With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept
“They’re gonna come now. All of them. The reporters and the psychologists and the analysts. And the so-called experts. And they’re gonna try and make sense of this. But they’re not gonna be able to. And even if we do make it out of here, we’re always gonna carry it with us. It’s never gonna be the same.”
“Keith wanted to go into the school to save that kid, so I let him go, hoping he’d get shot. Let him be the hero, as long as he was a dead hero. And then I thought, why should he be the hero, when it could be me? So I followed him in. Jimmy was crying and Keith was telling him, it gets better, that pain in your heart, that voice in your head that tells you there’s no way out, it’s wrong. It gets better. And I felt like he was talking to me. And in that moment, maybe the most heroic, kindest moment of my big brothers life, I hated him. I hated him more than anyone, or anything. Because nothing had gotten better. That pain was still in my heart. That voice in my head saying there’s no way out was right! And he was standing there, lying to me! And after Jimmy died, I picked up the gun and aimed it at Keith, and he looked at me, and all I could think of was how everything that had gone wrong in my life was his fault. And it wasn’t going to get better until he was gone. Just pull the trigger and it all ends. So I pulled that trigger. And It didn’t end! It got worse. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“At this moment there are six billion, five hundred and two million, eight hundred and sixty seven thousand, one hundred and twenty people in the world, give or take a few and sometimes all you need is one. For better or for worse.”
“It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re seventeen and planning for someday. And then quietly and without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And that someday is yesterday. And this is your life. We spend so much time wanting, pursuing, wishing - but ambition is good, chasing things with integrity is good, dreaming. If you had a friend you knew you’d never see again, what would you say? If you could do one last thing for someone you love, what would it be? Say it, do it. Don’t wait. Nothing lasts forever. Make a wish, place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good, now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is going to come from, the next memory, the next smile, the next wish come true. But, if you believe that it’s right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possiblity of it, to the certainty of it, you just might get the thing you wished for. The world is full of magic, you just have to believe in it. So make your wish, do you have it? Good. Now believe in it with all your heart.”
Nathan, I can’t hear that you’ll never come home again, that I’ll never learn something new about you again. Never experience your selflessness, your love, your warm touch again. Nathan, please. Have we really had our last conversation? Our last kiss? I don’t know what I’d do if…please.