I never meant to like you this much. It was always in the realm of possibility that my feelings would cling to your person because of how brightly your soul appears and how my attraction works, but I didn’t think it would happen so fast. My heart has always been fond of shiny things and you are by far the most eye-catching form I’ve ever seen. After this realization, I knew I might fall for you. Then, you went and bared your soul to me and I didn’t even realize how far gone I already was. I was skeptical at first because you just seemed too good to be true, but you turned out to be so much more. You are the sweet in the words “sweet dreams”. You are the good in “good morning”. Even when you just say “hi” I feel like I am on a whole other high, my heart soaring through the clouds and making the world seem less dark than before. Everything is just bliss because I know what my name sounds like coming from your lips and how much lighter my heart feels when I hear you laugh. I know your favorite color and your favorite foods. I know about your family and your friends. I know that every time I think of you I get a little bit angry that you’re not here so I can touch you. I don’t even mean it in a sexual way. I just want to run my fingers through your hair and across the palms of your hands. I want to know what it feels like to hug you and look directly into your eyes. I want to do cute things with you like take you on dates to the park and give you piggy back rides like teenagers in love. I want to give you everything I have and everything I am, even though I know it’s not much and there are so many other and better people who are in love with you. I want to be enough for you, but I know I’m not. I know because you’re way too special to settle for me. I want you to have the greatest of everything in life and the little broken pieces that make up me will not do. I don’t want you to prick your pretty little fingers trying to hold me together. I don’t want you to be stuck in the dark because sometimes I’m afraid to even brave the world and even on my good days I don’t always want to socialize. I don’t want you to miss out on a life changing love just because I crave your existence on the purest, yet most torturous, level. I will continue to admire you from afar, waiting for this crush to no longer settle so heavily on my heart.
I never should have moved in with you two last year. This whole arrangement was a train wreck from the start. You are both immature and I am so sick of having to be the mediator between you two.
One of you is a self centered princess who always makes shit either up or about her. I’m tired of having to listen to you whine about never getting the recognition you deserve when you don’t do anything in the first place to get recognized. You have always been spoiled and once you actually are forced to grow up and face the world, no one is going to be around to hold your hand and it’s going to be a very harsh reality. You are also a really big hypocrite.
The other one is incredibly impulsive and never takes my advice. You need to stop getting stepped on. Literally 90% of your problems would disappear if you actually stood up for yourself. You also need to start taking responsibility for your actions. I’m not always going to be around to clean up your messes.
I really don’t want to renew my part of the lease next month but it’s either suffer with you two or suffer at home with my parents and the former seems like the lesser of two evils. I’m really close to reaching a breaking point though. It’s time to grow up ladies.