fat-dyke

WOW. Men REALLY don't like it when you confront them about their catcalling, do they?

Just walked past 2 guys (topless fuckboys fyi) that thought it would be a good idea to shout stuff at me like: *whistle* “Nice tits darlin’!”
I’m wearing a crew neck tshirt. My tits are not on show in any way, shape or form. Yes they’re big but its a fairly loose fitting tshirt.
So i stopped, walked over to them and asked them to “Please, do continue.”
They went silent and just looked at each other blankly. I then told them, very politely i might add, that saying shit like that to women is actually a shitty thing to do and makes us feel uncomfortable.
I was then called, and i quote, “a fat ugly dyke who should be grateful to get compliments from men when your tits are the only thing you’ve got going for you.”
I then managed to anger them further by laughing and asking them why they catcalled me if they think i’m so ugly and fat, and why so they clearly hate women so much. I was told to go fuck myself and they walked off.

The male ego at work my friends. So fragile, so precious.

i’m having my peak trans moment right now. i’ve been critical of the mob & callout behavior of tumblr trans activists for a long time. i am not ready to deny the existence of genuine trans people. but i am ready to say that i believed, erroneously, for many years, that i was transmasc, and that i believed that because i was subjected to gendered violence at a young age and as a result grew up alienated from my body and afraid of my femaleness and my attraction to girls. and i believe that my experience is one that is shared by many (not all, maybe not even most) transmasc, FTM, and NB female young people.

i discovered detransitioning blogs on tumblr and realized that, as a child, no one ever presented being a GNC female as an option to me. i was not feminine. i liked girls. i did not want to be a lesbian. i didn’t know any lesbians personally and like every other young girl in the US i grew up thinking that dykes were fat and ugly and aggressive and smelly and no one liked them. it was inconceivable to me that i could be a happy lesbian, much less a happy, non-feminine woman. it was inconceivable to me that i could deal with my dysphoria (my hatred of my body but especially my hatred of how men treated my body, and how society treated me because of my body) in a way that did not involve altering or obliterating it.

i came to FTM before it was internet popular (i’m older than most people on this site). i came to it on my own, out of sheer desperation. i could not stand my body, specifically, the femaleness of my body, it’s penetrability, it’s softness. i needed to be hard and impenetrable to survive in a world of male violence. as a child i convinced myself that i was a boy, instead. i was a boy ‘on the inside’. because on the inside i was strong and resilient and tempered by the things i had endured. girls were not strong and resilient and tempered. girls were weak and men did bad things to them. i was not a girl. i could not be, and also live.

in retrospect, that made perfect sense. i was just trying to survive. it got me through a very dark time, when otherwise i would have killed myself. i wore my boy-ness like armor. it burned in me as rage.

when i was growing up it was not easy to get access to T or SRS. i was not able to buy a proper binder and bound with ace bandages and surgical tape. at the time i thought this was deeply unjust, but now i am grateful. i see people who are the same age i was, minors, many of them deeply wounded and lost, being offered, even encouraged, to take drugs that they dont know the long term results of, to wear binders that will over time degrade their tissue, to have irreversible surgeries, to invest time and money and flesh in an identity that might be their 'true’ identity, but might also be a defense mechanism against male violence and lesbophobia (a word i never thought i would ever, ever use).

because that’s what it was for me. and my experience, as a female person, is not unusual. i am not an anomaly, a young person (i still cannot say girl) who was so injured by men that i saw becoming one as the only path to selfhood.

i am sad for these young people, not so much because they are behaving badly (although they are, but teenagers make bad decisions when pressured by peers and powerful ideologies like trans discourse), but because i am sad for my former self. i do not know how to be a lesbian, or a GNC woman. i am still dysphoric. i am still struggling with liking women. the places where i could have gone, as a teenager, to learn about those things, the places where lesbians were, older women who could have mentored me, those places are largely gone. now queer spaces are filled with people like my younger self– angry, hurt, afraid, confused, and unwilling to listen.

where will these young people go, those of them who decide, in a few years, that their dysphoria is not an inherent symptom of being born in 'the wrong’ body, but a symptom of being born into a world that oppresses female bodies, which are no more 'wrong’ than having five fingers or toes?

i’m not ready to call myself a terf or a radfem or to embrace all tenets of radical feminism. but i have seen a certain phrase in terf circles that is so true it makes me want to weep:

'these girls don’t need testosterone, they need feminism’.

Watch on blondebadassbitchqueen.tumblr.com

kate & aidy are the cutest 

the fact that so many lesbian stories revolve around the young skinny sexy Forbidden Fruit Girlhood Exploration narrative is so fucking shitty bc like. i dont fit into that story in any way! nobody sees me a forbidden fruit!! they see me as a fat dyke

i just want a girlfriend the same way as straight girls want boyfriends… like. i want to have a “boyfriend” but just instead of it being a guy i want it to be a girl.

and i hate that people perceive lesbian love as this weird vulnerable/exploratory/sexual thing. i dont want to be fucking vulnerable!!! you don’t know anything about me!!

anonymous asked:

Things I'm sure of: You're an exclusionist cunt. You should go kill yourself. You're a cis girl. You're probably a dyke. You're fat based on that picture of yourself you posted. You're pretending to be mentally ill for attention. Delete your tumblr dyke, cunt, spic, kike, bitch.

are y'all seeing this? you’re seeing this, right? like i’m not imagining this, this is happening?