From the “Be Careful What You Wish For” Department...

We were swimming and tossing around a Nerf football. Wyatt (who’s 8-years-old) shouted to me from across the pool, “Throw it as hard as you can, Papa! Try to hit me!”

“You don’t want that,” I warned.

“Yes, I do,” he laughed. “Try to hit me!”

So I shotgunned the sopping wet football at him as hard as I could and it hit him directly in the nuts.

“I don’t think I could handle having a mentally ill child”
“I don’t think I can handle having a physically handicapped child”
“I don’t think I could handle having a trans child”
“I don’t think I could handle having a gay child”
“I don’t think I could han-”


The thing about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles that I never see referenced is that Splinter was essentially a single dad raising four rambunctious boys and that could NOT have been easy. So this piece titled “Daddy!!!” is my tribute to the first super heroes I ever became a fan of, to single dads everywhere, and to anyone who’s ever burned a pizza in the oven.