fast speeds

So my mom likes to dictate her texts instead of typing them.

The thing is, my mom swears a lot, and she’s often at home with my impressionable little brothers. So she programmed her phone to type “bitch” whenever she said “B” and “f**k” whenever she said “F.” For a while, we all thought this was a pretty clever idea.
Yesterday, she sent me a picture of my brother sitting in his car seat and crying. The caption was, “he got stung by a bumblebitch!!! 🐝🐝🐝”

  • lieutenant hurley, a goddamn adult who presumably has been in law enforcement for multiple years to get promoted to this level, like she probably took exams and classes and stuff: So I broke the law... but only sort of, so it doesn’t count. Plus I looked SUPER awesome doing it.