fears are resurfacing with each moment that passes. What if… Clearing her throat nervously, “Please, just be gentle…okay?” she mumbles nervously looking up to meet Jon’s gaze.

She can see his eyes working to understand what she is asking, watching as he desperately searches her face as though trying to understand why she is asking this.

Gulping and calming himself, on his life he’d kill anyone that has hurt her. “Look at me Dany,” he insists as she meets his intense stare. “I will never hurt you. Ever. There is nothing that I would want, that would make me feel good…if it caused you any kind of pain or made you uncomfortable in anyway.”

Dany’s lip trembles, believing every word he says. She loves and trust Jon.

“You can tell me anything, even if it is a ‘get the hell off’ – whatever, whenever. No matter what, okay?” he pushes, making sure she is hearing him,

She smiles confidently, “Okay. Same for you, even if a ‘please use less teeth’, got it?” Dany asks as she begins lowing the zipper of his jeans she begins to lower to the ground. Jon’s mouth falls open at her insinuation.

“You promised me sex on Catelyn’s bed,” Jon teases while helping Dany back to her feet and moving them towards the bed as she laughs loudly.

The lovers kiss softly while taking their time to undress. Before they finished taking off all of their clothes Jon leans down to pull Dany’s nipple into his mouth while his hand caresses her other breast. She feels the wetness between her fold, she is so aroused.

“You are so beautiful, you are going to be the death of me,” Jon moans before kissing his way to her other nipple and teasing the puckered pink nipple with his tongue. Dany runs her fingers through his beautiful raven hair, tightening her grasp when pulls her nipples into his mouth and she feels the pleasure shoot all the way to her sex.

“Jon,” she pants, controlling herself from begging for more, she desperately wants more from him.

They pause to crawl on the bed, lying side by side as they hold each other, both breathing erratically.

Jon has never been so aroused in his life. His fantasies always pictured what Dany would look like naked, his imagination didn’t even come close to how fucking sexy she is. His dick twitches with just looking at her.

They resume kissing softly, caressing each other lovingly. Jon kisses and licks her breasts, loving the way she moans. Finally Jon knows what he wants to do, he wants to taste her. He needs to feel her coming with his mouth pressed to her sex.

Jon pulls away as Dany instantly complains, pouting. “Patience, my love,” he teases her. Grabbing two throw pillows from the head of Catelyn’s bed, “Which of these looks more expensive?”

Dany laughs loudly and points to the one with intricate embroidery. Jon smiles wickedly as he encourages Dany to lay back and slides the nice pillow right under her ass. She props herself up on her elbows and bites her lip, assuming he is going to lie on her and slip inside of her. She feels really ready, she spread her legs trying to pull him close.

“Soon, but not yet,” he says leaning down to kiss the inside of her knee. Dany looks confused and then nervously surprised as Jon resumes kissing his way down the inside of her thigh. Her breath catching, realizing he is going to kiss her there. She bites the inside of her cheek in anticipation, she had never had this before.

“Dany, you are so wet for me,” Jon groans while using his fingertip to caress her sweet lips and then circling her clit. Dany gasps at the sharp pleasure she feels, curling her toes. That is the moment that she realizes, being with Jon Snow is going to be unlike anything she has ever experienced or imagined.

Jon leans down, kissing her sex as she throws her head back crying out his name. Dany has never felt such pleasure, it is like a wave that keeps rising and rising. She grabs his head and pushes him closer, she can’t stop herself from pushing closer to his face. She is desperate for him to make her come, never has she been wound so tightly.

Jon grabs a hold of her legs and hips, holding her down as he gets more ardent with pleasuring her sweet pussy. Dipping his tongue inside of her she screams and grunts as her legs begin shaking desperately. Jon continues to pleasure her as she rides out her orgasm.

Dany falls back on the bed with her arm flung over her eyes, gasping desperately for breath. That was the most amazing orgasm she has ever experienced. She looks at Jon with lust and desperation. In that moment she knows, even if she has to kidnap and chain him to a wall - - she will never let me him go. She’s be a damned fool to do so.

“Keep looking at me that way and I am not sure how much longer I will be able to stretch this out, babe,” Jon hisses, his eyes hooded with lust. Smirking at her as he bends down to wipe her sweet juices off his face on the pretty pillow. Dany laughs deeply, she has never been so happy, so safe.

“Jon, I need you,” she whispers. Even though a little nervous she holds her hand out to him as he moves up to lay down next to her she slowly rolls to her side and presses herself against his side. Her hands gently roaming his body, paying extra attention to his hard shaft.

Jon may not be the tallest guy, but his member is impressive. She decides in that moment that even if does hurt, she will gladly take it. She yearns to please him, she wants to make him lose himself while he is inside of her. She would do anything for him, anything at all.

Licking her lips softly she stares into his eyes as she kisses him softly. Jon tries to deepen the kiss, but she pulls away teasingly. His eyes getting dark, she can see how much he needs her, and she loves it. While maintaining eye contact Dany kisses slowly down his body. Her tits ‘accidently’ rubbing against his firm dick as she slides down.

Jon is actually panting now, “Dany, baby. I need to be inside of you. I need to feel you on my cock–” Jon groans loudly as she uses that moment to suck on the tip of his dick.

“Shit!” Jon groans, fisting the sheets. “You are killing me, I don’t know… It’s been a really long time for me. I don’t know how long I will last” he adds sheepishly.

Dany smiles and kisses his tip again before licking the underside of his dick, from the base to top. Jon hisses with pleasure.

“Remember what I promised you, I want you to come in my mouth. I want to taste you,” Dany smirks as she reach for another of Catelyn’s fancy pillows to help support her chest while she leans over to give Jon his amazing blow job.

His hips thrusting in and out of her mouth as she sucks him off. He warns her when he is close, desperately grabbing the throw blanket in case she wants to move away. As much as she would have enjoyed his getting the evil stepmother’s throw dirty, she wants to taste him.

Jon is in awe as Dany deep throats him as he comes in her mouth, she swallows his seed.

He collapses on the bed, unable to think coherently. That was the most incredible thing he has ever experienced, wow. Shit, she is really good at this. He smiles happily.

Jon pulls Dany up to lie beside him, holding her close to him as he tries to calm his breathing. Kissing her forehead, “Dany, I don’t have any condoms. I can see if Robb has any he can spare.”

Clearing her throat, “I’m actually took the birth control shot, it’s been a few months for me too. I’ve never had sex without a condom, but I understand if-“

“It’s ok, it has been months for me too and I also have since had the tests, I am clean. I’ve also never had sex without a condom. I trust you, Dany.”

The couple smiles and kisses lovingly. Jon touching and caressing her body as she squirms next to him. She is impressed how quickly he gets hard after the blowjob she just gave him.

They smile, kiss, hug and make promises for their future. Jon is careful to ensure she is comfortable and feels safe.

They lie side by side pleasuring each other, until they can’t wait any longer. Jon flips his love to lie on her back as they kiss passionately. Pausing to rest forehead to forehead, Jon needs to make sure she is ready. His voice shaking, “Dany, are you sure? Are you ready?”

Dany remembers being anxious  earlier, but in this moment all she wants is for Jon Snow to take her, she wants him to make her his. “God yes, please Jon. Make love to me. I need you!” she cries out as he moistens the tip up his shaft with her juices, her sex incredibly wet again.

Jon slowly fills her and she groans loudly with pleasure. She loves the feeling of Jon’s body pressing against her as he pushes deep inside of her. She instinctively bends her knees, wanting him to be as close to her as possible.

Jon pushes up on his arm to really look at her, she sees complete adoration on his face, as though he can’t believe she is actually with him.

If only he could know how long she has wanted him, how long she has wanted this.

“Make love to me, Jon. Please,” she mewls as he groans in response and begins slowing stroking in and out.

Dany moans loudly with pleasure and a tremendous sense of relief. She wants to scream with joy because his dick is making her feel so good. She is loving every second of this.

Jon smiles at her obvious enjoyment, he loves to see her happy. They kiss ardently, enjoying their deep connection.

When suddenly their lovemaking passes the point of pleasure and both get very aroused and passionate at the same time. Suddenly Dany aches for more.  She had never been one to want more, or harder, or deeper during sex. Panting she feels her pleasure building up, as her hips begin moving against Jon.

Dany watches as Jon slowly breathes in and out, as though to calm himself. She realizes he is holding back.

Of course he is, she asked him to be gentle. And he is trying so hard.

“Jon, I’ve never felt anything like this before. Never. You are my everything,” Dany whimpers and Jon hisses hearing her sounds of encouragement.

“Jon, I am ready, I love you, I trust you…let go baby. Don’t worry about gentle, make me yours. I trust you, I trust you,” Dany whimpers as she grabs his ass, encouraging him to fuck her properly.

Jon hesitates for a moment until Dany leans up and bites his lower lip. Her eyes screaming that she wants to be taken, and hard.

Jon kisses her forehead, “I love you, say stop if…  For any reason, and I will. Got it?”

“Got it, but please Jon. Please, don’t make be beg…make me come baby.” Dany gasps as Jon begins pumping with passion into his love.

Dany’s eyes rolls back, never having experienced such pleasure in her life. Nothing compares to the pleasure she is getting from Jon’s dick. She had no idea anything could feel this good.

Jon grunts and moans as he slides in out of her wet tightness.

Dany comes first, crying out and shaking, begging him to keep going.

The moment she starts to calm down after her high, Jon’s fingertips suddenly caressing her clit causing her to gasp loudly and then shocked as she begins clenching around him again.

“Oh, fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” Dany cries as her second orgasm rips through and her body shakes desperately.

Jon smiles and kisses her lips, cheeks, tip of her nose. Both of their bodies glistening with sweat as they make love. Making love on his stepmother’s bed.

Dany, completely sated lies under him, she looks dazed, and completely shocked. He doesn’t know what the hell things were like between her and Drogo, nor does he care. Because he is with her now and always.

Jon plans to make her come, hard and often…for the rest of their lives.

Dany calms herself and pulls Jon back to her, smiling and kisses him. “Tell me what you need, I want to make you happy. I want to satisfy you.”

Jon groans and kisses her lovingly as he begins slowly thrusting in and out of his love. The sounds of skin slapping against skin making him more and more frantic.

Dany moans and arches her back under him as he leans down to take her nipple in his mouth. She gasps loudly as Jon groans, seeing it in his eyes, he is taking what he needs, and she loves it. She relishes in pleasing him, she loves he feels pleasure from her body.

To Dany’s shock she starts to feel a strong pull in her stomach, her walls quiver around him, it is the fourth time she comes. Jon moans and grunts, snapping his hips and hitting her sweet spot as she gasps and grunts with each deep thrust into her.

They both cry out at the same time, Jon pushing into her as he comes inside of her.

The lovers collapse together on the bed, holding each other with adoration.

Jon’s mouth gaping open as he tries to catch his breath. Making love to Dany is like nothing he has ever experienced before. He imagines it’s the combination of her sweet body and his complete adoration of this woman that makes it extraordinary.

Dany can’t stop smiling, never realizing how important this piece of a relationship is. Who knew? She wonders happily.

“Jon, I need to be honest with you,” she says seriously, still breathing roughly to catch her breath. She smiles realizing her core is still pulsing with the aftershocks of her orgasm.

Jon rolls over to look at her carefully, “What is it? Are you okay?” Concern etched on his face.

Dany places her hand on his heart realizing it is pounding furiously, “I am never going to let you go, even if I need to chain you to a wall and make you my sex prisoner. I just wanted to be upfront about it.”

Jon bursts out laughing and holds her tight, kissing her passionately.

They look around the room, Dany commenting that Catelyn’s dresser looks very sturdy.

+++o+ End of Part IV of IV +o+++

Author’s Note: The prompt for today’s JONERYS APPRECIATION WEEK was SMUT. This love scene was only 14 years in the making. They met at age 8, and found their happiness at age 22. Thank you for reading!

I will be participating in days 6 and 7 of JONERYS APPRECIATION WEEK, with something else as this story is over. Our Cinderella found his princess, and they live happily ever after. Together and in love.

Office Sweet

In which Ludwig, the boss of a designing firm, falls in love with his newly hired intern.  

Chapter 1 I Chapter 2

Next and last update PERHAPS for Monday the 12th. The coming chapter is a really long one and I have a really busy weekend, plus a busy Monday since I start classes again. There’s a huge probability I won’t have it for Monday, if not, it will surely be up for Friday the 16th. Hope you enjoy this chapter still and please be patient for the next and last.

                                                    Chapter 3

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Title: Support Beam
Author: knowyourrights
Artist: idjitsaviors
Rating: Mature
Length: 24K words
Pairings: Dean/Cas (Cas/Meg, Jo/Gabe)
Warnings: Underage (kind of)


Time: A Friday night, 1983
Place: A New Jersey suburb

This is where it all happens. This is where Cas’s story starts. 

He’s seventeen, and he’s about to fall into a world of sex, pain, euphoria, neon lights, love, drugs, fear, partying, danger and dirt.

And Cas swears he’s going to stay grounded in reality through all of this, and he is lying.

Because if you’re going to fall, you need to get off the ground at some point.

Link to Fic

Link to Art

Loving the Dead

So… Vampire Goldgraves AU. I’m pretty excited.

Warnings: Blood, mild gore, violence… it’s a vampire story, after all.

The streak of murders starts in October, but it reaches its peak in November. It swells slowly and steadily, growing under the frozen, slush-choked skin of winter New York and the garlands of orange paper pumpkins hung for Halloween, like a big, invisible maggot crawling its way up through the sewers. The sewers. Percival still can’t think about them without feeling sludgy water at his ankles and tasting blood and bile in his throat, cold lips kissing his throat and telling him he’ll die here like a rat – and no, that really does not fucking help.

He fumbles with his cigarette, the lighter flickering uselessly for a couple of times, till the tip finally sparkles with its russet fire and he can stuff it between his lips and take a drag. Hot, bitter smoke fills his lungs, burns his ribs from within. Smoking still brings him pain, bones and skin too tender from knitting together and healing. He welcomes the sting.

“Seven victims,” he says, as he has done half a dozen time in the previous weeks. “Two no-majs, five wizards – three women and four men. Different background, profession, age, ethnicity. No discernible connection among the victims. Same modus operandi – throat ripped out, a variable number of broken bones, crushed chest. Hearts carved out, post mortem. Hearts never found.”

He stops. He always stops at this point, always hesitates – and he hates himself for this. He feels an earthy, metallic taste on his tongue, mixing with the tobacco, and here comes the strange, jarring thought that’s probably how a human heart tastes like. He could really be the right person to ask, after all. He tasted his own blood, several times – Grindelwald’s too, the one time he bit at his hand, mad with fever and pain, sinking his teeth hard enough to tear off a chunk of flesh like a rabid dog.

There’s also a scar, running down his sternum under his pristine white shirt, so deep Healers couldn’t heal it. Grindelwald promised him he’d take his heart, when everything was over. He nearly did.

From the other side of the polished ebony desk, Seraphina waits, an exhausted butt burning on her lips, waiting for him to calm down, to collect himself. He hated it too. And he hated the look in her eyes.

“The crime scenes are generally located in Manhattan, but that’s about all we can say about it. The first two crime scenes, the no majs’ ones, are connected to the port.  But then things got messy.” Percival twists his mouth, leaning on the large, holographic rendition of New York city hovering over Phina’s desk. Its pale pink and blue lights brush his face, shine on his hands. He lets his fingers skim through the streets he knows so well, the tall, sturdy buildings and shining horrors of glass and brick he’s sworn to protect almost two decades before. It helps, waving off some of the hate, and at the same time it hurts. “Moreover, there’s something about the bodies. The first victims seemed to have died out of sheer trauma – a broken neck and a ribcage ripped out so hard it broke into pieces. It must have been messy – rushed. It must have hurt like Hell.”

Seraphina cocks her head on the side – reaching out with one slender hand to pull at the jewel-encrusted pins holding her hair. It tumbled down on her shoulders, free and snow-white, grazing her neck. She cut it the morning after they found him in the underground cell – because it was time for a change, she said. It reeks of penitence, but Percival never told her.

“You’re thinking about something.” It was not a question.

“It may be nothing.”

“it’s more than we have now,” she says, looking him in the eye. “And we’re running out of time. Please, Percival. Talk to me.”

He turns his head – averting his gaze. He breaths in another mouthful of smoke, thinking about the broken bodies he’s visited like in a grim series of dates, glassy eyes and ribs open and exposed, blood congealed overnight. That cavernous dark where the heart should be, wide and gaping. “I think this is the killer’s first attempt at murder. I think the first kills were tests.” He flicks off the ash on his cigarette. Inside him, something echoes the hollowed chests of those bodies, twin empitnesses calling to each other.

“I think the motherfucker is training.”

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I’m tired of thinking and wanting to know the meaning of everything, I just want to be FREE…free from my thoughts and my knowing of Me.

I’m ready to let go and finally BELIEVE, that my higher self, my divine mind is watching out for me.

I want to sink into the Ocean and soar far beyond the skies, I want to dance with all the Stars that twinkle in the dark night.

If I could get my mind right, just LET GO and be free…abandon all fear, and live thru LOVE unconditionally. ~LotusBlack

Bayonne, New Jersey

Coming Out (”Unexpected” AU) - Chapter 1

More than a dozen years have passed since Dipper and Mabel have visited Gravity Falls. Is now the time to reveal their secret?

Chap 1 | Chap 2 | Chap 3 | Epilogue

This story is written as a response to an Ask from @robertalfredking4: “Prompt idea: Dipper and Mabel going public with their relationship.” 

I decided to place this story within the same AU as my last fic “Unexpected”, but more than 12 years after the final scene of that story. It is not strictly necessary to have already read Unexpected before this story, but it is helpful.

As a bonus, see here for a wonderful illustration of Cassie, courtesy of the incomparable @pinestimes2. I think she’s adorable! 

SFW fic begins under the cut, a bit over 13K words all told. TW: incest.

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Title: Support Beam
Author: knowyourrights
Artist: Idjitsaviors
Rating: Mature
Pairings: Dean/Cas
Warnings/Tags: Underage (kind of), High school AU, set in the 80s, Party scene, Comedy, Drama, Questioning sexuality, Angst, Childhood best friends
Posting Date: 10/31/2017


Time: A Friday night, 1983
Place: A New Jersey suburb

This is where it all happens. This is where Cas’s story starts. 

He’s seventeen, and he’s about to fall into a world of sex, pain, euphoria, neon lights, love, drugs, fear, partying, danger and dirt.

And Cas swears he’s going to stay grounded in reality through all of this, and he is lying.

Because if you’re going to fall, you need to get off the ground at some point.

- - -


Dean is clinging to the roof that sticks out from under my window, his feet slipping on the loose shingle that should have been replaced long ago, just like my lamp. His nails dig into the wood lining the glass panes, while his other hand taps desperately at it.

“Come on, it’s freezing out here!” he says, as he notices that I’ve pulled the curtains back.

I pull the window up, the cold hitting me in an instant, and, with great difficulty, Dean slides through and lands in a heap on my bedroom floor. Before I close the window, I glance out at the yard. Right by the roof that Dean was standing on stands a birch tree, which I assume he climbed to get up here. Ten feet back, our fence stands, and behind that, a house identical to ours, and another wall ten feet back, and so on. The same house, and the same ten feet go on for miles. If I’d never been to Toronto when I was twelve, I would have thought that they were the only houses in the world. They all look the same, with minor differences only visible if you squint. Some have neater yards. On some the paint is more chipped. Some, you need to turn and look the other way when you pass them, because kids from your school live there, and their hollow eyes make you never want to visit their homes, because everyone knows what’s going on.

It’s a lot like that.

My yard’s empty, since it’s a cold Fall and we’re too old for any purpose that it served before. I remember, when I was younger, Dean and I would spray each other with water pistols, while Sam begged to join in, and Hannah, who was having a “rebellious” phase, sat with a magazine and refused, then shouted at us whenever she got sprayed.

I close the window and turn to face my best friend, who’s now standing up and has taken it upon himself to put on one of my sweaters.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

Dean gives a smile and shrugs. “I don’t know. I was bored. You live close.”
Despite being almost 5 months younger than me, Dean’s inches taller. Sandy brown hair tumbles over his forehead, growing out from a crewcut. Freckles sprinkle his face and his green eyes glimmer with mischief.

“It’s eleven at night, Dean.” I fold my arms, pretending that I’m not happy to see him.

“Come on, Cas. Don’t you want to show me your blueprints?” He gives a wicked grin, knowing I won’t be able to resist the temptation.

“You’re a total loser.” I say, as I pick up my sketchbook, because Dean knows how to use my weaknesses, and I know that the kid will be the death of me one day. Maybe not directly, but I know that when I finally hit the ground, it’ll be because of him and his persuasion.


Words: 2,464 (damn this got long)

Relationship: Spencer Reid x Reader


Hi, can you please do a Spencer Reid x Reader where the team just finished a case in Vegas and the reader and Reid get very dunk and end up doing a bunch of stuff that they can’t remember doing. Things such as the reader or Spencer getting a tattoo or a piercing or even both, the reader getting a pixie cut and dying her hair a very bright color, and lastly the two got married to one another and the team gives the two a bunch of crap for their drunken mistakes.

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Celebrating Motherhood Every Day with Illustrations by Sora Ceballos-Lopez

To see more of Sora’s illustrations, follow @soraceballos on Instagram. Explore #MothersDay to see how families in our community are celebrating this year!

“Motherhood is by far the coolest thing I have done and do every day,” says Sora Ceballos-Lopez (@soraceballos) of raising her 10-year-old daughter, Gaby. “It is a complete surrender of love and an inexplicable combination of happiness, joy and fear.” While still pregnant, Sora began collecting mother-daughter themed figurines, dolls and artwork that inspired her to begin doodling — something she hadn’t done since high school. Now, Sora, who is from Medellín and lives in New Jersey, is nearly halfway through a New Year’s challenge to create an illustration celebrating motherhood each day: everything from moments of pride and fear to times that are simply silly.

#MothersDay this year is a particularly special occasion for Sora. Her own mother, who turns 75 this month, will be visiting from Colombia. “Call [your mother] every day,” she urges other moms, “thank her and tell her how much you understand her now.”


Since Trump was elected to be President, there’s been a lot of fear among the minority communities as to what will happen to them and the extreme spike in hate crimes across the nation has only validated those fears. I live in a really diverse part of democratic New Jersey and to help alleviate those fears and support the many marginalized groups in my community, my friends and I organized a nondisruptive campaign at our high school where we wore and handed out stickers, hung up posters on our lockers, and passed out flyers detailing our cause.

The day before our peaceful campaign the principle somehow got word of an “anti-Trump protest” that would take place at school and sent out a school wide email, painting us as angry and disruptive teenagers. Today when our campaign took place, we were met with an appalling amount of students who disrespected and insulted our cause, claiming it was stupid and pointless. Those who took part were subject to name-calling, harassment, and utter disrespect. These students made a joke of our attempt to spread love and support for those in fear because of this election, going as far as to vandalize and destroy our flyers and posters in front of us. No actions have yet been taken against these students.

We organized this with the best of intentions and put so much effort into it, and I still can’t comprehend how negatively people reacted to a completely positive message and this happened in DEMOCRATIC NEW JERSEY.

It’s scary to think that in a community as diverse as mine there would be so much hatred and knowing that this is not even close to what people in less democratic states have to deal with on a daily basis is even more terrifying. I send out my love and support to all of you.

“ Let’s do this!!!!!! @jinxxed4life @andybvb pre show, antics!! New Jersey was a hip trip!! Got tons of off stage, bus, pre show & day to day shots for the future"coffee table book" & for documentation! So far!!! Stuff you generally do not see of the band! Fun & educational in terms of timing & focus! What a fun gig! Thanks BVB family ! Much love;) #warpedtour2015 #BlackveilBrides #halloweentattoos #shaunkama #andyblack #Sturgis2015 #nextAdventure #motorhead #socialDisttion #rueMorgueMag #Prong #sistersofmercy #fear #HanoiRocks “ - @halloweentattoos

I'm going to UC Berkeley in the fall of 2014.

This is what I told them:

I’d talked about geology with a friend, so when everything changed for me, I thought of it as a tectonic shift of the plates that, together, make my heart and mind. I was in my first creative writing class when it happened. As we opened to John Berryman, “Henry’s Understanding” started talking to me:
          & horribly, unlike Bach, it occurred to me
          that one night, instead of warm pajamas,
          I’d take off all my clothes
          & cross the damp cold lawn & down the bluff
          into the terrible water & walk forever
          under it out toward the island. 

      I’ve been trying to understand why I was moved, and I’m thinking something besides “understanding” is called for, that something inside me wants to get out, something that feels on the verge of collapse at times, that it was called to or beckoned by Berryman’s poem.
     In fact, I now see that I have long lived at a crossroads or point of exchange, where I open wide and receive Berryman, Wordsworth, Carver, O’Connor, and I’ve been releasing another form of it, this “what if feels like,” as T.S. Elliot defined poetry.  I’ve been fronting a punk band named Ceremony for ten years, writing lyrics, and singing on recordings and at gigs all over the world, in over forty countries at over eight hundred shows.
     That is, the expression of feeling and thought in words has been my fascination, my need, and in so many ways, an urgency for a long time. I understand now, my professor who said his first step into poetry and the need to write “what it feels like” came when, aged nine, he heard Little Richard’s “Tutti Fruitti” on a car radio, ten years in advance of John Donne’s “Valediction Forbidding Mourning.” John Berryman and his Dream Songs are now one of my vehicles, seemingly a great distance from Ian Curtis of Joy Division (who was a great inspiration and the source of Ceremony’s name), but to me it is an extension or continuation, even as the surface is altered utterly. Many of these inspirations have come from dark places, and they can be terrible.
     This year has been the worst of my life. It’s been high on death, loneliness, fear, loss of love, and pain, but like Henry, I came to a point. There was a night in New Jersey, in the Atlantic Ocean, where I went swimming with some friends late at night. It was shark season, and everyone was afraid of swimming in the dark. It was one of those off pleasures that stays with you because of the danger, the excitement or possibility of being suddenly taken out of your place of comfort. I swam past where the waves were breaking and floated around, waiting for something to come up from the bottom and take me under. When nothing did, a calming release came over me. I felt reconciled and walked back to the house, stumbled into my bed.