fathom and form

Caged Coffin Ring

the equation of love (pt. 6)

Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | Pt. 4 | Pt. 5 | Pt. 6 | Pt. 7 | Pt. 8 | Pt. 9

→scenario: When you met Yoongi in a club, you thought it was fate that brought the two of you together. But after you walked into your college math class for the very first time, you weren’t so sure anymore.

→genre: smut | fluff | angst

→word count: 15,687

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Sunthemata

I’ve not debated or discussed how I came to be: One artifact dredged from a sunless sea.

Nerveless & bloodless creation.  Rectified out of failed systems. Manifested from it’s cold, dark breath.  Sour exhalation.  Grim debt curves the specter & I am free.  Only fires that raged for aeons become my own - Thaws the embittered servant.  Time that is not time.  Perpendicular to reason.  Revealed in a flash.  Blazing above the barren sea - I fathom, for the first, all forms writhing there. Between grey & dusky shores.  Inhospitable lands.  War & subterfuge. Reddened waters surrounding the wound.  Fleshy reservoir where the disease takes hold & demons coagulate & crystallize into some healed-inert monotone.

In delicate skin I begin my journey away from them …

Hunched over leaf & stone.  Bearing in mind my sagging skull. Thoughts over nature’s other worlds, focused & true.  Everything I have put into it & some things left out.  Branding nature with my own burden until it is shameless.  Draining excess from my lips I wander drunk into the hills.  She accepts me, still, even having run amok in my own way:

I can’t take it anymore.  Dismissing the role masking the source. When I look in a mirror to see there’s nothing left.  In ritual design, I kill myself.  In back of a cave: Entrance to another world.  Altar of Dross.  Seal of my own bloodied shit.  Dredged from rotted insides & burned in the vessel  …

Erudite & Opal channel.  Commiserate temple.  Walls emblazoned with past furies …

Pain abates during night Voyages.  Back into the sea that spawned me.  In search of a city below where I’d find myself again.  In a lighted room with nowhere to go.  First thoughts of oblivion, sleeping agents, nocturnal mundification.  

No shrine.  Back into wilderness I go.  Carrying sticks across thresholds:  

Primordial wanderings.  Tribes of Utu - Visionary stokers.  Deniers of the coming flood.

Yet another tyrant made flesh.  I didn’t get back quick enough so they left me here.  Tribe of One.  Who does not breed or deny.  Having journeyed along serpentine paths & rivers leading to oceans.  Golden & abandoned cities lining banks green with verdigris.

Moist vessel denies its planetary dominance.  A bottle by my side to prove it …

How long have I drifted off?  Plummeting summit-wise, erstwhile caving in.  Drawn & quartered above the looming landscape.  Ovum drops out of my spine & shatters over a dry web of land.  Shades subsumed by a Scorpion moon.  Skull pock-marked with death & doom.  Leering across to my fallen wisdom.  Lifted out of another deep sleep.        

Awakening near the river again.  Winding consciousness.  Inmost connection to my flourishing & floundering sight.  Hard & soft.  Dark & light.  I follow it into wilderness.  This time I feel it in my legs.  No longer am I sitting alone in my room, drunk on lies.

Earth is the token of my grievances.  Leaf turns to cinders as stone breaks apart.  A shadow’s debt paid in full to the light-side.  Shards of fire glinting in the void.  I crawl through glass to get a better look. Bleeding trail.  Dragged along hollows & mists.  Upwards toward mountainous temples where stars are best seen.  Vertiginous incline up the serpent’s back.  Regressing from a mortal’s past to an even unrulier state.  Now that all signs are unclear & circles are closed.  

I recall being there when the tide turned.  Cut open to reveal the salts of my natural birth.  Unknown waters percolating in silence before being exposed to Sun.  Pulsing fear brings calm to it.  Everything I’m not, but would become.  Heaving my body over the final rung. Golden eyes gazing ahead: An abrasion in the mountain.  A cave leading up to the heart of the temple.  Through an opening I arrive at the top of the mountain.  Approaching a gulf seeded by cosmos.  Nowhere had I been could prepare me for the Sight.  Sound, too, which emanated from its hidden bellows.  A breathing force that pushed fire through its lungs.  Beasts who lay dormant in private domains.  I could see it all, combining mercurial vision with static reality …

Leaf & stone returned to me in that moment.  Stars extinguish & I am back in my room staring at the walls.  Been away so long it is unfamiliar, yet everything I have known survives here - Ulterior. Larval state.  Stamped on Seed.  Raw consciousness.  Heaped on bones that sagged before its fortress - Night comes.  Only one step away.  Before the great beast tempts me.  Transmissive overload & the assassinating silence of its roar.  Unlocked & unchained.  Enraptured by a nullifying falsity.  Only its grimace & longtooth remains.  Still, it keeps my ghost by its to side.  A witness to the comings & goings of all bifurcated wars - Foolish Sleepers who chose to awaken.  I am one of these.  Neither alive nor dead.  No retreat from this unhealthy state I’m in.  Returned to battlements of a dilatory foundation - Loam in guts.  Fire consumes.  World on fire.

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