I just spent an hour talking to my dad about NASA and space missions and it makes me happy to see him feel passionate and excited about something. It’s like I’m getting to see my dad before OCD and anxiety came into the picture. I live for talks like this.
[John Patrick Shanley is hilllllaaarrrrious & brilliant]
DONNA. That’s what you say when I pour out my heart to you?
DAD. I’m sorry. What you’re afraid of just cracks me up, that’s all.
DONNA. I don’t understand.
DAD. Alright, you want your father’s smarts, I’ll give you your father’s smarts. What you have are women fears.
DONNA. Women fears.
DAD. That’s right.
DONNA. I hate what I’m hearin.
DAD. Well, tough shit. You got women fears. That’s what I know and I’m tellin you. When I talk to a woman, I feel like I’m yellin across the Indian Ocean. That’s cause I’m a man. Do you wanna hear this or not?
DAD. Women are very concerned about bein trapped. All women, or virtually, anyway. They worry about it, that’s been my experience. So what they do, a lot of em, to feel strong, they trap a man. They trap some guy in their dream. And then they feel trapped cause they gotta guard what they caught. At least let me say, this is what happened with me an your mother. But there’s a certain universal here.
DONNA. And men don’t feel that?
DAD. What happens with men is a little different. I think that men recognize or make up that they are trapped, already, an what they do is, the man feeling is, they long to be free. Of mother, wife, job, art, whatever.
DONNA. Do you hear yourself? You sound like a total jerk. This stuff you’re sayin can be knocked down by a three-year-old with a feather.
DAD. So what? I’m tryin to tell you somethin to get somewhere, somewhere maybe you’d like to get to. Don’t think you can get everywhere by algebra, honey. Things ain’t that straight. Life ain’t at all like the psychological section in the New York Times three-warning-signs-to-look-for bullshit. Things ain’t like that at all. If somebody’s willin to talk to you an tell you shit they think is true, don’t be so quick to knock it. People don’t usually part with the weird shit they personally know because theyh know how easy it will be to punch holes in. Now I’m tellin you somethin. It’s for you to poke through the soup an find the meat. So listen up. There’s a level where you fear an want that’s a woman level. This shit you just told me about bein afraid you’re turnin inta your mother, that’s on the woman level, that’s a women fear. So my suggestion about that is, you go talk to a woman about that. But there’s another place under that place, where men an women can meet an talk, if you know what I mean. It’s way down. An it’s dark. An it’s old as the motherfuckin stars. If you want somethin from me, or if you wanna tell me somethin, that’s where we’re gonna haveta be.
[A long pause]
DONNA. Alright. [a long pause] Tommy an me … When he loves me. In bed. When he puts his arms around me, and I can feel his skin, his heart beating, his breath, and I smell him, it’s like Africa. It’s like, I get scared because all of my guts shake … Sometimes I press my hands against myself because I think things are coming loose inside. He just touches me, starts to barely touch me, and I’m so frightened because it’s so much, it’s so hot, it’s so close to losing my mind. It’s beyond pleasure. It’s … he takes me over. Like there’s a storm, I get caught in this storm with electricity and rain and noise and I’m blind I’m blind. I’m seeing things, but just wild, wild shapes flying by like white flyin rain and black shapes. I feel I feel this this rising thing like a yell a flame. My hair I can feel my hair like slowly going up on its toes on my skull my skull. Everything goes up through me from my belly and legs and feet to my head and all these tears come out but it can’t get out that way, so it goes down against my throat swells an through down to where it can get out GET OUT GET OUT. But it doesn’t go out, so I, I EXPAND. Like to an ocean. To hold the size of it. An then it’s maybe something you could speak of as pleasure, since then somehow I can hold it. I’m this ocean with a thousand moons and comets reflecting in me. And then I come back. Slowly. Slowly. From such a long way. And such a different size. And I’m wet. My body my hair. The bed is just soaked, torn up and soaked. There ain’t a muscle left in me. I’m all eyes. My eyes are the size of like two black pools of water in the middle of an endless night. And Tommy’s there. And he did it to me. He took me completely. I wasn’t me anymore. I was just a blast a light out in the stars. What could be better than that? What could be better? It’s like gettin to die, an get past death, to get to the universe, an then come back. In the world where we talk and fight and he fucks me over, it all just seems so unimportant after that. I don’t understand how he can do that for me an then turn around an be such a, well, smaller. It is a small world this world, in comparison to where we go in bed. And I guess we gotta be smaller in it.
DAD. What are you tryin to tell me, Donna?
DONNA. I’m afraid.
DAD. Of what?
DONNA. I’m afraid to leave him or that he’ll leave me. I’m afraid to be without the sex we get to. Everything else seems like nothin next to it. But I can’t give up who I am to be his love slave. That’s what I’m afraid of. That I’ll lose myself if I stay with him, and that I’ll lose the sex if I get away.
DAD. I’ve felt that.
DONNA. You have?
DONNA. But that seems like a woman thing to me.
DAD. Nope. Men have that too. It’s a very down thing. It’s very near the bottom.
DONNA. In one way, he don’t know a thing about me, not really. And in another way, what he knows is the key that lets me outta my life. It’s like what he don’t know about me is exactly what I don’t care about anyway.
DONNA. You’ve really had this?
DAD. Oh yeah. I had this with your mother. It’s why I always kept a girlfriend on the side. I hadda keep somethin away from her, so I didn’t lose everything when we went nuts in bed. And too, because I wanted to protect what we had in bed by havin somethin else goin that was not that intense. Sort’ve a comparison, a reminder. Somethin common to underline the extraordinary. Your mother was the love of my life.
DONNA. But if that’s true, how the fuck could you treat her like you did?
DAD. That bed was what we had. When I got outta that bed, I didn’t walk, I ran. When I got outta that bed the most important thing was that my feet hit the ground, found the fuckin ground. Do you understand? If there was gonna be anything else a me outside a that bed, it hadda be without her. Otherwise, she woulda taken me over all the way. I hadda create a second place in me and outta me where I could work. Do my painting. I got the studio. I got the girlfriend. WHY DO YOU REMIND ME OF THESE THINGS? It’s so fuckin painful. Your mother’s dead. My baby’s dead.
DONNA. I can’t believe this. You mean, you really loved her?
DAD. Shut up shut up. Can’t you understand? All I have now is that little bit I kept from her. That little room. I can’t even paint anymore. Why would I want to? What do I care what I see, why would I describe it? I hid a part a me from her to save somethin cause I was scared. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I shoulda given her that, too. If I’d given her everything, then when she died, I woulda died, too, and that woulda been the merciful end of it. Why did I save something? What for? It wasn’t worth it. What I saved wasn’t worth a goddamn thing. If I only known.
Dress Rehearsal #199: Hilarious W.O.M.E.N. fear (or not) by John Patrick Shanley (The Dreamer Examines His Pillowcase)
Sanjay Dutt’s Happy Moment With Daughter Trishala!
As earlier we reported that Bollywood actor Sanjay Dutt who is currently surviving his five-year jail sentence at Yerwada Jail in Pune, is out on parole for 30 days. The actor has been granted parole for his daughter’s nose surgery. Soon after his release, filmmakers Sanjay Gupta and Vidhu Vinod Chopra visited the actor at his Bandra residence yesterday.
The ‘Munna Bhai M.B.B.S.’ actor was seen emotional with wife Manyata Dutt and Vidhu Vinod Chopra. It was a sigh of relief for the actor who was seen hugging Vidhu Vinod Chopra at his residence.
Well, the closed ones visited the actor, but his daughter Trishala who stays in New York, spoke to her dad through video calling. Check out the adorable snap of Trishala and Sanjay Dutt that was shared by Trishala on her instagram account.
The daughter and father talks seemed funny, as the actor is seen laughing. Trishala who happens to stay in New York, shared the picture of video calling with caption, “I taught him about selfies!! #havingamoment #7yearslater #happymoments”
Last month on the occasions of Father’s Day, Trishala Dutt 26, in an interview with a leading daily, had spoken on how she is dealing with her father’s jail term, and that how the situation has strengthened and made her powerful. She also said why she never wanted to be just another star kid on the block.
The actor is convicted under the Terrorist and Disruptive Activities Act in the 1993 blasts. In the year 2013, Sanjay was sentenced for five-year imprisonment by the Supreme Court. Sanjay Dutt’s parole has always been a topic of debate; many suggest that the actor is getting more attention due to his stardom.
Once ‘Munna Bhai M.B.B.S.’ actor is out, he will soon start with the shooting of his upcoming film ‘OMG-Oh My God’ sequel, directed by Umesh Shukla and also for ‘Munna Bhai M.B.B.S’. sequel with Arshad Warsi.