fat cats...literally

so today a public health official guy came into my class to give a lecture on disaster awareness and he was talking about house fires and mentioned that the reason people most likely die during a house fire is because they refuse to leave their pet inside or they go back to get their pet. and right when he said this my friend immediately turned his head and looked at me and in that moment I had the most complete and genuine acceptance take over my body. I would 100% in front of my family and Jesus himself walk straight back into some raging inferno that was once my house to go get my fat cat. I nodded back

Okay so this post got popular really quickly so I’m gonna expand on it now:

  • Neil has his own social media account, but he never goes on it 
    • It’s called Neil_Jostenn and it’s very original
    • (Someone took both NeilJosten and Neil_Josten like what??)
    • It has pictures of his sneakers (endorsements) and his teammates and blurry pictures of Kevin with no caption except for #queenday but mostly he doesn’t do anything with it
    • His bio is just his name, number, and the team he’s playing for
    • (It has #teamjosten for a bit too but not the point)
  • He does, however, have a cat account
  • No one besides his foxes knows he has it
  • It has more followers than his personal account does?? Somehow???
  • It’s called sir.n.king and it’s one of the cutest things
  • He posts almost daily and never shows his own face but it’s clear he’s an exy fan bc he dresses his cats up in jerseys
  • Most of the time he puts them in mini-versions of Kevin’s jersey with tiaras
  • His followers only know the names of his cats, that he has a bf, and a room entirely dedicated to his (I can’t decide if they’re rescue or therapy cats so probably one of each if that works)
  • He dresses Sir up as his bf a lot, complete with armbands and reading glasses
    • Caption: “He looks so much like his father”
    • (Via Nicky, who was making one of his impromptu visits
  • Speaking of Nicky
  • This kiddo is bitter about the popularity of Neil’s cat account
  • See, he runs dog accounts for each and every one of his and Erik’s pet
  • Most of them are rescues, but one of them is a therapy pet Nicky got back in palmetto to keep him happy when Erik wasn’t around and comfort him when he was close to breaking down
  • He was the one to suggest the cat accounts to Neil
  • And now Neil’s cats have more followers than all of his babies combined???
  • This is unacceptable 
  • He doesn’t even tell anyone he’s a famous exy player, they’re famous all on their own
  • Nicky wants to call bullshit but he has no proof that Neil used any “gain more followers!” cheats
  • Nicky and Neil get into fights over whose pets are better and Neil just pulls out the amount of followers his have as statistics
  • It’s very frustrating
  • During the Minyard-Josten rivalry, he dresses their cats up in both of their jerseys and posts multiple pictures of them cuddling and other interactions 
  • It’s very confusing for his followers, who are mostly not exy fans but they know that Minyard and Josten are supposed to be at each others throats
  • Then this happens 
  • The reporter is shocked to say the least
    • “Cats?”
    • “Yeah, my cats.”
  • He then just gushes about his cats and shows all of the reporters pictures and stuff from his cat account on Instagram and they’re so confused but it takes up all the time they have and Neil can go home without getting asked any more questions about Andrew Minyard so he counts it as a win
  • So now the whole world knows about Neil Josten and his precious cats
  • And with further investigation, his boyfriend???
  • Shit is happening
  • No one expected this kid to be so fucking cute with his bf and cats and domesticity like this???
  • When Andreil comes out, Neil posts a picture of Sir sitting on Andrew’s lap dresses up like him again 
  • Andrew is reading and petting Sir and it’s the picture that makes everyone realize he’s not a monster
  • That, and the ones that follow

Bonus:

  • King is girl, and no one really cared when naming her
  • But now it’s made sort of a problem bc oops she’s having babies guys
  • King does this to Neil and Neil cries 
  • He’s just so fucking overwhelmed okay it’s two am and his cat is giving him her babies and it’s too much
  • Andrew gets it on video 
    • Caption: “The hellspawn woke us up”
    • (Via Andrew, who pretends to hate the cats but loves them almost as much as Neil does)

This is important to me okay

I like the idea of there being a reporter at one of the games during the whole Minyard/Josten rivalry thing who speaks Russian and she’s sitting there like ‘holy shit’ as Andrew and Neil yell at each other across the court in Russian about dinner plans and how their cat, King, needs to be picked up from the vet tomorrow. During most of the press conference, she sits in silence, watching these two supposed rivals before finally speaking up. 

“Mr. Minyard, would you like to comment on the situation with your cats?”

Everyone else is really fucking confused and Andrew’s eyes narrow slightly before Neil bursts out laughing at the other end of the table. Andrew turns his glare on the opposing teams striker. Neil, still grinning widely, turns to the reporter and takes the question instead.

“King is at the vet because she decided to invite the neighbour’s cat to have a party while we were away and now she’s pregnant. It’s just a check up, so I’m picking her up tomorrow before Sir gets too lonely.” (you cannot convince me that King is not a female because she totally is)

And that is how the world found out the truth about the Minyard/Josten cats- I mean rivalry.