fcruz

To Tatay<3

from wobbly steps, to teaching me how to tie my shoes, and dancing with me at my debut, you’ve always been there for me. it’s funny how it always becomes too late to say how you truly feel once the opportunity to do so is gone. today, i heard terrible new i didn’t want or couldn’t believe until up to this very moment. to hear the status from your daughter, tita marylene, on facebook saying, “Time to say goodbye to you my everdearest father…we love you and always be in our heart..rest in peace….Glory to God.” (3/3/2014) that just shattered me to pieces. Tay, you were like my second father. the only “grandpa” that i actually ever knew. i didn’t get a chance to meet neither mama or papa’s, so you being there ever since i could remember made it seem like you really were a father figure. for almost a full 18 years [July 8,1995 up to June 2, 2012] as my yaya [nanny], you have raised me to become the woman i am today. i remember you teaching me basic mathematics and walking me to and from school everyday. for those of you who went to elementary and middle school with me, you definitely should remember who he was. it was up until jr high when i started to want to become independent and “cool”. wanting to walk alone, at least half way because i knew you weren’t as strong as you were the years before. also, when i couldn’t  ask for your help in school anymore because i knew you didn’t know how. but you know what i miss? i miss the meals you would always prepare for me once i opened my eyes and when i came home from school. i miss the warm hugs. the laughter. even the yelling because you had hard of hearing! i miss it all. i wish i could have stopped you from going on that plane to the philippines so i could still have you here with me until this day. i was holding your hand the whole way. i cried so hard when i had to let go of your hand and see you walk away. i wish you looked back because i definitely did. i wanted to run to you to hug you another time and tell you how much i loved you because we didn’t say it enough when you were here. ugh. who knew that would be the last time i saw you. it sucks to know that the person who was always there for me for the longest time isn’t captured in a lot of pictures for me to go through. we never really took a lot together because i knew you didn’t really like to take pictures. i know this whole rant isn’t close to being enough to show how i really feel, but it’s all i’ve got besides pictures, memories, prayers and tears. anyways, i hope you’re watching over me now as my guardian angel along with ninang. please visit me. i’ll be waiting for you. i love you tatay and may you forever rest in piece as well as in my heart.