fast lane

Net neutrality — a basic, guiding principle of the Internet that states consumers should have equal access to content available on the web — died a quiet death well before its time on April 23, 2014.

At the time Federal Communications Commission (FCC) officials decided to unobtrusively guide the aging principle behind the old barn and unceremoniously put it to rest forever, net neutrality was 25.

Salon’s Andrew Leonard tearfully called the death a “huge loss for everyone, because the Internet just got a lot more expensive.”

The New York Times reported net neutrality’s demise on Wednesday, when it was learned that the FCC would propose new rules to allow major content producers like Disney, Google, or Netflix to pay service providers such as Comcast, Time Warner, and Verizon to pay a premium for faster service to their customers.

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Are you ready for your Internet options to look like this?

If you want an idea of what life might be like in a post-net neutrality world, just pay a visit to FastLane.

The satirical site tries to sell you web access with prices and restrictions right out of a Comcast executive’s dream. It offers “priority access to dozens of websites” for plans starting at $99.99 a month (“send unlimited emails to up to 5 friends”) to $249.99 a month. Each package comes with access to thinly veiled real web companies — you can get “” with the standard package but need to pay more for access to “” or “Groogle.”

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