fatsperation

2013 has been a year of bettering my relationship with myself. I’ve always been insecure, and the last few years that I’ve put on 100+ lbs have taken a toll on who I am and the way treat others. Back in February I made a promise to myself. No matter my weight, looks, relationship or not,I would learn to love myself unconditionally. I must say, I’ve come so far in the last year. Alot of this is actually thanks to tumblr. Following fatspo and fatshion blogs has helped me learn to love my body. Love myself. I’m gorgeous in and out, regardless of the size of my jeans. Its been a long journey, but here I am! 

I’m single right now, and I’m very happy about it. I’ve been online dating for the last year and I’ve seen and met some interesting people. One thing it has done, other then give me headaches is help me learn what I want in a man. I know that I want a powerful love. I want my best friend. I want a man who accepts every part of who I am, and im perfectly fine being alone until I find it. Ive learned that having a boyfriend or a man to sleep with does not define the woman I am. 

So, with all that said. I’ve been having a major problem. as much as i love and accept myself, I feel my body completely breaking. My ankles are permanently swollen, my back has a sharp knife like feeling when i walk too much or start cleaning. I lose my breath walking upstairs to my bedroom. The only option left for me is to lose weight. My body is telling me its reached its limit!!  I am happy how I am, and have come far. But I feel that if I start losing weight I am becoming some sort of hypocrite. We shall see where this journey takes me. but I feel another huge change coming on really soon!