Under no circumstances is it okay to call your kid stupid

Under no circumstances is it okay to call your kid lazy

Under no circumstances is it okay to call your kid ugly

Under no circumstances is it okay to call your kid worthless

Under no circumstances is it okay to call your kid idiot

Under no circumstances is it okay to call your kid fat

Under no circumstances is it okay to make fun of your kids gender

Under no circumstances is it okay to make fun of your kids sexuality

Under no circumstances is it okay to make fun of your kids grades

Under no circumstances is it okay to make fun of your kids hobbies

Under no circumstances is it okay to make fun of your kids mental illness

Under no circumstances is it okay to make fun of your kid or call them names

Researcher Looking for Self-Identified Fat Young Adults of Color

Fat studies researcher looking to pay $10 to self-identified fat young adults of color for interviews on fat identity, sexuality, race, and the Internet.

Hello everyone!

My name is Philippe Fradet and I am a graduate student at San Francisco State University in the Sexuality Studies program. I am seeking participants for a study with self-identified fat young adults of color who currently live in the United States. I’m looking to interview people of any gender and sexual identity, of any socioeconomic background, and of any physical and mental ability status. Interviews in this study will focus on four topics:
· fat identity, including self-acceptance and personal histories;
· sexuality, including sexual identity, sexual practices, and sexuality as a fat individual;
· race, including the interactions of race, fat identity, and sexuality;
· and the Internet, including how the Internet is used to build community and support.

If you are interested in participating in this research or if you have any questions, you can contact me either by email at pfradet@mail.sfsu.edu or by sending me an “ask” or “submission” on my Tumblr (fatdisid.tumblr.com) with your Tumblr account.

When you contact me, please let me know a bit about yourself and your interest in the project. In order to participate in this study, you must identify as a fat person of color and be between the ages of 18 and 25. Participants will be given a $10 gift card to Amazon.com for participating in the project. All interviews will be conducted using the voice chatting or phone call features of Skype, which means anyone in the United States is welcome to participate. Your name and participation in the project will be kept confidential, and you can contact me with any questions. I will be posting any pressing questions about the project on this blog.

Thank you for your interest!


Philippe Fradet
Master’s Candidate
Sexuality Studies Department
San Francisco State University
(415) 799-7109

***For colored girls who have been called “thicker than a Snickers” and other dumbass colloquialisms when being called “attractive” was not enuf.

I do not enjoy being referred to as “thicker than a Snickers” and if you think I’m being nitpicky feel free to go and tell that to someone who cares. I do not enjoy being reduced down to the rack near the cash register at Walgreens. The years I spent learning to love myself and the messages I have received from other young women as thanks for having inspired them are more valuable than f*cking nougat. My body is not a piñata favor. My confidence is not confection.

I know what you’re thinking. I’m like Raven Baxter or Dionne Warwick or something. I know you’re thinking “I mean, it’s just something people say! Chill! It’s no big deal!” It’s only “no big deal” because you haven’t realized how…how…stupid it actually is! Not only is it offensive to compare a woman’s body to something that will probably kill you over time, it doesn’t even make any sense! Thicker than a Snickers??? Whet? In my expert opinion, Snickers bars are relatively average in size in comparison to other candy bars. They aren’t necessarily “thick”. Not even in consistency as compared to competitors. So wtf are you saying to me? In that case I’m thicker than a Milky Way too. And don’t you dare say it’s because “thicker” and “snicker” rhyme. Two words rhyming doesn’t justify them being put together to describe a human being. In that case, all of you loud ass n*ggas are officially louder than some chowder. Do you see how f*cking stupid that is? I dare you to put your ear to your next bowl of New England clam and make that sh*t make sense. I hope you scald your ear off.

I’m really proud of what I’m building for myself and I am proud of every woman (or man, I’m completely gender and identity friendly) who took a look at an image of me or anyone else and at least considered wearing that pair of shorts she told herself she has too much cellulite to wear. Body positivity is real and it’s hard. And I expect to be sexualized frequently along the way (a whole ‘nother topic), but for the love of God, stop stuffing this progress into a chocolatey outer shell! If you see an attractive women, tell her she’s attractive. Tell her she’s beautiful. Tell her she’s gotdamn fine. But do not tell her she’s 27g of sugar. Appreciate her life a little more than what truncating her down to food suggests. Her confidence is not confection. Stop trying to melt it in your mouth.


I just want to remember

How this show is the first time I’ve seen fat girl sexuality really represented in a television show. Where a fat girl is lusted after by a beautiful boy who’s beyond attracted to her. We get to see a fat girl desire and participate in sex. Representation is important. MMFD is important. I am so thankful this show exists.


Every Thursday we run a feature on Chubstr called Answerland. It’s basically a way for us to answer some of the questions we get from readers on a regular basis. The questions we get cover everything from food to fashion to sex. 

Last year, the amazing Hanne Blank asked me to write a blurb for the revised edition of her book, Big Big Love. If you’ve got questions about love, sex, or intimacy as it relates to being a person of size, I definitely recommend this book. You’d be hard pressed to come up with a question that isn’t somehow addressed within its pages. Learn more about the book at Chubstr, and follow Hanne on Twitter

Have you noticed that on television and in the movies, any time a fat person gets into a sexual relationship, the primary storyline is about the emotional conflict of whether their partner actually finds them attractive and the angst around taking off their clothes? I recall vividly a scene in The Practice between Camryn Manheim’s character and her tall, thin, handsome would-be lover, where she expressed her trepidation about sex with him because of her body, and his exclaiming, “Don’t you think I find you attractive?” She broke down in tears (maybe she didn’t, but in my storyline tears come next), and he swept her off her feet – figuratively.

Rebecca Jane Weinstein, author of Fat Sex: The Naked Truth"

The Truth About Fat Sex


a small rant on the “ok but if boys have to like fat girls, why is it ok for girls to say they wanna date guys over 6 feet???” arguments that I see self-identified ‘meninists’ use to claim that men are subjected to the same ridiculous beauty standards women are

So my thoughts have been plagued lately by something that happened in comedy class the other day.

I was trying to work on a joke about how I can never tell when guys might actually be flirting with me, because several times (this is IRL y’all) friends have pointed out “Erin that guy was totally flirting with you” and i’ve been like “what, no! How can you tell?!” Because those scenarios have always been over food transactions where I am buying food and to me, it’s just a guy being extra nice because i’m fat so he know’s i’ll be a repeat customer, that’s just good business sense. 

And then it unleashed a tidal of “HEY DON’T THINK THAT!” “I’m sure they really were flirting with you!” and “Don’t put yourself down like that!”. 

It’s like Nicole said, “That’s a very nice thing for you to shout at me, but I already know that. I love who I am right now, and I’m not the one who’s telling myself I’m unf—able.”

One of the people shouting this at me also informed me “you know, there’s actually guys out there who like big women. And who like feeding them. You should just look for that”. 

Like, yeah, thanks, as a fat woman who has been trying to date (mostly online) i am ALL TOO AWARE that there are men who fetishize fat women. I have been approached by them. I reject them though, because I don’t want someone to be into me for an external descriptor. I want someone who actually sees me, not a fetishized object. (Though, if that’s what other people want, no judgment, you do you.)

Everything I tried to say in defence just fell on deaf ears of “you just need to be more confident! you just need to go out and get fucked!” claims. Like, no thanks, like I said, that’s all well and good but it’s not for me. 

I’m still super riled up about it. I’ve been harbouring this sick feeling ever since it happened two days ago.

But now, thanks to Nicole, I have better amo to defend myself next time.

‘Cause i’m not giving up on my joke, or myself.