fatsperation

I absolutely love being naked. I love feeling free and having no restraints. I have come to accept and love my body. I love every curve I have. I love the softness of my body, the meat on my bones. Sexy is about being confident. If you feel it, who gives a fuck about what others think!  Learning to love the body you have can be a challenge. It is all about getting out of your own head, accepting your flaws and leaving your insecurities behind you. I refuse to be miserable, hating myself and wishing I looked different. I look in the mirror and love everything, from my smile, to my belly, to my toes. 

We all have those days where we feel less then perfect. There are days where I want to climb in bed and sleep all day. The thing is at the end of the day I am in love with the person I am, the body I have and the woman I have grown into!

I’ve had a couple NSFW blogs on Tumblr in the past. That is what started my journey to self acceptance. I know how it sounds, posting naked pictures of your self to have others tell you have sexy and gorgeous you are. Super insecure! Well when I began the blog I was. When i got the reactions that I did, I really did look at my self completely different. I also faked it until I believed it. I didn’t really feel confident and sexy, but hunnney, i sure did act like it. You never would know the difference!

Two years ago I decided to become celibate. I have refrained from sleeping with anyone until I am in a committed relationship. I don’t want to say that I was a hoe before, but DAMN WAS I A HOE before. LOL. I just didn’t know I was. If i had feelings for a man, i would give it up. I justified it by saying that i wanted it too. Here’s where the problem came….. I CATCH FEELING WAY TO FUCKING EASY!! So once we’d be done fucking, who ever was the flavor of the month would be gone soon after, and I would be left trying to figure out what the hell happened! Since then, I have kept good on that promise. I cant even lie, a woman has needs, and that’s where the NSFW blog came in. Not only did it boost my confidence, but it also satisfied something inside of me. It is quite a turn on to take sexual pictures like that! 

I have since deleted those blogs, I just feel as if I no longer need that. I can wait for a man to come and take those pics for me ;) This blog is all about being natural and being in love with your own damn self!

2013 has been a year of bettering my relationship with myself. I’ve always been insecure, and the last few years that I’ve put on 100+ lbs have taken a toll on who I am and the way treat others. Back in February I made a promise to myself. No matter my weight, looks, relationship or not,I would learn to love myself unconditionally. I must say, I’ve come so far in the last year. Alot of this is actually thanks to tumblr. Following fatspo and fatshion blogs has helped me learn to love my body. Love myself. I’m gorgeous in and out, regardless of the size of my jeans. Its been a long journey, but here I am! 

I’m single right now, and I’m very happy about it. I’ve been online dating for the last year and I’ve seen and met some interesting people. One thing it has done, other then give me headaches is help me learn what I want in a man. I know that I want a powerful love. I want my best friend. I want a man who accepts every part of who I am, and im perfectly fine being alone until I find it. Ive learned that having a boyfriend or a man to sleep with does not define the woman I am. 

So, with all that said. I’ve been having a major problem. as much as i love and accept myself, I feel my body completely breaking. My ankles are permanently swollen, my back has a sharp knife like feeling when i walk too much or start cleaning. I lose my breath walking upstairs to my bedroom. The only option left for me is to lose weight. My body is telling me its reached its limit!!  I am happy how I am, and have come far. But I feel that if I start losing weight I am becoming some sort of hypocrite. We shall see where this journey takes me. but I feel another huge change coming on really soon!