fat woman of color

I'm so fucking tired of white people.

Tired of the nazis.

Tired of the racists, open and otherwise.

Tired of the privilege, and their obliviousness.

Tired of the theft of people, ideas, credit, culture, and resources.

Tired of the whites who are so white that they think that hating or being repulsed by racists is the same as being racist.

Tired of the white parents who think that it’s genuinely more important to teach their children to hate Trump’s ideas without hating Trump, but will actively allow their children to be inundated by hatred toward people of color and women and LGBTQIA folks.

Tired of the white people who fear immigration because they think it will be the same as their ancestor’s colonialism.

Tired of the insidious ways they make people of color hate themselves.

Tired of the whites pointing out all the ways in which cultures of color perpetuate colorism and misogyny and homophobia without realizing or acknowledging that that hatred was spread through white hegemony.

Tired of the attempted normalization of the idea that I as a fat queer woman of color must tiptoe through life so that I don’t offend whites in the event that I need a job or a loan or a man.

Tired of being told that I must love and respect those who hate and disrespect me and everyone who looks like me.

Tired of the hate.

Tired of having to constantly fucking explain this shit to white people for my own safety and survival. Tired of whites disregarding what I’m saying because I am rightfully angry or emotional. Tired of whites demanding that I remain calm when I educate them for the millionth fucking time. Tired of the ignorance. Tired of my having to suffer for your ignorance. Tired of “not all white people.”

I’m so fucking tired of white people.

And yes, all white people.

Thoughts I am having-

TW for weight loss surgery and diet talk.

So I just wanted to let you all in on my thought process about the news that Gabby Sidibe has not only had weight loss surgery but is promoting it in interviews as a good thing.

I’m really disappointed. Fat women don’t get to have many icons and that is even more true for fat black women and other fat women of color. 

Whenever a fat woman makes it as an entertainer, she always loses weight. Always. It sucks and it hurts. 

I have other things to say about weight loss surgery in general, and specifically addressing certain scolding attitudes that people who do not participate in fat activism have towards the community, but that will be in other posts.

But I probably won’t be featuring photos of Gabby going forward because I can’t be on board with celebrating weight loss surgery. 

I am sorry she felt like she had to do this, sorry for the people who will get a harmful message out of what she is doing right now, and I hope she is ok long term, because a lot of people aren’t after they have the surgery.

And I wanted you to know if you found this out and you’re upset by it, you are not alone. 

it’s important to point out that makeup and skincare culture are not inherently “empowering” for women and are necessarily pushed by a heteropatriarchal capitalist society upon women and use pressure and judgment in order to both collect our money and our compliance. i will never argue that fact.

but i’m tired of seeing certain people make that statement and then go on with their day, failing to account for any nuance or complex experiences related to this. and by that i mean, i’m tired of seeing thin, conventionally attractive, cishet, white, able-bodied women shame fat women, lgbt women, gnc women, women of color, disabled women, and women who are in other ways not “conventionally attractive” for not simply eschewing makeup and choosing not to shave their body hair.

the reason for this is because a thin white conventionally-attractive cishet able-bodied woman will have a MUCH easier time not using makeup and not shaving her body hair than, say, a fat disabled trans butch lesbian of color. will the first woman still likely face judgment and criticism for choosing to reject those beauty standards and practices? of course. but not nearly as much.

for example, i’m a fat bisexual woman. i’m white, able-bodied, and i’m not trans. i have it comparatively easy compared to disabled women, visibly gnc women, women of color, trans women, etc. and still i notice glaring differences in how my refusal to constantly perform femininity at the expected level differs from that of thin, straight, white women.

i’ve been bullied for my weight for my entire life. fat women are expected to OVER-perform femininity, or run the risk of coming off as sloppy, as slobs, as “letting ourselves go.” those thin women who can wear sweats everywhere and joke about how much she loves cheeseburgers are still considered cute, desirable, and acceptable. if a fat woman were to wear that same outfit and eat that same food she would be judged so fucking harshly. and of course the effects are compounded when that woman is also lgbt, gnc, disabled, a woc, etc. i won’t discuss those specific challenges here simply bc most of them are not challenges that i face personally and therefore don’t feel like i should speak on at length, and also this post is long already.

and yes, a lot of this is based off of whether or not men will still find a given woman desirable, and no, we absolutely should NOT be living our lives according to that standard. but the fact is that a lot of what society expects from women in general IS based on what men find desirable (aka which women men will still want to fuck.)

so yes, please point out that women can’t really be empowered by “eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man” or whatever, that beauty and makeup culture are capitalist ploys to take women’s money and force us to conform to standards we don’t choose or ask for. but if you’re not taking into account the extra difficulties that fat women, lgbt women, gnc women, women of color, disabled women, etc face in addition to the standards faced by all women, you’re not helping anybody.

4

Happiness comes from within. I’ve loved myself at 100 and I’ve loved myself at 200 and I’ll continue to love myself until the day I die. I refuse to follow the trend of women shrinking as though they are not allowed the space they deserve. I stand here assuming the space that I am entitled to, and I will not falter. Furthermore -no matter their size- whether it be short, tall, fat, skinny, #curvy, or lanky. No matter what they are, women deserve #respect, #equality, and #equity I am proud because I say so. I am beautiful because I say so. #selflove

Wakeup Call To Tumblr Feminists

Men are people too.

White people are people too.

Cisgender people are people too.

Straight people are people too.

Skinny people are people too.


Just like how a trans, gay, fat, woman of color shouldn’t be treated like shit because of how she is, a skinny cishet white man shouldn’t be either.

I’m trying to become the newest face of TORRID FASHION, this video was sent in with my application.

As a WOMAN OF COLOR that has overcome depression while dealing with my disease and as a PLUS-SIZE WOMAN that doesn’t even fit the typical plus sized model look, I’m hoping to make strides and make my dream a reality. Please send prayers/good vibes my way. It’s hard to think that at one point I didn’t even want to be alive, and now I’ve never felt like I’m living truly more than I do. I look at life with a brand new outlook and I hope to support women that are just like me as well as all women that are nothing like me. We are all beautiful. We are all worthy of living beautiful lives.

PSA

Women are art.
Their bodies are truly amazing. I’m not talking just about sexually, but the curves and glow is just gorgeous.
I’m in awe with the creation of women. How we are sensitive and carry heavy pains for our entire lives. How we deal with excruciating pain every month and carry and produce a human from our bodies.
Women are beautiful in every way. We carry something special. We are living art and we make more of it every day.
Ladies, you are beautiful. I don’t care about your acne, fat, stretch marks, skin color, race, if you identify as a woman and “weren’t born that way”. You’re showing signs of development and I’m so proud of you.
Thank you for existing.

In fact, my whole problem with any discourse on terms like “butch” and “femme” and who gets to use them versus who doesn’t, in arguments about butch problems vs femme problems and in general arguments about women and gender conformity, is that these arguments just ignore that women of color don’t fit neatly into these categories because of historical racism and cultural context. Even though the terms “butch” and “femme” have historically been coined by and used by black and Latina lesbians and black and Latina trans women, over the years, as LGBT spaces have become more racist, the history behind this terminology has been obscured and appropriated. 

Speaking from my perspective as a South Asian woman who is neither gender non conforming nor feminine, South Asian girls are expected to be feminine in demure ways, and at the same time they can’t be “sexually” feminine because our traditionally conservative, collectivist families would lash out at us if we were. So, for example, I have many Desi friends who like wearing makeup, but their parents or friends of parents will hiss discontent. I remember that my own father was reluctant to let me start wearing nail polish, even though he’s far more “liberal” (again, a relative term) than most South Asian fathers. Thankfully, I’ve never had an interest in makeup or dresses or skirts. But flash forward to me turning 17, and suddenly my parents wanted me to gain interest in femininity. They wanted me to talk about boys, to get makeup done at Mac for prom, to get my upper lip waxed, to shave my legs, to wear more dresses and skirts. They are obsessed with my body weight. And it’s very paradoxical! My parents want me to wear makeup and skirts, but I have a very good friend - another Desi girl - who is very feminine, very beautiful, and very confident in herself. She likes wearing crop tops and tiny shorts and makeup. And, of course, our family friends call her a sl*t, say that she’s a bad influence, gossip about her when her mother isn’t there. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to tell my mother that I dislike some of her friends because of the things they’ve said about my friend. Let’s go further - my parents adamantly refuse to let me watch Desi soap operas because they don’t want to inculcate the “wrong ideas” in me, and at the same time they’re concerned about my lack of a boyfriend and my disinterest in femininity. 

So, it’s like, a woman of color is expected to be feminine by general society and by her own culture, but at the same time she’s constrained by racism. Other factors include colorism, class disparity, transmisogyny, and fatphobia. You’re going to look at a woman of color who is hairy or fat or dark-skinned and immediately think that she’s butch or gender non conforming, even if she presents or wants to present as femme or feminine. You’re going to look at a woman of color who is curvy and who wears minimal makeup or slightly “girly” or has long hair and immediately think that she’s femme or feminine, even if she presents or wants to present as butch or gender non conforming. 

We also forget that a woman of color’s body is either hypersexualized or desexualized. So for lesbian women of color who want to present as butch but are curvy or have to perform femininity to protect themselves? They’ll be excluded by white butch lesbians. There are trans women of color who have to present as feminine to survive day to day. So for lesbian women of color and other women of color who want to present as femme or feminine but are poor and can’t afford the highly expensive makeup products, or can’t incur the wrath of their conservative families? They’ll be excluded by white femme lesbians and other white femmes.