You know, the thing that hurts me the most, more than the shit She Li tells him or the fact that the fucker thought he’s the best option around (because his situation is bad already, right? needs some saving) is how.. easily Guan Shan gives in. Like it doesn’t matter anyway if he goes to school or not. If he gets in trouble or not. If he’s going to be used, because he’s used to being treated that way. “don’t put on a victimized face” “that is your fate” — he’s told he’s not allowed to fight it (what a disgusting way to fucking manipulate someone). Even if there’s trouble, maybe he doesn’t tell his mother about it. Thinks it’s better to handle it by himself. And I feel like he’s carrying some sort of burden that he shouldn’t carry for his age, but what can he do? He doesn’t, really, seem to find other options. Like, maybe he’s clinging to this hope that things might get better if I do this, and it doesn’t matter if I feel like shit if things end up good. He’s really so desperate, he might do anything to make it work. And it pains and worries me and I really, really hope He Tian reaches out before it’s too late. Makes him believe he’s worth more that, that there might be other options, too, if he allows it. He’s maybe the only one who can make this stop. Because, at this point, I think there’s already some sort of subtle parallel between He Tian and She Li (and I will probably get on that later). At least, that what I’m seeing (?) or maybe that’s what I want to see.

I don’t want Guan Shan to follow this shady, dangerous path, I don’t want him to believe that’s all he’s worth. I’m aware his situation might be more difficult than we can predict, but still, still, he deserves to be safe and happy.


Harry’s favorite extracts from his favorite books. Another Man Magazine Archive.