Manu demonstrating that he’d be the cutest dad ever and Frederik being the cutest kid ever who is convinced that football cards can fix anything, even cancer (especially if it’s the Manuel Neuer glitter card).
I know a lot goes into football tactics and planning - but guys, I’ve got the perfect plan that, combined with our already-talented team, will automatically make this match the Most Interesting Match in CL history.
We have an awesome captain whom we all know as a calm, steady guy. (Or do we??) 😉
We have Muller. His job will be distract and confuse the Real defenders by loudly singing random heart-felt songs while waiting for the ball to be passed to him (maybe some adele???)
When we score, there will then be unusual celebrations, causing everyone to wonder what in the world they mean.
which at least gives poor James something to ponder on the bench.
Also, have you seen Manu when he’s really mad? He is flat out scary. He will strike fear in the heart of the any nearby Real players by yelling at his defenders a lot in German. (he doesn’t even have to be saying anything meaningful, only kroos will understand anyway)
Alaba and Ribery will have impromptu dance breaks on the left wing every time they don’t have the ball.
Mats will color his hair again.
When there’s corners, Arjen balances the ball on his head while walking to the corner.
Thiago will then make faces at random players during set pieces, thus causing them to wonder whether they’re playing the famed Bavarian giants or a distracted 5th grade team.
This leaves other midfield maestros confused and wondering what alternate universe they’ve been abandoned in.
While Renato and Juan may not be on the pitch most of the time, that doesn’t mean they’re any less important. we need them to cause a bit of a distraction at times (of course, not enough to get in trouble).
because we’re still so strong defensively somehow but acting so strange, by the 75th minute even gareth doesn’t know what to do with this match
And after Real has spent 75 minutes trying to wear down this bizarre group of insanely talented but strange footballers, we turn it on in the 75th minute, hit them on the counter repeatedly and score, including a hat trick from Muller (This is actually the reason he hasn’t been scoring much this season - he wanted everyone to think he couldn’t score anymore.)